Willingness Acceptance Newcomers Knowledge? SERIOUS.

Boris contemplates what he can't do due to higher powers...

Quintins or Tarantinos? How do you eat yours? Blue plays hunt the bean machine... Cheers... where's Woody?

There's lovey... got any quintins? Norton stirs his the wrong way with the Rosey Lee ... did you know the Best Of British was inspired by an Irish shirtlifters interview of Roseannes Barr?

Man at work munching his potato chips (or tarantinos as the cockneys call 'em) , not as tasty as porky scratchin... 'nibbles on a san quintin'...

And yes, that is a lazer dot... testing... 1 - 2.3 - 4 security chief...

stirring it up like a cuppa tea... an all that jazz... apparently accident and emergency services are not cost effective to the new NHS 'trusts' accountants, liverpool's selling off its cups to increase GP fund holders profits. I got no trust...

Boris has gone private as his spider sense predicts the inevitable.

TIM ALLAN IS A DRILLER KILLER... (look at those eyes). WE ALL WANT A GOOD GIRL...

Not A FagHAG... Tim likes his stir fry on the side... PIG STICKIN FINGER LICKIN... oh well... almost... rather a sucked thumb than porky scratchin it. Where's The Beat Selecter... Lording prancer...

Where the wind blows, there's a troop carrier more of this kind of warrior in The Children's Crusade. Main Medicine Man Silver Wolf demonstrates how the peados can talk with The Angels on the way down from the mountain... it's a long fall!

ELVIS LIVES! Germane Fear Bashing..?

THEY PAID TO COVER MJ... he aint no MIckey Mouse Club, he the Peado! At least his brothers honest. They started it state side that I was KKK to the baboon... aparently he took it the wrong way and has sent two kisses of death my way... Whats New!

Would I? HRH had us bow to the military protection on Michael, I was more for the Angel With A Sword of fire. Where's Snoop? air Miles Bird... James Bond dar Killa...

SIR IAN gets spooked by a hint of the same problem... is that a double agent after his buns...

LADY JANES AWAY DAY SUPRISE... Becoming Jane World Premier Who couldn't use a macca madam.... it's that or shelter beneath bigears nose... better with a brolly than Richard III or the madness of King George.

ACARRY ON BAIL BLOND! YOU CAN BLAME LESLEY PHILLIPS FOR THE LEPRACAUN LAUNCHER. Pointed at an EU CITIZEN...? illegal? Not if you've paid off porky the pig it's not... Besides, Golden Browns all for Nicely Formed Ripe Lobes On The Elves spare Rib!

Well done that man On Her Majestties Secret Servicing... the old skool can spot a concealed weapon at 50 paces. is that an ermin shoulder holster... almost turned me on again luv!

 

FEY NOBEL FROM SYLVANO AND THE WOLF - World Of Warcraft sabath is that a pink panther? I forgot to remember to forget... A TWITCHING OF THE EYE... all the way with Gordon... I remember you... Good Girl! Very... pleased to meet you... don't you know my name? Jacks Back...

BLOOD ELVES * LUVHUGREAL * ANCRAN The Luck Of The Emerald to Reconciliation Crusade silmaril More Important Lest We Forget... Where's the Megans Law study findings from UK Goverment then? The pledge from Saint Pauls to follow through for listing? And who believes The Sun Newspaper group want Sarahs Law when during a conservative goverment not once did the party go for it... only Peados who can't pay off the editorial get in the news.

GORDON BENNETS BEEN OFF TRYING TO GET A GOLDEN LOBE NOMINATION FROM THE QUEEN OF MAYBE... and got away with a few quid for the kids. Electrifrying... dosn't the budget get on your t*ts!

EAR EAR... More WOW to your World Of War Craft... Lepracaun Launchers at the ready with the Queen Of the Fay... what every girl wants at the end of her rainbow... Gordon Bowed to Elvish Fire Power...

... enough to light up a Niblelum City... My My... police & security are out with the pixies it seems.

JANE AUSTINS BACK DOOR? If it's raining see also the jazz cafe in FOYLES OF LONDON... bookshop to the inteligenccia...

NEW BRIT FLIK Becoming Jane.

white godess...

and Miami goes chicken and Rice...

between the devil and the deep blue sea...

a bit of french on the Cruise...

and jenny suddenly realizes why she forgot to wear a cap...

maybe next time... Poe faced Allan Parsons Project...

BAFTA year of the Makeing bacons and PorkingScratching re-mix...

RAT UP A DRAINPIPE SIDEWAYS for Augustin! Karma Kula AFTER THE STORM...

 

RUBY HAS A SLIP WHILST TRYING TO SHOW ME THE WAY TO THE GARTER... spot the duvae dive irish clover... they'll do anything over a lil miss understanding or a man in a skirt... chin up!

where's Dame Judys' Pearl Necklace then?Forg OT Ten... PURPLE SCALVES infiltrators are in CROSS ... DRESS TO KILL!

Slowly with the BannanaSplits now Ruby... that's not a silver stocking!

WELL DONE TEAM USA FOR STIRING IT WITH THE FRENCH V the Aristoprats!

Big Boys do cry... I wonder why, perhaps she'll...

 

ROCKY - Which hand is 'Love' on? Part of the culture...

I CANT WE KHAN -GLOVES ARE ON - BRADFORD KEEPS IT IN THE RING!

ERAGON - Dragon Riders Of...UK childrens Human Rights FIGHT continues to RAGE ON from the stars and the debate on SAFETY FOR FORMER VICTIMS proves a sore point for those involved in the cover ups for beasts in the UK

More on Miss Understanding

ERAGON - How did they find a big enough cage for that Dragon... Is John Malkovich as Funny As Ada Lovelace with a Ludite Top Hat? Ask Robin Williams he seems to know plenty about what's under everyone elses trousers...

Top Bannana for Panto Season... Is that a Crispin Mills lookalike dicktatein to his karma Kula Shaker again... Whose Got The Bigest Rock (Ham in the fridge, G Wiz...)

The East End Kids aint too impressed with nelsons fag hag neither, skool re. unions... Malkovich for Torq? Whilst on the subject of dragons breath...

 

Is Gael force really drunk... or as above so below for Jugz Not Drugz?

It's No Game Of You for Rita the Rat... who's the swinger with the plug (blaire look alike?)

Pick Up a Penguin... Is Robin Williams the Funiest Person On Earth... (oops I forgot Roseanne...)

Britney chooses Trans n dental over the Kabalah of Penguin... so much for the Joker, Robin Williams swaps his bowler hat for an Ice Cap... but is it French fairysnow for MadWolf?

Possibly the BEST OF BRITISH movie sound tracks of the year... where's Rod Stewart gone Sailing whilst the cats away?

Rat ass or Jack Ass?

JACKASS? There really is only one Dani... And here we see a few mechanics with more balls than most....

Roddey and Lady Janes Swetty Delights...

Knoxvilles all for terrorists getting their just desearts... sweet cherry pie with a list on top!

 

SHARON STONE SMELLS VICTORY - DARFUR ON A WING FROM CLOONEY- AND OOPS where'd they put the REVOLVER

 

 

JENNY SMELLS THE BURNING RUBBER as POSIEDON declares UP PERISCOPE!

 

AND GOING DOWN AGAIN...

Matrix Style Enter the Dragon...

GO ON MISSES GIVE EM SOME...

HEIL BUSH....

Up for a Bombay Mix on the Hindi Borderline.....

A friend in need...

THE BAFTAs 2006... where'd Startrek go...? Someone looks like a vampire wabbit...

Whose been hideing the Umpa Lumpa then? A nice pair and a nasty fairy dressed as a frankfurter.

Keep it up your nose... Supermans after a bigger gob stopper...

Red Kens holiday snaps

YA VOLE MAKES A SPECIAL GUEST APEARANCE

STORMS ON HORIZON as the Squiral Strikes Back ...

LIVE AND LET...

ALEXI SIDESTEPS A PAIN IN THE WATSITS...

JJ ABRAMS DECLARES IT'S TIME FOR THE DEVIL AND MISSES JONES ....

HUNT ON... oh my, is that a crouch? Some more on the V issue...

Lock Stock And Two smokeing chicks...

MIAMI NICE,,,,

VIC REEVES GOES WELSH FOR CLOBBER ON TIME...

LONDON RISES...

Lemmy Declares the CHILDRENS CRUSADE Wyrd Word Weave HUNT ON!

 

 

