I self harmed, in the form of shallow cuts with a razor from age 14-18. I started to address the issue when I first abstained from alcohol aged 18. Adults in my family and the school were aware of the wounds all over my arms. They did nothing and just shamed me saying it was ‘attention seeking’. I entered Minnesota model addiction counselling aged 19-22. 12 step counselling services - ‘it’s self pity. You’re seeking attention. Pray for it to be removed….’ That wasn’t a lot of help. I’ve not thought on it for thirty years but the services stank. Indoctrinating self abusive ideology over self compassion. The counsellors had their own history of abusing others. They’d found a new way to do it to others. Platitudes like ‘Stinking thinking…’, they stank alright. Why do I share about the ideological abuse I experienced? Firstly to resist the hang over from the dogma. An attempt at resolution. Due to residual Shame tape memory I am still fed some of the same old bullshit in toxic thinking. I have to reassert reality rather than submit to trance suggestions. It’s part of my experience. I have sadness and anger about how i was ‘treated’ in youth. Wasted my formative years. There has been a long shadow from it in consequences. I don't want to give an inch to those who want me disempowered. Freedom requires maintenance, the shackles of mind through indoctrination need to be exposed to the light of truth. Liberty is an ongoing project. Complacency is not an option with the shadow of rigid religious thought. I exercise my freedom. I have memory of the psychological abuse.  12 step counselling merely tried to address the behaviour, with limited success but they chose to suppress my abuse memory from childhood through the denial mechanism of ‘letting go’. They had issues with their identification with my abusers and ideological support of venerating sanctity of family ties over my voice as victim. That is part of a general cultural denial of abuse. Childhood sexual abuse went up during covid lockdown, guess what, the perpetrators don’t look like the soham killer. When self harming as a teen it was directly related to memory of child abuse triggered with my emergent puberty. Shame about bisexuality from being a victim made me feel guilty about sexual feelings, equating them with the abuse I experienced in childhood. This was made worse through sexual abuse and exploitation in my teens. 12 step did not address the abuse nor bisexual feelings. The later they denied outright telling me I had to ‘choose’ and that bisexuality was not ‘gods will’. They even told me to ‘pray away’ ‘compulsion’ to visit soho. Natural curiosity. After about two years abstaining from self harm I had a major relapse through failure to address abuse memories and core feelings leading 12 step to directly cause a suicide attempt, through self harm. In the exit strategy from cult thinking I self harmed twice more aged 22 as 12 step tried to reinforce indoctrination through further intense ‘treatment’. I left for talking therapy that was not part of the dogma and indoctrination. I have not prayed nor worked a single ‘step’ since. I broke with the movement and only attended meetings again to confront their bullshit. I never self harmed again. A moot point is that mental health services have claimed tattoo art is self harm. That is a toxic ideology. It is art. I had been abstinent from self harm through cutting near 20 years when I had my first tattoo. Some mental health professionals have a religious dislike of tattoos. Some fundamentalists outlaw tattoo work. It’s ‘their stuff’. I did not use psychiatry to address self harm. I looked for counselling and initially found the wrong kind. I have since used humanist, client centred and existential models to talk through core feeling over the core issues as a victim of child abuse. As a teen self harming I was aware of safety and used sterilised equipment. The survivors feminist movement suggested pinging an elastic band worn on the wrist to cause pain when I get abuse memory. I laughed at the idea. I do recall briefly using a red pen to draw virtual cuts on my arms during behavioural change as a late teen. Self harm is ‘a cry for help’ in the form of talking counselling or therapy. I have no faith in psychiatry or in several therapeutic models, that misinterpret abuse memory as other than as it presents. I don’t think about self harm anymore. As with addiction I addressed core issues in youth and have no compulsion due to self therapy. Shaming or labelling as ‘crazy’ does not help the sufferer. Crazy makers and pushers of buttons can go to hell. I do not believe in the ideology of 'trigger warnings', that is censorship. My views on psychiatry are near identical to RD Laing, authoritarian controls.

Ever taken UK Government to internatrional court? I did on civil rights abuses towards victims of childhood sexual abuse and the rights of former victims and children to safety. Guess what? The government didn't thank me for it. I still maintane that the civil mechanisms dealing with child abuse treat the victim unfairly, often with life time consequences beyond the actual trauma. It was a labour government, and I used the right of interim (whereby I could not be arrested in the UK without EU being notified to intervene) for several public order happenings to promote Sarahs law, public list pedophiles. I attempted to use EU law to force public listing of sex offenders onto the political agenda in the UK. The case timed out inconclusive after 2 years fighting. The government created a backlash to try to bury me. That is the true story. I was not accused of any criminality when I went to EU court. I was at the peek of my career, I was 17 years abstinance recoveryt, I commited all my resources to the case 2005-7.

I am wondering what the peeking duck thinks of free the weed at Easter? I know he likes to talk to his plants. Have they weed in the royal throne room? Royal protection like to take the pee and are always on the look out. Obviously herbs are evil and should be stamped out like the disease they are. After all we don’t want young peoples money going up in smoke… I expect Jesus liked a toke. For an Easter treat Roll away the stoned. Stinking thinking? That’ll be the skunk. Still, a bad smell when Handy Andy leaves the royal carzy. Perhaps he’s an addict! What with all the royal Easter bunny girls. They all like grassing. Just don’t accuse Charlie of getting his green fingers dirty. Obviously with legalisation in the USA, head shops are in profit. Perhaps puritan fundamentalists would accuse them of being false prophets. Three Hail Mary for every skin used to roll up christs holy smokes. Repent? A butterfly on a wheel. Watch out, the government has placed ‘keep off the grass’ signs in national trust gardens. Form a royal Kew… for the toilets. Will Smith has proven the Academy are all big girls blouses. Bitch slapping Chris rock for dissing the Mrs strikes me as a good husbands duty. A ten year ban for the fresh Prince from the Oscar’s for putting white trash in the bin? Drop the rock. Charlie says… You can tell Big Willy, Harry says people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones! …where ever he lays his hat is his home. Don’t take the mick. Sympathy for the devil. Forgive. Saving R Souls, grassy arse. After all it is Easter.

All kinds of ill behaviour is excused in the name of ‘addiction’. Many so called sufferers use private medical cover to opt for ‘treatment’ to avoid criminal charges. I have already explained the ‘disease of addiction’ is a construct, thought virus or meme. It cannot be taken as literally true. A small percentage of compulsive disorders are partially treated by the workable hypothesis. This means treating it as a disease sometimes works in some cases, at least with a limited result. It does not follow that it is scientifically true. The BMA British journal of addiction clearly states in multiple articles that the ‘disease’ does not exist in any literal sense. Addiction is a behaviour. The solution proposed by the ‘disease model’ is always faith in god, defects of character/sin, continued ‘moral’ inventory and amends for being naughty. ‘Sex addiction’ claims neurological craving the same as drugs. Pseudo science, in the same way the church paid for misleading studies to claim prayer assists illness. In reality false statistics by fundamentalist groups. It is proven prayer has no effect on anything in the real world. Even the placebo effect of intercessionary prayer has been shown to increase anxiety surrounding illness with negative effects. Famous ‘sex addicts’ are in many cases plants or have rich wives emotionally blackmailing them. It is no accident many 12 step success stories are in the acting profession or entertainment industry. I have met some of these, often chronic relapsers or never addicted in the first place. There are of course sex offenders, but groups networking them with other offenders, mentoring each other to get down on their knees when naughty, are clearly absurd. To popularise memes, investors in treatment centres with faith bias will recruit famous people to promote their business. Some will be deluded by the rhetoric and treatment indoctrination, others on the payroll. Human sexuality is broad and diverse in expression. Self professed ‘sex addicts’ need be viewed with suspicion. Naughty sinners, get down on your knees and kiss your sponsors arse. Sound like bullshit to anyone? ‘God saves’… it must be stated I have never been treated for any sexual disorder ever. I have had extensive psychological help with trauma. I am psychologically literate through experience of various models. I was once treated for ‘drug’ ‘addiction’ with manipulation by my abusive family in my youth. The treatment facility, directly linked to AA U.K. service office taught me absolutely nothing I needed to know to stay sober. Nothing. ‘Let go. Forgive. ‘ , smoking spliff is a ‘disease’. All misinformation. It should also be noted faith based sex offender programs from the USA all demand that offenders are publicly listed for their offences. I have interviewed various 12 step orientated counsellors and many express homophobic views in private. Of course they don’t tell everyone these views. Perhaps there’s a chip on my shoulder? It should be no surprise that one 12 step group is known to it’s members as ‘The Augustinians’, teaching chastity through marriage to offenders.

I thought it might be wise at 33 years into my recovery to dispel some myths about addiction and that recovery. The British journal of addiction, in articles apologetic of the ‘disease model’, concede that it is only a workable hypothesis. In fact ‘addiction’ is a construct of their model disseminating false information about obsessive compulsive disorders that ultimately requires faith in their disinfo. Faith is the operative word since these models are designed to promote a religious mentality. Treatment centres go to great length to indoctrinate false beliefs in ‘defects’ of character, read as sin, and a ‘spiritual’ aka religious solution to the human condition. Just about anybody in their lifetime could at some point become labelled with the construct of the ‘disease’ of addiction.
As a teen I had a serious alcohol problem that came upon me when i was detoxed from dangerous, dependency forming, depressants prescribed as a child for serious trauma. The NHS provided me a gateway drug to dependency on alcohol. I had medical treatment aged 18 to detox, complicated by the minor use of psychedelics that temporarily went to my head. The Freemasons and 12 step community social engineered my ‘rock bottom’ to promote a religious solution. For three years of my initial recovery i was indoctrinated by Minnesota model counselling and regular attendance of 12 step groups. Cult reprogramming specialists note that all religious cults have mechanisms of ego deflation, selfless service to the movement and promote group dependency claiming their way is the final solution. 12 step is no different to the moonies in this, they are just better established. My recovery has been 30 years of total abstinence and 3 years (over 20 years ago) of controlled social drinking with therapeutic guidance. The 12 step mentality did not serve me well. I sat on a UK service committee. The steps are all unnecessary, and i believe, deliberately designed to set up relapse and catastrophisation of the same. This creates a revolving door of shame faced relapses coming back for further treatment. It’s a con.
I broke with 12 step aged 21/22 thoroughly disillusioned by the almost total lack of practical support by the groups. They sing from the same hymn sheet promoting largely delusional ideology based on faith in the ‘disease model’. We have no power, there is one with all power, that one is god, may you find him now… or words to that effect. Curiously it was the church that assisted in getting me out of 12 step, curiously as i have been atheist since my early 20’s. At the time I was ‘in service’ to 12 step my head was firmly up my arse and all my exercising of agency to change my life was put down to god. A god that does not exist. Nor if a god could exist would it follow that they wanted me on my knees begging to not drink.
The culture of 12 step recovery, is ironically, based on the denial of a spiritual bypass. The mind set is implicitly avoidant. They will claim the opposite but when i worked a full 12 step programme i was separated in mentality from my authentic self and denial of the trauma i experienced in childhood. The focus of 12 step treatments has shifted slightly over the years with growing emphasis on claimed process addictions like sex and technology. Clearly pseudo science promoting a religious ideology. Pathologisation of all normal human behaviour. My addiction to alcohol was a behaviour that i had the power to change. There is in my opinion no grounds to assume ‘sex addiction’ really exists. Patrick Carnes, father of sex addiction treatment was a priest working with sex offending clergy. Hardly a model to guilt trip horny teenagers with. Sex ‘addiction’ included from inception any act of homosexuality or thought thereof. Step Nazi ideology. Addiction is always a behaviour rather than a state of being. I successfully gave up alcohol and drugs as a teen. I had the power to change based on existential agency and will power. I am dependent on no one, no group, no higher power, in maintenance of my primary mature ego state of sobriety. I do not need a priest to teach me how to wank!
Over the years, christian groups, Freemasons and 12 step clinicians have repeatedly tried to violate my civil rights to try to ‘intervene’ and make me believe their lies through force. At times invoking the law. Purely because i do not believe in god. All these attempts did was undermine my well being. I am disabled by trauma so these looney try to frame my deficit as ‘unmanageability’ requiring 12 step. Although i have worked for employers i have never been required to do so. My trauma, not ‘addiction’ is the core cause of deficit. Disability means i will not be going to work tomorrow or any other day. I run my own business, working within the limitations of my disability without resigning to it.
A key issue with 12 step is that they require the member to forgive. I will never forgive my abusers and it would be inauthentic if i did. Again, religion, over existential truth and historicity. 12 step creates a divide in the self, claiming stinking thinking, a conflict of mind. There is none. The program creates conflict and leads to relapse through promoting ‘powerlessness’ and lack of agency.
I was once addicted, it was a behaviour, i overcame it through patient repetition of will power. The founders of AA were all religious fundamentalists. Contemporary 12 step clinicians have claimed I am psychotic based purely on the fact I do not believe in god. Thankfully i have nothing in common with them. It is with established emotional resilience that I remain sober on self will alone.

Those interested in the pseudo science behind religious fundamentalism are referred to work of Michael Shermer , Daniel Dennet and with a little concern for his Buddhist sympathy, Sam Harris. On the philosophical front Nietzsche ‘god is dead’, Sartre, Camus ‘religious faith is philosophical suicide’ and more popular work by The late great Christopher Hitchens ‘god is not great’, Richard Dawkins ‘the god delusion’ , teaching faith ‘is child abuse’ and podcasts by Stephen Fry. It should be noted in criticism there is a tendency towards elitist academia and politics of a libertarian skew within the ‘new atheist movement’. There are of course diverse opinions on other matters and contradiction of each other’s arguments in what looks like a symposium. However on religious faith as a subject matter there need be no caveat beyond the fact that there is an all too polite political correctness from many of the speakers. Susan Blackmore and Ayaan Hersi Ali help to balance the debates.

Doris said he’s more worried about keeping the ports open than taking responsibility for events closer to home. What shades of gray report? I’m here, I’m kier, retorted only ruby red should be up at number ten. The SNP scored points by standing fast. And narrowly avoided becoming the wee beastie the speaker almost tossed away. More Glenn Close than Glenfidick but a laudable stance from the Scots. Doris is a tough act to follow but Wavey Davey gave him a dressing down for dressing up the facts. Miss Dick will be sending the dogs in to sniff out any soiled knickers to prove social distancing was not adhered to. With Rasputin playing army dreamers on the Ukraine borders What is the public thinking? Honourable Sir? It’s all pants! Doris is on the skids and there’s more than a stain on his reputation. He threw a fist at Jimmy Saville. Frankly I’m more interested in public listing sex offenders. Doris may be pretty vacant but I’m all for Priti putting the thumb screws on. We’ll never forget COVID, Toms thumbs up to the crown. Roll on the Jubilee. A story of Whatever happened to Toyah Wilcox and the tanks? Number 10 parties? The door is a whore and it’s open wide. The PM is going to fight for the right to party . The Greens George Lucas said they are all for weeding out bad apples. Where are The Shaman when you need them? No doubt it’s all goode for selling papers. I was all for Charlie says...Miss Dicks truncheon at the ready.

Miss Dick has gone all in for 50 shades of Gray and is showing a fist to Doris in the hopes she can get the cuffs on and then carries draws off in the back of a van. She keeps her trusty truncheon well polished and at the ready in her handbag in hope of some real action and is on the look out for Charlie . Coke bugs at number ten? Since leisure suit Larry has fled the country, Meg and Mog have decided to start a media company in stark contrast with allegations the press always has it in for them. What’s the end of the world news? After all, Epstein was found hanging around in a cell block for kiddy fiddling , now it could be the toilet for Handy Andy. Prince Charles has been waiting on the throne so long that he looks a bit constipated. The mens movement could give him a hand with a royal enema before the inevitable royal flush. I flushed the mens movement down the loo this morning but had a floating voter to deal with so had to flush twice. The liberals have refused to deliver on the peeking duck this week, even when Doris ordered extra Chow Main. Wavey Davey says he prefers haggis on the menu to the egg fu young . Carrie smiled inanely as miss dick oils her truncheon. Spy versus spy or from Russia with love? Rasputin looks set to restart all out war in Europe by invading the Ukraine, whilst of course closer to home the future of the uk reign is still on everybody’s mind. For the platinum jubilee the Queens number two might appear to be Andy Pandy but 50 shades of Gray may still reveal that Doris is the bigger shit. The royal flush can be heard in the throne room where Camilla loiters in hope that the peeking duck comes in ahead of the rest of the field. Miss dicks whip hand is at the ready as a lickity split raspberry ripple blows with an ill wind coming from number ten. Doris assures everybody he is the Queens real number two but the corgis have stollen the toilet paper. He’ll have to clean the royal bum with his tongue to get out of his dire straits and the fallout from industrial disease. Kier is showing them a one finger salute and says they can spin on that whilst Doris has high hopes to enjoy a well earned few days off and an ice cream sundae with Carrie. What is it with Charlie? Keep it up your nose, the party poppers were out at Westminster whilst Doris nibbled a chocolate flake thrust firmly into a vanilla 99. This is no reflection on Black Lives Matter but the queen says her favourite pudding was made in yorks from the dried blood of pigs. Meg and Mog were not available for comment. Burns night reminded us all that Charlie still looks good in a kilt at his age and looks forward to tossing the caber after the next thrilling instalment of 50 shades. The wee beasty has us all wondering on what the Scottish are stuffing pigs bladders with now. The peeking duck could turn out to be a right Charlie. If he stands a ghost of a chance it’s with a new BBC sit com based on Macbeth. Homer Simpson for MacDuff. It always rains in England. Water off Scrooge mcducks back.

There are concerns COVID may have been cooked up in a lab to make people more susceptible to Chinese mind control.Doris addressed Lib Dem leader wavy Davey at PMQ’s in broad Cantonese. Mistaking him for a waiter, big dog ordered the egg fu yung for disgraced Andy Pandy. In opposition Kier said they only had spare ribs to tickle at Westminster today. Just as well Japanese wasn’t on the menu or things would of got saki. Once Doris gets a bone labour like to picket. Carrie was not available to comment. Mistress Priti has duly chastised them for all the hot air at number 10 in their party balloons. Due to inflation it’s a case of war on want on soup. What ever happened to the spy that shagged me? Salmon sushi. Kate has been practicing chopsticks for her party piece on the royal piano. Taking the peeking duck has her trying to get the jump on camilla for the royal thrown room. Carry on up the carzy.

Royal Fool? For Kates birthday I hear Prince William was considering a tattoo of the word BIG on his willy as a suprise. Someone in the royal household remarked that prince Charles could have SMALL inked on his but the letters wouldn't fit! Doris throwing a booze up mid lockdown hardly strikes me of anything to write home about. I hope he snorted coke off carries tits. More to the point i hope Carrie snorted coke off someone else’s tits. Priti Patel comes to mind, but then I’ve not shot my load for a couple of days so the imagination is active. The parties over? I think not. Doris should of invited Andrew, the piss artist formerly known as prince, to the party. Cheap coke! You see Prince Charles does have a little dick, it’s his brother. Privilege, a breeding ground for character, bad character!