WICCA MAN-
Looks like an SIA Convention to me... Don Quixote.... we'll see 'em all in Hell! Rose thou art... oxford paints a symbol system through the way of the wyrd and back to the golden bough... that's the way to do one. Good remake and in my opinion suitable viewing for youngsters unlike some of the horror stories this year with under certification of filth. Nice Plat to the Golden Hair.... Nighty Knight... Iron one.... Amber.
SEVERANCE-
Well shot artistic direction for the camera work but what genre is this film trying to be? It's a little funny in parts, a bit twisted but never realy thrilling in the tension... poor scripting sadly... I frankly was bored by the closeing half hour. British Film Team in the makeing yes, decent movie? Not!
SNAKES ON A TRAIN-
At times very funny take on the disaster movie genre. Samuel L Jackson rules the cockpit but it's mile high all the way with the slithering venom kiss in the toilets. Is someone trying to tell Kate Moss something??? Easy on the snake bite love.
A SCANNER DARKLY-
Highly watchable dark satyr of mind control and the cost of failure to bow down to the tyrany of the status quo. The list of the lost by Philip K Dick is a stark reminder that forced behavioural modification can never beat the human spirit even in death. The narative plays well for a novelette conversion but why the hell is this a 15 during the kids holidays... brokeback mountain we got ass bandits, kids sure as hell can handle a few drug referances when the crap obviously drives folks round the bend, or at least leeds to a barred cell.... and according to Keano, addiction can be CAUSED purely by the technocrats methods... relapse can be enduced through constant implant radio autosugestion, mainly whilst sleeping or in the run up to relapse... science fiction? Liesare Cool??? JUST LOOK at the damage done, with or without the drugs by the technocracy... why give them the excuse to torture you more? Do not look for a continuity in secret messages... there is nothing in the background.... the hidden message was to make you think like a sheep.... very useful taste of things to come from the SFX team, Blade Runner on a budget.... with some very expressive voice work.
There's a new SPIKE LEE on offer but the Southern State flag on the moon seems to have caused Houston a problem... earth calling Witney....
MONSTER HOUSE - Rock on from the Childrens Crusaders
This is a very nice family movie to take the little ones to see. Remember Our House? Not like this you don't. Feeyoo Is That a Hugh??? Great stuff bashing the brains out of the Cantacerous Bruce Lloyd look alike with the evil eye. Watch out for the lil girl with the school of hard nocks motif on her blazer badge... nice trycicle charlie... But enough of conspiracy in the film industry... at least the kids win through.
LADY IN THE WATER -
what a nasty 'native american' tale to frightern children with about wolves... very nasty... confusion and surealism from a group of characters traped in some gestalt mind warp of a symbolic conflict... this isn't ArkHam asylum but Dr CLEVELAND is the psycho in charge of the story tellers art... Bedtime Conventions for the wise. THIS IS NOT FOR THE KIDS... it's too wierd... I hate wierd... wierd psychobable from mad cows hunt skruntz is mental lentle material.... kill the Psychiatrists...
MY SUPER EX GIRLFRIEND- FIRM ONE TAKES A DIVE... but then who dosn't after breaking the headboard over Uma?
Contradiction in terms? Is that HAM in the fridge... ooooooh....VERY FUNNY comic satyr for Firm On and the team from fey wardrobe.... Eddy The Lizard gives a happy slap in the back of a limo. And still there's a little fish slipping the net despite all the cyclops like frying and an arm rip from some 3D manequin dumdum. (Can the x-man find his way to the toilet at night? And what happens if wolverine gets a sudden suprise from behind by his girlfriend whilst takeing a pee... is this the future for the NSPCC?) Eggs On Legs in Black and White and let's face it when it's Um Errr you know she's looking hot. Steve and Matt and Hannah are all up for a gay old day but never mind the spandex.... who sold? 0. There's a car for anyone stupid enough to submit to the crush of the breakers yard hook and of course it will all be seen to have been done democratically for the kidz at home. Ed the Lizzzzard makes a fiting Nemesis and provides an equality of mind bending fender bending super switch. And has the girl got some spin about her? But wait , there's more, whats the Smudge on that Cheek for? Cross fire Smudger? The ex- missnome is in fact a mad bitch and yep they probably wouldn't show up on any lists even if they were guilty as charged. Alls well that ends well and robbie the robot is reduced to a mere pigeon robot.... look for a hidden message in there... sheesh did some one tamper with the credit roll again? As to firm one diveing... is that a pink fred Perry... and could you own the artist if you took a leap of faith from a diveing board with them??? To be honest, considering how mad a bitch Firm On can switch I would have been painting the tarmac white after about 20 minutes of the mad mouse... considering the stamina on the cats and dogs we could be in for some suprises when the names on the contracts fade to black... I'll stick to Maryland cookies for now;. According to Fox Entertainments Ed's partitioned off from the Feds. Philly Cheese anyone? Pensylvania to hell and death and bye to Howard the Duck over the Red Dragon Firm on leaves on the table with the Japanese. it's the Hanged man from the torch bearer with the voice of a koala... see yer wouldn't want to...
MIAMI VICE- You Can't miss it if you saw the TV series.
Plain Clothes comeing on strong vs South American political and economic insurgance of the US useing drugs to enslave and disempower Liberty. Oh well it sounded clever when I first though of it... Kick Ass action to take us back to the eighties and pucka suits... where's my white patent leather shoes... Shoot to Kill it's a coke barron... right between the eyes... Crocket packs a rocket and Tubbs would put the frighteners even on A wing in the Scrubs!
CARS -
Pixar pull the stops out.... MIss Pist-ons store being one of the many visual gags on offer. This is top class animation and the kids seemed to find it all very funny as well. There's a good script with plenty of subplots to round out the characters. The will to suceed even if it means destroying everything of value is only one of the themes on offer here.
HOLLYWOOD FOR GIVE US THE LIST thanks Mr Samuel Jackson... there's still a few problems from the anticipated rock on messed up by all the BS... deals may have to be made about lost revenue whilst I try to come off the ropes with the real All Rise.
OZ respect to LITTLE FISH on addiction... I could of lost an arm due to drugs.
STORMBREAKER- MUST SEE- Premier pics below
MUCH BETTER THAN ANTICIPATED. I was very suprised at how good this one is and the action sequences have some very cool manouvers as with the slideing stop motorbike under an upturned boat. Steven Fry plays well as Q for MI6 and this thankfully wasn't just another spy kids spin on 007. VERY cool action flick for the young and old alike.
GARFIELD 2 -
I was a little disapointed with the scripting for a kids commedy. This was quite entertaining but fell short of expectations. Worth seeing over the holidays and perhaps it was just my funny bone haveing been rubed up the wrong way by some wierdo cinema staff. Give it a go, the fat cat in London is worth a gigle or two.
LITTLE FISH-
Something about Tracey smells fishy down under, and I'm not talking on the sydney Metro... This is a film about junkies and trying to stay clean... it's quite realistic drama and entertaining but guess who didn't give a F*&K when the scum bag addict hot shots it at the end... that's right his ever loveing girl who is screwing some ex-dealer met back through her self help groups... screw the old flame... he's an addict... just what do they use to programme you Tracey? Radio Gaga? TA ta 4 now...
THE BREAKUP- Must See (if you're a woman!)
Aniston surpasses my prior view of her acting skills in a well scripted if 'gay' rlook at relationship breakdowns. Lets face it the sickly sweet boundary setting R US to text book timeing is obvioulsy Pi in the sky Mellodys on the violin strings. Over in the real world anger isn't just sublimated into hookers and trying to do up the ex girls new flame. That said, if I put the scinic aside this is very good romantic drama... even if no one smahes any guitars or pool balls through nearby windows. Check it out, or better still dump someone after seeing this out of spite! I nearly puked at certain points but then as with Clancy's Hardwar easily does it after the romantic is revealed as a cop out.
SUPERMAN please stop the killing of innocents between Israel and the Lebanon...
As to the Childrens Crusade war on Peados... I'm all for CARS ANIMATION- I'm backing RAMONE.
SUPERMAN RETURNS- MUST SEE
OK this could never live up to Christropher Reeve jawline but then no one will ever replace him in our memmory. That said, Kevin Spacey is the only Lex Luther anyone could wish to meet with his 'I'd sell every ounce of your blood for a quart of gasoline'. (GOOD LINE!) 'But what would we eat then...' as the camera pans to the dog is the only answer any arch vilain could ever expect from their maid side kick. Maybe Lex has shares in Israels oil holdings... the lost continent looked a bit like the red sea... The FX were so good that I had trouble in parts seperateing the CGI from the real world shoots or seeing the compositeing. The story will get the kids flying around in capes for the next month in the park. I must here point out that I did feel the script fell a little short towards the conclusion for adult fans if only that it could have been left with a sequal hook rather than the small island for the big headed 'raise the continent' Spacey. It's Superman, and aparently Bruce is dead.... which means Gotham could be Supermans next stop.... if only!
BLOCK PARTY- New York Larges it Well worth a look!
For the Fugee La lol at the expense of 'The Beast' this one is worth it. The sound track is very very good and the jazz elements of live hip hop were very interesting to me. Also the way that the anonimity was broken on one count in order for a linguistic double shuffle the size of a 4 A Broken Angel to protect so many others was very funny. There is a sobering moment where Dave (who aparently no one gives a damn about insulting them in the name of humour) describes how to handle snakes which certainly didn't have me sheding any skins... anti-crack and a good sound over ride for the radio shackled. 5 years... and I was clean when they jacked up the volume... Dave 'made it' over there by calling all of his mates crazy and screwing them over... a bit like 'the beast' comment... I guess I was the first of our own, but to quote Faithless... 'I'm Still waiting.' Charles Mingus The Clown always comes to mind with Surreys snob squad.
Block 13/ District B13- French Subtitiles MUST SEE
The frogs legs of action movies and no mistake. 2010 poverty aparteid in Europe and the poor are ready to hit back at the rest of paris... or at least the drug barons ruleing the block are ready to threaten revolution for a ransom. Sounds like New Labour on a mission for the people! Scripted by LUC BESSON (somewhere down page in the revolver premier snapshots). Choreography of fight scenes and evasion borrowing from a British Advert but by hell do they pull it off with the artistic direction in the edit. You've not seen anything like this before so see it on the big screen and enjoy. Corruption can be defeated by democracy???? Well you know... but anyway it's a good un. Spot the in joke on 'they must be a tuna fetishist' in the piss take of CCTV control over the poor for stealing Tuna. French toilet humour out in the Jon....
PIRATES OF CARIBEAN 2- Must See
Depp exceeds all expectations in this great romp of a pirate adventure. The FX are top notch and the script is possibly the best this year so far for all round entertainment quality... Jacks Back and even gets pigstuck over a spit roast... He dosn't get quite as full on as I'd have like to have seen with Elisabeth but every sea dog has his day, if only in the riggin. There's nothing offensive in this one for the kids so it's away to Davey Jones Locker with you all.
The Grudge 2-
I was disapointed with the paceing of this chiller. I really enjoyed the last 40 minutes where the creepy artistic direction took a turn for the better. One for a DVD rental... I could have watched more psychological build up with clever blur fx transitions to set the spine tingleing. The spirit of hatred lingers on after death, which was a nice trip for someones resentment towards the adults in their lives... Nice Pierrot Clock but nothing to wieve a wyrding word web from.
PRETTY PERSUASION-
Highly offensive anti-survivor properganda. This was a commedy at first but what it points out is that the media will go with a false victim to get away with the story because it buries other real victims stories in the minds of the public. If you freeze out from media attention cases that are valid then you as the 'media' can get away with what in the 60's was one of the biggest netting industires on the planet... underage porn. The issue of interdependancy between courts and media is not fully enough explored here. It was funny on one level, and a little entertaining but I came out feeling just a little bit angry- (wanting to bomb the high court along with BBC House - if only as an image of how angry this issue makes me feel) I didn't find anything to identify in with in the film itself but it did provoke a reaction...
The truth shall set you free... god save the queen... the system is perpetrateing lies. Take Eleanor Paynes much publicised Televised atack on the survivors movement... all be it many years back... don't get me wrong I apreciate her position and granted her loss is greater which is why I try to remember a candle at the C of E from time to time... then there's the media support for false ideology on some (rarely)victims becomeing perpetrators therefore the sate must interfere with the lives of ALLvictims to 'control' them(statisticaly the opposite is a congerant correlation, by some margin). Personaly my view is that the system will never change and if I could go back to my teens, I would, as nearly was the case, kill both my grandparents and uncle as I've suffered as much harassment from services for being duped by the 'ask for help' lie as if I had been sentanced and licensed for release for mas-murder. My father funny enough I'd have left as is since although I wouldn't let a child near him his ofences towards me were minor compared to say those of my grandmother, smith comeing in as the worsed living perp if less frequent in his assault to dead peado walter... 60 odd and out... it was the desert did for him in the war guv. Death of the perp is the only closure I know or am interested in. Grim but fact and I have felt that way for a long time, a view ampliofied by the absolute rubish that the police call an investigation from the re-opened case with Barnabus and Newsnight in 2000/1, CROSS who had been involved in a previous attempt being buried to get legal resolution claimed that they would fight till the end to ensure justice... and a couple of people baught new cars off the back of the cover up deal between police and media. I had tapes proveing police pledged to arest all those above and then instead nearly got me killed for a news story. Fortunately I am now media invisible by masonic decree... if I shot someone I doubt you'd hear about me being locked up.
THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY-
Grim IRA tale that ultimately teaches a lesson to terrorists that no right thinking human being could disagree with. The Garden Of Love by Blake in the Cell and a roll call for terrorists made me raise a PI in the sky 202 speculation... but let's stay away from true grit this week... there's an NYCU brand tatooed marking one of them... it's something about terrorists... they're 'gay' , as in sh*t chasers!
I'd have taken some protest shots of 'models' but my camera dosn't photograph over the back of my shoulder... get the picture of the money trying to self justify its criminal activities? I've got more dirt on some people than I've ever wanted.
Sorry Girls I know you love what they sold you, but then didn't we all for the few years 'of the best days of our lives' that the big wedge sold us short on way back when.
OVER THE HEDGE - MUST SEE KIDS MOVIE!!!!!!!
Bruce Willis V the Verminator. The Berbs have all the food and those left out in the wilds need some munchies... this is technicaly superb... I cannot fault the skinning of the characters, animation and in particular the lighting in this one, dig the reflections and shadows in the later verminator van scene. The characters have obviously been created with the voice over actors personalities in mind so they really come to life. Also this film reminds me why I shouldn't drink cafiene sodas... and then do for a lift off. That's one hell of a lot of nuts to squeeze into an old log! Without fault, (almost- there's one edit continuity error) watch it with the kids at the movies and buy the DVD for Xmas! Ritch wheels for a ring leader ... who stuck the boot in on who...? They're Nuts!
THE LAKE HOUSE-
I left this frigid love story feeling like an ice pop just out of a deep freeze.Don't get me wrong, there's no miss understanding that there are layers to this tale and the acting and script cannot be faulted. It felt a bit like watching paint dry on a poster for an anarchi march... somewhat lacking in it's mysterious ways. The 'if only' romance of two lovers divided by time zones and the frustration of the in comeing mail left the lake ready for some figure skateing, but unfortunately the nagging feeling that love never dies just went down and down. 'If Only...' the silly moo wasn't so up tight that love and emotional sado-
masochism led to the death of the love she apears to persue... A WOMANS MOVIE or one for a quicky with an old flame if you're lucky. I like to wait... about two to three weeks before the frustration turns to deep freeze!
FEARLESS-
Jet Li aegias but a departure from previous political subtexts in that this goes and sticks it's boot in on Japan. The themes of respect rather than fear are of interest. The champion becomes the top dog not through merit but through death of the true champions redeemed only when he stops drinking and fights in co-operation for the nation rather than as an egoist. The warrior spirits shadow is all too heavily explored here.
To cheat is unjapanese in the conflict with the chinese and sacrifice leads ultimately to sucess. The paceing is very traditional chinese epic with less action that flying daggers or crouching tiger. Also much of the imortal powered combat is braught back to earth in the coreography of the fight scenes.The sectioned staff combat in the finale is worth
the wait and the japanese inability to wield it like a nunchuka made me laugh at a few bumps on the back of the head from childhood. It's Jet Li but at a different pace to what the western viewer is used to. Enjoyable entertainment but not a classic like the other works. The negative aspects of the hero are sadly explored fully in what could read as a critique of 'the one' over the strugle of the many.
We was poor... but we was proud! FUR REAL... a little fib... it aint easy but we aint down...
The Lake House, Keano has a secret to hide...
UK PREMIER - 'The Break Up'... Jenifer Aniston and friends... I can now see what people see in her, much nicer to look at in the flesh!
HARD CANDY- MUST SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The hardest of the rock hard survivors pics to date! 4 out of 5 doctors say I'm crazy... and we all know no one wants to listen to them. Entrapment and black widowed into electric blue. Check the credits for Presley and a special Production Assistant Walter biThell as the 'credits' role. Remember if Electric Blue is the Method a burst of three seconds and no more must be aplied to the heart otherwise the seizures turn into a rythm they'll survive. Survivors Spun to the Nine and not a hint of the Best Of British but then again... this is what we want... pity that if they get nicked not every survivor in the worlds going to pay 5 dollars to get you a lawyer. (half of them still buy the perp a drink for fathers day in the numb belief that it is 'forgiven' and right to lie to sweep it under the carpet) Alright I know, the juries still out in soho on that one... Thurman with a twist of youthful bitter almond... I've not laughed this much for an age. Great torture and castration to boot... bring on the witches Rose, always, always, always, in gratitude and service... the cleaner the crazier. Fuck them up! Walter Stock Dead Peado... wrot in hell... With Angels love...

TOKYO DRIFT- MUST SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Little wonder that sushi is on the menu with the ripper of a drift racer flick. Fast cars. fast women and direction that puts you in the driveing seat... take a steer wheel with you and push back in the seat. It's the monkeys bannana.
THANKYOU FOR SMOKEING
Ironic humour and very entertaining for that. Outshone by the other top releases this week but a cleverly scripted morality tale of dark humours. Eckhart is a suberb actor who is well worth keeping an eye on.

RV- ROBIN WILLIAMS GOES MENTAL!
As you may be able to tell already Robin Williams is my favourite living US Comic. This is a family holiday destined for cyber psychosis and serious issues with the camper van. It's funny and not at all serious so enjoy the wacko political Stickers and the Dad Destined to take on the world for the sake of his families moral integrity. Eventually he transforms into a silver suited swan but he stays in the toilet a while before working out where his true north lies.
KIDNAP EXPRESS- Spanish subtitles, 'It's ALL Good'????
I disliked this one almost as much as the repeated catch phraise of the spanich criminals 'It's All Good'. Gross violence and sexual exploitation. I once had the displeasure to meet a kidnapper who killed a girl from Sussex called Ross who was born in the North East of England... ten years is a long time to make up an excuse story. The film was a downplay of just how violent sex offenders can be in their persuit of cocaine.
ELECTION- Subtitled
HEAVY DUTY TRIAD ACTION! I enjoyed this one a hell of a lot. The ritual bonding and power strugles to deal with rival business and the police plays with some heavy duty violence. Pity they didn't catch any salmon but then they are useing Lug Worm for bait... whose got the bigest rock? Remember business isn't a relay race so pass the baton to those who watch your back.
So SOUTHAMPTON isn't in ESSEX then... oh well then... smells like it should be! SEE UNITED 93 and make the memmory count.
THE OMEN - 666 - MUST SEE!
Another enhancement of a re-make. Zimmerman provides a subtle feast of idiosyncratic nuances for the eye. Always beware jumping in as the driver when a CD marks your number. It's 666 to hell and death. Do not look for postal code referances on the envelope as the catholic church is all set to show two fingers to create an apocalyptic prophecy. Kate hugs the child in the begining and with a brief flick of the wrist shows the sign we have all come to know as protection for the child. The script is the same but oooooh, hmmmmm, keep one eye on those who'd kill the baby, look at the mother, who'd get a bone for a dog? I was puzzled by the vine tommatos popping up like red noses, be it for arrab or diplomat, the divided armies- you say tomateo, I say tommato. Do look for the sign of one choptick clacking. What a shame about the brit 'chosen' as emisary to the people... Like Hell! On the shoulders of giants regard to The Order of the Raised Child. Jesuits old one eyes? Looks like White Mountain to Suppers Ready. I'd prefer Lilith sucking on mine. Careful with the wig dear...
36- Subtitled
French cop drama with enough twists tgo keep you wondering and excellent acting and direction. Kept me guessing where the bullet would come from and on who. The shoot out is top gun slinging. Which reminds me, if you ever get an order from a CO make sure the bullet counts. I'd have risked the sacrifice of the wpc myself at the risk of a hail of bullets in a triangle of death.
WILL SELF- THE BOOK OF DAVE-
It's not a film but UP THE DROOGS!!!! I hate critics because they comment on what they are incapable of.... since WILL SELF pulled a number with the introduction to the BOOK OF REVELATIONS I have only one comment to make on the Book Of Dave- DO AS THOU WILL!!!!!!!!
UNITED 93- (in memorium over on More Soundz 'Always')
SEE IT, it is part of our social history. If you feel yourself going down with the plane never forget everyman is hammering at the cockpit door to kill the terrorists. I nearly put a hole through the cineworld door on the way out and barely held back the tears during this movie.
POSIEDON- (spot the Jade referance to the Excessex Girlz- do they go down that slow lads? Back end looks like a... at least there's no Wales in it...)
Wolfgang Petersen pulls it off. I was relieved to find that the water didn't all look like clever caustics and wave algorithms... I liked the original and the script is not disimilar but the presentation is. DRINK AND DIE! And so says Goldie Horn every morning before they head on out... I was very happy with the artistic direction and cannot fault the acting or the screenplay apart from one tiny momment when the frothing waters didn't quite make a continuity. Spotted (like an orange 'Ouch' sticker at the foot of a waterloo escalator), So there! I used to manage a video rental outlet so believe me I've seen a LOT of movies, you get to spot continuity errors at a relativly early stage of the viewing skill base. As to Camera angles...
WAH WAH-
Adequate Directorial debue for Richard E Grant but I find snob squad school of bbc syle film makeing just a tad slow don't you know. Also the childs reactions to their fathers alcoholism was all a bit too stiff upper lip for my empathy. Hit them with a baseball bat they're a drunken bumk, even if they are part of the empire... this film made me yawn. HP SAUCE is featured prominantly however.
POSEIDON EUROPEAN PREMIERE - and a right royal Lobster Quadril from Das Boot... at least Wolfgang Petersen was in a motherly mood... and Goldie is No Fag Hag, fire without smoke and plenty of Support groups in California by all acounts, which is just as well when the word 'supportive' in the UK equates to 'shut the fuck up and don't talk about anything that rocks the boat'... 'let's go fish to try to screw you over your 4th step...' etc... still rocking Alexi, Sale no sell out! (and NO I've not sold any of my copyrights.)
The crew to my left at the premiere are NOT FRIENDS if they try to impression manage such to anyone else in the industry. Masons be damned. They weren't at the London Convention where Chip showed true colours and the respected jewish community saw what snapped under the influence of the voice.
Alexis Sale indicates the price of one too many chips on the shoulder over all the white balls thrown away takeing the piss! At least the waters blue... ('Lodgeing' complaint, how much have you scum cost me? Remember Eisenhour or two to fight a war if need be.)
PIC OF THE WEEK- X MEN III- The Wild yet to be revued looks like Eddie Lizard as a Koala should do the trick...

X- MEN III- no thats not three cross guys that's Wolverine and Co. THIS IS GREAT ACTION, best I've seen this year and better than X-Men I & II. Wolverine really could use a face off with Al Quaida with JJ Abrahm in the directors chair... A little heavy on the violence but small kids enjoyed it too as it's all play acting and they aren't stupid just because they're small. The emotional deapth of characterisation is wonderful and I nearly shed a tear twice before being over come with Marvel Super Heroic bravado... and the chicks are played much hotter this time around... could have used more Harley Davidson action but the unashamed Play Station PS3 advert is worthy of the X symbol on the control pads... Storming good fun, and good ole Vinnie shows that he's not all brawn.. he knows how to use his head! SEE IT it's a Marvel.

FANAA-

Bollywood class A! A romance in the common style for the first half with some sickeningly lovey dovey dewy eyed pant wetting and plenty of sexy danceing following the blind lead lady being guided by Amir Khan to feel the pillars reliefef work... which is a bit of a Delhi cat matter if you consider how much cream the hindous like to whip up when doing sculpture. The second half is heavy duty action and a Kashmir rebelion terrorist plot and a half to deal with, includeing russian nuclear devices and the brink of world war... great minds think alike... and of course love is best remembered as the feel of Kashmir wool roled gently through the finger tips. In Hindi with subtitles but worth a look. The Khamal/ findhorn go fish to spread aspursions method is sadly back from certain sectors of the comunity.

DOWN IN THE VALLEY-

Teen underage sex rebelion and a good ole boy father faced with a wannabe gunslinging cowboy. Very dark in it's ending and about as pro-gun as the soon to be released pic on the MOD Squad Fag Hags.... I enjoyed this pic for the first two thirds but it meandered a little too much for my likeing towards the conclusion. Pity, it has a dark vibe that kept my interest and good acting performances from all concerned.
Say RANKIN - FULL STOP!
The Wild- MUST SEE DISNEY- if the review makes no sense it's cos it's personal.
There's been a little cheating... and we're not talking how much you have to put in the slot to get at the pop corn... This is CLASS animation with a great cast for the voices that happily also is tremendously scripted. A little Tug rather than a yank of the heart strings that may raise a tear or two but this ones FUR REAL. Even Wombles in the Leeds could see through this one, although the question of funding has been raised by those little ole yanks... ('sorry' is meaningless when I'm completely in the dark as to people problems) 'Send them all back to africa' results in a one eyed bear worthy of rememberance of things past useing the yellow torch of the great Him to Right Foot Left Foot switch the wilder beastsd on ole one eye. This has Lion King written all over it and all I can say is whose the 'Spaz?' The americans could tell me something about that end of the equation that means that little acorns aren't on the agenda due to a concrete mix all over furtile soils. Carry On.....?????? I see an Irish conection from the Kinky Boots chameleons and the gag money ... which isn't why I cried, being left in a tarp for being open about my more either handed serve squirel days following a bashing did. Too late... because they wanted you to believe the lie to make more money for their over full coffers. Spot the Quaker- Uncle Fester- (cockney rhymeing slang)- AAA- ESSEX HOUSE. And someone smells good at a distance. I'm having trouble paying my electric bills let alone chalenging whats being taken. I also smell a spin in baltimore that reminds me of Rosey. Enjoy the Movie but don't go missreading anything into it. Incidently I can't aford to be a vegetarian let alone a vegan anymore... it's expensive to do it healthy and thats all there is to it. And nope I don't project or read things into other peoples art, this site is art for the sake of GIVE US THE LIST... and art dosn't mean nutball like another recent bash by the church on so called satanists.... respect? And for the animators, the weighting on the giraffe was magic but whatever happened to the real Ryan????
FRIENDS WITH MONEY- (like I wish!)
Jeniffers nose job once more goes unseen for all the PVC... Rubber French Maid does it for me but no switch lickity split means the ownb it on DVD action falls a little short of a climactic conclusion! The frigid wife leaves the curious to explore more open territory and the situation raises a lot of quiet laughs amidst the drama of adult relationship complexity... it's lite viewing and has no faults but is more of a see it on DVD with the partner than a romp.

Once In A Life Time-
If Pele means international soccer to you then like me you may be yearning for a biopic after this docu-mentary of the New York Cosmos.
Did the Mob bury the NASL and the NY Cosmos to skim a few million from the investors? There are certainly indicators of a far more complex economic force driving the game in the seventies and the eventual loss of TV cover that led to the failing of the glorious game super leauges stateside. The film does pose the question as to if soccer could ride higher in the states again. At the conclusion the Mick Jagger and Lisa Minelli parties seem to have been what tyhe investors paid for and the lingering doubts over the italians seizing the high profile teams back for themselves through saboutage stateside. But Pele is International Soccer... 1977 meant the end of a magic that not even the Marindonas of this world could steel the grace from. More Pele please, he's the only reason my generation learned to over head kick a ball. They shoot... and wait, from defence I managed to put one in the net useing the Pele method... Pele should have a biopic on the Holywood shortlist with almost as much certainity that Snopp Dogg would look great in A Miles Davis Life Story... Bring on the magic! Once In A Life Time is purely a documentary and if you are looking for drama you may be disapointed, the moguls get the greatest airtime. Look out for the sign above the teracces as the NY Stadium Super Squad games grind to a hault in the name of wedge. Would someone pass the ball... looks like hoging it caused the NASL to loose it's magic... at least the kids still enjoy the american dream. A tsunami signed in red?
Faust looks to the ref... I don't want to do your dirty work no more... but seeing as they are running a book on it... Mephisto laughs... will they meat????
THE DAVINCI CODE-

If like me you thought the book was poorly writen then you will enjoy this for all the over marketing. If there is a disapoinment in the tone of many critics it is purely because the hype falls short of anything that the average person would find outrageously heretical. Yep as predicted Mona Lisa smiles and the Madona finds a place in a tangled symbol chase across europe... no scenes on the orient express but then the script remains faithful to the plot of the novel. Sir Ian McKellan is superbly directed and gives a performance of some stature and mastery. Tom Hanks would apear to have matured as an actor which hapily means he has broken free of the 'burbs' middle classed american dreamer. Perhaps a little embelishment and more action would have made the closeing half hour more apealing to instant gratification fed teens but the complex interpritation of christian history plays well to screen. Tom Cruise no doubt will apreciate the rose and the cross concealing the princess of the bloodline... nothing astounding in the intelectual twists of the quest... as for silas, no doubt the new pope would find the order well met. The german pontif is meeting considerable aproval for at least impression manageing a crackdown on perversion in the clergy. It's not tempter, but it's worth the wait! I was very entertained for about an hour and twenty minutes of this and not unhappy for the quest of the sacred pussy... although personaly if you want sophia with your clit I sugest you use tiger balm to add a little deapth to the experience. Beware the sins of the flesh! Spot the 911 referance on the side of a London bus... and there's a referance to the birth year of Dante Gabriel Rossetti hidden in the number plates (although disapointingly not all the plates have meaning, but such is the way of these things... it's like the average woman, it only becomes spiritual when they carry the bloodline... what was the password set to be just before the destruction of the map?)

WAITING...
Meaningless drivel which could have used some more substance to the humour as the cast play off well against each other. If you work in McDonalds the abuse of whiped cream propelants may well be what you need in order to knock out a few brain cells to apreciate this. I found this at times quite funny on a school boy level but it just didn't have enough gags per scene to tickle my funny bone... although some nice tits did help to hold atention on other bones. It's that kind of movie... teenage braindead apeal but with a twist of common sense about the age of consent to overcome the 'show yer penis' game mentality... been there...
The King-

A drama of good ole american values... A preachers love child returns from the army and commits incest with his half-sister to get dads atention.... this was taken as dark humour by much of the audiance (which may say a bit to much about english peoples perceptions of the issues) but as the story reached a frightening psychopathic conclusion lit left a slightly more bittersweet taste in the mouth. All in all well scripted and concieved with deliberate malice in the way it misleads the audiance.... complete with 'give us the facts...' T-shirts, I'm with evolutionary theory... Give Us The List and cull the lot of them! Do watch out for the homeless guy excluded from the churches charity through social class... Well worth a look.
Love and Hate-
Not a television drama as some critics said. A NW town peaceful in it's so called cultural divides untill a young girls feelings get hurt and a racists family gets too close to the source of their prejudic e for comfort. And yes dad kicks the muslim around for hurting is daughter, but then we all know we'd all kick a white guy around for the same reason... it looks like a race atack, but if it was a white guy he'd of called him a 'c*Nt' whilst puting the boot in rather than 'pa&i' as in this conflict. Complex exploration of public perceptions.
The Squid and The Whale-
A college kid with parental matrimonial break down 'writes' a song to win a prize. And then is forced by dad to fess up to the authorities at college for having plagerised... he looses face and gets no prize but at least he earns some respect and gets to see his old man in a more mature light. America aparently prevents known plagerism from being assisted by its college departments, unlike Kingston Upon Thames who possitivly relish opertunity to defraud others in full knowledge of the facts.
New Film Reviews- FILM OF THE WEEK 'THE MAGICIAN' from Oz... Big RESPECT message for...
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS- 'NAME-BLAME-SHAME USA Today' Give Us The List Europe- (slight continuity error in timeing...)
In the long haul to the message look out for the obviously deliberate continuity error with America Today... read into that what you will... Sunspense is the waiting game here. No Shame. No Blame. No Name. In referance to a released serial stalker sex offender who traumatises a young baby sitter in this very prolonged agony. Ideological nonsense such as defence counsels psychological expert witness attempt to claim victims of rape were caught in the 'blame game' and some how at fault for being a victim are soundly kicked in the dogs watsits here. (every thing from you know 'why' you wore a short skirt... to 'subconciously' you wanted it you little bi$%h... sorry I've met some of the pioneers of this stuff who sold millions of books off others suffering, I'm sure that's exactly how they think). The message hits home the more because of the long wait. SHAME-BLAME-NAME!
PRIME- kill bill- Two Sword Regards
U ma firm on is as useual a rare exeption to every rule. Lets face it most primes aren't somthing you'd like to try to divide in two but here legs eleven makes it unscathed through the shelf life barrier of thirty something. As most women will be aware once a guy hits thirty something the older woman starts to be the exception to the rule or the odd mercy bunk up. Ms Thurman in this romantic toe tickler is exceptional in another way, I wouldn't want to be twenty something again for all the money in the world, but here I find one of the few circumstances where I would like to knock off ten years if only to see if Prime beef divides Prime cream dip without any unacountably messy remainders. This film is the reason I've been miserable this week. I missed a photoshoot opertunity with the NSPCC gig she did at the Royal Albert Hall, and just to stick the knife in no tip off that she was into slightly smaller british organs in her quick visit to the Queens dress collection over at the V & A.... I would have found a way to fall over myself to try to get a soundbite for Give Us The List.... to add insult to injury a film about her of the godess legs falling at a heart level for some pathetic little brat with no life experience, no foundation for emotional integrity and only one thing on their mind... which is why I'll be looking out at the early twenties women next week... experience is why most of the thirty somethings never so much as talk to each other. See it, it's a good un, oh and did I mention Uma is showing a bit of leg!
BRICK from sneek preview-
I didn't like this but I can see who it's aimed at. It has that my private idaho edge to melodramatic character acting. Basicaly a brat pack school coke dealing movie with pretensions to being something deeper. Quick fire dialouge is used to create the impresion of deapth to the story line but what you get visualy is prity linear with no real rationale apart from killing other kids looks cool on camera to para-cat wanna be crime lords. No single actor stands out as one to watch from this which is a shame. For those wondering if it was worth seeing again to check out the verbal plot twists most decided to let it go. Middle classed coke whores will dig this and try to make more out of it than there is. Spot the spoof lookalike smugleing mole...
THE MAGICIAN-
Painful low budget but delivers the goods. A noir comic classic in the makeing. This is must see stuff. Useing a handy cam style perspective on a documentary with a hitman. It's got some great one liners amidst the realism of wacking someone with a lead pipe. Never ever let your acompalice wear red silk boxer shorts on a job, you'll be a laughing stock, and for more than just childhood memmories this one had me rolling in the aisle. The Australians aparently agree that if you are stupid enough to take heroin you may as well be allowed to kill yourself with the sh&t... there's an interesting visual gag in the background as the main man walks up the street discussing decrimanlisation of drugs.
New Film Reviews-
Mission Impossible III-
AN ACTION MOVIE. No, a REAL one... A1, see it. JJ ABRAMS active camera pushes and tracking are so hardcore I can't even visualise the rigs he was useing, Rome was a masterpiece of an edit. As fast paced as some of the casts other roles, and you know we love the orient! It's hot hot hot (and although I was earlier shown a trailer with it cut with some footage from another movie to make it look like there was some London scenes just to confuse things when I spoke to the press... doh!)- it's HOT! What is the sound of eating with one red chopstick? Don't ask me, I have enough trouble working out the differance between democrats and republicans without getting into chinese politics. It's a matter of Chi Chic. 'I work for the IMF...' Yes, Mr Cruise has an 85billion dollar empire so mums the word on Dianetics!
GET UP WITH IT - THE BIGEST BADEST MOVIE OF 2006!!!!!!!!!!