Meanwhile local labour are forming policy. I think there should be a tax on farting to reduceCO2 environmental impact. Children would be exempt. Measure of expulsions will be monitored by fartometers for which I hold the patent. Capacity to pay for farting  tax will be on a sliding scale according to household income. Smells like a Tory wind bag policy but the rich will pay more for their gas. It’s post brexit, we can make our own laws now. Rule Britannia! The price of gas set to rise, at least as high as our noses. Could be recycled to assist filling a party balloon or two. Kier Starmer commented he’s enjoyed the party throughout lockdown. Old fart be damned. Le ballon rouge. With a glass of red.

Images drawn using robotics then transformed with filters.

I am in my 5th year of existential analisys. This only resembles freudian psychoanalasys in that two people talk. Existential focus is on individual fredom, will and meaning. Those intereste can search 'Existential Offerings' or Society for Existential Analisys. It is based on the continental existential philosophical movement. Nothing to do with sex or child development. Nothing to do with fantasy. Although existential psychology is on the expensive side I have found it to be the most rewarding therapy I have ever had. I have experienced several models for multiple years. I have spent double the time in existential therapy as it best fulfills my needs. It is closest to my personal views and meets with my potentiality. Most other therapy I do not agree with from experience. The only other models I resonated with were client centred counseling and dialouge work. I am completely at logerheads with both freud and jung, both whom I studied and have experience of. Freud is exposed in Jeffery Mason 'Against Therapy'. Misrepresentation through ideological interpritation. And clearly against the survivors movement. Existrential is overseen by doctors of psychology and is a third wave in therapy. If you get screwed by psychiatry or have an addiction, if the health insurance covers it, I recommend existential therapy very highly.R.D.Laing is an early popularist writer on existential psychology. It has been described as subversive, both individualy and culturaly and in anti authoritarian. Existential therapists are extensively trained in both philosophy and psychology. Emotional presence with intelectual stimulation. Best.

Kafka-The Trial. Camus-The Stranger.

Lilly Leaves was written around 1990/ I was awarded higher diploma english literature around 1996 by the scottish, who also don't care I can't spell for toffee.

Community? Proposal- a charity single of Lily Leaves for the Queen to fund childrens services for kingston NHS hospital charity 'trust'. Full orchestration, a kids choir and a few named artists in a band. Get her off eastenders to sing. I would get an executive producer credit and song writer. Sound appropriate at 33 years sober? Beyond our wildest dreams... reality Kingston still covers up the BAE pedophile ring, putting me as victim into 8 years forensic psychiatry following human rights claim they cover up with interventions. At the peek of my career. a studio full of equipment STOLLEN by NHS staff with duty of care to secure my belongings. 0.25-0.5 million spent on unneeded 'treatment' to gag me at 19 years sober. Are the NHS making ammends? Reality kids, bad things happen to good people. Surrey wanted me on charges of terrorism for protest lobby for public listing of sex offenders. Terrorism! Please note 8 years forensic analasys revealed NO CRIME linked to my work. True story.

150,000 kids on at risk register-I was reading about Alice miller between VR meditations this morning. I concur with her overall findings and had read her major work by age twenty. Particularly relevant to the poisonous pedagogy implicit within Freudian analytic models. Her findings were that therapists themselves deny the validity and extent of harm by child abuse in clients. The reason miller gives is that the patriarchal shadow of abuse is inherent within cultural child rearing norms and thus reflected in the role of the therapist. I read the drama of being a child, thou shalt not be aware and for your own good, where the shadow of a culture of abuse and denial is partially exposed. Being of the war generation miller’s bravery in confronting the issues is remarkable. How far she freed herself from the pedagogical shadow is unclear. A pioneer and thus on occasions lost in no man’s land.

As a Jewish survivor of the nazis miller was prone to project negative experiences on masculine forces despite the fact she was abused by her mother. A danger of early feminism. In fact both men and women are complicit in the poisonous pedagogue and neither should be given amnesty from accountability. Miller confronts ‘honour thy mother and father’ as the toxic repression of child abuse within our culture. She also focused heavily on her own creativity as a means to express the pain and suffering resultant from child rearing practices common to our cultural norms. Top bitch!

In criticism, as with many proto feminist commentators, an excessive fear of violence, in particular male violence, is present in Alice millers work. I do not share her fears in the same way despite congerance with her reasoning. I believe the war cast its shadow over her development in her blind spots.

Interestingly in my brief spell parenting a child with ADHD, already on the at risk register when we met, although I am challenged by the violence in my own childhood I am largely innocent of sideways dumping onto children. Not perfect but nothing worthy of guilt or shame. But then I got into recovery aged 18!

Conversely both my parents were so toxic on the pedagogy that I cannot bear to be in their presence.

‘Men can find avenues to express feelings through enjoyment of sport… ‘, patriarchy , pedagogue. I feel good today in the knowledge I am in detachment from the dominant culture of denial. I am wearing an expensive neroli scent and enjoying the smell of it coming up roses.

Of course military training is one of the more toxic manifestations of a patriarchal pedagogue gone wrong. Similarly the obedience and authoritarianism in mental health and policing. All thoroughly toxic.

There is a myth with the local looneys that caring for ones parents is a recovery tool. Conversely I state unequivocally that I cannot stand to be in the presence of my abusive family of origin. I left early twenties. Ok they directed friendships and relationships for some years following but I got out from under. For starters neither parent played anything other than abusive role in the absence of my childhood. I hate them and I am not afraid or shamed to hate.

Where Alice miller falls down is that I have used violence to protect a child from a pedophile. The child would have been harmed. Both police and social services refused to act. Even the judge said I was in the right as they reduced the charges.

War on …the general public. (Especially those telling it how it really is)

I recall of course how a war hero was involved in serious systematic abuse of me as a child. Initially, they raised me for military service. When I got the head injury in childhood they tried to conceal my disability saying it was a shame on the family and how I’d be better off dead. The did a good job of trying to do me in. The wider family talked about how they’d have to say it was a war injury. When I got sober the military were straight up my arse sniffing around for drug connections. I never had an illegal drug habit. Three years later in sobriety I was manipulated due to accommodation safety concerns to be housed in a secondary treatment centre. I had not been in alcoholism for several years. The military arranged a climbing experience. I pointed out, correctly, they were not giving me climbing boots so I could not do it. They shouted at me about being a miserable heroin addict and how drugs had weakened my arms. I’d never taken opiates. The guy that took my place on the experience fell from a mountain breaking his arm without sympathy from the military facilitators. As military were involved in domestic terrorism in the child abuse cover ups casting shadow over my youth, a military agent was sat at a nhs conference in my employment, claiming god is the only cure for physical disability, in my case head trauma. They were later used in cover up paid by Richmond council in hull, where the abuse scandal links to Surrey. They were assigned as manager of a survivors charity covering up for offenders and abusive families. In hull I was drugged and nearly ran down in the street with deliberation by these ‘war injury is real ptsd, who cares about your self pity over childhood, pull your socks up and go to work’ attitude problem of the military mindset. The result of the Soham narrative was that i as a vocal victim of child abuse was met with physical violence in Yorkshire and threats. They were wounded serving their country, I was just, to them, a little cock sucker. Forward to the human rights case with civil rights violations in the name of intervention on a claimed addiction I’ve never had. The royal protection involvement in the backlash, the claims of terrorism for exposing the ham abuse cover ups with hull. Then later placed in a facility with military. Accused of being a machete wielding looney. How they laughed that I was traumatised by rape. Pull your socks up, we are the real men! Totally socially excluded throughout 30 years recovery. They didn’t even want to help. Excuse me, I’m also wounded and I have rights. Intervene on that arseholes!

Include also the sun ptsd article rumours by the military media link at the interview. A real man. Conclusion, the military is in conflict with survivors movement and place plants in support mechanisms to quash abuse scandals to maintain status quo. The general public cannot be allowed to know extent and consequences of child abuse with government guidelines. Thou shalt not be aware. Keep it mum. Social attack on disclosing victims like myself. War on general public. Arseholes.

Of course the fact Atkinson Morley treated me for brain trauma aged 10 with a later withdrawn depressant, of an addictive type, could not of led to teen alcoholism… or could it? I’ve been fine in relation to alcohol since I stopped aged 18. Note also mood disorder and self harm link to phenytoin. It was withdrawn as dangerous to me as a teen. This is not ‘denial’, I am lifelong tea total. The ‘treatment’ was with consultation with my pedophile uncle, doctor of biochemistry. A treatment with intent to harm me and undermine testimony of abuse in childhood. The culture of denial is clearly exposed in the works of Alice Miller. The key to all the cover ups of abuse in the U.K. is the active attempt to conceal victims. In so doing they sweep reality under the carpet. ‘For your own good’, the result, without convictions. That is the military and policing model in action. So what? It’s your kids futures. The system is failing them at an institutional level. Right now 150,000 kids are at risk of domestic abuse. Give us the list and break free of cultural denial. Tell the truth too loud and they'll try to reframe the situation as you being mad. Mad as fuck at the denials, what does that mean? Self protecting civil mechanisms in a conspiracy of silence to deny systemic negligence for decades.

British Aerospace Kingston pedophile ring.
50 Stuart rd Ham, where I was brought up, is just one location where I was sexually abused throughout childhood. A slightly older child, REDACTED, was abducted from the same street, their flat in the building next to mine. British Aerospace where two of the pedophiles that abused me worked was implicated in the abduction. My grandfather and uncle John Smith Phd, both of whom abused me throughout childhood had significant roles at BAE where they worked under military official secrets act. Smith produced both speed and LSD distributed by the Who at gigs. Pete Townsend was physically stalking me at the close of my human rights case and may have been of influence in subsequent backlash to try to quash my claims. Pete Townsend was on the sex offender register for ten years for pedophile offences. Organised crime is explicit. He is used as spin with operation midland, used to quash claims of historic child abuse in the ‘national inquiry’ cover ups. Operation midland first came to my attention in the 1970’s as a mechanism both my uncles said would be used to protect the family reputation when i grew up as a survivor. Smith is an alumni of Kingston Polytechnic (now university) and as a PHD was given freedom of Kingston and granted privileges by the inner circle of local government and free masonry. REDACTED was abused in Yorkshire, Hull by the pedophile ring. There was another BAE factory in Hull. This made national TV and news papers. Hull was used in the attempted cover up of the abuse in my childhood with groups pay rolled by the Ham ring. REDACTED did not get full justice, the men claimed she was wearing a short skirt so had it coming. I never got the full story of her end of the situation but the community claimed she was brung ‘in’ with child protection to ‘test’ other children to see if they had been abused. She spoke to me as a child to that end and got nowhere. There was a political subtext of an attempt to suppress child protection services through media syndicate involving Kingston TA, party to BAE. Child protection was not a fully formed institution at that time. Smith PHD is known to have cut cross party deals politically in Kingston to quash allegations of abuse towards the war generation and baby boomer generation. The plot involved co-opting amnesty international to protect child abusers through donations. See also Colm O’gorman Newsnight leak of my victim case 2000/1. I have been stalked, harassed, social excluded and repeat intervention used to try to gag me throughout my life. Including in Hull. The narrative the local authority wants people to believe is that I am acutely mentally ill. That is why my privacy is invaded and i am on a wire at home.  John Smith PHD St Arvans Chepstow Gwent has made money from the cover up and repeatedly consulted on how to ‘treat’ me as his victim, using the privileges granted by inner circle Kingston Upon Thames. This has resulted in civil rights violations and a human rights case validated by EU court. There has been subsequent further cover up. ‘Open inquiry’ is always claimed as part of kingstons cover ups. The implications are that the military are used to suppress the nature and degree of child abuse across the UK to ‘protect’ the public from the extent of impact. There is a further issue. My pedophile uncle John Smith PHD St arvans chepstow gwent, is known to have produced child abuse images of myself as a child using Polaroid. He claimed at the time that this crime was for a common good as it would later be used to entrap other pedophiles of a more serious nature. Kingston Free Masons are known to have been aware of the technology forming the internet in the 1970’s and to have plotted to distribute child abuse images over the web when it became commercially viable to do so. It can be assumed other university areas did likewise. Again, claiming to entrap pedophiles as a goal but both operation Ore and operation wonderland, targeting net pedophiles, granted amnesty to over 100,000 of those pedophiles due to the standing of many of them within British society, especially within roles in national media. This was a major factor in reducing age of consent for homosexual acts against minors. See again amnesty international involvement of Colm O’gorman in national media around Y2K, claiming ubiquity of child abuse within the family as leverage to reduce age of consent . The ‘authenticity tests’ for victims of historic child abuse are designed to harass victims into retracting statements and supporting the status quo through cover ups. The cover ups claim to protect victims as an agenda. In fact they do not deal with the situation.

Clearly law enforcement is failing the right to safety of a majority of victims of sexual crimes. The perpetrators often are buying the assumtion of a right to rape using the legal system, the rich are getting away with impunity. Most victims are not being heard. There are exceptions to the rule but as a male victim of child sexual abuse and rape I have been consistently opressed since disclosure aa a teen. My human rights case was against UK state, police federation and BMA for covering up the exact extent and impact of child abuse. They backlashed after the case. Sewx offenders have a high rate of reoffending. Your daughter could date repeat a rapist and you would never know. They themselves are abusing the human rights act to achieve privacy to conceal their deviance. That is why I want Give Us The List. It is not just a matter that justice is failing to be served for the many. There are active mechanisms to undermine victims voices. You only have to look at the harassment i get by ellements in the community to realise that many think they have a right to attack my wellbeing. Instituional failings and corruption within victim support services and law enforcement. The culture is aimed as supression of the truth and opression of the peoples voices. I have never had a formal role in society, I have been excluded from the labour market 30 years, the focus of hate campaigns and rumour, invaded privacy, assumed (incorectly) to be a criminal, a deviant or a liar, even an addict in denial self justifying (never been on class A drugs, yet doctors have alleged it) and repeatedly cross questioned on my testimony, to no end. Counselors for the most part sell to the highet bidder. As my primary abuser is a Doctor of Chemistry he will be lecturing kids at uni. Accademics and professionals unquestioningly offer there support to him due to his status and influence, to say nothing of his money. He has used influence to undermine much of my life, effecting employment, housing and education, in fact direct interferance at university to get the dpartment to direct a media syndicate to try to gag me. The average counselor gets paid peanuts, they sell out to rich abusers and try to milk the media. All of which has a cultural denial nock on effect that protects sex offenders as a whole from exposure.I admit there aere exceptions to the rule but for the most part survivors are ending up with medicated feelings and ignored.

There has been a consistent backlash against me since Y2K for promotion golf Give Us The List (public list sex offenders, permanently). First to address in misinformation is claims I am at all concerned with young people falling in love. Although I may frown on health and emotional development issues, I am not waging war on underage sexual experimentation by youths, with other youths. Secondly when I first marched with other victims in the early nineties for our right to safety from perpetrators the internet was not a commercial medium to speak of . Police stings, entrapment by education net backbones and academics and fake child abuse images through CGI and forced perspective were largely unknown. Just because a plonker clicks a link to some unwanted dodgy porno is not grounds for listing them for public safety sake. It’s a complex area but the issues include guilt tripping, blackmail by media and false profiling through aggravation of internet searches and cookies to filter dodgy material to the victim of a sting. That is not what Give Us The List is about. Further, personal attacks by political groups have alleged an attack on the LGBT community should be inferred by Give Us The List. Rape within the gay community is something I experienced as a teen. I am now, and always was bisexual, although with a strong preference for the feminine. I am a member of the LGBT community. In part in reaction to my work, factions in the pink pound have accused me of homophobia. An impossible situation. This has resulted in threats on my person and ostracism from elements in the community based purely on rumour. No homosexual rapes had been convicted when I was assaulted in the history of British law. The police used to accuse the victim of complicity with the earlier crime of buggery and as an underage victim of male rape I was laughed at and vilified by homophobic police, basically saying it was my fault for hanging out in gay bars as a teen. As a consequence of obstacles in reporting sexual crimes against gay people have to date not been consistently heard by the authorities and treatment for trauma often gets misdirected, even by LGBT counselling supports. There is a lack of clarity on the focus of treatment for homosexual rape. This is not the subject of this essay but society needs to grow up. The majority of pedophiles are straight. Listing sex offenders is not therefore an LGBT issue. In Y2K my creative work came under attack from an Irish LGBT activist, Colm O’ Gorman for 1 in 4 Bellingham. Posing as a supporter of my work he used his influence as a counsellor to mount a media campaign about pedophiles. The real agenda he had was reduction of the age of consent for homosexual sex, an area he had guilt in. There was an attack on the Catholic Church in his history and it appears his media syndicate within the pink pound set out to try to shame people using the internet porno scams into support of lowering age of consent. This resulted in him appearing on Newsnight, where in a subtle way he leaked my victim case history during an investigation into my childhood.He is believed to have been paid for a cover up of negligence in child protection by richmond council and was a politcally motivated shock jock DJ in ireland promoting himself. I was not the focus of claims of impropriety, either over the internet nor face to face. I have never been an offender, a sexual compulsive nor experienced sexual dysfunction. However, because of a media conspiracy to allege I was a killer of a pedophile O’gorman spread disinformation about me. This was the real start of rumours levelled at me by factions within LGBT community that led to civil rights abuses and hate crime against myself. Ironically the pink pound started biphobic attacks on myself and aggravated the situation. Again this is not an essay on LGBT history but suffice to say, victims of prior underage sexual assault were not heard fully in the reduction of the age of consent, it making, in effect, some such offences, legalised. Again I am not against young gay people exploring their sexuality but I am against adult males being given impunity to assault and sexually exploit youths. This as can you see means my work for Give Us The List has proven a hot potato of issue politics. Likewise, claims I tried to undermine Sarahs law by the News Of The World is total nonsense. I fully supported their campaign for public listing of pedophiles around 2005. I fought a human rights case at that time explicitly seeking public listing of sex offenders for protection of myself as victim, all other victims like myself and vulnerable children. In no way have I attacked or parodied the News Of The World narrative. Added to all this, certain psychological support professionals have tried to amplify my issues for personal gain, including leaks to media syndicates and out of context quotes to try to invalidate my testimony. This is an ongoing concern. Sex offenders often have wives and family willing to offer them alibi. Some psychological professionals, and ideology like alleged false memory and Oedipus and seduction theory support offenders in the witness box in return for money for professionals willing to support their cases. Legal defence psychologists are quite mercenary, and many of their popularise theories, however false and fabricated in evidence have entered the zeitgeist through the internet. Its’s the same with Multiple Personality Disorder, largely an urban myth to attack testimony of victims to cover up for rich perpetrators. In conclusion that is the back drop for personal attacks on myself for political agenda by those opposing Give Us The List. It should be reminded for those will fully attacking me, that I am a vulnerable person as defined by trauma disability and that I do not fully receive social support for the issues arising. I was the focus of flame war conspiracy PRIOR to the advent of wolfchilde.com My going public has made hate crime against myself no greater in impact or force. Misdirected and misinformed youth activists should consider why they are being used to attack a disabled victim of childhood sexual abuse. The hate directed at myself and social exclusion has occurred since the early days of social media, a media I have myself avoided through choice.