And we got the interview on Wolfnews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Public List Peadophiles In Europe Mr Cruise... Yes Mr Stock, ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RESPECT TO NARCONON FOR CLEAN TIME REGARDS! (And Mr Hubbards OTO afiliations are safe with us!)

Whilst I'm on the subject of abolutes... isn't Suri a boys name?
United 93 released Stateside. A film to grieve to. God Bless America.
16 Blocks:
This opens with a cop in serious need of redemption, the NYPD blue Angel with a sword poster is in the office but justice seems lost at the bottom of an empty bottle of booze. The soundtrack uses some very clever techniques, like the sound of an alarm clock going off just before the gear shifts into overdrive for more action. The main theme is corruption and the strugle for courage to fight it. For Evil to flourish, good men need do one thing, remain silent. This story goes a long way to proveing just how far good men must go in order to overcome evils within social mechanisms sworn to do good. I enjoyed this a lot. As a spoof on action movies and the happy ever after, it's the iceing on the cake.
Slither-
I thought this was rubish. There are several wierd subtexts about 'survival of the fitest' and marriage being forever despite the monstosities that can 'get into' some folk. Best treated with a pinch of salt, the slugs are going to get you... There was nothing enjoyable about this.
More New Film Reviews Below Britneys ass... Silent Hill pic of the week if only for the Glu Pot referances and strange Ham-esque spookville police woman in leather with the cuffs on the bimbo... but there's more to come.


Tristram And Isolde-

It's not Wagner but then again neither was Mallories take on this emerald lies love triangle. This is a nightmare of a story to present not only because of the many differing accounts but the sheer prolonged agony of the English knights unfulfilled love with the daughter of the Tyrant Irish King. No Pendragon in sight although we get king Mark to allow for the cross fertilisation of story telling traditions. I was pleasantly suprised that depite the magnitude of the project, the length of the film and the slow paceing it all works very nicely. There's even a visual paceing in the over use of wide shots with limited cutting to two shots to slow each scene down and it still (unlike Wagner) cannot be acused of creating boreing melodrama. Sure we all know that Tristram should of fu^&ed her and then forgot her and this is a tale and a half for romance and courtly love leading to disaster. Sure, tristram should also have got it on with the wench sat next to him on his return from 'death' and back to good ole england... but you know how lurv is. Shinead O'conner not withsatnding... what a bloody mess over an Irish lass. Of course I can't help wondering why they don't both get killed for the tryst but then there's the subtext of brothers in arms over and above some mad b*&ch. We, the book gives a horribly complex jungian reading of this as a cautionary tale against talking to married women that has been compared to falling in love with someone you've never seen and never will on the net. Enough of interpritations. This movie not only works it's stormingly good considering how dull the overall tale has been presented in the past (Wagner be damned). If you think your girls haveing an afair see it and watch her face! Even if she's not it's a ripping yarn that the women seem to apreciate (probably because they all married the money rather than going with their hearts!) Most of the audiance seemed to like this and despite a rather overly full literary knowledge of the tale I was not atall unhappy with what was good entertainment.

CRAZY-

Not another shock horror homo lurv story? Well, they do think they're Bowie in Iggy mode and their dad thinks they're Patsy Cline... this from where I was sitting was more about how the family, particularly the father feels about the bisexual son who for most of the film just seems to be a bit of a Miss Understanding.... Keed Spills the older brother which was a bit of a reality drag check... following a spiritual quest in the sands they return cleansed of fear and it's back to patsy... this is another canadian french production and I must say Quebec impressed me with this. Unlike Bareback Mountain no shock the audiance hardcore twink action to anoy me. I fancied the boyish looking girl friend although the fine opertunity for a three way from the brother went into the closset in much the way that the dope went out the window with the blow backs. The fags are redeemed, if only because of Islam accepting the Miss Understanding over footprints in the sand.
Silent Hill-

This should have been a classic and could have been a master piece. A very tense psychological horror true to the original game concept. It falls from grace due to imature directing and sadly poor SFX for the zombies... the rest of the FX are great and add tension but the zombies looked like new skin and glue smeared onto peoples faces. The climax is also a bit challenged by the inexperienced art direction although seeing the witch burning puritan have barbed wire tentacles penetrate the inner sanctum of her skirts raised an eyebrow. Well worth watching and for the first hour and a half well useful for copping a feel with the scared girlfriend. Chick Cops on bikes with leather... I could have seen more handcuffing of dumb bimbos personally! It's not the Omen but the remake looks good to hit the classic status - comeing to your screens 6/6/06....the reson why all good kids wanted to be on the side of the anti-christ... Silent Hill has a similar effect. The game was slick if frustrateing... I never completed it and played it for far too long which is unusual as I would normaly shelve something of it's genre if it wasn't for the adictive chill factor, thanks mainly to the subliminal haunting sound track. The film goes some way to replicateing the auditory dis-ease.

8 Below-

Lassy Come Home, well almost anyway. This could be a little upsetting in places for small ones as the abandoned dog sled team fight to survive against the odds. I enjoyed this adventure and the direction is good throughout even when it's all animal actors. As anyone can see a film set mostly on snow and ice is a right old problem, one of the issues with Ice Age 2. There's enough here for the kids to enjoy whilst the adults can apreciate the finer emotional stugles of a team forced to leave the beloved dogs behind. I won't spoil the ending by letting you know how it all turns out. A reasonable diversion for what remains of the holiday.

An American Haunting-

Must see! With a subtext the size of Carrie this is a psychological horror with a twist. Great acting and expertly timed direction builds a tension that will cause you to jump and jump again. Highly enjoyable master story telling.

The Grand Seduction (aka seducing Dr Lewis)-

A re-showing of cannes nominated french canadian comic drama. Or is it Canadian trying to be french? I never was too good with acents. This is a mild mannered look at social inequality in a former fishing commuity forced to commit fraud to survive. There is some genuinely funny situations in this very well scripted film. A little of the play on words on 'cricket' was lost in translation and the subtitles are full of mispelling... oh dear must be indicative of a low inteligence cries the rather stupid public school view of arbitary conventions. Will the Doctor be seduced into complicity over a nice pair of feet? I've seen the frozen fish on the end of a line pulled for real to reel in match fishing but I'll mention no names! Highly enjoyable if well past it's opening date. PÔLE Québec Chaudière-Appalaches ? Only if the face fits aparently...

Take The Lead-

I really enjoyed this and it met with all the pre-release hype expectations right up untill the closeing ten minutes. This is a feel good mentorship movie that somehow falls short at the last momment. The issue is with the script which at times leads us in directions that would have been better had they have been developed further. Enjoyable but I couldn't help feeling that another twenty minutes of story would have led to a more satisfying finale.

Junebug-

A tense family drama pregnant with a yearning for lost values. I found this highly upseting in it's unexpectant conclusion. A B-movie that the women seemed to especialy enjoy. A well concieved movie just not my cup of tea, and it does brew rather slowly.

Paradise Now-

A palestinian political statement on relations with Israel? Or a social comment on the reality of economic sanctions creating unbareable conditions of poverty resulting in suicide bombers? There is no other way for the opressed to be heard (aka as Evil 'extremist' Terrorists). A multi-national crew create a simmering tension of mixed loyalties and motivation for acts of vengance, ultimately seen as futile gestures in a conflict that no one can win. Hyper realism, there is a little irony in a scene where the lead is asked what his favourite film genre is, 'is boreing a genre' he replies. This is slow and painful in parts to watch but it does ask important questions and is sure to Fuel Debate. Poverty creates slow and painful lifestyles, sanction created poverty leads to desperate measures.
Scary Movie 4-

The best dialouge is 'no kelly don't pee on me please', in part the reason why I body swerved the good lookin osbourne who likes to remain enigmatic... no pee on me thankyou. I've had the lipsink, overdub with actors voice patern tech demonstrated to me by senior masssons in the health service. The rationale is that ti makes money freaking people out into thinking they are mentally unstable... I had tapes of audio from terestrial TV claiming for instance on peek time news that Dianna isn't dead... the masons are that sick in the head. This film is lame but entertaining because you knew it was going to be lame before seeing it. Alien invasions thwarted by crabs and a UN nudity ray gun... it's lame. There's some sick brokeback mountain gags to make the average guy wince and yet another joke about michael jacksons peado ways, the industry knows he payed off the court, that's the second testimony after the fact since date movie. Lame, but that's the name of the game, if you hate this movie you've no one else to blame because you know it's lame. Good for a pizza and some herbal entertainment on video, criple your brain before viewing and this will be funny.

Shaggy Dog-

Late review but I thought i'd warn any kids out there wanting to see something decent (Chicken Little is replaying if you look around). I like Tim Allen, I'd like to live next door to him so I can borrow a drill bit when needed. This film sucks not because of the animal rights message but in the way it goes about presenting it. The dog genetic mutation would be great for kids but it's under played. The main problem is the lab test animals are so creepy from the animation team that some kids are going to be wierded out, the older ones just won't feel any empathy for a snake with a dogs tail let alone the gross bull dog-frog. I was disapointed. Even the surf boarding sheepdog scene falls flat. A pity, a good story poorly adapted, I'll have to wait to borrow that drill bit for another premier.
She's The Man- A kids favourite for the 7+ range.

Can the yanks make a footee movie. Hell yes! With Vinnie Jones at the Helm there's more than a little agro on the pitch. This is a family commedy that is going to apeal to the girls as much as the lads. Go Kick KILL as Vinnie commands!(asumeing this wasn't an overdub with the kill bit, the same cinema did dub Inside Man very subtley when I saw it, I think it should be illegal for cinemas to interfere with soundtracks, especialy when it's useing the voice paterns of the artists in the film) It's a belter. There's no gender prejudice on my pitch... and so say all of us. THe Mens Movement think they have a sense of humour but NO- why is Beckham useing tampons up his nose... best ask the girls team. Keep working your ass off to pay the wages of the perversely ritch, the mens movement teach slaves well to serve and if you don't hey will violate your fundamental human rights... welcome to the western dream... they shoot... but wait... they've movedf the goal post.



Basic Instinct 2-



Welcome to London. West India Quay gets it on in the run up to Mission Impossible 3, also shot on location. Sharon Stone puts the Femme back in Fatale with enough twisted irony to knock out her therapist- it's 'For Your Own Good'. Oh dear the therapist ends up in the pycho ward for once... now there's justice! Black Widow with style over substance.



PIERREPOINT-



Sounds like a treatment centre on the NW coast. The most feared executioner of his generation. And not the easiest film on release to find. A british biopic of the end of the Nazis. Well worth viewing.
ICE AGE - THE MELTDOWN

Splendid fun. A 5 year old from france was watching this not to far away from myself and kept leaping around with glee at the visual humour and thrills. I was not atall disapointed with this sequal. Can a Mammoth find true love in the face of extinction? Only if they play Possum. There are some classic little sketches with Scrat the Saber tooth Squiral on an ever quest to claim the acorn... the scene where he ends up cutting a wheel of ice with his teeth is in animation terms, a master piece, both technicaly and for shere visual imagination. Kids are going to love this and we've not had a real good one for them since the little acorn of Chicken Little. Easter Acorns all round.

The White Countess-

I was offered a Television interview on this and declined as I didn't feel I had much to say about it... famous last words! At first I found the paceing too slow despite excellent artistic direction. At the end I was left quite emotional by this tale of essentially two wounded lovers desperately trying to avoid their own particular stories of grief and loss. Most of the film focuses on a dream set to die of a blind man trying to compensate for deep emotional scars. His loss is from a bombing and his sight is not the greater of the wounds. The countess has lost status through family forced to flee europe. The two dance an emotive ballet which is as painful in it's lack of contact as the twisted humour of the Comedia played before the club. The lone Trumpet leeds a childs dream of a boat journey out from conflict towards something new. This is a very sober and mature exploration of love... and like those in the film, I felt that the theme demands that some things remain best left unspoken. This will apeal to a mature audiance with an apreciation of the saturnile influence of grief. I still found the pace painful, but perhaps that was part of how the overall emotional impact was achieved... much of the movie fails to make sense untill the conclusion leaving a void untill the final and only touch of the heart.
Latest Film Reviews- more to follow through out the week
SHOOTING DOGS- MUST SEE PIC OF THE WEEK
John Hurt excells as the Vicar in service to the Tutsi children in war
torn Ruwanda. The torent of Genocide begins to engulf Ruwanda with
blood as dogs feed off the mutilated corpses of children and machete
wounds are left on the bodies of raped nuns. The middle classed aid
worker says it all, he 'came to make a differance' only to run away
with the UN when shit hits the fan. The UN 'observers' fall short of
protecting the peace as beurocrats a continent away ignore the plight
of the innocent caught in the cross fire of tribal vengance.As John
Hurt offers the communion to the children before they face the death
squads you can't help wondering if his final words really have meaning,
'we have hope, we've never lost hope. Unhfortunately the poem I wrote
about the balkans and Ruwanda is no longer extant as it is held by
police on 'black books' with all of my earlier work and they refuse to
respond to the basic civil right of acessing data held by them that was
given in support of operation barnabus... Still at least I only ended
up on life support twice with the conflicts in this country. There is
hope. I'm just not convinced it's in the two faced machinations of big money laundered through Oxfam. 5% makes it through... but does the aid get anywhere other than sending some middle classed fool who can't speak the language to stand around feeling Morally uplifted. You may cry at this film, a tear rose in me and I've used a machete in self defence against drug dealers selling smak to ten year olds.
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada -
Many will sneer at this Mexican/Texan border
drama of a man forced to face the fire for a murder. The journey is
bleak but not without it's momments of dark humour, as when an agrieved
mexican from past crimes is the only available aid for a snake bite. I
still say the Canaries are the best location for Spagheti Westerns and now I know that all those real men couldn't satisfy a woman for all their brovado I realy can't help but question the motives of the Mens Movement in Austin. Bleek, gritty and a punch to the morality tale. If the themes apeal see it on video. Raree
ly does murder have a lack of motif that allows for guilt... it's why most convicted killers get labelled sociopathic... you cannot feel guilt for something that was necessary... murder usually is.

FIREWALL-

Harrison Ford is under played as a computer security expert forced to hack his own systems by a team of bank robbers. This is a polished thriller but did not stand out as anything special. The story line is good and the acting cannot be faulted. The plausability test of the robbery plan fails in much the same way as Inside Man did, if you think about it. But are you supposed to think too much about this generic techno thief flick?
Failure To Launch- yet to be released in the UK

A teen brat pack style movie in presentation only it's full of thirty somethings as it is aimed at those thirty somethings who cloged toilets with tampons back when brat pack flicks were the rage and condoms were advertised as a necessary weapon in the global battle against AIDS. I'm suprised there are no therapies based on the later advertising campaigns creating developmental 'issues'. Here we find a group of guys who refuse to leave mom and dad as let's face it, it's cheaper living at someone elses expense. That and most women are too expensive to trane to do the laundry these days so mom will have to do. Dad wants his naked room and his sex life back so him and mom hire a profesional interventionist to lure the adult child out into the world under the pretext of finding true lurv. Of course true lurv consists of some psycho bitch with a 'programme' for creating false intimacy who realy only gives a damn about the size of the 'clients' wallet. This is good entertainment, not rib ripping funny but pleasant humour throughout. A sure fire winner although I was hopeing the rest of the girls from sex in the city would turn up for the bondage scene and whip up a little more spice. All the women in the audiance seemed to know about this programme for hooking a guy with enough back pocket lurv to keep them in new shoes so I guess that's my love life over, forever. Which isn't entirely a bad thing since I'm not looking for someone to clean the toilet in return for a box of chocolates. The 90's Guppy ethics are aparently alive and well. Me I like my naked room! Moms greatest fear is that dad won't like her if they are forced to get to know each other in the absence of the son... and hell why would he when there are so many cheap old thirty somethings more interested in his wallet than the heart. Any guy can buy you flowers states the self obsessed thirty something teenage boy... guys who've lived at home all their lives have so much more to offer... A yaught no less ladies and champagne on a tuesday... WAKE UP YOU SAD LUSHES! I am reminded of share buying as a way of life, cocaine as a substitute for intimacy and yet more tampons blocking the toilet (best argument for avoiding a menage a tois is the monthly sync). I am glad I do not live in that thatcherite kind of delusion, did you pay off the debt you got into chaseing the pay rise yet? Failure To Launch however goes down quite4 well, like a luke warm substitute for something funnier. It's like a bubble bath, pleasent, you'll want to check it out just because it blows bubbles up your ass but it realy is just something warm and cosey and about as much fun as you'd get farting in the bath at home. That said, see it, farting in the bath can be fun in the right company.

The Inside Man-

Spike Lee delivers a polished thriller with enough twists to hold anyones interest. The bank robery goes wrong in order to go right in order to.. well I won't spoil the fun. Cracking direction and score make this a pleasure to watch... follow that ring! (spot the photograph visual joke about thatcher sideing with the Nazis in the bankers office!) Throw up at the kid playing a cokaine dealing nntendo game 'shoot da niggaz' and check out the PC gags hidden in the dialouge. We Will Never Forget.

The Ringer-

offensive and respectful of special needs in turn. At first I realy hated this tale of Steve, who pretends to be other than he is in order to make it special for an olympics.I've worked as a carer with clients like this and can only say that in steves case I'd of prefered to see him slapped about a bit more and put in a unit. This is a commedy that tries make lite out of disability rights and prejudice. The leading guys a fake, why bother giving them a hearing? The Hugs Not Drugs T-Shirt worked for me- I used to get vety angry at needless medicating of special needs clients. The scene where Steve turns back to help the fallen fellow runner despitwe being in the leed realy struck me as out of charcter for Steve. Just as well there was no egg and spoon race on the cards or Robbie Williams turning up to play Richard the lion heart. The Kids liked this movie more than I did and not because it was making fun at the disabled. Well directed with the actors, pity abnout low budget over reliance on wide and two shots.

Romance & Cigarettes- pic of the week

The Cohen brothers deliver an ultimatum for all those disillusioned with lurv.They remain on form as one of the best comedy writeing teams of their generation, but then I've not got a partner! Gandolfinni strays with a lady in red and ends up with the Humperdink. Meanwhile her in doors finds faith in the size of Eddie Lizards Organ which is big enough to fill in for Super Vulva. This is a comic musical that kept me cheered up after the general distaste of Hostel. Red is in but the long haul wins by a knockout in the final rounds.It's not golf but it is blood sport, marriage is combat and she's got all of the troops.I laughed a lot at the underlaying realism of this film. The cohens seem to delight in filthy mouthed english vixens, I'd rather go dutch. NEVER get circumcised over a woman! I'm too experienced to be in a hury over anything and it takes a woman throwing their knickers on the floor to get my attention. That said, the ending left me feeling at a bit of a loss but then I guess it was supposed to.

The Big White-

this is a dream cast movie. The story of an insurance scam to stay on top unfolds relatively slowly but the conclusion is worth the waiting. Harelson once more proves a range beyond that of his prior Tv role in cheers and Robin Williams goes the distance for a true love where even his genius shines a little dimmer than the leading lady.A definite see it on Video choice.I felt the cast could have been played against each other more intensly.

Hostel-

'Who do you trust? You're my bitch now-'I found this film less than stimulating. It is a definite must see but I couldn't identify with the johns sniffing around european brothels despite the scum being left as cold meat for the gimps. There are several layers going on with the politics of eastern europe and the undoubtable issue of americans treating others like objects of their money driven lust for power. I like good gorefests, either finding them erotic or inciteing a decent rush of anger against the horrorists. This left me with a low key feeling of rage and disgust rather than any imediate gratification of rage. Elite Hunting avenges against the murderous impulses of the depraved but the saving of a female victim didn't play out well. A lot of this film is hyper realism of actual sexual economics and torture. It reminded me of a snuff ring where the 'talent scout' had to OD to make amends for their crimes in the late 80's and a little of some forced feminisation wierdness that has occured in the NHS since it was sold off as a money making deal for overpayed doctor share holders. Meat for money and money buys meat. It is well directed and produced and worthy of the Tarantino chief exec Ageis. The silent playing of that pulp fiction movie clip left we wondering about rightousness in the same way that the Holiday Inn scene in Pink Panther 'We have a love that will never die' left me wondering about scrawling body outlines to fill with feeling at violations. For all my distaste at the kind of guys that will hunt down your ex-girlfriends just to make them gag this is a horror that should not be missed.You're my bitch now... maybe the subs will enjoy this.If the rescue and escape scenes played longer I may have enjoyed this more.I have enough of violence in everyday life without watching too much of this kind of thing. At least the stalker perv gets flushed down the toilet.

Totsi-

A diamond in the rough. An acurate portayal of the tensions between the victims of poverty of the South african townships and the ritcher naighbours. Not a race issue in sight and amn emotiional exploration of what it is to have nothing including hope. Tsotsi- No Biko, just a gangster with no choice but to keep takeing ehat they can. You ever steal a car and find a baby on the back seat... now there's a problem!

The Pink Panther -

Steve Martin puts the Pink back in Panther. If like myself you remember the death of Peter Sellers as a time when you sat alone in the cinema crying for an hour as a kid then you may share my resistance at seeing Steve Martin try on the role of the bungleing inspector. Give Martin a fair crack of the whip I beseach you. This Pink Panther honours the memmory of Sellers genius without Martin playing Sellers or for that matter himself. The visual humour is pure classic panther.Clouseaus American elocution lesson in how to order a hamburgerin NYC literally had me crying with laughter. That is a rare event. The direction and casting perfectly match the brilliance of the script. There is only a few seconds of 2CV in Paris and these days Clouseaus driving is more zippy in the wee renault, even if getting it parked between the 2CV and faster sportscar is nothing short of a miracle.I'm still with the kids on Dr Pang and didn't fully get the joke about brass 'bolls' but from the outset with the PA sat atop Clouseaus shoulders the hope that the anther is here to stay leapt in my heart. Steve Martin shows Two Fingers to the world. The Pink Panther - is missing and Clouseau is back! Paris once more plays host to comic genius, Peter Sellers will never be forgotten.

V For Vendetta-

Oh no not another Vertigo DC comic adaptation failure...? Actually NO! V could never be Moores 'dark knight returns' or a hoped for Sandman 'Brief Lives' but thank the fates this one works as a screenplay. If I wasn't a Vertigo fan this movie would still work as a dark satire and social comment. Sure 07/07 meant that the release was held back and there is a destinct Socialist spin here that in the light of current events left me wondering if the Oxford University influenced casting couldn't have admitted in more than hushed tones that New Labour are as dictatorial as Thatcher ever was. There are alusions to the Bishop as is being a despot but it might pay to try to detatch a little from social comment in the interpritation of this movie. V is a strong character and is not let down by the Anna Chi Evey (Natallie Portman). I personally enjoyed seeing the High Court have the 'Defend the Children..' blow up with the impotent sword of justice. If like me you have Knocked on the Court of Europe for human rfight violations under both Labour and conservative goverments and stuck a '2012 Bomb' Sticker on Black Rods Entrance to Westminster for 06/07/05 as I am on record as having done you may feel a little queezy at the televisual social engineering shown here or the forced 'coincidences'. Even if you havn't thrown a fist at corruption in the UK government or declared 'There is something very wrong with this country' then the censorship of civil rights violations issues here presented and finale of the people risesing up as Westminster explodes will still no doubt stike a match for revolt. Remember, remember... least we forget... Ideas have a life... GIVE US THE LIST! Count the number of coloured pills the functionalist dictators need to disociate from the violations they commit in this one... drug testing... it's a pit of lime for a pharmacy dollar.
Why are the American Women always so much more willing to please... She even took of an item off clothing for me later on... Remember Basic Instinct and the up skirt scene? They didn't tell her it had been shot so she found out at the first showing and stormed out after slapping the director... These days she's matured a bit but when it comes to stockings we're all for that kind of rolling Stone! Eggz On Legz... Steady on Babs, there's our Martin...

V For Vendeta Premier. In which radio one lick for the split whilst the Osbournes reveal that the only Rock geting near Kellys hand needs Viagra and shares in squid oil... white gloved and all. Not such a slark after all? I'm with Vertigo DC's Constantine when it comes to women... Apart from the likes of the good looking sister... meanwhile I have a few words with Carr about all that Top Gear he's been getting hold of and all the press got was two fingers. You can't make an omlete without makeing eggs- as Mr Fry-ing tonight may well reveal if you ask him about my abuse history... and no he's a good un, but he knows a few things about this 'he made it up last week for publicity' slander. As to Mr Frys predilections, I did sugest amnesty for the fags in 1999... why not ask Mr Hurt... she's a very nice pair... so easy does it boys.
The Proposition-

Murphy's Law goes a gun slinging down under. John Hurt is on form and in need of a more significant role to let his full talent shine. Keep in mind that the IRA head Murphy is in question on the day of release for this tale of Irish bitterness. I'm all for a pint of Murphys but a bit like pound for pound, one from the flesh is never enough. This is an entertaining portrayal of blood feud. The use of brother to kill brother is afterall as old as Kaine. The wife of the captain offers a soft touch of what every man wants in the face of responsibility andh so muc brutality. When the bullet flys for Christmas the Irish raise a little xmas cheer but never forgetg we gave them a whiping over Easter. 'Never a finer race has peeled potatos'. Not quite a line from sean of the dead. Well Met.

The Worlds Fastests Indian-

Anthony Hopkins as the aged ecentirc genius of an engineer determined to break the Land speed record aginst all odds. I did a double take on Hopkins dialouge as the Kiwi acent is an obvious departure which he meets without dificulty. This is a feel good movie to get the elbow grease going. Of course Van Nuys proves to be as good a place on earth for hospitality as any there is and not a hotel california in sight. Highly watchable and likely to raise a tear as things go right for a change thanks to the hospitality of strangers.

The Hills Have Eyes-

It's not that the imagery isn't disturbing it's just it isn't presented with any artistic merit. I enjoy good horror but mostly this remake falls flat. Even the fight to survive is highly unconvincing and I didn't realy care who lived by the end of what is a story that here is destroted through poor interpritation. Entertains for about half an hour but the slow burn and forshadow bit shocks never build into anything to get a swet over. I used to work as a carer in a ward where the patients were more scary. We await the Tarantino adaptation 'Hostal' with dread. At least the girl who saves the baby is wearing QPR away sox for Dohurty, good dive, maybe they should put a woman in goal.

Manderlay- A late review of what turned out to be the best of last weeks releases. A uncomfortably chalenging Movie with no clear solutions to the questions it confronts.

Someone walked out on this whilst I was watching it which in this case proved the hypocricy of political correct 'attitude'. First rule of 'Mam' is make sure the slaves attitude is ajusted and that any 'proud' personality types get a whipping. I couldn't help thinking of Mandala during this.It may be a long walk to freedom but why did so few
try to run it? Next we get the bewilderment of the 'slaves' at the lack of freedom to survive in the granting of freedom from slavery in the deep south. The deeper layers of primal energies are made clearer with white chickens pecking the black hen to the arousal of the 'liberal educator'. Another rule is that once the slaves are liberated that they must be imediately forced into debt... sounds like a 'good' educational anaology. African tribal slave traders also come to mind during this movie, the hypocricy of mass murderers impression managed to the side of the 'right' and 'truth' by media machinations. Black rights and freedom from opression just create a situation where the poor whites are in conflict with the poor blacks and before you know it throats are getting slit. Then there's the question of which of the black population will nonce in the killers, no doubt Oprah wrote the book on all this, in which it is revealed that 'take what you need and leave the rest' is a slogan that was used to indoctrinate slaves to not ask for more, a bit like poor ole Oliver Twist. Miles Davis nicking 'In A silent Way'useing economic and drug powers over the unions also came up fotr me. There's even a Black KKK member doing a deal with the upper class white 'free men' in the conclusion. I came under heavy fire from the left over a concept short about prejudice created by 'anti' prejudice legislation I did at uni sugested by someone of ill intent in the media. {I directed a short where the KKK kidnap a Post Man and set fire to him. When the Klan return to the house one asks 'will that be an end to it do you think', the other replies 'I dont care, no mail comes through this door'. As the song Sisters are doing it for themselves kicks in from the Eurithmics they take off their masks. The KKK are all women... As we roll credits fade from the post bag to 'POST fe MAN ism'. I was obstructed during edit of that short by the department who insisted that a girl in the crew take part in the edit alocation time despit it not being her chosen job. I was also acused of racism within the department for depicting tghe KKK and had real trouble as they incited the Crew to try to scupper the project.}

Which all goes to show that Political Correctness protects the 'good' and 'honest' educators all too willing to force children into slavery through economic debt for being taught that 'ralistically' they can expect a job if they get a degree to prove they weren't quite up to getting a first class. The same department marked down a parody of the department useing a Mr Men book review- again for obstructions caused by the 'right on' tutors. And I still got a first in an exam subject despite one questions material not being taught to my group. The rebel is as ever 'the devil'. Ultimately this film realy made me laugh. Which is tricky as lots of other folk were takeing it all far too seriousdly because of the indoctrinated veneration of black peoples rights, as the film points out, even when a wrong is commited. In conclusion, this is a kick in the moral majorities nuts. Anti-prejudice attiudes causeing conflicts between divisible groups in the working classes is of course to all educatged people 'a lie' and 'spin' by some party scapegoated as 'far right'. The stark stage set is worthy of study from a budget studio system producer. It was made very clear that no 'right thinking' slave would dare argue that the land of the free had given them any less than their just deserve... Mams Law... type 1 personality... 'Take what you need and leave the rest'... could be a slogan for the New Labour Party... claim your power and let the rest think the conflict is there to promote 'revolutionary tensions' to initiate change ultimately dictated by the 'common good'. Or is it? Don't Laugh- That's democracy!