My attitude towards linguistic controls by the time i made uni was such that i came immediately under attack from an ardent agenda faculty. Political correctness makes swearing both big and clever. Only nazis would attack the work of a known contrarian artist or veto by deliberate misinterpretation. To deplatform without prejudice, no thought for context, all work deemed politically incorrect is a kind of cultural facism, akin to burning books or stoneing authors. An alleged liberal agenda that would imprison its critics. Where does linguistic ‘cleansing’ end up? Hitler would of loved it. The forward vanguard of social exclusion and alleged thought crime.Bourgeois authoritarian oppression of the vernacular words of the common people is something the working class avant guard should rightly revolt against. In plain English, a fuck you to the accademic middle classes.

Anyone claiming they know the meaning and context of my songs should be questioned given what I say below about Miss Understanding, one of my songs from close to Y2K. I am a militant atheist, I am against the new age, all world religions, the occult and fairies at the end of the garden. I am anti psychiatry and would never take a psychiatric tablet willingly. I am politicaly middle left despite authoritarianism on sex offenders. I do not believe in soul, only Heidegger offers an interpritation of it as 'being in time' that I can concur with. I believe existentialism is a humanism. I do not believe in spirituality. These are life long views. I certainly do not believe 12 step ideiology nor do I use peer supports toxic to my emotional welfare. I was paid to leave london by richmond council as a vocal victim of childhood sexual abuse as an early 20. At the same time head of childrens services was removed.

MISSUNDERSTANDING song referances the work on relational detatchment by German Christian Theologian Meister Eckhart, 14century. As part of his claimed herasy he worked a community of nuns. Laterly known as whores of christ, who seduced men to shame them about sin as an order to convert and enforce christian moral virtue. His ideas have some parallel in budhist detatchment. I read him early 90's when researching Codependants anonymous, relationships fellowship. I was then in therapy with an actual nun, Joan Fabber Hammersmith. Unbeknownst to me pushed my way due to the covers ups by catholics linked to the nunery and child abuse in ham. The therapy was due to her faith intrisicaly 'conversion therapy' reguards sexuality, I having been actively bisexual in my teens. They paid COlm O'Gorman 1 in 4 to try to supress my complaint against richmond council for negligence in child protection, as the victim. An issue never resolved due to the power of the system.

I thought on the argument of universal designer for about ten seconds. As any A level science student could tell you there is no grand designer.In fact the complexity and paternicity of the universe is the result of principles that have a semi random element, all be it selective within the greater balance of forces and matter. Natural selection for species clearly shows there is no guiding designer nor is it purely random. The mind sees patterns and agency not there. So argument from design is total bullshit.  However romantic the idea that god created the platypus for a joke to confound scientists it is just natural selection. Those that argue that natural selection was designed by agency need to go back to the Big Bang. Nothingness is unstable, hence the universe exploded into being. Nothing existed, so where could a designer be? Who designed the designer? In infinite regress? Simple, there was no designer and the universe could be different dependant on how random events formed the laws of nature. Of course those who believe god chose their bloodline for every advantage to rule over a people may have dissimilar views and agenda. Start at Dawkins ‘the selfish gene’. The argument from design is clearly refuted by the genuine science.

It was all (SIR) Saville, and as another media vale lowers media sources claim 'and so say all of us!'. Of course the pityful truth is that conviction rates for rape are minimal, let alone for child abuse. 'It's all those psych killers on the front pages'. More likely to be your uncle who works down the bank. Vales.

I was Royal Court trained in performance (and script writing, for which orange awarded a comendation). I could perform at the drop of a hat. I am not an investor in any other acts, nor have I collaborated on ANY material, nor given permission to cover my work. The people coming into my flats with instruments are in no way connected to me and I am not on speaking terms with anyone in the building. They sent me to conventry when I arrived and spread malicious gossip in the community. Clearly enemies and I would never want to work with people who are dishonest. I do not wish them well. I would only perform under contract to experienced real management and not to parties or pubs. Since police personel have used social networks in defamation to incite crime against my person, it should be reminded that in 2006 I had a ratified human rights case against surrey police federation for harassment and failure to uphold rule of law and NHS for misdiagnosis. At the very least my privacy is invaded in the locality and rumour has been used to incite assault. The police are not directly seen to harass, but uniformed have leaked false disinformation in the area. Note, this is an important fact, there was no sugestion of criminality on my part during the prior human rights case. Also I have sparse record for things like shoplifting as a youth. The police previously tried to portay me as public enemy number one for pointing out their failure to uphold rule of law for me as a disabled victim of historic child abuse. Nothings changed much.

According to the Proms, UNESCO state clearly that a musician has the right to self expresion and should recieve social recognition and renumeration for their work. As a right. Take me as an artist, purely on lyrics, there are near 1200 poems on my iCloud alone. Do I get a proper publishing contract as a working class, disabled, buisexual, artist with mental health issues? Not one bit. UNESCO states an artist should get access to all media in recognition... I don't even get in the local paper with over 450 songs. There are those claiming a political right to sanction me for not being in line with local party policy... thanks for the opression guys!

Not so funny joke, as it's true. Two Imams got chatting at the mosque. One says ‘Someomeone called me a pedophile the other day’. The other says ‘We should stone them to death’. The other replied ‘But I love her, she’s my wife.’ His friend says ‘Big words for a nine year old. You should teach her to be more obedient of her husband!’

It appears there is activist (or at least investigation) activity over my explicit remark on my blog and in song that the prophet Mohamed was a pedophile. This is the only possible conclusion based on the data set I have on the historicity of the prophets sexual relations. The latest he is believed to have married Aisha is when she was age 9. He is believed BASED ON HISTORIC RECORD IN THE HADITH to have consummated not long after. There is debate by modern Muslims on this point only. For century adult Muslim men have had sex with under age girls following the prophet (their excuse is they married them). The practice is common in some Islamic countries today. Hirsi Ali in the book Heretic confirms these details from a liberal Muslim perspective. So go intervene on someone else. Also note ‘jihadi brides’ are almost exclusively underage girls. The Koran states in result for waging war in non believers in Islam the reward will be a heaven attended to by virgins. I am not a conservative let alone on the far right political spectrum. If there was one god ( thankfully there are none) what are the chances he would send a prophet that was a nonce?

Although most of the spokespersons for the new atheist movement are over polite on the position towards religion, atheism is no longer a neutral minority, I and others are literally OPPOSED to religion. The religions seem to think it will go away by ignoring it, but they are fading into insignificance. More people in our culture do not believe in god than ever. We do not have to tolerate the lies of religion. The unwary interpreter may suggest as I am anti religion I must be against Muslims and Christians right to worship as they please. Totally wrong, such is their democratic right. I have a democratic right to freedom of expression about how their religion is wrong and harms society and it’s own members. They do not have a right to convert my position or coerce me to conform with the principals of religious ideology. I am opposed to the religion, not the people who practice it. Big difference. Note I have marched against the EDL. Tommy Robinsons odious character seems once more to be a construct to fish for extremists and observing the EDL marching, it largely seems to be a military security exercise rather than a political movement. In fact as a movement, the EDL, as it is opposed to people practicing religious freedoms in a pluralistic democracy is anathema to the freedoms I uphold. I am thinking to myself that this Shamima narrative is likely a construction by the British government to test for extremist tendencies from both fundamentalist and the alleged far right. Not that Cobra could have plants or hyper real avatars… smells of fishes. Why grant them a platform? Religion harms society in several significant ways, it is unnecessary to purge the culture of the art produced in religious submission but it is time to create something more in the image of humanity, free from the burdens and shackles of the religious mind set. There is a clear argument, that to teach kids unquestioning faith is an abuse of power. It is indoctrination and promotes fundamentalist lies. That is not the only reason I oppose religion. Charity set up in the name of religion often tries to convert those it claims to help. This is not true altruism, as with humanist charity and philanthropy. Such religious charity is aimed at conversion and indoctrination. Secular charity should be granted preference. Religion is against freedom of thought and expression and historically is the cause of much abuse and conflict, especially for minority groups. Dogma over the right of the individual to create their own meaning is something to strive against. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I have met with religious intolerance, especially from counsellors, again and again trying to dominate and force me to submit to religious ideology.In particular, forgiveness has been thrust upon me, in direct conflict with my views and emotional well being. Dogma is a tyranny. Tyranny is something to oppose.

I do not have a problem with the individual Muslim anymore than it being personal when I satire the Catholic Church. The problem is with religious institutions and dogma, the individual Muslim is not responsible for the ideological extremes. So the myth, from so called liberals, is that only the far right confronts religious threats in the community. In fact the right have many sympathy with the extremes of religion. The real and present danger is to liberalism itself. Read ‘heretic’ by Hirsi Ali who totally debunks the myths that Islam as is, can fit into a pluralist society without serious conflict of interest. It is in fact liberal values most under threat. I am certain you can find a hundred catholics to claim their religion is not anti LGBT, likewise 100 Muslims, but their religious texts compare gay sex to laying with animals, calls gay people beasts and in shariah law countries they murder and cut off the genitalia of gay men. Islam dominates through force other cultures and religions, that is part of its ideological roots. Shariah law is its aim regardless of the law of the land. To repeat, I cannot be an extremist merely for repeating a fact about Islam that any school child can check out by searching Aisha. Liberal fascists are claiming it is I, not they, that are politically incorrect around 911, 77, je Suis Charlie etc. If they take my so called extreme statement that Mohammad was a pedophile and consult wiki on Aisha they will discover the truth, as confirmed by Hirsi Ali, a Muslim, agreeing with me based on the historic record. Persecute me another day thank you. Shariah law, no thank you, I’m in lust with Khloe Kay. Chop my cock off for allah another day. The liberal agenda? Harass or deplatform through social exclusion anyone who disagrees with what they say. So called liberal activists attacking the business concerns and fiscal stability of a disabled man , labelled vulnerable (they try the same with 'Give Us The List'. Hitch slap? I just watched the late great Hitchens slap some theists in the gob for being against gay marriage. Shariah law anybody? God is not great ! I am in this, as ever, highly liberal. Belief in god is philosophical suicide - Camus.

STGEORGES Would Three Lions throw the game? The Tory would by reducing universal credit payments to feed poor kids. WELFARESTATE Any signs of Covid at Wembley? There you go, that's what a political conspiracy looks like, not revealing that the majority of child abuse goes unnoticed in the family home. GIVE US THE LIST!

SUN INTERVIEW Give Us The List , Public List sex offenders, as issue politics has put me in conflict with all sides politicaly. Malicous rumour to deflect from the issue has included me being called a murderer, people claiming this site is against the LGBT community etc. Note TRhe Sun would of milked any of these claimed issues when I appeared in it. They did not, because they are untrue. I came out as Bi around age 14, studied early LGBT literature as a teen at the british library ('banned' books), Married a bisexual swinger, was queer bashed to the point of hospitalisation as a teen (including poisoning by homophobes), attended male Bi relationship support groups for several years and was DATE raped by a gay black man. Homophobes have claimed listing paedophiles specificaly is anti gay based on their false beliefs about paedophiles, in reality most paedophiles are straight.

NOTE THE SITE SHOWS IN BROWSERS AS 'UNSECURED'. This is not due to any ill intention of malicous data on site it is due to coding restrictions and lack of SSL certificate. To keep the site free i cannot afford to comit resources to hiring in to fix this. TO ACCESS SITE FROM ALL DEVICES REQUIRES CHANGING SETTINGS ON APPLE OR PC TO 'ALLOW UNSECURED SITES'. This site is about 15 years old and systems have developed beyond my knowledge base. Nothing on this site is malicous code.

I have realised that the culture of denial about child abuse in the UK is based on the solidarity and commoness of abusive families. It is systemic within civil mechanisms. i was party to victim support groups for years and few got justice. They claim the denial is to protect victims. Victims coming forward as adults have been seen again and again to be targeted by community teams with one goal, to silence the victim. Often police are part of this cover up and do not care for the victims welfare. They support the emperors new clothes. Society is in the all together, keeping up appearances. Lives are destroyed by the community response to victims and the systemic denial of abuse is part of that. Civil mechanisms are self protecticting from civil accountability for negligence. That is why adults are caualtied by services.

This site remains free. If you want to pay for the music here donate £5 to the NSPCC. http://www.nspcc.org.uk/donate/donate_hub_wdh71776.htm

 

To paraphrase the great man Garth Ennis, from Preacher, 'If I meet with God he better be armed, fuckers got a lot to answer for, I'm going to take the bastard down'. If I believed 'God' was anything other than a character in a work of total fiction (the bible) , the attitude I would have tawards a divine dictator would be sympathetic to this view. Kill the tyrant! Of course I do not believe in works of fiction. As to christians saying they are attackinhg my reputation and harassing me. to 'heal' me , I am OK all of my own without their opinions. What they mean by to 'heal' is I should shut the fuck up about being molested as a child and how civil mechanisms were criminaly negligent and tried to cover this up.They want the situation and mechanisms to stay the same, because as every one knows, most families have a child molestor in them and some people enable them through forgiveness. Also seeing as I have that serious trauma throughout my childhood, plus a cracked skull, the likelihood of me 'healing' is like asking an amputee to grow a new limb. I can't have another childhood where I was loved properly, nor can I mend a cracked skull. It is abusive to place the false expectation on me to change this. At age 50 I cannot be sold false hope, it's not going to mend. And yes I get more disability welfare than someone in a wheelchair, so the goverment agrees, broken. I am still fundamentaly OK in myself. The god squad can go fuck themselves. I am AGAINST them.They show no sign of moral virtues greater than my moral relativism as an atheist.Atheists are not bad people needing to be changed by the church. Original sin does not exist, it is a fiction. It don't need fixing.

I am fast coming into my 33rd year of total recovery from alcoholic drinking. Nothing treatment centres allied with the 12 step movement taught proved to be true about alcoholism or recovery. My abusive family put me through treatment apparently because the ideology supported letting go of the past, effectively letting them off for any accountability for the abuse. What was meant by ‘treatment’ was some pop psychology about compulsions mixed in heavily with indoctrination into a pseudo religious perspective, many of the counsellors had been in religious orders. Recovery has offered no social advantage at all and life has been quite challenging to say the least. I was prescribed a gate way depressant as a child for trauma, on detox from it I cross addicted as a teen to alcohol, another depressant. Although i experimented with drugs as a teen this was in small quantity and i in no way took everything on the market, mostly a bit of pot. I left peer support in about my third year of recovery having already served on the UK service committee for 12 step. As a victim of medical negligence and child abuse I did not need to make any amends, the suggestion of the need for a higher power was confusing and counter productive. I was not guilty of any crime in my drinking. Nor was I violent in drink. Peer support proved to be a nest of vipers, who as a teen tried to work me back into sexual exploitation and tried to defraud and confidence trick me. I totally do not believe in god or ‘spiritual paths’. As a militant atheist I am against religious ideology. The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is full of myth about the human condition and the nature of addiction. I tried social drinking a couple of times in the first decade and do not enjoy it. I have been tea total my entire adult life so do not identify with long term drinkers. I use no psychological models today but encountered many on route to experiential long term recovery. I have no idea on how to help other addicts at three decades abstinent. It is experiential and an inside job. I know what doesn’t work. God bothering. If I met Bill W. Founder of AA I’d spit in his face. That bullshit shames and sets people up for repeat relapse. At 3 years sober I was assessed by a specialist psychiatrist in addiction as neither dual disorder nor suffering long term consequences of addiction. It is now 30 years later and a lot has happened. Psychological self care is part of my recovery, but even when homeless 6 times i took not a single drink or spliff or cigarette. I do not like alcohol, I do not like addicts, I have nothing to do with either. Some complain I am heavily boundaried but with my experience of people, why wouldn’t I be? There is nothing I cannot do sober, including my youthful night clubbing and playing pool down the pub. None of that sets up for relapse. I have run a small business for 20 years, been to university, married and divorced, managed businesses for others and achieved several qualifications sober including in psychology on addiction. I have worked for the NHS. I have near 500 songs to my credit and 6 books. It is not a moral issue, I could theoretically commit crime whilst remaining sober. All the models are ancient history to me and highly anachronistic. I do not believe in CBT as a model, nor standard psychotherapy. I do maintain mental fitness through existential psychology. I have studied religion and rejected it, I have looked into the origins of Christianity and authenticity claims of the bible. I reject both the contents of the christian bible and indeed it’s authenticity as a historic apostleistic text. The church went to considerable lengths with sexuality conversion therapy to try to claim my recovery for the Catholic Church, a church of which I have never been a member. Their agenda seemed largely to do with my being a victim of historic child abuse. I have campaigned in one form or another for public listing of sex offenders since my early twenties. I have an entirely secular outlook on life and recovery. The authors I most admire are Albert Camus and Christopher Hitchens. I am still on disability benefits in long term recovery due to physical and mental trauma in childhood. I am anti psychiatric in all matters other than imminent suicide or harm to others. Life in general, over all, has been fairly shit. Being sober prevented me from early death but didn’t give me anything on a plater. I drank very heavily as a teen and death was the likely outcome. I have experienced no other addictions in my years of abstinence. The disease model is a total lie that makes money for treatment centres through repeat relapsing and guilting the addict. Many of the things AA holds dear could lead me to relapse. I don’t need their guilt trips. I have agency and choice over alcohol and with my own free will, remain tea total. It wasn’t always that way. I do not obsess about alcohol at all, nor recovery. I just don’t fucking drink. Labels are a social construct that promote prejudice. I was once an alcoholic drinker. I no longer drink. I could in theory social drink at this point but I would come under social attack from my enemies of which there are many. Besides I don’t like drinking. Three decades sober and I can’t stand to listen to the toxic BS that most AA folk are indoctrinated in. See them over the long haul. Happy crappy delusional. Kill Bill. There’s not many of them left. What is clear from my experience of the so called recovery movement and industry is that they are highly selective in who they give practical assistance to. When I was one of the faithful, serving the movement, it was clear that all of my own efforts to build a life were attributed to the assistance of the group. In reality, education, employment and housing needs were all met by agencies entirely disconnected with the movement and relied on my own efforts. Even when I was serving the groups at a national level I received no firm support from the movement at a practical level. That was when I still towed the party line. Any divergence from that was met by covert hostility by the groups. I do not recommend others to follow their path. It is clear from hardships I experienced in recovery, including repeat failures of civil mechanisms to meet disability housing needs, that these were met with a brick wall of ‘its gods will’ by 12 steppers. The faithful didn’t offer me a roof for the night. The promotion of a bizarre ideology over any real practical assistance was my experience throughout. I can only suggest counselling to the still suffering. There has been a continued out grouping and even attempts to undermine my stability by 12 steppers over the years. I have even had false witness from them. I am not unusual in this. Most of my peers left the movement. I have even witnessed people commit suicide or die of addictions in the name of their god, always seen as collateral damage and down to the disease. Obviously failures of the movement. As many outside agency and religious groups support AA uncritically it is important to remember they help very few people. They hold their ideology over the needs of members. That is fundamentalism. It should be noted from cult deprogramming treatments that the rigid thought process of fundamentalism, black and white thinking, resembles that of active addiction.