Social Saboutage to undermine rights is the mechanism that leeds to social evolution- so don't forget to say 'Thank ye Mam' when it stops hurting.Reminds me of the MU's look of shock that I could show the evidence pre-dating the theft in transit of 2 PC's and a piano etc by 'Royal'Mail... still got the Hump Mr Prescott... does it look like we can burn rubber down Downing Street for 'Give Us The List' yet?
THE WEATHER MAN- This weeks favourite... There are reasons Michael Caines Handprints apear forever in Leciester Square and this film did not disapoint. This is a mid-lif drama of ritch emotional pallete based on one guys failures and sucesses. It's a winner and that's all there is to it. If you're still learning to shave then you probably won't be able to apreciate the nuiances of the bittersweet realities here portrated. The acting is impecable throughout and the arrow falls short because being an adult is never easy. As Michael Caines character says near to dieing... This shit of life... you don't get no where without throwing the punchs. See it.

THE MATTADOR- This reminded me of someoene but I'm not going to dwell on it. NO doubt younger Bond fans will find Brosnons change of character dificult to ajust to. If like me the only Bond was Sean Connery then this will prove entertaining stuff. Life as a 'facilitator' of death is a chalenge at the best of times. Brosnon needs a friend as he experiencews a crisis as a career killer. No doubt this will be remembered mostly as the 'oh he used to do Bond till this' movie. His acting range proves a winner and he will certainly not be forgotten by the casting crews in the future. This portayal of a drunken burn out of prostitution and sleze to distract from the realities of being a hitman proves to be quite funny despite the serious tone. I am reminded of Stocks Brandy and Italian jobs from yesteryear, and I'm not just talking operatics. 'Whose this then?' Well, it looks like Brosnon but smells like some washed out lush. Enjoyable throughout if on a lower budget than many have seen before for Brosnon. The movie flies the world and the Buddy comes up with the goods for once... although I'm not sure I'd let anyone near the Misses of this character. Oh but when it comes to Brandy the character I was thinking of got there first... Hare today... wiz after the event with the Headless Gander after a goose. To kill first strike... that is the art.



Syriana- From Sneek advance viewing for this dramatic commentary on the oil industry. CLOONEY CAN DO NO WRONG! On general release early march. To begin with there is a lot of linquistic humour with Conex Killen (pronounced K-lean ) as the US multi-national seeking deals with Iran from CEO Janus (2 faced). This is a stark oposite to the very tense dealings in the middle east and machiavellian tactics of the american intelligence services to achieve dominance over oil provision to the Russians and Chinese. If like me you get a bit worried about the subtexts of artists like Michael Moore being so heavily promoted in the US for the seemingly right on rhetoric compared to say the actual social standing of the artist and what that must mean for the agenda then this film will leave you with many questions. It has aired stateside already and the Pentagon is notorious for comissioning movies to influence foreign afairs. The Feds reveal that everyone in America is an innocent man right up till when they decide to investigate them.There is a very overt referance to Woody Allens 'Match Point' during a squash game sporting Fred Perry and we are told that without corruption america couldn't send their kids to disney land. I guess without dealing with that corruption we can't raise money for the British Film Industry. The trip to the Middle East is all a bit like Woody's holiday snaps of his shopping spree in London. The conclusion and very threatening portrayal of achieving smart bomb localised combat objectives is brutaly accurate as is the comparison with a suicide bomb from Islamic believers. The film is either saying that all Muslims are terrorists or that all americans are gun ho smart bombers. The final interpritation is left to the viewer. Dark, brooding and a little too close to watching 'reality' (as portrayed) television footage of 'actual' action. I guess the Iranians best cut a deal again because the Eagle has landed for the upteenth time in 40 years. Better the deal on the table than negotiation by satelite guidance systems. Thought provokeing right down to the referance to 73, the dialouge claims responsibility for the conflict as the Arab nations. I'm with Egypt. They've never felt the same since the British Museum took their momi from them. Bring on the rock I could use some gun blazeing action after all this corperate/ military drama.




Date Movie- This film is so crap that it's funny. If you ever wanted a threesome with the witch bitch sidekick from Buffy you should check out the carwash babe in this. If you like BBW note that this film will do nothing for their self esteem. If they believe you love them after this rubish has been playing 10 minutes then they'll be on their knees at the back of the cinema before the films out just to prove they've got more to offer. Witch bitch... what can I say... higher on my fantasy list than buffy and still beats the false tits off the bimbo ex-girlfriend in this farce. Do try counting the number of films referanced in the sketches... they realy dredge the bottom of pop movie archives. But wait, it can't be all crap... there's the witch bitch...

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Lucky Number Slevin- For thos of you mentally chalenged Lucy Liu refrances that the sugar bowel in ther neighbours flat reminds her of a 'picture by Norman Rockwell'. Norman Rockwell was a very well known actor within the TV and film industry who was NAILED FOREVER AS A PEADOPHILE by the publication by SUrvivors of Incest Anonymous- 'NOrman Rockwell- THe death of an illusion. He was also at the time of print a sober member of AA. Hence my review below stating that this film could be read as a subtle threat to peados within the film industry, let alone the child porn empires existant within Hollywood. Lucy apears with Mads below at the revolver premier and even lower in a storyboard snippet from The Childrens Crusade. Go Figure! To sumarise the SIA programme- Must we Forive? NO. Must we adopt some stupid fatalistic view of a patriarchal pseudo christian interpritation of spirituality- NO. Must we forget the past and let the perps of the hook- NO. Do we recover from any symptoms that may be percieved as resultant from the trauma of child abuse- YES! Do we give a monkeys if people slip once every five years or so- NO. Do we NAME PERPS FOREVER- YES. Do we hate AA and all it's BS? - NO, just some of us do and that is OK too! Do we kiss ass- NO. Do we accept BS as the things we cannot change- NO! Do we kill peados- not as a group but some of our 10th steps are more than a litlle righteous. In return for tools and expenses some of us couldn't give a sh*T about shooting peados in the head so long as we don't get caught (I like foreign holidays!).



Capote:- To Quote the Film - I can't see what all the fuss is about! It's an OK flick, I wouldn't have shed a tear myself but then I am generally only warm to the innocent and sheer cold blooded towards evil. Good timeing on the rope drop. I was indiferant to the film as a whole.
Seven Swords- Epic non stop action Martial Arts war movie to rival the likes of the Water Margin. Full on. 2.5 hours of battles and I even learned another strike for the weighted chain. Lavish cinematography for the swords raised to save the poor children. Subtitles but who gives a HooFlungDung. A CLASIC no doubts.


Lucky Number Slevin- This movie targets a peado for death (if you can read between the lines). Lucy Liu proves sweeter than sugar in a film of bittersweets left lost in the shufle. This movie should serve as a reminder that when the odds are stacked in favour of unseen bosses to beware the unkown soldier. It's a dead certainty that falls short that proves the nemesis of arogance. The art direction is suberb with a minimalism to the small world divideing the waring factions. The setting provides a contrast to the stong characters played by an even stronger cast. Melodramatic delivery of truly cluster f*ck dialouge will raise a smile before the needler hits the neck. The tense violence proves more than just another game of gangland chess. Revolver comes to mind. Take this as a warning, no matter how many players the sweet taste of revenge is clearly marked by the blood on the ledger. Take stock, the auditors are waiting and the price is more than justy a finger in a glass. Flogging a dead horse? Waiting on the numbers, how many days do you need to kill one man? Now ask yourself how about 30? The art of the shuffle where you get the victim to look far to the right before quickly snapping their neck far to the left is very useful in politics, I'm not convinced too many can pull it off to break a mans neck. Try it on a bunny. Waiting on the flat season, here's the tip off, thanks for sugar.
Try Fight Club - Members Only from Bollywood if you get a chance... hot indian chicks and lots of melodramatic fight scnes... oh and a bit of comic talent in Hindi. I liked it!

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA:
As the play of light on water, or the warmth of a tear caressing the cheek so too the beauty that unravels within the dance of the Geisha. A biopic that bridges the humble tributary of childhood and extends as a veil of red silk across the bloody torent of war. A sensual afirmation of the noblese oblige of Japan. This is an epic of aesthetics frozen in time on celluloid like the extended momment when the Water Crane shifts stance, raising a foot in offering to the riseing sun. This is a masterpiece of cinematography and gentle play on emotion. A labour of love in service, a reminder of Japanese honour in the lips guided to their unseen master. The Maikos journey to womanhood of one whosegreatest gift is a smile. I could have watched 12 hours of this with it’s ebb and gentle flow, but then I enjoy a game of Go almost as much as I like to savour Sushi! If you can’t take time over your food forget it, no thrown chopsticks but then this is a tale of the gentle power of water rather than Giri. If you like to savour the sensual oriental flavour of the erotic then you will love geisha.
The BAFTA night did not go without some noted flashing of resentful eyes and covert body swerves from some UK TV crews for my view that Brokeback should have been an 18 rather than 15 for the overt obscenity. It was an OK movie, nothing great for all the 'scandal'. I was all for Good Night & Good Luck seizing the reins but was pleasantly suprised that politics did not get in the way of Memoirs Of A Geisha clearing up with Cinematography, Sound Track and Costume design. Bareback was NOT the best movie on offer and the lack of award for Mrs Henderson Presents or Mr Clooneys obvious creative peeks this year just goes to prove a few moot points. Pride & Prejudice may have got the token Brit award but Dame Judis other fare realy was the best of British for a decade, never mind the PC BS we want more of the same... British Film no longer AWOL but comeing up roses! George and Mr Hoskins both got to make history this year so whose worried about cowboys? The Reily story? Aparently someone in the inner circle has had her spinning a line to try to assist with denial over the persona non gratis HUman Rights Violations dictated by the Crown... Why does Amnesty have an entry on my name stateing 'Dangerous', who let in the thought police...God knowa what people saying 'you're not famous' is meant to achieve... do I look concerned? And yes Arman done good and it is a great script I jjust don't like the politics of their empire and the draining of life blood from young artists.
THIS MONTHS UNDISPUTED BEST MOVIE
the Best of British 'Mrs Henderson Presents'
A CLASSIC and should have cleaned up on awards!
Two fingers to the Nazis in this wartime drama based on the 'Carry On London, Chin Up!' attitude of Londons The Windmill Theatre Soho. If you've not seen it big screen it's your loss! Will Young can act (he even pretends to be a bit fey, ahem) , and we have Dame Judi and Mr Mona Lisa Bob Hoskins himself to boot! And do they make a very fine pair for all their French Bannna and Jewish suprises. In turns funny, romantic and down right defiant of the scourge of europe! If letting the yanks film dross like the new woody allen here pays for funding of films like this then so be it. This film is so well scripted and acted that even kong looks low budget compared to good old British craftmanship.
THIS WEEKS REVIEWS.
Good Night & Good Luck-Clooney exemplified as a master of story telling. I was looking forward to cross examining this film and belittleing it for political misrepresentation of the McCarthy senate and the good ole boys. To put it less democratically, this film serves up great historical drama combined with excellant direction of photography. This is one that media students can study to their hearts content. But is the era realy one the pinkos have vilified.? Maybe I should be put on a list of potentially afilliates for subversive traditionalist value groups. Cinematography of a level in edit to Memoirs of A Geisha. Hang 'Em High.
CHICKEN LITTLE still showing West India Dock... try out the lite docklands rail! It's worth it for the little acorns.
Casanova-A period romp to help us over the starker realities of the recent The Libertine. In turns funny and romantic this twist of the casanova tale is a definite lite viewing favourite for the weekend. If you get lucky see it twice with a diferrent girl each night! The only merchant of venice in sight is a pig so no need to concern ourselves over pounds of flesh... unlike pound for pound.
Aeon Flux- I'm never sure if cyberpunk flicks are trying to emulate some of the idiosyncracies of the authors who championed the genre. This isn't Gibson. This film has its momments but gives the impression of having gone over budget. The plot unravels with explanitory dialouge rather than visual narative. Some of us have waited for another Bladerunner for a long time. The visual FX team look like they were hurried or more likely that the producers couldn't aford to exploit their tallents fully. Sexy outfits on the Cloned assasin got my interest and there are some very good FX in the defence of the inner circle, the syflex should have been used more on the blimp rather than cut to real cloth for the climb, I guess they couldn't aford a modeler to animate the sequence. This film could have been great but the disjointed edit unfortunately just provides a taste of what we could do in the face of 'a guilded cage' escape movie. See Lisa Marie Presley in the Gallery, nice trip to Japan must have shaken a few ghosts in the machine. Always proves to be a commitment hard to live by sometimes, still I'm all for those givivng it another go. This film shows promiss for the teams involved but it is to be hoped that it will not be remembered as their best work. Cyber Punk is a curse to film, with better direction and management of finances this would have been decent sci-fi.
Proof- Anthony Hopkins plays a mathematical genius with a neurological disorder. Mr Hopkins is one of the top three living members of his profession so do not expect to be disappointed with the rest of the casts performance, Paltrow rocks. Focusing mostly on the conflict created for his carer daughter by those interested in an emerging unknown work. As ever if you create something original everyone wants a stake in it, even if it is only to destroy the possibility of the work being proven to be that of the creator. A poignant and emotionally deep movie that reminds me that a scale formed on prime number semitone intervals needn’t go to infinity and beyond but sure could make a lot of noise. If you can run the numbers on the odds of us making it in Germany for the World cup then you can handle the math of this equation. Proof, it can be tested by negative hypothesis and the truth as ever is out there. Accept no alternative.
(Do the Germans realy dislike wolves and blonde people? It's not their fault they don't like a holiday in the sun is it...)
Final Destination 3- A film where every moment between the ever-lessening impact of each death drags eternal. It pays homage to 1970's video nasty snuff movies, but without intelligent comment.This level of gore used to warnat 18 certificate. I also am worried in general that increased FX reliance in films in general mean that the line between fantasy, in the Lord of the rings sense is blurring with adult only horror imagery. I refused a TV interview for this film because it irritated rather than entertained me. Want to greet me with a camera? Start looking like you're asking the right questions.
Lady Vengance- A korean cult classic in the making. A chalenge on many levels to the standard genre avenging angel flick. The heroine is unredeemable due to the deapths of her crime and only just claws back a little face from killing the guy she killed a child with. Dark, twisted, at times funny, a must see for any noir fans.The families of the victims get to stick the knife in but does it heal the pain? It sure apears to help dosn't it! Debate closed, wack a paedo today.
INDUSTRY NEWS- Sigourney Weaver get's the lifetime Miss Understanding gender confusion award for her Alien Ripley roles. The reason why so many guys went chaseing bull dykes? We want Ripley- preferably fighting Old Cthulhu with Geiger on Creative Direction. Ms Weaver, Infamous for makeing men turn green whenever babies are mentioned.
The estimated budget for the Childrens Crusade if we go Anime is about 20k for the rendering, which is why I'm still uping the skill base. Mid way through the longest road war in the history of British Film the bikes and mini have leapt off the ramp of the Aircraft carrier over a Harrier jumpjet and through a portal into Virtual Albion. Or so the script I sent in 2003 to Hollywood says. Here we meet with the Green Man, Master of the Wylde Hunt. Lemmy gets the role in the intended cast sugestions and as outer head of the american allied Angels Chapter destined to be Airlifted (via Birmingham) on gunships to ZionsGate to fighta their two wheel Crusade against the AmOK AI robotic defences.As the Spanish advance through the Wylde wyrde woods of Cyber Albion towards cammelot the court of Arthur meets in diplmatic banquet. Merlin reflects darkly in his cups whilst Yamotos niece becomes aquainted with visiting Tutonic Knights and an emesary of the Moor. Unbeknown even to the Lady of chalotte the percieved Moorish diplomatic party is in fact a war party in desguise, pledged to take the Abbey of Glastonbury and claim the round table for the papacy. Foolishly the disguised army fire upon the White Hart in the woods. Merlin senses the shift in the patern and meditates on the vision at the bottom of his goblet. The wounded and beloved Lancelot is briefly seen as the Lady in the tower wieves her wyrdeing web. Madonna and Britney raise lances in their motorbike persuit of Babs in the red 'dragon' Mini cooper to try to retrieve the stolen Sygalum De Ameth and decrypt the tatoo of the ZionGate AI acess code. Merlin summons the Wylde in defence of Cammelot and Lemmy leeds the battle against the cunning spaniards. Meanwhile Yamotos niece is kidnaped from within the Castle by the Spaniard disguised as a Moor diplomat and taken to the Alter of Glatonbury to be ravished against her will. The realm awaits the regaining of the one sword by the blonde samurai and the heavy metal backup to save the day with Lisa Marie Presley rideing shotgun as co-pilot of Prince Andrews Super Harrier hell bent on saveing the girl from the Moorish diplomatic assasin. Lemmy hunts with a pair of wild bore, hawk, raven, a very large pack of lupine witches, once more the woods rise up to protect the white Hart and feast upon the hearts of the enemy. If the two for the price of one alternate adult version ever comes off we want Emma Restal Ore to coreograph the wiccan battle sequance as even the Three fates of Mads/Britney/Hilton couldn't do it that authentic.
Clarkson inspired Merchandise for 2012- Not a hint as to our hope of finding funding! We are in business... and on the same note... someone is trying to play the feminists off against the mens movement to see who can kill the most paedos and the women seem to be networking a bit faster. And they still didn't give me a new driver. Live role play... whose the game keeper then? Hiss to Hers... what's that around their neck then? British humour!
Oy Slark... o'er ere!
We heard Kelly is fracked off and seeing as we also heard she was last seen dressed in Two Tone stripes talking down to some american tart she's back on top... almost. (and yes I made the mistake of calling someone else an English Rose so I dont get to play Lickity Split at Ozfest for the upteenth year!) A word of caution, mads-hilton-britney... use the force kelly, we don't want to see egg all over your face! (unless it's Cadburys Peaches n Creme style... how does she eat hers?) As to those sneaky american women... they just want to beat the Brits in the open season score against THE ENEMY so expect the unexpected. Off to America with her, she's a show to do!
No News from The Metro on Islam Cartoons Friday 10. I see!
She who must be obeyed! Now that's a Sushi looking smile... Loved the heels so much that I paned too fast up her ancles and lost the shot... before I knew it I was focusing on her thighs... picture with-held for public decency! God knows who the worshiping Mantis thinks she is. Where's Stan Lee? I was gutted till Kelly had a lil smile. It was cats n dogs out there.
Hiden- The London Metro ranks this film top of charts. TRUST ME- Cutmeownthroat Dibbler of Ankh-morpork couldn't sell htis trash to me. I nearly walked out in boredom but enjoyed fourty winks. I like Baudelaire and Rimbaud and can assure you there is nothing clever about this film. I had ignored the experience and not bothered to review it till I saw todays Metro who were a day behind us on reporting the gay bar machette atacks just up the road from Arkham.
Chicken Little comes in late as the Little Acorn kids movie of the month. A Must see. The rendering and shaders rock let alone the skinning deformers. Dig the mastery over those amaizingly processor intensive hair algorythms! If you prefer to watch films rather than whats going on with the creative team you will still love this movie. The script is great and adults will enjoy this one as much as was the aparent glee of the children in the audiance. Best line (in the basketball scene from Chicken Littles pschobable girlfriend) 'YA we heard about the movie, never mind maybe it will go to video first.' Ya Vole was not amused by later images about holywood being another world or songs pointing out that animation is what the elite do for fun whilst the slaves are serving their share holdings.The great animator in the sky is beaming entertainment to your pleasant village, no doubt a twisted subtext somewhere to the dad who won't believe his son. A GREAT animation never the less.Kids shoulbe be taught Alias Maya by secondary school to give us the skill base that the americans are now looking to exploit in the UK.
Derailed - Jenifer is back on track. A very twisted thriller, the acting isn't plastic and neither are the gangsters in this well writen tale. Enough twists to make the average guy nervous about talking to any woman who he isn't married to. Brutal with a depraved sting to the tale. A must see.
Walk The Line - The Johny Cash story. I could have watched another hour of this but then I learned to walk listening to Elvis. Great cinematography and of course an unbeatable soundtrack. Now as to a Boy Named Sue, they left them back at the rail road.
North Country- Class Action. The true story of a single mothers fight for the right to a pay cheque in the North Minesota mines. Trade Union corruption and negligence leeds to all out war. This is dramaticaly well realised, very well acted and engageing. Women and fathers of girls will love it. No feminazi political correct bull shit just honest in your face kick in the iron nuts from the high heel fight to survive. Strong supporting role from Woody Harrelson who is apearing in the West End right now and is a formidable acting talent above and beyond his years spent the other side of the bar in the US TV series Cheers.
ZATHURA- kids up to age 12? Better still two kids that fight all the time? Take them to see this Jumanji sequal. In many ways a very diferant movie to the first but it will scare them into never fighting over boardgames again. Good wholesome fun- and now on general release. Premiss... what if your house was floating through space whilst your divorced dads supposed to be takeing care of you for the weekend... or more to the point when you come home do the kids leave it looking like the the front rooms been hit by meteor showers. The special FX guys enjoyed makeing this one and I enjoyed working out what methods they used... YES in theory I can do this stuff, particle physics and all. Although the rendering of the lighting on the solar flares is off side with my render capabilitites big time! On which note I am now moveing into another dimension on my learning curve so don't expect too much till I've done another year or so on the FX front. Not as much for adults in this film but the youngest childrens acting is superb, and I mean sickeningly.
Munich-
The one to watch. Spielberg shows his economic allies in a good light. At a time when newly elected goverment could offer peace in Palestine despite the repeat xenophobia towards Iran and a trend towards media pre-dictated support of expansionism caution is urged for the viewer. I was somewhat disturbed by the support of one side of a conflict that dates back generations over another, the concludeing scenes and dialouge firmly offer political propaganda. This is a well concieved movie worthy of the Spielberg stable. My only concern is that todays teenagers and twenty somethings may miss the fact that current events mirror the cicle of amplified conflict that has occured every ten years in living memmory. I am on the side of peace, which means a free palestine. MANY believe the Tora and Koran support death sentances for those who molest children. This is the kind of common ground we should be building on rather than getting kids caught in the fireing zone. The real story of Munich 72? Rockets fired on civilian targets by Israel killing many muslims in Palestine was the real story as an imediate response to the Olympic terrorism. MOSAD are presented as the enemy in the film, yet MOSAD are in the real world the protectors of the Arab states. The power of hollywood to create a history sympathetic to contempory military objectives. 35 years and history becomes nonsense in the face of politcal agenda... 35 years isn't a very long time yet the power seems to think it can present any reality it desires.
Fun with Dick and Jane-
I am not a fan of Jim Carrey apart from his Mask and Batman apearances. This however is funny as hell and blows the american dream out of the water very clearly indeed. It's been out a while but well worthy of a visit.
Frozen-
Lancashire hotpot gives the vicar a hard time in this disturbing emotional exploration of loss. Ultimately as realistic a portrayal of why Blackburn had as many holes in the heart as the Beatles sang about. This film will leave you shaken with it's bleak portrayal of grief and hope. As with real life those who show concern are those who ulimately have a hidden agenda, to drown hope and memmory with the same facile analasys and stagnant avoidance of truth. Disturbing. More strong British film making!
Rumor Has It-
Pazadena is taken over by mutants effected by a virulant strain of botox. Is it me or does LA now have a standard measurement for laughter lines? Jeniffer Aniston excels at blandness and realy dosn't look that much younger than Kevin Costner. This may prove that botox transmits between hosts almost by Osmosis and that carryers are atracted to those who have had theirs toped up most recently. The whole LA gossip story tie in with the graduate has less depth than back cleavage. I'd rather watch Kelly Osborne sing her new song than watch snotty middle classed yanks look down their infantile nose jobs.This film is a kick in the dogs watsits and reminds me that some mariages are made in heaven, which is why heaven can wait.If they have an afair kill them, that is true love, not this sad apologyfor baseing marriage on earning potential.
A Bitter Sweet Life- Korean meditation on death. Cannes nominated for it's noir
artistry. Does the wind move the branches of the tree or the tree move to
acomodate the wind. This film has some subtle momments like the reflection of
the branches of the tree on the car windscreen when the main charecter is sent
to play PI on the bosses young love. Some of the fight sequences are truely
brutal but also have a certain element of dark humour. The pace is a slow build
up to the fnale bloodfest. Think Sonni Chiba does Resevoir Dogs. I enjoyed it
but then I find subtitled movies tend to draw me in more as they force an element
of concentration on the dialouge. White walled polished floor coridoors and some
suberb use of lighting only add to the nihilistic realisation that if you live
the dream then you better make sure every bullet counts.
Get Ritch , Die Trying- a running advert on the career development path of Crack
Cocaine. There are momments when the ganster paradise myth is shattered by a
little reality or social commentary such as a group of kids with plackards
marching down the street for 'stop the drug war' chanting 'stop the crack'. But
the girl sticks by her man and they kill enough people to make it 'big' and
drain enough life force from the rest of the community to bring out the crack
tracks for the album, rap or the same old crap? Kids believe this shit, like the
bullet will misss and the needle won't stay in their arm till they die young.
Worse still, as action goes, it's entertaining and the soundtrack is serious.
Everybody dosn't win the game, most die so let's keep it real for the sake of
the next generation of poor kids who think drugs are the route to the big wedge.
When the girl tells her man his son will have no one to look upto because he's
sad you know the film should have ended there or with a bullet through his head.
This film is not Rightouse, just big money selling the lie of hollywood coke
barrons, so you really want to live and die standing on street corners hustleing
to pay the rent between jail terms? Cocaine, it's the real thing.