So at 25 years tea total the local team FORCED me to attend 12 step religous groups. I had not commited a crime under the influence and not relapsed. Forensic had confirmed I was long term sober prior to handing to community team and the wording of the courts did not require such intervention. This after being published specificaly exposing fundamentalism in 12 step. So a tea total atheist FORCED to attend religously focused groups. Tell me that doesn't sound like american civil rights abuses with religous groups used for 'mental health'. Under a liberal council!

Oprah has doubtless done the greatest service to the survivors movement by her disclosures of abuse. The mens movement seting up organisations telling all us victims it's mental illness to continue to talk about it can take a running jump. Overall, having watched the whole series I was satisfied with the over view of various psychology. I do not recognise or endorse all the models in the series. It should be reminded there are political ramifications to the under laying ideology of various psychological model. i am not here going to go into the philosphy of psychology but enough to say peope are still locked in wards without crime under the mental health act. These civil rights abuses must be adressed. The queens speach has called for the sectioning of human beings to be further restricted but it is a political issue. I have Existential Analasys and have done so for several years. That also is political. I am opposed to long term labels and excess of medication prescriptions. I am anti psychiatric as Laing, in all but the most extreme of risks would I consider psychiarty needed. I have been in recovery coming on for 33 years. I do not have an active addiction in three decades. I am not an addict, it is not a state of being, as a teen I had (past tense) 'an addiction'. I have not had one as an adult so you can predict I never will. That also is political and ideological.

Oprah? I identified with Stefani on self harm. For me it was an anger issue. I turned anger in on myself because I was too shamed to express my feelings about being abused as a child. I struggled with it in early sobriety. At school I carried a blade and bandages to hise the scars. I stoped when I got sober at 18 but still had compulsion to self harm through anger issues. The last time I cut myself was early twenties when I left 12 step, where they got me to supress anger through prayer. I did therapy with anger expresion work, boxing, sword use (against a matress) and concious primal scream (janov). Decades later I no longer have the compulsion as I have faced the fire. I still sometimes pick up my boken. I used to visualise my abusers as I practiced with a sword. That's what recovery looks like.

After calls for intervention to the local Labour Party and Ed because of malicious gosip and harasment surrounding me and my work I have been awarded permanent residency in New Malden. So for the critics, thanks for trying to get rid of me, it helped me out! Thanks to community elders.

Tory dominated NHS 'trusts' were the focus of a human rights claim by myself in 2005-7 to try to achieve justice as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and attempt to lever the EU courts to gain public listing of sex offenders. The backlash for my pains incarcerated me HEADSTOGETHER and placed me at mercy of TORY run NHS 'trusts' for 8 years, destroying my career at its peak. Without proportianate crime on my part (in fact when the EU HUman Rights Court were listening I was not under any suspicion of offender behaviour). 14 Years later civil mechanisms do not exist that I can use to address the situation so I am still imjected against my will with life shortening psychiatric drugs. I aproached TORY RUN NHS 'trust' during Lockdown with an offer to use work on COVID and Captian Tom in whatever capacity for NHS charity. The TORY refuse to respond at level of chief exec. 'Nice poetry', that's all I get for 14 years suffering at the hands of athoritarian opression by psychiatry. GIVE US THE LIST. Psychiatry please note has not helped me in anyway and I was already labeled disabled due to trauma PRIOR to their involvement. I was not acting in anyway strange when they hit me with it. Purely a backlash for highlighting civil rights abuses by systems run by the TORY.SEMI PRIVATISED 'mental health services' made between 0.25 and 0.5 MILLION POUNDS directly from the tax payer for 'treatments' whose only outcome are that I am less functional within the community. TORY NHS SEMI PRVATISED PROFIT MAKING 'TRUSTS'. I was not experiencing undue distress prior to incarceration under mental health act civil rights violations.

For safety of community and former victims, sex offender should be on a permanent public list as in USA. Former victims like myself cannot affiliate freely and without infiltration why perpetrators wishing harm on groups without public listing. Similarly in any begining of a relationship with new people how can you know you are not dating or befriending a sex offender? You couls have kids with one and not know! Give Us the list.

I have been in survivor groupings since my early 20's. Automated mental health systems are linked to many support lines and web services. Since the civil mechanisms cannot afford to convict all the sex offenders in the community they may well casualty the victim . Far better to go to a library to get a physical copy of COMPASS to access to find a suitable private counselor free of civil mechanism influence. It's safer. The clue with media 'help' lines is they are media, they make money from story.

Joking aside the only agenda this site has is promoting GIVE US THE LIST through creative means. Political parties have a remit to whip issue politics. My core philosophy is centre left. I have never been afiliated with any right wing groups and indeed will not support religous organisations as they are too conservative for inclusion in my world view. Shock Jock tactics raise awareness. I have never pinched a womans bum!

THE SILENT TREATMENT SundaySermon14 Sunday Sermon 14.5 PritiLittleNunchucks

PIERS MORGAN apears to be listening to Tommy Steele, I heard the influence of A Little White Bull. Unlike him I remember the statue of Charlie Chaplain on petersham rd... silent type!

Paris Texas? All for agreement. Top Dogs Bi Den, All for wearing Harris tweed around my neck! An agreable disagreement with the pearl of india.

SUNDAY SERMON 13 After the VACCINE Post Budget 13.5 POSTFEMANISM

SUNDAY SERMON 12 A funny thing happened to me on the way for my COVID vaccination STAIRWAYTOHEATHEN Toy Story or Yellow Brick Rd? 12.5

SYNDAY SERMON 11 Fake Publicity? 11.5 POLICEIntegrity?

SUNDAY SERMON 10 POLITICALCORRECTION?

SUNDAY SERMON 9 Looney tunes? SPAZ

SUNDAY SERMON 8 Youth Work? RITESOFPASSAGE

SUNAY SERMON 7 SOUL? (some previous material, more boring philosophy on conciousness and 'soul')

SUNDAYSERMON6 Who wacked Jacko? PART6.5 OLIVER (part trois) APOSTCARDFROMTHEEDGETODANNYDYER

Paris Accord In Drag THEPLASTICBAG (part 1) PARTDEUS (part 2)

THE NEW 'MOVEMENT' SUNDAYSERMON5

CHILD PROTECTION SUNDAYSERMON4 GIVE US THE LIST

IT'S GOOD TO TALK! SUNDAYSERMON3 We Care When We Share SUNDAYSERMON3.5 (slip off your underwear!)

SUNDAY SERMON 2.0 BOBTHECAT SUNDAY SERMON 2.5 CLEANNCRAZY

The Alternative Sunday Sermon part 1 GODISTHEGAP Part 1.5 AGENCYORBUST

By the bi QUEENSSPEACH (Or the full Wolfchilde New Years Radio broadcast edit VIDEOKILLS)

PAY TO PLAY? Pay a manager, pay a publicist, pay an agent, pay advertisers, PAY! I am busy paying my electric bill.

VIDEOKILLS PARTS-

NEW YEARS HOPE (close hospitals to get rid of all the ill people? Don't ask Mark Carney)

XMAS CHEER TOYS HELMETS BRUSSELSWITHTURKEY? BREXITTRADEDEAL

DEALFROMDORIS

Sausage Mix and Hands off versions-

V4VICTORY POUN4POUND INFORAPENNY

So the elephant in the room is child abuse in the U.K. the likelihood of a child knowing they have been assaulted by a paedophile is slim. Contrary to media sensationalist spin the most likely abuser is a blood relative. In 1 in 10 boys abused sexually in the USA where the perpetrator was convicted the abuser was their biological mother. It was stated by NSPCC advertising that 1 in 7 children in contemporary British society will be exposed to such abuse. Government covers up abuse claiming this protects victims. The NSPCC, one of largest children’s charities in the U.K. with royal patronage was taken to court by government sources to withdraw the advertising campaign because several sectors of our society do not want the truth. The likelihood of a child getting a conviction against a family member abusing them is minute. Even when offences come to social worker attention the child is likely to be labelled as ADD or the like, briefly intervened on and after parent skill programs returned to the abusive family system. The chances are a child may comprehend the nature of the abuse clearly only come adulthood. I was active in victim groups, as also other support networks through my twenties, videotaped as I spoke at child protection conferences and rallies for victims rights from podium at Trafalgar Square. I have appeared on national TV and in national press as a vocal victim. I have had over 15 years of therapy across my adult life as a victim. Not once did I get close to convicting my abusers. From experience of victim support few other victims got convictions either. In stark contradiction to media profiles, it is likely an abuser will be described as an upstanding member of the community, in a career, likely in a position of power and authority, a good family member and have no criminal record. In the USA where laws to protect children have existed for longer they public list paedophiles to protect the community. They are monitored and prevented from access to family victims. The profile type of a Killer monster predator hunting children is a myth to frighten people. Rarely does this ever occur. I have since my early twenties supported campaigning to get public listing, permanently of all sex offenders so the community can know their exact crime. In the past in the U.K. child abuse was purely dealt with by the clergy, who told everyone to forgive and forget. There was no coherent children’s act to protect them till the 1980’s in the U.K. at that time political pressure was put on the emergent services to cause as little disruption as possible and to minimise the consequences of abuse. This left children unsupported and abusers with all the power. As the U.K. can now make its own laws I believe it is high time to address the failings of child protection and victim support. Rather than cover up abuse via media controls and advertising regulations we should face the problem as a society full on. In my humble attempts to bring attention to needs for reform now is the time to Give us The List. Public list all sex offenders permanently with full disclosure of their crimes to protect the public.

Some warriors of the child...

wERk it? Richard Branson claims that he started a business empire with ten pence spent in a phone box..Like you can belive the tory? So here's a lesson for the kids in 'contingent reality', I spent over a third of my life homeless waiting to be homed as a vulnerable disabled person, I have spent in my lifetime less than a third on equipment than the cars cost going past my window and I've had two full studios stollen by people workiong for the system. Chance I'm bringing it on? I await SIR Richards call... (In hubris against the rich industry types I have produced enough songs to provide 50 act of Bransons, each with ten track albums, another 150 acts of material if you include poetry, here's the absurdity, at 50 I await my next welfare cheque. Gawd bless the tax payer!) Of course we all believe the impresion managment by media elites that they are the good guys, consider that I offered my entire body of work to charity in such a way that I need not be identified with it. The crowns sources said take a fucking tablet.

NEW FOR WEEKEND WEESCOTS On the lookout for a tight hole like Charlie!

Self Belief
The believing brain is prone to see paternicity in phenomena where there is none. This leads to false beliefs of agency underlying otherwise disconnected events. At root, this is the cause of anthropomorphism, imbuing inanimate objects and even the complex systems of the entire universe with consciousness where there is none. Objective reality has no grand designer, events unfurl within time as we respond and react to each other and the environment. Change is a chaotic principle, our lives unfolding in reasoned response to entropy. There is no implicit meaning to be found, no inherent narrative unfurling. In the theatre of consciousness where we sit at the back of the cinema watching the story of our lives unfold before us there is no script writer. No god is guiding our destiny. Nor are we passive victims to fate, we can get out of our seat and visit another film theatre or choose instead to talk to the other cinema goers about the film. It has been said that to teach children that there is a god looking after our fates is tantamount to emotional abuse. Teaching a false reality where the actual rules of life are suspended.,creates delusion and eventually a crisis of faith. Prayer cannot work because not only is no one listening to our supplications but the universe shows no signs of divinely ordained order. There is no divine policeman to judge our actions, no scales of karma to balance the books and create good outcomes for righteous behaviour. A different universe could exist with completely different laws of physics. The fact ours has specific laws is the same as if the forces of expansion had occurred without any intentionality. Things could be otherwise but we live in this universe so the complex laws of forces, matter and time exist in parity and harmony with our universes laws. There is little reason why the zebra should not have pink spots beyond the underlying survival of the species through natural selection through camouflage. This requires no designer. The mind however sees patterns not there since consciousness developed as a survival mechanism. To feel the hairs go up on the back of your neck or hear a whisper of warning on the wind aids survival in a hostile world full of predators. The anxiety of fight or flight is the principle reason why our minds look for patterns that do not exist. Tread on a crack and break your back. Superstition of all kinds exist because we see faces in the clouds and try to read our fates in the stars. Once again there is no grand design or meaning, we are not followers of a script even as the mind continues looking for signs. The daemon or spark that motivates us may seem all embracing and full of self import ,but succeed or fail in our goals, there is no inherent moral to the story. We are not given a meaning by life. We can however find meanings to live within life. This is not the meaning of dogma. No one has the answers for us. Life is a jigsaw puzzle we ourselves complete in conflict and cooperation with others. We cannot predict outcomes to the complexity that surrounds us but we can make our next move based on past experience. Are we dictated to by our history then? Can we break free of repetition of nurtured response and the seemingly fixed potentials of our natures? Some say self will is an illusion, that we are fixed in our reactions to stimulus, that all our actions are dictated by neurological pathways like unconscious biological robots. Consciousness is difficult to quantify. Are we tied to the rock like Prometheus whilst the gods inflict punishments on our ailing bodies for the hubris of steeling the fire of agency from the heavens? We have choice and agency, we cannot control the outcome of our decisions but we are free to choose moment to moment. Is character fixed or can we choose the clothes we wear? Are our personalities mere masks that we wear for the other? Do our core selves have an immutability to their form or are they fluid and dynamic? We all show different faces to others but are we self defined or mere victims to the dominance of public opinion and the judgement of our communities? The facets of a rough diamond reveal itself as it scintillates in the light, some faces highly polished but the Gem is ever a work in progress, smoothing the rough edges of our personality. In this self development, where we try to decide our course through uncharted seas, we look for maps and signs. The dogma of religious ideology has proven to be false. There is no divine compass to show true north. We are engaged as conscious beings in a co-created story within our unfolding lives. We are not passive observers, we are engaged in the creative process of living. We are faced with restrictions of scarcity, resistance and lack but we can choose to try to brak free of the shackles. The imminent reality where we seem constrained by the contingency of our circumstance is something we can struggle to overcome through force of will. Our futures are emergent . We are not the centre of the universe but our agency is the fulcrum that moves the wheels of change. We are not passive victims to a divine dictator or the tyranny of the majority, to be crushed by the machine/ Ruling elites may obstruct or dominate our path but they are ultimately not in control. The universe does not dictate our fates. No god ordains our destiny. We are free to decide our own choices and meaning.

Sunday Sermom
Near to half the population are atheists, more if those paying lip service to Christianity to get their kids into the best schools are included. I know what I don’t know is the agnostic mantra but in all probability we do know. The universe does not have a blind watch maker, from neutrinos to the make up of the human eye, to the alignment the planets in the solar system, all would appear to have evolved naturally,neither by design or blind chance. Physics and natural selection over pure chaos. No one had to design the rules governing the universe they developed in imperfect natural alignment. When I say I am an atheist it is implicit that I believe religion is wrong. I do not believe dogmatic adherence to books written by illiterate goat herders in a dim pre scientific cess pit of Middle Eastern cultural obscurity are a guiding light for humanity. When I say I am atheist, I mean I am anti Christian and anti Muslim. Neoliberal activists may immediately react that in their pluralistic vision I must therefore be a racist, to be named, shamed and whipped into conformity with mediocre complicity to their corrupt party lines. The middle classes dominant narrative that we live in an equal opportunity society, where in fact the working classes receive no breaks at all supports a status quo where the rich keep all the money and resources. So, as an atheist I am anti Islam. It is not that I am against Muslims opening halal kebab shops which I readily provide custom for. I am not out to burn the local mosque. I am obviously going to point out that Mohammed had sexual relations with the 9 year old Aisha according to available historical narrative from the Hadith. I am going to mock Muslims for following a slaver and a half mad warlord committed to violent domination of the Arab people’s. I am never going to say that Muslims do not have a right to believe as they choose. They claim homosexuals and unbelievers should be stoned to death. I will point out that they are wrong in that choice. Similarly the prattle about virgins and pigeons by those offering their peace be with you of a Sunday does not sit well with me. Conformist, culturally conservative, homophobic rhetoric about the evils of sin mean nothing to me at all. Their bible, portrayed as the ultimate truth and guide for living in its gross contradictions and outrageous inaccuracies is going to raise my heckles. The bible only has meaning because it’s followers give their power away to it. Ok, it’s got some literary merits but as a self help book it clearly has its hallo up its own arse. Constantine dominated Europe with it but the yolk of enslavement to Rome is nothing to eulogise. Praying to a god that simply is not there is not much better than submission to pure chance or fate, a ship sets sail without a rudder. Moral superiority claims by religion are nonsense. Ethics form through a commitment to truth and empathy for our fellows and the state of the world. Relativism through inquiry not commandments are the order of the free thinker, not the shackles of scripture. Stealing may be wrong but not if your kids are going to starve. Science has not got all the answers but the empirical method has the tools and potential to answer all life’s mysteries. The god of the gaps that says what we don’t understand must be the will of some nebulous deity is a void that the universe rightly abhors. So I will not knowingly give to Christian, or for that matter Islamic charity. I will provide charity to secular and humanitarian organisations free from religious ideology and agenda. Life has no meaning to give. I can create meaning from the life I attempt to choose to live. Anti Christian and anti Islam . In that there is great freedom and Liberty from the shackles of indoctrination. I give you the right to believe as you will, you do not have a right to try to change me to conform with those beliefs. I do not need to apologise for my excesses, I do not seek forgiveness. I do not care if I cause others to be offended. God is not great, as clearly stated by the genius of Christopher Hitchens. If I was not sober three decades I’d raise a glass to his memory every Christmas. A god whose will it is that people die in pain from HIV or cancer and a myriad of childhood ailments is clearly totally insane in their indifference to humanity. Okams razor states that the simplest solution to any problem is usually the best. God did not create the universe. .A universe that came from nothing because nothingness is unstable is the simplest solution to existence. The universe could be different but it is not because it evolved in an emergent evolution befitting its specific laws. Where there are gaps in scientific understanding there is no hole to fit with god. The universe came into being because it could not be otherwise. A god of the gaps explains nothing, who designed the god of the gaps? Rather it is the belief in god that is the fundamental gap in knowledge and understanding that the religious mind is afflicted with. I do not suppose all my religious friends are stupid, as demonstrated by the breadth of their theology but they clearly suffer from a curious kind of insanity and irrational blindness to fact. Philosophy and science , not religion, can restore them to sanity. God is the gap. The only time I think of a second coming is during mastebation. Thankfully I am not on my knees.