Underworld Evolution- The Film for the Week. It's crass, it's OTT, it's non-
stop undead action from a latex rapt femme fatal with ambidextertity for that
essential either hand tug at the main vein. The violence is non-stop, the
monstrous strugle between rival factions of Vampires and Lycanthropes offers
more than enough to get your teeth into, includeing death by helicopter rotary
blades and the esential 'howling' and 'Dracula: Love Never dies' sex scenes. Did
I mention that the lara croft style bitch of the devil is abidextrous? Oh and
she only takes off her figure huging latex to get it on with a malevolent sex
starved were-wolf. Ambidexterity and latex, what more could you ask for over the
weekend?
THE TRUTH-
Murder in an 'encounter' group commune. Not an unlikely state of afairs in this dark satire of Findhorn. More reason why Hippies should be draged Woodstock style across open fields. If you like NewAge political correct fascist methods of forceing conformity to an untenable body politic this film is ABOUT you! I found this all quite funny. It's not laugh a minute but if the plausability of some sad guitarist singing 'Silence is the violence that you do to me' isn't enough to make you throw a fist at the peace n luv passive agressives I don't know what will. How come these dorks are always simering piles of disatisfied rage when you cut through their 'anger' is putting 'negative' energy into the universe crap. (ANGER IS AN ENERGY- thus spake Saint Sid!) Visiting what in effect is an institution for the mentally chalenged to look down the nightdresses of the physically disabeled is of course right up Scotts street, not the most endeering of charecters but then nobody in the film is likeable. The disabled girl who ends up at the commune by accident is a contender for likeable at first except that by the conclusion she comes away feeling that the madness has helped her in some way. I used to work with physically challenged people and met with 'Conductive Education', some new age rubish with no scientific base that claims to heal anybody in the name of Gog. Dawkins would probably put it down to genetic variation but if there is a new age gulability gene I reckon we should shoot them all and engineer it out of the human race for future generations. Fools logic reins supreme, but it's worth a look if you fancy a quick grope with the girlfriend between gags. The 7 Step programme at the encounter group made me giggle as in The US they did a deprogramming program with 7 steps for 'fund de mentalist anonymous', a group for those effcted by Wacko style cults that had to remove 5 of the Alcoholics Anonymous steps as Cult like (a sociological study into the effects of AA concluded it was not a cult in so much as members could alegedly leave and had no financial commitmnts to the group... not the entire truth but the yanks turned a blind eye cos it got so many people back to work who were on the pop!). FA was CIA linked and I did once write to them with a very in deapth critique regarding Cult denial of child abuse in AA UK (you know like group sexpoitation and pass her round for the next perv on 14 year old girl problem drinkers) ... because it realy is like that for the most part. If you want to find yourself look in a mirror cos fluffy bunny kins is at the bottom of the lake!
Jarhead. 16 years later we are still in the desert... that is the conclusion of this limp wrist attempt at comment upon the Iraq conflict. The only action in this movie is friendly fire and a brief video of one of the good ole boys wife screwibng the next door neighbour sent by her to Iraq to dis him for sleeping around. This film is a bleak portrayal of women who don’t stand by their man and an anti-war presntation of young men forced to sign wavers for takeing experimental drugs to face an enemy that they never get to fire a bullet at. Frustrateing realism to some. The term Jarhead implies that US marines are no brainers and when they get home the women have all treated them like they were fireing blanks to begin with. Not a return to Full Metal Jacket, the best part of the movie is when we get to watch the Ride of The Valkeries Gunships scene with the recruits from the greatest Movie ever to have faught a war, Apocalypse Now.
Breakfast on Pluto, a regular tale of Irish folk. It has a great soundtrack and it’s humourous momments. Finally the evidence we need to prove the IRA should have stayed at home and dressed up in moms frock to get attention. Personally I could of seen more bashing the Irish, but then apart from guiness I’ve never seen anything leave the country worth writeing home about. Confession through a peep show window is as we all already know where half of Kilburn ended up when they got off the paddy wagon. Sadly this movie doesn’t glam itup as well as the truly Ann Archi sound track promisses. Rememeber, we’re the Wombles! The provisionals are all Faggots.
13 Tzameti Cult Noire at cinemas now... or soon to become cult, so dark I bet you won't like it- untill the light comes on!
BrokeBack Mountain is billed as a 15 yet contains overt homosexual acts- sign of the times? I don't like watching fudge packing of women let alone men. It's a love story if your gay and quite stimulateing of the anger nerve if your a straight guy who doesn't like to see women and children messed around emotionaly. It is well concieved and speaks to more than one audience, I did nearly walk out in the first half hour but was pleasently challenged by the later story developments. The cimematography is very nice. The 'cowboy' icon was first nocked on it's knees by Bill Burroughs with 'The Place of Dead Roads', this film is somewhat less sordid than his attempts to kill everyones view of Home of the brave... no American Indian Bondage scenes... which from my slightly sadistic humour would have proved a battle of little big horn to remember! Cowboys, it's bare back rideing but is it suitable for 15 year olds!
RIZE? Referances to Wolfchilde electric blue in credit? Comment on Hugz Not Drugz... Niggas on the Triggas implying we cut a respect deal? Who do they think they are, they can hardly put a decade of clean time between them!
Breakfast On Pluto? I'm with Mickey Mouse! Big RESPECT to Titto for carrying the message to the Rio Shaman (is that how you spell Apocalypstick?) . Any speculation over a British comedy team with two ex-prop designers larking about as drunks with a couple of tarts up stairs?
WOLFCHILDE AT THE MOVIES PREMIER PHOTO COVER RETURNS SPRING due to lighting conditions.
As we've got an in on the Movies now we will be revueing whats at the cinema untill we're back in the field with the camera- WOLFCHILDE REVIEWS:
New WOODY ALLEN movie SUCKS BIGTIME despite the Fred Perry party BBC backing! I'd rather see Jimmy Carr smelling up a Gypsy Woman to prove he's not just sticking his nose up... but then knowing his attitude about the Childrens Crusade I'm all for seeing him brown noseing on live TV. Woodys script so Dialouge Heavy that it could use some wood worm to lighten up an uninspireing snob squad love triangle. It has some realist artistic interest in the use of cammera work and scene location if you've a few platinum credit cards dealt your way you could have this much excitement shoping in London too.. it manages to include The Woman in White (Superb 3D rendered STAGE SET makes up for webbers apparent boredom at self humour over his mariage. Stick 'em on the right track and Under the Train!) but the hidden shallows of Woodys oh so deep subtextual twists and comment on social class in relation to what you can get away with just had me throwing my ring at the waste of film roll. And I'm sorry but despite the Royal Court plug and nice ass in the tall grass the acting is from my viewpoint very poor in places if excellent in others. That I blame Allen for, the cast can act. The referance from the mother to the actress daughter was the only humour in the piece, at some point you've got to ask yourself is acting raly for you? Respect on that delivry. The Big Result for the movie, Babs' Mini turns up with a convoy outside the Royal Court (but they look stuck in trafic still, must be the production cost..) Blame it all on Woody! Either Allen can't direct (which is open to debate based on his patchy track record) or someone needed to use the horse whip and peacock feather slap and tickle aproach on some of those filly. The little man takes the rap for the total inssanity of the 'mastery' and we don't ven get to see the face of the fall guy. Looks a bit like Woody Allan doing deals with the snob squad to make sure that it's the way it is and it is the way it stays. Le Cost of Livin. The most memorable part of the movie was the preceeding Orange film advert with Swayze... man that guy inspires me to write dialouge! Even when the projectionist is messing around with his reel to reals!
THE PRODUCERS IS GREAT!
Um, Er Firm On really does get us all standing to attention in the Mel Brooks adaptation of The Producers which is more Ya Vole than even we can deliver and almost as Berlin to the nine as Cabaret ever was. Warning, it's gayer than a couple of cowboys stripping a back room in Northhampton but no doubt Mr Branson is willing to rise to the ocassion and up your post crimebo credit to go see the stage version. Meanwhile 'Just Like Heaven' proves Reese Witherspoon a rare Jem in Romantic Comedy with what can only be described as a film backed by a very good script, a ghost film to rival Always. It's a Movie to get laid to, the tru luvy bit will get them holding your hand, so play your cards right... although as Bruce Forsight no doubt would be first to admit, the yanks are not all that compared to 'Mrs Henderson Presents' it's certainly not as killing joke as 'Keeping Mum', so keep British Cinema Comedy on top. If you are keenly anticipateing the return of 'Wolfchilde At The Movies' do not speculate about the Miss Understanding in 'Keeping Mum' or why John Cleese get's so long to pitch his movies with the Orange film boys, 2003 was a good year for comic songs according to the rear of shot referance of the ad. The Childdrens Crusade 2 for 1 deal hit state side round about the same time as Mr Cleeses pitch for remembrance. NO two fingers to the Nazis but then we've been doing very well on that front since sending them the way of the dinosaur in 1945! I've checked King Kong out again and Peter Jackson is just some big kid with a bigger computer than mine, but the poster referance to 'Peaches and Creme' still keeps me going back for more, ATI are going to boost my render output sometime mid-year once I've stollen the funding so it's not over till the fat lady sings. Miss Understood is of course beneath (miss) Understanding who of course is a top bull Ann Archi to rival Jo Brand who is in no way bound to gag for Sing Sing for a spot of Musical Dyke Prison satire this year. It's not British, but it is the quintisential interpritation of the term ape shit so we'll keep the comment real...
KONG is massive! Saw it thrice, You Can't Go Wrong With Kong. (besides there's a short Burlesque poster referance in the Soho style Scene to 'Peaches And Creme' and a Femme Fatal Alias squid oil charecter of mine! Like be real... as if the Childrens Crusade turns up all over the place cos anyone thought it was worthy of consideration... Jack Dee get's more of a free ride from my Jack the Stripper combined with the Virgin ad campaign...) Do check out 'The Windmill' in Mrs Henderson Presents on at good Cinemas with Will Young no less... it's the Monkeys Bananas and don't rule out Narnia if the kids are less than 9.
Summoned to cross the Abyss the ever humble Babe and American Rose... here seen having walked directly to the directors call. How's That! And if she snubed the crowd how come it was just the gutter press who were left without a smile? The secret of the occult secretness... Artistic Integrity = Use The Force...
According to the gutter press she just walked on by... whose laughing now then! And yes the TV journalists to the rear were zapping lazers at my cammera lens as Her Ladyship aproached so I was lucky to get this one out without red dots obscureing the scene. If it happens again I'll use counter measures dureing their TV interviews, fire photon torpaedo if you get my drift! Reminds me of MadStock and BloodStock combined... whose got wood then!
Anthony from East Enders is off to America on a mission from Babs... his Brother looks Serious with a gun... you heard it here first... REVOLVER... so good Mads turned up just to bow toward her foot following strange Kabalistic uterances from the great unwashed...
Sting nearly drops a brick as he spots me in the crowd- he who was in on the Newcastle beeb spin with the Big Yin around the time of the Dom Jolly crab meat cover up, offender in the stocks from the near death Findhorn threats against Victims of child molestation that lead to an attempted Murder on Me orchestrated by the feminist 'many voices' Newsnight Team presenter, who tried to create the story with a homo paedo pretending he's a survivor and supporter of victims rights, that I had been killed by paedophiles... Nice little earner...? I ended up on life support but it was the Newcastle plot with the transport Union and Catholics involved that put me there... you'd think the mens movement would be more creative in their Backlash... and yep SIA 'healing is difficult' album came out that week. Sausages to the lot of them- Dadies Sauce anyone? Not just a face in the crowd Sting... we all know about the teen sub/dom grooming for gang banging by your little lot. I've interviewed some of those targeted. Which is all very naughty... Sting from Brimstone to... well at least the ones I met were all of age by the time you all picked them up so I guess that's show bizz.
Where's Leon when you need him? The look on the face of the borgious... 120 days of Sodom? An introduction that reminds me of Nabokov too.
And a lil something for the American Fans... whose having a baby then... we got it on VT and Audio too... where'd they stick the gun?
You only have to ask nicely Gal, we brits are quite useful at getting you alls in practice on the makeing baby front!
The second choice for Merlin does a screen test for the Childrens Crusade... my inner child digs it... sadly these people are exhibitionists and needed my atention...
Mind you he could pass for a wizard I guess... clever trick, spot where they hid the Umpa Lumpas, nice pair. Asking the wrong questions?What a load for ole Willy Wonkers... spot whose talking to the boss then! And yep we're pitching for 90% on location in the UK so whose looking a right Charlie now then? And if we can't get the production costs one way we will get it another. To refute alegations of prejudice, there are at least two gay men in this shoot. Tara, despite end to end wit isn't one of them. And no, despite the cradle snatching views of someone present for the UK Premiere who I refuse to promote, the one who hasn't yet to come of age cannot be one of them! Why do gay men get to walk with the best looking gals? The yanks reckon it's all a bit too sureal but then again they always are slow on the uptake. Charlie, it's certainly big but is it clever?
Dreams come true for Maid to Measure Jo Public... almost as famous as, well nearly as famous as everyone else at the premier... except the one that got away... which shoes fit Kelly? And from what I hear, whose been seen 'In Her Shoes'? Guess I'm not earning enough to go for an Ice Cream with Kelly then... hold on i've an idea for a new reality show, call it the ex-factor and mom chooses the dates...
The film done good... it tickled my toes! I needed encouragement from a couple of slappers but the Oxford Street window dressers, ahem, swung it... and yes Sharon Osbourne is odds on favourite to foot for the therapy over the Kelly goody two shoes issue! What happens if you cross Medal with Franks day Off add a little Vangelis and pray to William Gibson for guidance... this and many other questions raised by an ole lady who lives in a shoe are best asked of Elton who alegedly prefers platform shoes with his sausages...
Onto a safe bet with Wallace and Gromit... is that nice Fairy god mother dressing mPeter can atest to the fact that voice overs for Animation is hell on earth... Just like trying to work out whose Shoes Kelly Osbourne is going to be filling from the selection of booties far below... the Kinky Boots Premier photos somewhere below... and yep I'm still sore about miss- sing in action... it's from the team that gave you Callender Girls so I'll see it on Video... and no I didn't include a decent shot of the dame in an american flag corsett although 'she' is showing two fingers to the camera
en upAnd yes she hit the fella that hard that her hand is in need of Shamanic healing. Revolver apears below Kellys feet as let's face it the new contest is to find a Lady who can shoot me a more alureing smile than the two of my leading Ladies. Mind you if you read the Metro Kate Moss' sugar Daddy is working rent boys... last time I walked the dilly a paedo got the needle... when I were a lad...
 as FraGOAL - It's English Soccer, British Film and a good one for the kids that believe anyone can make it...
nkfurters?Anna Friel and the new star Kino Becker as the working class hero who fights it to the top... hoorah... we'll all be believing in santa next. Spot the ball and a cut n paste the best shoes to fit Kelly Osbourne below game... there's a miss understanding going on somewhere on site this week. They think it's all over.... but wait, they shoot...
I think the Welsh should be alowed to devolve before they cause any more embaresment... Danceing instructor? Bring on Lord Suggs... Fantastic Four - Fun For All the Family, great SFX and the actors are all clean living and not on drugs (I checked them out)... Although the Thing is a bit 'sensitive', aah... what's under that frock..? Nice bodice Kelly... next time get us a ticket girl... A Date With Hell? Sharpening my silver claws... Clobber On Time!
Childrens Crusade goes Anami for Story Board.
Think Lucy Lu (steady on SoHo) with Britney on Gaia 2- Mars artificial environs. Sneek preview of the action during an arthurian VR sequence. Here Lucy, evil genius Yamotos Niece, gets aquainted with the witches of the Wylde Hunt. In order to fund her VR Heaven Yamoto remains on the cursed Earth where the AmoK Babalon AI incites war useing media overdubbing of news broadcasts to Earths Population in the hope of destroying the system cancer of Mankind. The AI attempts to prevent further wastes of System resources on life support through inciteing the social anti-body algorythm of War. In the film the americans are (alegedly) trying to stop war between India and Pakistan to prevent another nuclear incident like that leading to the creation of the techno-polis of New Jerusalem in the blighted middle east. Lucy is fortunate that her Guardian meets the bill for her life support on Gaia 2, or is she...? He is working for a higher power that speaks to him through inner ear implants.... inspired... or driven to psychopathy by automatons...
All is not well in Camelot where lucy attends a feast with Arthur... The lady of challotte (Liza Minelli) looks back reflecting on missed opertunities and a few missed stitches in the history she weaves, her Lancelot rides to meet with the invading army of the Moore... Merlin darkly meditates in his cups as the spanish mount a new initiative to undermine the influence of the Kingdom in Europe. As the Moore diplomats advance, the spanish attempt an assassination within Glastonbury Abbey. Who is the white robed druid walking the rainbow bridge into the catacombs of the Wyrm and why the hell are the Angels persuing Madonna on her triumph through arthurian Britain... ? Think Lemmy as the Wilde Huntsman with a pack of lupine Wiccans, 3 war pigs and Sacrifice for the attitude... orgy of blood through Merlins summons... The Wyrd word weave versus the spanish armada... With Tripple H on a Hog bringing up the rear... (sorry Ozzy the Sangrael Scenes yours though)... To the lances!!!
Beyond the comfort zone...
Yamotos' Niece penetrates the first portal of Gaia 2 only to find her self net running towards fade to black... persued by what foul control mechanism of the AmOK AI we have yet to see... thrust into an unknown dimension within her VIrtual heaven, abandon all hope all who enter here... Hold onto your hats I've almost got the tangential geometry under control... now where's those Hogs?
Thanks to Metro for keeping the hawk flying!
Miss Understood unbound and gaged .... final cumin sooon! Lil wonder!