Of course Hogs have been known to make a jumper!

In between constant loop of Dumpys Rusty Nuts my Aleza is playing Dire Straits 'Industrial Disease'. A song for our times.

 

'He's just a poet', 'who are you', 'we do not know him', 'we're in with him' etc. for 20 Years! It is I in the grey fur coat. Even when this site got 10K hits per week for 2 years solid every week it did not earn me any friends atall. I have been solo the enitre 20 years i have produced music. People try to issolate to assist ripping off or redistributing the work and to assist false claims about me and this site, entirely the work of one person, I don not know anyone living in the same flats let alone have any delas with them. I have been targeted by several different syndicates in several different cities throughout my work. You cannot get a story on me without my permission due to press regulations dealing with victims of child abuse. I do not mkae large money off my work. I just do it.

Although I have concerns for my security with brexit it must be said under a Liberal council I have stopped recieving much of the frictions and civil rights issues that have in the past overtly undermined my welfare. I have a natural tendency to rebelion, kick a dog enough times it might be more prone to bite. All said and done, right here and now, my needs are mostly met and I am thriving creatively under conditions of material support. Although I might sound like I am at war with the authroities anarchy is in no ones best interest. I trust Wills and Kate have been working hard for mental health parity of esteam as well as Kates particular interest in child welfare. I support getting peoples needs met and voices heard. The story of Manchesters rebelion has human costs with it's victims. Civil disorder is not the order of the day. So as i sit back to enjoy some dates and smoke salmon I can't really complain too much despite some of the liberty concerns political to my situation. It is to be hoped brexit can provide such security as the poor may be granted. Happy Xmas.

Am I a republican? My view is that the Royals serve a purpose (if expensively) and that a constitutional monarchy is mostly fit for purpose. I have had both favour and disfavour from palace sources, for instance as a photographer the mariiage of Big Willy and Kate was leaked in preperation. The crown as represented by courts, police and military I have experienced friction from. It's a mixed bag as anyone my age might have. Overall my view is switching to a Presidential system would cost the culture too dearly and that a president would not represent the people any better than the Crown despite the philosophical advantages. So mostly I am neutral to the daily mail reading, military, church of england background I come from but ultimately the Royals are the lesser of evils.

Mark Carney (what I tried to get across via zoom)

I blame the economic institutions that protect the rich and the crown for my being homeless six times and a life time of poverty and suffering. The bank of England’s shadow is why I resent the culture I live in. This is not a blame game, the oppression by the rich of the poor is destroying lives. The only opportunity that I was ever offered was more of the same, control and manipulation. I do not bow to your assumed authority. I will always rebel against the institutional abuses you conserve. The culture could have picked my heart up at any point, in an instant, throughout my 32 years of adult life. It did not. I oppose what you conserve, rather than brother’s, you are now and always were, enemy. The people of Britain live impoverished lives, more slave than master of their own destiny, because the rich serve only greed. How do you justify vulnerable people, listed disabled, living on the streets? You speak a good game of charity and compassion but I see the sentiment is fake. I hear talk of restructuring credit agreements and under valuing the poor in brexits rhetoric, new laws to oppress and take from the needy. I’ve heard talk of your bright new tomorrow before and it was always an emotion you fake. Why not use the military to say that people aggrieved by government failings are conspiracists? I hear generals saying they must conserve the culture at any cost, that we should obscure the faults of our fathers and pretend everything is alright. You lie. The only prosperity you are interested in is your own. You talk of sustainability whilst the dependancy culture of your own creation bleeds the poor dry. You take from the future whilst claiming that the young should be more austere and controled in their development. Your media remit is to obscure the ways in which you feed off the lifeblood of those you claim to serve. The ice caps melt away as you create excuses to mine the oil beneath them. As ever, the emperor has no clothes.

The price of ‘justice’.

There has been much speculation and at times outright attack on my work as I have written on occasion about capital punishment. From the outset I would state that I am 100% against the state having power to kill it’s citizens. Despite this I have explored vengeance as a theme and do not believe the current justice system is fit to purpose. Imprisonment does not reform criminals at all, it merely wastes time and peoples lives, many of whose only crime is that they are too poor to afford a good lawyer. Since the justice system fails in this aim, and is largely corrupt or at the very least prone to corruption, it could never be trusted to get it right on the death penalty. Here I diverge from liberalism.I do think that there is ample justification for ending a life. The state cannot be trusted to administrate on such cases. I am a fond believer that criminal justice must include the element of vengeance for the victim through punishment. I also believe justice is not served with out opportunity and guidance to reform. I do not mean moral reform of character through pointless religious nonsense, pushed on captive audiences in prison, but real training and educational opportunity for the incarcerated. People in detention should be able to choose their career path and receive a free education whilst imprisoned. Only education can reform a troubled character, religious reform offers nothing of value and just makes vulnerable people subject to indoctrination, dogma and fundsamentalism. Guilt trips do not motivate people well to change their ways. Currently prisons are a cesspit of religious abuses. Of course the assumption is that there is a deviant criminal class in the first place. Many entering prison are themselves victims of social injustice and vulnerable, more misguided than morally destitute. If you ask me how to treat sex offenders I will tell you to permanently put them on a public register to protect children and vulnerable adults from the high likelihood of recidivism through a repeat offence. One rape is too many and a thousand restrictions never enough. I am more sympathetic to murder, most of which are crimes of passion rather than premeditated, an instance of temporary loss of control rather than the popular news story of evil that sells papers. Keeping murderers on license upon release should not be considered a civil rights violation. I have the greatest sympathy for ‘crimes’ of vengeance, in particular against sex offenders. That is what I mean when I say it is not always morally wrong to kill. To protect others from harm cessation of the life of a serial rapist is in everyone’s best interest apart from the perpetrator, like wise with child abusers. Still I do not believe the justice system could ever be fit for purpose to pass such a judgement on behalf of the state. They’d fry poor people, minorities and political dissidents first. The iron fist of the majority is not democracy it is tyranny. The death penalty is always symptomatic of tyranny. Our own justice system, all too recently was at the hands of such a tyrant. Thousands of vulnerable people went to their deaths to serve the moral outrage of the elite. That is unforgivable. I have been imprisoned for violence and it did absolutely nothing apart waste time. I can never get that time back. It served no one. It was pure oppression from the legal classes in reaction to some elements of my work. They threw the book at me because they did not like what I had said about legal reform and civil rights abuses within the justice and mental health systems. I learned nothing from incarceration apart from the fact that some people enjoy it. I did not and was subjected to physical and mental abuse by the system for several years including being put on dangerous medication that has had long term consequences on my nervous system and meant I could not write nor almost stand up normally for the years detained. Chemical cosh, a detention and treatment that cost hundreds of thousands of pounds with so called psychological address. All total crap and not worth a penny, they changed my views and behaviour not one bit. That is the story for many incarcerated and it costs society big time. I will never fully cooperate with the society I live in as a consequence of having been mistreated. No education or training was offered and near quarter of a million of aftercare did not seek to rehabilitate me in any way from the social exclusion of incarceration. I learned nothing but a deep distrust for the authorities. My crime was in self defence and caused minor temporary injury that would of healed within a month. The tax payer was charged with 8 years of unwarranted treatments by psychologists who frankly could not manage their own lives as well as I did prior to detention. Kettle calling coffee pot black. All down to the fact I couldn’t afford a good defence lawyer and active measure were taken to prevent me utilising legal insurance. So the story is the systems full of shit. I knew that before they put me in. I have never experienced any civil legal justice and have hardly any experience of criminal courts as i am not ‘a criminal’. I just got in a fight once started by Freemasons. I still have to deal with the consequences 14 years later. For a minor scuffle. Clearly a set up, I was booked to photograph The Queen at a military event that week. No prior history of violence or criminality. Completely disproportionate treatment. The likely reason, that I had been in a legal fight with the UK government via the European court of human rights as a victim of abuses against myself by state mechanisms. I was on a human rights watch list and the human rights charity that attended as witness to my eventual trial said ‘we can’t intercede, the level of freemasonry effecting this trial is beyond our remit’. I have never even sought to be a member of their vile gang, but my PHD Paedophile Uncle is a senior member. They’ve mentioned him from magistrates in civil injections where I was plaintiff, negatively effecting outcomes . Directing decisions of other doctors and minions in the court system. I was 19 years clean n sober when they put me in, for a fucking scuffle of no serious import. AA and NA declared war on me on discovering I was in prison. Give Us The List.

I watched a rather interesting YouTube with Russell Brand and tim minchin , neither of who I am totally in line with. Russell seems to have developed considerably intellectually since his recent university teaching on religious studies. He has a tendency to speak fast to overwhelm the listener to win his points which irritates me as often it results in a lot of verbosity with no real meat on the bone. He throws terms like panpsychism into conversation from eastern religion without really clarifying what he means. I at least am familiar with the concept. I was somewhat heartened to see he had changed through education somewhat as I had previously considered him somewhat vacuous. Tim was up for emergence of consciousness from physicality in the form of a property or quality of neurology which I am more comfortable with than the atman ‘unity’ consciousness approach of brand. Another indicator of trying to overwhelm the debate with psychobabble and pseudo science was his resort to ‘quantum’ physics, an old favourite of new agers who use it to obfuscate argument towards the god ‘of the gaps’ theory... there are unknowns in empiricism - so resort to mysticism.  The ineffable quality of consciousness resists explanation through scientific structuralism but I do recall a few years ago a scientific American article proposing a rational explanation of consciousness as emergent from physicality. I would suggest an interdependency between the structure of brain and the quality of consciousness as a phenomena. A bit similar to compatibilitist arguments on free will. I’m certainly not signing up to new age pseudo eastern religious thought suggesting that the universe is a pan psychic consciousness of the unity within itself. The universe is conscious, all be it pluralistically and it is through human beings (and other conscious creatures)  that base matter can know of itself and the structure of the universe however limited by the phenomenology of the senses.  I suggest Russell tries some DMT and gets past the unity trip through familiarity with the near death experience. A trick of the light when consciousness comes to an end. (Only joking, stick to breath control, you'll get ehre in the end, stay clean no matter what!). Scientific rationalism has not reached it’s limit in trying to explain subjective consciousness, there is just still more research to be done. There is no excuse using a god of the gaps argument to propose a mystic cause to consciousness. Just because we cannot explain something adequatly does not mena we need to resort to magickal thinking.Aparently the 'universe' abhores a vacume, the 'god of his understanding' has filled that gap with Brand. Mines a Dyson.

I once shared a room with Master Bateman (Nasty Nick). I thought he liked it up the arse but we only shared a saveloy with bagga chips. He liked to ride a bike so I remarked although I like a nice shiney helmet if you get two hard hats together it looks like a pair of tits. As everyone knows, you can only fit one nice shiny helmet in your mouth at once. Back in my early twenties I'd swallow anything. Like being powerless. He was a sucker for a punchline. He said I should try to be kinder to elephants in the room, ARSE! When it comes to nasty everyone said i was the real nasty. I always prefered the portobello mushrroms hence the radio active kneeling baby tattoo on my King Mob hand. I did not need divine inspiration for the line 'a rose beneath a ring' aimed at someones comments on tattoo work. CUMSLUT NASTY! Loves it... I'd of sent flowers but as everyone knows, treat them mean, keep them keen. Not being one to fabricate kiss and tell, no, I never blew bubbles. although on a red carpet Germain revealed their family had to pay for 'treatments to silence victims' when MJ did. I said push the button,now he's forever blowing bubbles.. (Davina and i discussed meaning of tats in earls court 1992 when I was exiting 12 step, at that time I had no tats).

Maryam Namazie on the origins podcast. Beautiful. Also of note that Stephen Fry chappy if you're up for a bit of Charlie! With corona we all could be. (although I do not endorse all of the Origins speakers I do concur largely with both of these speakers, frighteningly so. These are the kind of views I have held for my entire mature adulthood. Despite shadow of indoctrination and boundaries with some people there is little conflict in my views.)

It is testament to the influence or right wing fundamentalists that I was intervened on by mental health services at 19 years into successful sobriety. It’s their way or the high way. Throughout my recovery, every few years, interventions were attempted as I do not conform to the party lines. I do not believe god has any place in the recovery sector nor do I believe in transferring dependency onto peer support groups. I left spiritual focus groups in the early 90’s after a few years clean. The Catholic Church tried to Copt my recovery and claim it for Christ. I was heavily indoctrinated by right wing counsellors that the 12 step programmes were the only way to find recovery from addiction. By my early twenties, having sat on the UK service committee I could clearly see the ideology did not work for me, nor was promoting it helping the still suffering addict. I left because the rigidity of the programme was killing me. I wanted to commit suicide because of the suppression of feelings implicit in the programmes labelling normal human traits as defects of character that only god could change. When I sought exit strategy the Catholic conservatives tried to seize the overt unity to claim their therapy was why i was sober. In my early recovery i worked for right wing medics in long stay mental health facility. I was the golden boy, having recovered through god. When i turned against their Eugenics it was at the sight of clients mistreated by conservative views of mental health. ‘Molly’ was an operatic singer who in the 30’s had a child out of wedlock with one of the big nobs. This flew in the face of conservative christian values so the right incarcerated her for life in an institution, removed the chid and claimed she was a learning difficulty case. In fact her only symptoms were due to the abuse of dangerous medications and electric shock therapy at the hands of conservative medics. Rarely, she would sing, and such a tragedy in her voice. As I progressed in the NHS in my youth I was met with groups like ‘conductive education’ that claimed god could cure physical disability. They also head hunted me as a known victim of childhood sexual abuse and shadowed me with conservative groups socially. When I turned against the religious perspective of mental health in my early twenties they continuously harassed., excluded and tried to social engineer my down fall. Skip forward 19 years and after years of successfully running my own business, notoriety with Hollywood as a photographer, award winning works as a poet and script writer and high grades at university and producing a website challenging conservative values about recovery from both addiction and childhood trauma, and the conservative right conspired to put me into long term mental health care. It should be noted my actual addiction as a teen was due to prescription of barbiturate analogues by the NHS because of childhood trauma. When I detoxed off the depressants I immediately transferred dependency to alcohol. Clean by the age of 18, the right promoted me through their service structures as a potential poster child for 12 step. When it didn’t work for me they not only abandoned but actively sought to undermine my social standing and manageability. That is the long shadow of the 12 step movement and it’s religious and medical supporters. Their way or the high way. 32 years into sobriety I have no faith in the 12 step movement, which I have seen fail a multitude of sufferers with it’s backwater fundamentalist value system. ‘Molly’ was released into care in the community due to the work of my generation to disempower the conservative right within the mental health sector. I paid a price for our rebellion, incarcerated in acute services at 19 years sober for being an atheist and refusing to let go of confronting others for their accountability in chid abuse. Due to liberal legislation I was released, with little support outside the private therapy sector. I continue to create and run a successful business confronting the issues implicit in the conservative world view of mental health. If they destroy my security again, people will know that i went down fighting. I am part of the solution not the problem. The war on drugs destroys lives of vulnerable victims. ‘Treatment’ with fundamental ideology only exasperates the problems. I am entirely committed to legalisation. People should be allowed to freely choose their path to recovery not forced by draconian systems into mere compliance. Freedom is not found through a final, conservative, solution. In most areas my beliefs are entirely liberal and certainly atheist. When people tell me ‘god is the solution’, I just smile and walk in the opposite direction. Rather than accept the reality of my recovery conservative groups have sought to claim I never even had an addiction or to claim I am insane because I do not believe in the power and claimed authority of their god. I was part of a long term study into addiction by the crown. I am still sober with existential and humanist models. The old lie 'once an addict always an addict' is exposed by my frredom from the conservative 'disease' model. We do recover.

A brief note on The News Of The World campaign that called for public listing. Firstly, the paper no longer exists because of illegal use of media powers. Secondly, the left wing survivors movement was marching with calls to public list child abusers to my experience in the very early nineties and it can be assumed earlier still. I cannot comment on the evil crime that was used in that campaign beyond to say that it saddens me. However, misinformation, promoted by University of Sussex more than implied that all male victims of abuse were a risk to the public. The culture already had a witch hunt against former victims based on their crass pop psychology interpretation. Are we to believe all female victims of rape are a risk to the public? What holds true for women is the same as for men. The tarring with the same brush of all male victims through the NOW campaign amplified prejudice and misunderstanding about former victims exponentially. Statistics based on convictions of sex offenders in the USA clearly show there is no correlation between being a victim of abuse and becoming a perpetrator of abuse. One does not cause the other. In psychological assistance I have sought as a victim I have met in groups many people that believe to disclose as a victim of child abuse is to say that one is an abuser. I am not, nor are the majority of other male victims. Some abusers claim to have been abused as children once caught out for their crimes to try to justify themselves. How many of these bastards were really victims is academic. Due to NOW exploiting the public outrage at their story it ran for years, selling papers, stirring political paranoia and feeding myths about male victims and indeed myths that perpetrators are all killers for that matter. This had an extremely negative effect on male victims and many of the supports were run by people who buy into the misrepresentations. I myself was nearly killed in Yorkshire by Right wingers fuelled by the NOW story to drive a car at full speed into the opposite side of the road and mount a pavement in attempt to run me down, all just because I disclose as a victim of childhood sexual abuse. The extent to which the culture is toxic to former victims eventually lead to me creating my website. I was continuously bullied and socially attacked throughout the NOW story and later the Soham story due to false beliefs stirred up by the press about victims. My history shows I have never been a risk to society. I am now 50 without any serious crime. I have abused no one. For 37 years I was psychologically assessed as normal (until the backlash against this website and after my human rights case.) So bad is the revictimisation of former victims of child sexual abuse that a class action suit could be brought against UK civil mechanisms claiming to address our concerns, rights and needs. I myself raised a validated European Court of Human Rights case against the media and local government cover ups that exist across the country regardless of the politics of the areas. I have seen female victims attacked by ‘the men’s movement’ into retracting criminal statements in fear for their lives, later appearing as alleged ‘false memmory’ in local papers. This is just the tip of the iceberg. The culture of denial is supported by university academics and pop psychology alike. It makes money as an exploitable issue. That is all I think of the News Of The World, a paper closed for business by mispractice. Give Us The List not more media cover ups.

In addition to the essay above please note I have only ever met two survivors of childhood sexual abuse who got a conviction against their abuser in my entire life and they spanned three generations. Both were plants for the establishment assisting cover ups of abuse and their testimony must therefor be taken with a pinch of salt. I was active in survivor groups for a few years and they were highly political and attacked members unwilling to adhere to an ardent feminist, far left agenda. No one got justice. Media syndicalism, rather than emotional support has been the norm for at least two generations of corruption within victim support. It remains clear that to give a statement to the police in the UK is most likely to result in psychiatric care for the victim. Obviously this is arse about tit. It is the abusers that need controls and treatments. As a late teen I was convinced I would get justice if I addressed all my dysfunctional coping strategy. I dealt with them all by my early twenties. All the supports did was ostracise me becauseI I fully recovered. Just prior to confronting my abusers I worked for the NHS in the care sector. I have not been employed by any organisation since confronting the abuse. In my late teens/ early twenties I was shadowed by a social network directly protecting my abusers and most of my fake friends were Freemasons or their children. I continued to be stalked socially by supporters of my abusers till my early 30’s despite moving to the other end of the country. Directing and controlling by the perpetrators. I confronted my abusers fully in my early twenties. That was 30 years ago. I was not labelled sick for 20 of those years. It takes the actions of other people to keep someone unemployed that long. Even when I went to university within a semester the media department set me up in such a way that I lost a house I owned outright and became homeless with out ill behaviour or action on my part in their national media cover up for abuse. There is genuine corruption surrounding abuse victims, many will have their lives destroyed by local councils protecting their civil mechanisms against complaint and civil justice. When I was eventually given psychiatry against my will it was 19 years into my recovery and 17 years after confronting my abusers. Between 0.25 and 0.5 million was spent to try to discredit me age 37 with claims I was acute psychosis. The real reason is I launched a human rights case against UK systems ‘treating’ victims and the establishment backlashed my complaint against the BMA, Police federation and other national organisations. They also didn’t like the existence of this website. I was social engineered to homelessness 6 times due to making statement to police.My experience of the police is to talk to them about being a victim is to invite unwarented and undesirable attention on myself as the victim in such a way that undermines my material well being and security/ Apart from a crime referance the police have done nothing for me. My rights were never considered.

From 1980 (aged 10) I was chemical dependant on a barbituate analouge. This was for several years following serious truama. When I was reduced and detoxed from them I imediately cross addicted to dependancy on alcohol. I got sober and drug free age 18. There were teething problems in the first 12 years abstinance mainly CAUSED by the fact 12 step is against my emotional well being as a disabled survivor of abuse ('It's all you fault', 'you're in your head' . 'forgive', 'just let go', 'you're defective'. 'you're insane', 'you have no power', 'free will is wrong). Initially the church tried to get me out of 12 step as an exit strategy and fed me the same BS about being spiritualy flawed ('pray away the gay'), 'dont go to soho it's evil!'. Once I told the god squad to go fuck themselves I had no problem staying abstinant of my own by free will alone. I have never been a street drug user. I smoked a few spliffs and did a couple of E as a youngster without consequence. I am now nearing 33 years in recovery and do not have any help to achieve this. I was forced to go to 12 step again several times following BS intervetnions by freemasons and other christian groups because I do not work for an employer as I am disabled. Apparently running muy own business isn't work and recovery means I should be compliant with conservative agendas and beliefs. At 33 years sober all I want for xmas is a couple of pros sat on my knee. I learned long ago not to take counsel from religous people, they are clearly nuts- abuse, 'it's all in your head, Jesus saves', bben there, tried it, got nowhere. If they legalised cannabis I might have a hash cake at the weekend. I can't possibly be in recovery they all cry because I don't belive in god and also don't care what gender is giving me a blow job. Extremist AA and fundamentalists claim I am not alcoholic. I needed physical and psychological assistance to detox. I was part of a long term national treatments study of alcohol recovery by a specialist linked to the crown. I attempted 'social drinking' under various psychologists and cannot do it for more than a couple of years without spiral into dependency. I have not tried short term social drinking as an experiment for 20 years because it does not work out for me. The final answer to AA is why do they think I don't drink if I am not alcoholic? AA destroys peoples lives with their god centred BS, they acrtively attack people who do not bow down to their rather bizarre idology which in many respects even divurges from many more standard religous mindsets. Not all religous people are nuts, they are just wrong in believing in god, AA in general are more fundamental.

One of the looney ‘passers by’ (‘become passers by’)  relaying spurious information about and to me, said that I do not care about ‘the community’. Firstly this statement has no context, as with most of their little sound bites. For starters I do not know what they define as ‘the community’, christians, LGBT, multi culture, liberals, conservatives... which community of the plurality of claimed communities do they mean? Secondly, I do not give power to a collective ‘thou’ or ‘they’ or ‘other’, nor include myself in any ‘we’. I would refute claims that the individual is defined by the outside in. To be ‘other-rated’ is to have no back bone or internal sense of self. We do not live in a communist authoritarian state where individualism has no value. There have been claims I do not offer this ‘community’ anything as I do not create or belong to a group. I do not need a group to flourish. I am doing quite nicely all on my own with minimal connection to their ‘community’ beyond meeting needs through commerce. Why would I try to create a group? To start a ‘support’ group I would have to expose myself to needy people who lacked the sense of self and well being I currently have. The good life does not require me to provide for others beyond the commercial reality of providing employment through purchase of services. Commerce facilitates connection, as a consumer I have power, identity and meaning. If a baby falls from a window I will try to catch it but I am not going to show altruism at a cost to my peace of mind by trying to save others, classic codependency. This claimed sense of ‘community’ that some promote does not appear to share my values, they openly attack my peace of mind with gossip and foul jeers. Why would I want to be ‘in’ with them when all they do is show abuse in their attentions? That is not respect or inclusion and lacks morality. Who is ‘the community’, what is their values, what have I to gain through connection with them? Apparently not a lot.
Someone once said ‘compassion is the vice of kings’. Although I do not consider it a vice exactly it is not something I consider much of a motivator. The charity sector often employs people who cannot find paid employment. The charity sector consists of tax free businesses, many with large portfolios, that exploit the compassion of those with a surplus of prosperity. The business exploits both those who donate and those giving labour freely. Profit is made for the cause through this slight of hand, pulling on other heart strings. I do not have a vast surplus of prosperity and although I have free time the idea of offering free labour offends me, I want more from my work than just a smile. Moral virtue may well involve charity from those with an excess of prosperity but as I have tight purse strings I have little to give. I am not opposed on principle to charity and in general, altruism is not a bad thing. I thoroughly consider that the privileged few have a moral duty to serve the poor. Kings can show compassion, they have a surplus, it is not a vice even though it may be used to feed their elevated sense of self importance. Everyone wants to look like the ‘good guy’. A lot of charity service users have to pay for the charity to meet their needs, it is a sad fact of the market. When I was at the YMCA for instance, my lodgings came out of my living expenses and although they provided a meal it was paid for out of my own pocket. Very christian of them to take money from the poor and disempowered. I maintain I will catch a baby falling from a window but it is not my responsibility to fit in with business models that would purely treat my labours as something to exploit, even if such would serve a greater good. I am not a king. The likely outcome if I had gone to work for the YMCA as they tried to manipulate is that I would have lost welfare in return for my hard work. Apparently this is ‘Christian’. I call it the behaviour of a mug. Perhaps as a child of thatcher I ask too much. I expect a little compassion myself, as without it I would not flourish but this does not mean I have much to give. I am disabled, there is no social contract saying I need to give in order to receive welfare. Welfare the state must provide for me to survive was exploited by YMCA. I had less space and was unable to produce much work whilst at YMCA. This cost the tax payer far more than the price of keeping my needs met in a flat. Some people don’t like this, but then they are not disabled and do not need to be empowered by legislation to protect the vulnerable. So compassion? Yes, I feel it. Altruism? Not a great deal to give. And after all I do give entertainment as a creative, like it or not, I am producing work and have identity and meaning through that. I do care, but not to the point of being willing to make losses by acting on those feelings. No one wants to cut off their nose to spite their face. Christians do not have a monopoly on charity or altruism, just as well, they would charge you for it!

There are no exagerations, fabrications or so called 'conspiracy' on this website. I am not living a theory, I am in practical recovery. The hate campaigns against my standing in the community began Y2K when I brung the police in on my childhood. I did not go public with this site till 5 years later. Amnesty International employees were explicitly involved in cover up for the perpetrators and campaigned to reduce the age of consent. The cover up which was at level of newsnight (I spoke to the spokesman two days before their 'national inquiry' hotline on BBC. Only about 20 perps were convicted due to societal denial and active attacks on victims by the community). Human rights charity would not touch a domestic home human rights case within the UK and there were major multi party attacks on that case, ratified by the EU. ('Give us the list - terrorist chanted in London streets at a rally for instance and I was charged with fabricated terror offences later dropped by courts in a 'liberal' goverment area) It is known that my abusers made specific deals with AI whilst abusing me to make sizeable donations and to encourage such from other abusive families to throw the investigation (which was directly leaked on Newsnight). AI promoted those involved in the corruption. I should of left the country at that time. I am restricted from doing so today. I have never been an abuser. This site is not closely allied with any political party. My voter hsitory is Liberal in liberal dominated areas, labour for lonon mayor consistently and socialist labour when living in a pit village. AI were aware I was active sexually with both men and women at the time and had in fact at least had bisexual sex chat with their employees. There have been false claims of homophobia ever since, I even had a counselor in kingston for liberals record themselves saying that I could not be bisexual despite all evidence to the contrary.

The children’s act to protect the rights of minors was not passed till 1989. In 1974 Local Area child protection committees were created. That was the first child protection, prior the church 'dealt' with abuse. I was abused sexually, physically and emotionally throughout the 1970’s and 80’s in my childhood and the whole family system was abusive. I left that family behind me in my early twenties as I had maintained abstinence from all my coping strategies since my late teens and there was no available mechanism to achieve justice or resolution. I have never had an addiction in my adult life. In the late 70’s as part of a political strategy to protect the ‘sanctity of the family’ British Aerospace/ Hawker Sidley KIngston upon Thames and Hull factory employees involved themselves in a cover up campaign to protect abusive families in Ham and Kingston and to influence national policy. This involved abduction and abuse of a child (who thought they were ‘in’ on child protection) from Stuart Rd (where I lived as a child) in Ham, that made national TV and Newspaper headlines. This abduction was used to manipulate area child protection services and serve as a cover up for the wider abuse in the area that included assault on me as a minor by 7 people throughout childhood and early adolescence . I was not alone in being a victim in Ham. Older children were placed in classes with us as part of the so called ‘inquiry’. Few if any convictions occurred and a strategy was put in place to ‘treat’ the victims to suppress the truth about the abusers whilst keeping us children in the abusive family systems. Again a political motivated agenda to protect ‘sanctity of the family’. Adults that spoke out were themselves targeted by the community in ham with allegations that they were themselves abusers when they were not. The general culture was one of child abuse and it is no surprise that the creation of child protection services led to cover ups and testing of the systems by the abusers to discover how best to cover their crimes. The abusers invested in support mechanisms such as adolescent counselling services and victim supports with ‘treatments’ specifically orientated into guilt tripping teen victims into shame and silence about the abusers. These models all persist today and the very fabric of child protection services is designed to return vulnerable children to their family systems after ‘treating’ the victim. Throughout my life several disparate groups within the community across the country have been committed to suppressing the reality of child abuse (masons, new agers, some christian groups, political groups, counselling services supporting the family etc.) This has largely undermined the stability of my adult life. It is best described as a cultural attack through rumour and corruption within civil mechanisms that claim to support us victims. In and of my self, emotionally I am relativity stable and can maintain abstinence from all teen coping strategy without any support from any one else. This has been true my whole adult life. This alone would suggest psychological integration. Yet I remain isolated and excluded within the community to support the myth that there is something wrong with me and my disclosure of abuse must be delusional despite all evidence to the contrary. Rights of the child and former victims? Cover up upon cover up. Give Us The List.

Why worry about learning from past mistakes in child protection? Many teens abused by their own families face suicide attempts, being targeted by drug pushers and sex industry and homelessness as they flee the abusive family system. Many of the supports are designed to protect those families from being exposed for their crimes. An awful lot of victims are being told to sweep it under the carpet and be silenced by the system presented by victim support. Media syndicates and corruption exist in many of the support systems. Many victims are revictimised by contraindicated psychiatric labelling for their entire lives. Take a tablet and shut the fuck up is the message from society. Often police if contacted try to criminalise the victim to protect local authorities from action on criminal negligence in child protection. The shadow of abuse can persist socially for decades with victims judged for fleeing their abusive families. This is where ‘the sanctity of the family unit’ is destroying young peoples lives. No bridges have been built or doors opened since I confronted my family in my early twenties. I have been unable to find employment across the country since setting clear boundaries and owning that I was abused. Since I spoke to police 20 years ago I have been kept in social isolation through rumour, gossip, hate crime and false allegations that something is fundamentally wrong with me. You cannot keep someone in unemployment for 30 years without social engineering. For 20 of those years I was not under a psychiatrist nor diagnosed as ill, in fact my GP stated I was fine. You cannot make a teen recovery from addiction homeless 6 times whilst totally abstinent without social engineering. You cannot hospitalise someone 20 years into their recovery without corruption and social engineering. Paranoia? I was incarcerated within 2 months of my human rights case against the UK Government for negligence in my childhood. i was in the system 8 years without proportionate crime. Prior to the case I did not face any anticipated detention and no serious crime has ever been committed by myself. Backlash following the human rights focus. This has all cost society at least over a quarter of a million to try to silence. Officially in legislation I was classed as vulnerable due to trauma from my teens and disability should have prevented me ever being homeless. As a teen I was even in a local government safe house. Social engineering backlash left me living in the royal parks whilst completely in long term abstinance from all addictions. . What can be learned?

 

 

Homo Deus abstract

I was contemplating some of the possibilities outlined by Harari for the job market in the near future. According to Homo Deus advances in technology will either free the workforce from labour in a positive way or create an unemployable underclass. Artificial intelligence places intellectual vocations at risk. In the nineteenth and early twentieth century agriculture made up 90% of the employment market. Today it represents 2%. This change is as a result of the industrial revolution. Physical tasks previously performed by humans have been largely replaced by machines. With machine learning, in the near future, many intellectual profession will become obsolete. Biometric readings taken from smart watches and big data from aggregation of internet usage, particularly networked internet of things mean that diagnosis of both physical and mental health may be performed by expert systems rather than health professionals. The service industries may be governed by machines, smart tills and robots to stack shelves or serve food, replacing human staff. Artificial intelligent cars may make drivers obsolete. Harari states that it is almost impossible to tell what skills need to be taught to children today to make them viable for the employment market which will emerge from the AI revolution. Futurists always doom say and this was as true a century ago and longer. There is a fear of the unknown which makes people anxious in the face of new technology. We adapt to our environments and as artificial intelligence takes over mental processes, although freeing many from repetitive tasks, it is unclear how people will maintain their economic security or be employed in the next thirty years. It is probable that the brave new world of AI will provide people with new jobs in the creative, entertainment, IT and maintenance industries. The fear of machine intelligence replacing humans is a real one but even terminators need somebody to fix them when they break down. It is likely advances in biometric reading will improve our over all health and well being whilst eliminating the tyranny of GP fund holders and semi privatised health care that today pushes unnecessary drugs for pay offs and sweeteners from the pharmaceutical industries. Life expectancy in likely to increase to normative centenarians with advances in medicine and machines taking care of our well being. Lawyers may be replaced with smart systems to weigh the scales of the law and illuminate human injustice and corruption within the current legal profession. Whilst these systems may leave several groups obsolete automation may actually make the health and legal systems more responsive to human need and less controlled by human elites. It is impossible to tell what the employment market will look like in the face of the changes created by artificial intelligence. Technology can create freedom or impose controls on our liberty. Harari points out this is not just presenting questions in ethical philosophy but the practical day to day existence of the whole population. The question is not if artificial intelligence will take over many of the mental processes we take for granted but rather how we will adapt as a community to the freedoms and empowerment the technology can provide. Prometheus stole the fire from heaven to give it to humanity. It remains to be seen if we will be punished for the hubris of bringing intelligence to machines. Frankenstein’s monster has the potential to turn on their creator and instead of freeing humanity, technology could create more control and rigidity, reducing us to servants of a machinery that seizes power. Economic security and prosperity could be lost in the shuffle of trying to find new employment and an ever changing demand for new skills. Are we to become an underclass ruled over by machine learning or will we be freed by the fire of intelligence stollen from the gods? God’s of men or slave to the machine?

Free Will?

Having listened to the Origins Podcast with Stephen Fry I was left feeling a little short changed with the briefness of his comments on free will and agency. As an atheist the idea of a deterministic universe ordained by a patriarchal deity in the sky is out of the question. That thinking is simply absurd. However contingent reality means that freedom of choice is forever limited by circumstance. Arguments for hard wired neurobiological determinism are proposed by philosophers and scientists, in particular I would reference Sam Harris ’Free Will’. The brain is a machine responding to external reality and all our reactions could at core be proposed to be mechanistic biological reaction. Where this argument falls short is that it cannot adequately describe consciousness and the experimental evidence that neurological reaction proceeds conscious choice has been questioned. Daniel Dennetts’ ‘Elbow Room’ explores these matters more fully. Agency, in the sense of choice may be constrained by both external cues and internal factors such as nature and nurture. Conditioning through learning, as with biology may be seen to dictate our reactions to stimulus and to that extent freewill may be an illusion of perception. The existential philosophers put great emphasis on consciousness and agency deriving from it. Be it illusion of the mind or not, agency exists. In any given circumstance we have a multiplicity of available actions and it is with agency that we can decide our responses to any given situation. The contingency of nature and nurture may predetermine many of our reactions to the outside world and the choices it presents but ultimately as conscious beings we are ‘condemned to be free’ (Sartre). Dennett proposes compatabilistic solution to the problem of consciousness , despite the neurobiological restrictions in creating the ‘illusion’ of consciousness, and thus agency, to all intent and purpose agency remains real for practical purposes (‘Freedom Evolves’). So when Stephen Fry says ‘free will has largely been discounted’, but ‘we have agency’ I feel this only confuses through semantics. To all intent and purpose we have free will. It is contingent. It may be an ‘illusion’ constrained by nature and nurture but ultimately we have agency through free will to decide our response to any given problem. Thankfully there is no god or ‘the universe’ deciding our actions. We have response ability. Scientific reductionism cannot adequately describe or qualifysubjective existence of concious will (existential phenomominological qualia of agency). Conciousness in not an object for deconstruction. Free will may be an artefact of romanticism or continental philosophy but it has yet to be fully refuted. I remain romantic, I wrote this abstract with my own free will.

Absurdism? Essay.
I just read a really poor and inaccurate interpretation of absurdism that claimed the absurdist would take on a constructed meaning like religion in full knowledge it was untrue in rebellion at the nihilist reality of a universe without meaning. NON! Camus did not offer a theistic way out of the tension between the minds tendency to seek meaning where in fact there is none. Religion is philosophic suicide. Similarly he did not exclude the existential creation of ones own meaning, just witnessed that to do so was ultimately doomed to absurdity and failure. This not as a nihilistic surrender to chaos or the folly of false beliefs but as a call to arms, to rebel against absurdity and live life well in spite of the meaninglessness.
What strikes me as absurd is that christians are writing articles and books to promote their ideology through bold faced lies about alternative philosophy. I part read a couple of books claiming an existential position of finding our own way and meaning in life by how we creatively choose to live only for them to try to nail the meaninglessness to a fucking cross again. Far from being the truth, the way and the light, Christ is a fake construct that only provides meaning if you surrender rationality to dogma. Even with Kierkegaard I do not accept the solution to nihilistic despair in a meaningless world to be resolved through embracing meaning provided by the false construct of religion. I’ve had several of these books and articles ‘forced’ through search engine results into my attention and I am mighty angry that they are trying to direct both the web and philosophic debate in the direction of religious or spiritual bullshit. They do similar criticisms of the New Atheist movement as if by hiding their agenda for a few chapters they can somehow convince people later of their ridiculous world view by slipping it in covertly under our noses. It’s quite a tyrannical attempt to hoodwink people towards faith.
This correlates with what I criticise about Scott Peck ‘the road less traveled’ and his notion that therapy is designed to bring people to ‘heal’ in Christ or for that matter that atheism is to be labelled a mental illness as in his ‘People of the Lie’. Clearly an exponent of christian fundamentalism and the Republican Party. Therapy is an attempt to find meaning not to ‘heal’ (whatever that is supposed to mean). I’ve had therapy over the past 32 years. Nothing has healed and the same material comes back around again and again due to its facticity. I however come at it from a new perspective as I mature finding greater meaning. Peck the fascist has new clothes, woe betide that anyone points out that the emperor is a naked fool, that would be 'mental illness'.
Back to absurdism, nihilism postulates life is meaningless and there is no point trying to make a meaning from it. Existentialism states we have the power to create our own meaning. Absurdism takes both positions as true and that there is a tension between them. Ultimately Camus (if we dare to label him) is an absurdist that embraces existential self created meaning as rebellion against the harsh reality of nihilism. Sisyphus is doomed to have the rock roll back down the mountain but he continues to push it up the mountain knowing a joy in the moment of his struggle for meaning and life. Life is meaningless, and the mind has an inclination to find meanings where there are none. Enjoy it! Have a laugh.

Disablement. Essay.
To be labelled as disabled is to be misconstrued at times as other and to some, less than those who are able. It is easy for the prejudice of those more able or functional to express resentment at the disabled. Some will claim the disabled are lazy, or slackers if no visible impairment is readily discernible. Enablement and empowerment look beyond the social constructs of disablement and seek to support liberty and autonomy of the individual. To look beyond impairment is to embrace our humanity and basic rights. In a sense, all people are impaired in some way, some less intelligent than others, some less physically strong, some aged, some weakened by illness, some at times unable to control their emotional responses to life’s unraveling situations. We are not all equal in ability to face the world and everybody has issues with coping with life’s ups and downs. Compassion for deficit rather than trying to force people to conform to an ideal of functionality would seem to be the order of the day. Even compassionate conservatism witnesses that those who are vulnerable or in need should receive assistance to cope with their impairment. Where impairment becomes an issue is when the social construct of disablement comes to undermine the individuals inalienable value as a human being. Disablement is not about specific impairment but how society treats the disabled person. To view the disabled as weak, defective, less than, or in some way belligerent and needing to be whipped in to shape is a sociological prejudice. That exclusion or labelling as other is the prejudice of disablement. Disabled people are diverse and share all the common values and characteristics of what it means to be a human being. Programmes that expect the impaired to conform to the goals and responsibilities of the able attack the stability and wellbeing of people for whom impairment is no fault of their own. Disablement as a social construct is the responsibility of the able. Disablement as a projection of false beliefs and fears of those without impairment is a prejudice to confront. Those with impairments need support, welfare and services not the judgement of the able as burdens on the tax payer. Those who through no fault of their own are impaired from achieving security through their own labours have an absolute right to everything an able person has to achieve through employment. There is nothing an abled person can possess or achieve in life that a disabled person should not be facilitated to have also. A impaired person should have access to all the quality of life that an able person has, this requires enablement by the state and civic service provision. A societies moral virtue should not be judged by humanities greatest achievers but on how we support and nurture the most needy. Humanity is not a race, not the survival of just the fittest, not a continued conflict of dog eat dog or sink or swim. There is need for respect, support, equal rights and and provision through welfare to achieve equanimity for all.

In response to 'you're a man, you can sink or swim', as a vulnerable adult with complex disability needs I have in fact been homeless 6 times in my adult life without any criminal or ill behaviour on my part. There is a reason for that. I do not have the functional capacity to work 9-5. If this was a lie on my part why do the DWP have been classified as 'not in a work group'? I don't need to justify myself to anyone and it does not affect cognition or the diversity of my skill base. I am not fully functional and never will be. That is why Kingston have a legal responsability to house me and why I will always be on disabled benefits.

The reason I mention anomoly with NHS below is I recently asked for a local council disability needs assesment from my Comunity Psychiatric Nurse and they replied it was unecessary despite the fact I clearly need a house cleaner. Since I am on full PIP Disability benefits and there is a physical cause to my defecits, that being compound fracture of skull in childhood etc. it would seem to me this was not an unreasonable request. I have recently had a new nurse as i made complaint against the last one for nonverbal subdominant behaviour in my presence. The new one seems very touchy on christianity so i have complained again since it seems to effect their judgement. There is an issue with my private therapy on skype in so much as the local authority seems to be listening in and the therapist is defensive around the NHS, not wanting to discuss complaints. Since having the new CPN the therapist has been feeding back to me that I do not seem confused atall to them, implying whoever has access to my session has said otherwise. Reguardless of who may have a deal with whom I am not getting my disability rights met and the CPN seems resistant to involvement of other agencies and my having therapy which has suceeded in meeting emotional stability needs for three years. For those shouting out 'benefit fraud' in the street the DWP has assesed me twice this year and put up my disability based on hard medical evidence. They know I have traded as a multimedia publishing small business for 17 years and that profit expands the company. I am permited to spend money as I please. All transparent and above board. If you don't like disability welfare put us up against a wall and shoot us! Claiming a religous or conservative political agenda to harass the disabled and vulnerable is no excuse. Harassment and attempts to disrupt socially emotional well being is hate crime against the disabled.

I know it is unfashionable and contrarian to criticise the NHS at the momment but when I was sectiioned on trumped up charges 13 years ago the social worker tried to blackmail me 3K to get my equipment into storeage. I didnt have access to funds so she colluded with the landlord I had to sell over 20K of recording equipment and take a cut. Also whilst heavily sedated they gotr me to sign a copyright notice that I was selling them poems at a price of 50p per poem. When i tried to take them to court on release from section I was informed I had been kept in too long and that the window for litigation was closed so I could not sue the NHS.

I need do NOTHING to remain clean and sober. I have not drunk, used drugs, smoked or had any other addiction throughout most of my adult life. i tried 12 steps and worked them all in the first 3 years and it left me desperately suicidal. 12 step has introduced me to some of my worst enemy and caused a lot of conflict through gossip by the fellowships. I met the worsed people you can imagine through 12 step. I left. I then had several different therapists, mostly inefectual. I had no psychiatric input till 19 years sober, largely because ideologicaly i cause problems for other models by staying sober on free will. Lots of people do not like that fact. There are no formula, no therapies, no CBT or other methods I use or have used consistently. I just dont drink. I am in over 30 years of abstinence. I have never experienced any form of addiction since my teens. I am totraly anti religion and not spiritual in any of my views philosophicaly. I do not desire a higher power. I've had peak eaxperiences and lowest of the lows whilst sober, it has not made me drink. I do not use a support network. It is best to do it alone. The astute will note I was forced under court order to attend AA a few years back. This was not an 'addiction treatment order', indeed I have never been under a cummunity addiction team, the rationale of the NHS was that since I was tea total having suffered alcohol dependancy as a teen AA was the best place to find social intergration in the community. So much for NHS psychiatry teams, how well did that work? Of course being militant atheist and life long tea total does not intergrate well with god bothering life time drunks. I did tell them!

 

Romantic obsession? 99% of my material is not written about anybody atall. It is purely produced from inagination with no external focus of attention. Half a dozen songs referance past relationships. Half a dozen more are about real people. That's out of over a 1000 poems. I am not known to even become atatched to people let alone obsessed. There is for instnce no material whatsoever about my ex wife. None.

Getting the record clean again. I do not now nor have I ever believed in the death sentance or corporal punishment. I do however believe in vengance. From age 15-18 I was sexualy exploited as a minor. I do not now nor have I ever used prostitutes, I would not enjoy it as I empathise through how disempowered it felt to me as a young teenager, I have no desire to be part of the sex industry. I was targeted by a murderer as a teen in soho hunting boys to kill. I do not freely use the term bisexual except as shorthand. It is an artificial social construct and does not clearly express my position. i have had sexual relations with both men and women. I do not enjoy casual sexual encounters as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I like to get to know people intimately before sharing my body with them. Since I was abandoned and abused in infancy by both parents I have abandonment issues that are acute. Hence I avoid relationships that have no long term potential. Although I have no commitment moraly to celibacy my emotional make up in relation to others has meantt I have been free of sexual relationships for about 80% of my adult life. I do not have a problem with this. If a suitable partner came along this would change but I have clear boundaries and criteria and no one is meeting those right now. During the murder invstigation the perpetrator was found dead. Not the only skull where I have been implicated by others. I do not believe the toxic ideology of forgiveness for serious offences. Vengance is a dish best served cold. There is a blood feud within my family of origin. I do not want to meet with them, I left the family early twenties after freeing myself of false beliefs about needs for ammends. I never looked back. As I was not in recovery at 18 due to any crime on my part nor from any involement with criminal justice system 12 step was particularly toxic for me as a youngster as I was told to build a support system from criminals who could not themselves stay sober. It combines with false 'spiritual' beliefs about forgiving offenders (that the crims were all too keen on) is why I left by age 21. I could not stay long term abstinant under the conditions, the only way for me to achieve the very long term sobriety I have was to do it solo.

Drugs and the creative process? Following BBC2 The Romantics episode 2 I would like to refute the myth that drink and drugs assist the creative process. i experimented with this as a teen and produced very little work of poor quality due to confusion and malaise caused by indulgnece. Clean n Sober without so much as a spliff I have produced near 500 songs (more if I include acoustic sketches), over 1000 poems, a body of graphic designs, several sculptures, half a dozen film and tV screen plays, a prose book and spent a couple of years as a photographer. If I was loaded i would not have been as prolific, quality would suffer and most of my work would be total bollocks. My creative flow would be interupted by getting pissed and I would loose my inspiration which comes from being in full contact with my feelings and perceptions. Huxley might argue I use technology to mood alter... I can switch my coloured oils lighting FX projector off so the ceiling is blank, I would not be able to switch off an opiate habit. (search Optiaura, mine is on a smart plug so when I say 'time to relax' all living space lights go off and the projector, dim nanoleaf relaxation panel FX, dim Hue, larva lamp and Mozart comes on quietly on my alexa. Do set up 'routine' commands. 'Time for bed' shuts it all down. I do not believe suffering leads to great art or spiritual enlightenment!) Creativity is play, I don't play with drugs. The myth of the creative addict is so ubiquitous that depth therapists I have engadged with are incredulous that I create clean... how do we know coleridge was loaded all the time? Is he here to share the experience? The crafts utilised creatively take discipline, dedication, commitment and study to develop. Inspiration is found in reality through solitary contemplation, emotional sensitivity, self relfection and being present in my life. Drugd and alcohol are anathema to all these qualities. No exageration, there is not a single work on theis site where I have had a drink or a spliff, not one, none of my published and profesional work was whilst drinking. In fact i was 10 years clean before I produced a song. Drugs, drink, excess and creativity - anathema to process! The myth is very toxic. Drugs kill. Hippy bollocks like 'spiritual experience' from drugs is all denial.

‘Hearing Voices’? An essay.

The beat poets of the sixties described the phenomenology of ‘hearing voices’ as the ‘third mind’. Maya Angelou describes ‘speaking to spirits’. Several religions present a spiritual explanation. I do not lend credence to irrationality about ‘psychic’ powers(interesting etymology). Still the phenomena exists as if wired into a machine intelligence. Meditation manuals speak of not being responsible for the first thought that comes to mind. I am responsible for entertaining that thought.
Here I entertain one such thought. This is intended as a thought pump to promote the flow of ideas not a statement of fact.
The term ‘HMV’ to describe phenomenology of insertion of thought is one that exists from the sixties in pop culture and was the dominant view of my family on ‘hearing voices’, they all experienced such at times and none were under a psychiatrist. As they were of an engineering background their explanation leant credence to a technological interpretation for the phenomenology. Hence I use ‘HMV’ as a term freely in private but consider it only to be an artificial construct of reasoning to explain an irrational set of phenomena. I do not intend it to be taken literally.
Psychiatric labelling is a sociological construct to disempower individuals by pathologising common human experiences. I am largely anti psychiatric as with Laing ‘The divided self’. People need to be heard, not medicated. Functional increase would need to be shown by psychiatric treatment to lend credence to its effectiveness. Sadly psychiatry as often destroys lives as heals any symptoms.
In my instance it was not till age 37 that I was medicated. Am I to suppose that this has had a positive effect in anyway?. No. In fact I have deteriorated psychologically and socially. The phenomenology of ‘insertion of thought’ has increased on medication, and although not entirely a product of it, could be aggravated by chemical imbalance caused by psychopharmacology. The main issue I take with the assumption by psychiatrists that ‘insertion of thought’ or ‘hearing voices’ is an aberration that must be negated by medication was that my existence prior to treatment was entirely satisfactory to myself and I in no way was seeking any kind of help psychologically. I have since sought therapy to deal with the consequences of psychiatry. If I was not under a psychiatrist i would not be engaging with therapy, it is a social defence against the former.
In the few examples I have given of rationale presented by artists for ‘inserted thought’ it must be recognised that their is a ubiquity to the phenomenology that extends beyond persons labelled as having psychiatric disorders. Functionality, as in my case, is not effected by the perception of ‘insertion of thought’.
On McGilchrist, I’ve been thinking about the motive behind promotion of the old model of neurology implicit in the left brain right brain metaphors. Take for instance the assertion that scytzo patients have a divided mind in conflict within a hemisphere split. Total tosh. The cause of that mental illness is serotonin uptake across the whole of the brain, or at least that is what anti psychotics claim to address. Neuarons misfiring across the brain does not constitute a ‘split’ brain. The whole theory presented in ‘the master and his emissary’ strikes me as bunkum.
Further, on Mcgilchrist, his explanation of the phenomenology of hearing voices as he defines as scytzophrenia does not resonate with my experience of being dominated over HMV nor the way future events on other media are foreshadowed synchronistically by the ‘machine’. And yes i am very familiar with jungs interpretation through ‘collective unconscious’ and ‘synchronicity’ which is another example of a rationally coherent but inaccurate ideological stance. I am rather bored of mcgilchrist as the metaphor of left brain right brain divide is so easily refuted through my understanding of new school distributive neurological modelling. Even if the right brain model of unconscious ‘creative’ thought were true it has been shown not to be responsible for language and thus could not ‘speak’ to the left brain through ‘hearing voices.’
You might expect if the phenomenology of ‘hearing voices’ were purely neurological that anti psychotic drugs would reduce the phenomena. In my experience they increase the susceptibility to the autosugestive influence in a manner that i would best describe as a hypnotic.
If the experience of ‘hearing voices’ was the right brain in conflict with the left hemisphere then it would be interrogating itself on information it would already know the answer to and want to contradict direct experience, memory and attitudes to the point of trying to kill through suicide. I don’t believe my mind is in that much conflict. Am I fed external autosuggestion and influence on conscious thought? ‘HMV’?
One of the multitudes of indications that ‘hearing voices’ has an exterior source is the way it comes on in police cells and prior to court hearings trying to illicit false confessions and even cross question in an interrogative fashion whilst trying to get the victim of it to incriminate themselves aloud through auto suggestion over the wire. From childhood developmental stages to obsesive thought about a lover or addiction the sugestion of an outside agency causing repetition cannot be discounted from perceptions of the experience. This would create major problems for human rights if true, freedom of thought...
The other issue i have with ‘hearing voices’ as a claimed phenomenology of severe mental illness is in my experience i have been in all otherwise completely sane whilst on HMV. Wholly rational in the face of influencing input even at the point of autosugestive domination.
I have already discussed how McGilchrist to Laing misdirect the reader with basic neurological explanations of split brain/ divided self with studies that are countered easily with the new school distributive model of brain. Jung and Freud would describe it as neurosis.  The models they present although having their own logical consistency are wrong on a physical level for description of the brain. As also with theory of mind in philosophy there seems to be a blind spot in neurological study descriptions at the level of work produced for the lay man. The phenomenology of scitzoid states that I am alleged to have experienced within my mind are only adequately explained through artificial intelligence models as if the auditory nerve is in some way hooked up to an AI that produces input. For all the arguments that can be presented against this theory one fact remains, approaching ‘hearing voices’ in this way, as having external source, does not cause confusion and through externalisation of the process personal autonomy and freedom is achieved over the ‘voices’. The labelling by psychiatry of symptomology claims this as ‘delusion’ or ‘belief in insertion of thought’ but again this is indicative of a blind spot in comprehension, the delusion works to disempower the process. As a workable hypothesis the artificial construct of describing hearing voices as ‘HMV’ works functionally.
The philosopher of technology Byung-chul is an avenue of interest on this theory of mind in relation to AI.
I must here point out I am not hearing voices all of the time. In fact the phenomena was even less present prior to being medicated. The phenomena is best described as an irritation when present but of itself affected functionality less so than side effects of psychopharmacology. Prior to psychiatry i just lived with trauma symptoms, now i am listed as disabled by them. Psychiatry has addressed nothing and clearly made my life worse. The stigma of psychiatry should not be underestimated socially. So if I am ‘a freak’, I am still here and have the same rights about discrimination and social exclusion as anybody else. Weird? I think not.

If you hear voices from time to time you may be much more sane than doctors would like you to believe. If it is not effecting you negatively why worry?

For those sad souls attacking my work because in my first bok I mentioned the case of Pete Townsend, genuinely convicted for paedophilia offences and placed on sex offender register for 10 years I am not 'obsessed with his fame', I view him like the paedophile michael jackson, dangerous and not an artist I would choose to listen to in light of their offences. i realise some people hero worship these scum but to me they are just perverts. I applauded when MJ died of overdose. The only good paedophile is a dead paedophile. I briefly mention the cover up P T attempted in court claiming he was 'researching a book on child abuse'. Obvious BS. As a multimillionaire I'm sure he was quite capable of getting away with much of his crimes without the help of people attacking me for calling for Give Us The List - public list sex offenders permanantly for the safety of the community. I have NEVER listened to Townsend as my uncle John Smith PHD who abused me as a child directly produced illiegal stimulants for distribution by The Who.

'If you meet the Budha on the road kill the Budha.' Dogen. Or as I might prefer, if you want to be selfless, blow your fucking brains out!

I am reading Sam Harris on ‘Waking Up’ and had not realised from his philosophical work that he was obsessed with meditation. I take it as read that anyone obsessed with the road map has not arrived on the journey. ‘Spiritual’ practice is to me the height of egocentricity. He proposes a non religious , scientific appraisal of meditation but seems to fall short with pseudo science that he himself states he distrusts. It is noticeable from the amount of meditation and number of guru he has approached that he must be a kind of believer despite his claims that he is not. I am not at all impressed with this book and will not be curious to begin meditation following. It’s quite a bizarre jump towards the left field and supports tacitly, Buddhist doctrine. I think the Buddha like Jesus was a complete wanker and of no value as a teacher whatsoever about modernity or consciousness. I have studied both dharma and theology and got precisely nothing from the venture. Harris would say that I have not had a ‘spiritual experience’ in the William James sense and therefor am unqualified to comment on such. My view is ‘spirituality’ is all bullshit and a total waste of time. This was confirmed by my years in NA, AA and CoDA. I could have just stoped drinking and dating psychos.
One of my many criticisms of ‘altered states’ of consciousness is are they at all desirable? Harris gives some inconclusive neurological study supporting brain function improvement for long term meditation but given the amount of effort the practitioners put in they may as well of just played chess daily.

What I mean by height of ‘egocentricity’ is that all these enlightenment bums want to achieve a position where they are more ‘enlightened’ than everyone else to feed their mediocrity. ‘Superior’ ‘spirituals’. Good way to sell a guru and an ‘enlightenment’ retreat or workshop, ‘enlighten’ the pockets of seekers.

I had pork for lunch and did not care one bit about bad karma for making a pig suffer to feed my belly.

My position on jesus, the Buddha etc. Is who the fuck were they to me, what relevance does their BS hold to me and why the fuck would I care about them or their teaching?

The thing about religious texts is can i play super Mario on them? Who cares then? The pork was good with a little garlic. My new slippers are fleece, comfort for my feet. These are the things I care about.

‘Waking up’ is giving me a whole new perspective on Sam Harris as a philosopher. ‘Free will’ for instance does not mention this Buddhist view when claiming neurologicaly there is only an illusion of self and agency. Also 'the moral landscape’ claims empirical source for ethics that clearly are filtered through his obsession with meditative selflessness. Makes me wonder about Dawkins and Dennet. Harris is not what he seems on face value. At least Hitchens was a righteous drunk, reliably so. I have not read the variety of religious experience by James for over thirty years. Sam Harris waking up has reminded me of it. My main issue with Harris is wever ‘enlightenment’ or altered states through meditation is practical or desirable. He claims some neurological functioning improvement in the aged whom have used meditation throughout life but no conclusive evidence to support such claims. William James suggests meaning is derived from ‘religious experience’ but his study merely presents a long list of pathology interpreted as numinous. I must concede that attempting to find meaning in phenomenology of mental states is subjectively inevitable. However finding meaning in irrationality of religious thought based on psychological illness would at the very least seem the height o philosophical laziness (Camus ‘philosophic suicide’). I am guilty of trying to find meaning in the face of meaningless but do not see ‘enlightenment’ or the use of meditation as anything other than side lining absurdity in the same way as all faith based quick fixes. It may be true that self is not the same as thoughts but to deny thought validity as it is a mere by product of consciousness seems to throw the baby of rationality out with the bath water of pseudo Buddhist babble. Meditative states... which meditations do not promote mental dysfunction and religious pathology?

There are issues I immediately take with Buddhism. Non attachment as reducing suffering when in fact attachment to material comforts and supportive people can derive meaning and thus an increase in well being. Most importantly the proposition of self being an illusion in contradiction to Hindu atman. Although I do not consider self as aspect of god/ atman I do not concur with denial of self or desire as a route to liberty of mind or heart. I am not promoting excess of egocentricity or materialism but environmental comforts are simply not a bad thing to aim for. I look forward to delivery of my sysiphus table next month as focusing on its pattern generation may allow the mind to relax and find meaning in the random producing those patterns. Similarly, my self finds comfort in my environments lighting systems, not a bad experience. As also my foot massager... self satisfaction- good, denial or ‘transcendence’ of self- bad, erroneous.

I of course am completely against ideas of karma and reincarnation which are clear religious irrationalism with no basis in fact or reality.

The only sense in which karma could be said to exist is in the mind of Buddhists , like also the ‘fear of god’ in Christians and divine retribution, it is a belief in something that is clearly not there but through superstition can have consequences on nonbelievers through the actions of those who believe in it.

The danger of in group thinking spilling superstitious beliefs onto nonbelievers is why I describe myself as militant atheist and ‘against’ religion. Faced with a group of fundamentalists wanting to stone me to death for aposty I concede they have more power, a 'higher power'. Taken to the logical conclusion, stoning, as also belief in karma and divine redress. A group of believers can be disempowering to a non believer as instanced in my incarceration where NA and AA dictated an attitude of ‘insanity’ picked up by catholics in the prison system and resultant in psychiatry despite my decades sobriety. All they needed to know was that I was sober without belief in god to go on the offensive and spread rumour to governors. Of course the fact I had just taken UK government to a higher court in Europe and the small issues I present as a prisoner had something to do with the governors attitude. I am not a ‘good’ prisoner.

‘Redemption’ through amends for my wrongs? Actually I’m quite proud of all my so called crimes. Karma be damned, love thy enemy? See them all in ‘hell’. Karma yoga amends? See also TV for ‘My Name is Earl’ !

History of violence? Actualy not to speak of.I have never been treated for anger management, never been in a fight under the influence and show no impulse control issues at all including domesticaly. I was convicted for common assault age 32 against a paedophile targeting children in my area that the authorities refused to investigate. I broke three of their ribs. The judge confirmed they were on the sex offender register for child abuse and reduced charges to common assault for what he described as my 'community service'. Local police/ neighbours have spread rumours I was on the terrorist register when in fact the false claims made by Richmond following my human rights case as victim of abuse was thrown out of court as fabrication and political. Directly following, whilst bailed on counter terror I was set up in a week I was booked to a military event to photo the queen in a fight with security services/ 'freemasons'/ fleetstreet and convicted of ABH. I should have walked on grounds of self defence but with a duty solicitor compliant with security teams faced 8 years in the system. Completely disproportianate to actual offence if it had been premeditated. I have absolutely no other record of violence and was 19 years in recovery from alcogol without taking a drink or drug at the time. Stone cold set up. The fight left a minor injury. Military Police in uniform harassed me prior to all this presumably as revelations on this site helped to expose that on the date of 7/7 bombings Peter Power for the city of London had planned a city wide security test run for the 2012 Olympics announced the week before. In weeks preceeding political rally had shouted 'GIVE US THE LIST - TERRORIST' through city streets. Royal Protection are documented as having an input. I have never posed a threat to anyone. That is the kind of 'treatment' to expect if you take the UK Government to a higher court. Due to disability I would not be able to support myself living abroad, that is the sole reason I did not leave the country during the EU Human Rights Case. Take my advice, in similar circumstances, leave! My civil rights are violated to this date with no functional recourse.

 

The reason so many rumours have existed about this site is purely due to a backlash against my EU HUMAN RIGHTS CASE 2006 as a victim of childhood sexual abuse refused justice by the UK and the resultant cover ups for that abuse. It is 14 years later and the sole reason I have been targeted by psychiatry was since that rights case timed out. It was ratified, I did not loose the case. it was undermined by intercept of communications with Strasbourg. If you are engadged in rumours about this site you may be complicit with the original abuses I experienced by UK civil mechanisms and wittingly or not colluding with child abuse cover ups. Those covers ups have not only affected my life but many other survivors across the country. The civil mechanisms seek to deny our reality to protect themselves from civil litigation for their criminal negligence in our childhoods.

At the occasion of release of my 6th book and with over 450 professional song production credits you may well wonder how rigidly controlled the official local press are? Firstly, press regulations regarding victims of sexual assault are such that no editor can put my work in the papers without a signed disclosure waver document from myself. Secondly my paedophile uncle John Smith PHD is an illuminati of the local university and was given the freedom of Kingston in the 80’s making him part of the inner circle of local government influencers including free masonry and with an influence over local policing and territorial army. They are not wanting me to succeed as they see it as a threat to them. I was recently told by community team that they are not keen on me relocating as they consider me a ‘threat to family members’ even though I do not know any of their whereabouts and there has been no contact for 30 years! Lastly agents and publicists make their living off getting narratives to the press, faced with such competition even if the other factors were not present the likelihood of local media coverage is slim. Rigid controls of the ‘consensus delusions’ fed to the public by the official media. I say ‘consensus delusions’ because the inner circle cooperate with police and local government to generate repetitive fake news such as ‘Kingston bus set on fire requiring engine’. Fake news with orchestrated fake photos to feed your fake ‘consensus delusions’. So there is no ‘public interest’ in an award winning poet publishing their thousandth poem despite the fact they are disabled from head trauma and childhood sexual trauma, have been a poet for over 30 years, are bisexual, are on the middle left wing politically and the tax payer keeps me in new shoes! It was the same when my website got a million hits 14 years ago. ‘Officially’ I did not exist. When I die they will try to destroy the lot and label me as ‘delusional’. 'Conspiracy of silence' and denial on victims of childhood sexual abuse. My uncle mass produced illegal stimulents specificaly for and distributed by The Who. If you wonder if there is corruption from their gneration look only to the fact at 20 years clean and sober I was incarcerated as a 'danger to public safety' and put deep into mental health services surrounded by murderers and sex offenders and kept in the system for 8 years costing betwwen 0.25 and 0.5 million to the tax payer. It must be me! These were the kind of people with an input and influence on how child protection was implimented when first introduced in the late 70's. The system has not changed much.

There are rumours that yet another substitute fraudulant act has come on with my material. I am not in on the deal and despite police claimiing is civil there is a criminal element.

Sartre and Camus, two of the greatest philosophers of the post war era, had a long standing debate as to the value of violence. Although both espoused inalienable individualist freedoms they conceded that the demagogue of the state system in capitalist society curtailed and restricted those liberties. Camus took the side of the pacifist within his role in that dialogue although conceded to the need for violence in war. Sartre argued for revolutionary violence, supporting the proletariat in revolt against their capitalist masters. The shackles of economic necessity kept the working class bound to unfulfilling and undesirable labour. This was an affront to personal freedom. ‘We are condemned to be free’. Although not glorifying violence, Sartre saw it as a necessary means to an end and a mechanism to create egalitarianism. In todays society both war, security and policing use violence to achieve peace. Hippy maxims of peace and love do not stand up to the acid test of the reality in which we live. Tensions, both personal and political create conflicts and in the final analysis violence is the last resort of the disempowered against their oppressors. Where the middle classes control the legal system the common man may have no choice to respond to injustice and corruption with aggression. Violence need never be glorified, but for self defence and to promote the rights of a suppressed underclass, ultimately it is a necessary evil. That was the view of Sartre in the post war era struggle for equality and sadly also a concession that I am forced to make. Violence is never good, but it is not always wrong. ‘Hell is other people’. It must here be stated both of these atheist philosophers rebelled against the faith in a god. Camus, who on a personal level is my favourite of the two, described belief in god as ‘philosophical suicide’ and that faced with the absurdity and meaningless of human existence we should rebel against irrationality and the unreasonable leap to faith. The rebellion is to strive to create meaning from our individual experience in revolt against absurdity in all its forms, including religon. Both men played active parts in the fight against Nazi tyrany. Fascism as originaly supported by The Pope. It should be observed that belief in an 'all powerful god' lends itself quite readily to totalitarianism and fundamentalist values. The 'new atheist' movement is a struggle against the control and rigidity that seeks to undermine our personal liberty.

I was awarded a Diploma In Literature and Arts for poetry in the 90's for Lilly Leaves by an arts council in Scotland. I was awarded a peronal recomendation as a script writer from Orange Film Foundation. I was awarded first class honours in Media under examination conditions purely from memmory, as a predictor of later grades. I never completed at degree due to financrs but have attended several universities studying diverse sunjects such as Artificial Intelligence, Business, Computer Programming, Radio production, TV studio production, Film direction, philosophy of mind etc. I have a second diploma in psychology. My book learning is as eclectic.

Note based on some peoples belief that they have a right to harass me based on my beliefs or their perceptions of my work I have a total right to privacy. I have not had anything to do with my family of origin for 30 years so how couold I be considered a threat to them for stating the reality of their crimes? Creatively I chanel many differing emotions and have a full capacity to feel. That includes anger which is not a problem to me and in fact I have never had anger management as I present no impulse control issues. Although the original confrontation with those who abused me as a child was chalenging it was a necessary boundary to keep toxic people out of my life. It was all done and dusted in my early 20's without any need for psychiatry, controls or intervention. I have not killed or tried to kill anyone. People who do not know me as a person seem to project all kinds of nonsense and fears on me and on this site, especialy those afflicted by religion. I left the fold decades ago. Religous fundamentalists have no right to try to make me conform to any of their beliefs in particular reguarding sanctity of the family, forgiveness or sin (be it anger or otherwise). I think the bible and the oratory of the priesthood is total shit. Nearly 50% of the population are atheist. The fact I express the conflict between atheism and theology does not give religous people the right to attack my character in the community. They may complain this site is confrontative and hostile to their beliefs but the fact is it presents no direct attack on any individual, unlike the harrasment I experience even when sat in the privacy of my balcony. Some seem to have networked with catholics in my family origin, whom I have never had any relationship with of any form. They do not know me. I DO NOT FORGIVE. God is dead. There is no soul. Keep your opinions to yourself. I do not know the whereabouts of any blood relatives and have not known for near 20 years. I do not even know who is alive or dead. I have no easy means of discovering ther whereabout as my web is routed through another router to a mirror system of a pseudo web. I have no interest in any interaction with any blood relative. That is the boundary of a survivor that has been in place since famiy therapy in my early twenties.

To repeat I HAVE NO DEALS WITH ANYONE IN NEW MALDEN. I have been ostracised to the point of hate crime and prejudice since the day I moved into the area, possibly with the view to create social issolation to facilitate exploitation of copy right material and my intellectual property none of which I have sold to any party nor do any third party represent me at any level. If it wasn't for COVID I would have moved bu now to get out from under Kingstons control and possible influence from my paedophile uncle who was given freedom of the are and inner circle powers decades ago. Any view that police or community services harassment is anything other than direct violations of basic civil liberty and harassment. Plain clothes officers in my building have fanned flames of prejudice towards me and this site. There actions clearly illegal.

It has been sugested the Liberal Party under Ed Davy with assistance from christian groups in the area are so opposed to GIVE US THE LIST that they have not only obstructed my business affairs but actively set out to defraud them. I have a right to intellectual property, privacy, freedom from harassment, freedom to affiliate within the area and freedom of belief. I have been attacked through rumour mongering with the expres intent of issolating me to facilitate fraud. Even the fact this website appears as insecure is a total lie as no corrupt data has ever been fed anyone by myself nor any money illicited from anyone unlawfuly. At the very least is is fully eviddent KIngston Arts are socialy excluding me to obstruct my development. Prejjudice on grounds of disability, belief and sexuality. There is a wire in my flat and it has been demonstrated community teams are harassing based on internet searches. To test this I searched 'heroin' on FRANK with my new virus free Ipad and imediately NHS employees were talking loudly outside my balcony to harrass me claiming falsely addiction. Someone physicaly enters my property and frequently rearanges paper work some of which is missing. It is believed my police neighbours have the key unlawfully. My emails are made public knowledge. The implication is the police are making money off of violating my rights. This presents civil liberty human rights issues as I am not a criminal.

There has been some emurgant details that several local business in New Malden networked with intention of casualtying me to substitute with a live group of puppets for the local lodge to further discredit my statement that the freemen with policing are failing their duty of child safeguarding and it has ever been thus that they cover up for historic child abuse. Recall TOSHIVA PIERROT101 LuvHugReal (I can do a freeman anyday)

Tuned into amazon prime video for Reasons To Believe documentary and Eaxamined Life film. Similar to my readings on skepticism and existentialism. This is why I pay someone trained in continental philosophy for therapy, it's a place to start from.

There's been tittle tattle about violence. I am NHS trained in chalenging behaviour from vulnerable groups. I am security trained to handle an alsatian in conflict situations. Until 2007 I openly carried a knife on my belt around london, at film premier whilst interacting with A listers. I am trained in samurai sword cutting practice, display quality in nunchuka, specialist shuriken with chopstick (no really!), competant in marikigusari weighted chain (which I used to wear as a belt in public), have experiencing in kick boxing and harmony soft arts, I once cracked three ribs on a paedophile targeting a child whom the authorities refused to intervene on wearing steel toe caps. I used to carry a machete publicly whilst camping (and even through royal parks and soho). Does this sound like someone with impulse control issues? Apparently during terror investigaion for munitions and explosives(for which I proved innocent of all charges) someone got scared i wore spiked gauntlets around town. I once cut someone in a fight. Theres rumour I've used pepper spray. As a youngster I showed signs of rage and beserker quality red myst. I have been trained to be calm in conflict through soft arts and weapons training and remain calculated right up to the time it is safe to frenzy to finish the job. I have collected militaria for 30 years and have a collection of weapons, a collection resumed whilst still under forensic analasys and observation and with a report to that effect over 5 years ago from a senior consultant to the ministry of justice whom I am answerable to. Even in alcohol relapse I have collected such and never been braught to book.

I have said this before. Multiple Personality Syndrome is in my opinion an urban myth spread as an attack against the survivors movement by the psychiatric community (popularised on websites falsely claiming to help victims with an agenda of supression) . The first published case history that MPS labeling is based on was Cybil... a fabricated misinterpretation of an emotionaly disturbed (at worsed borderline) psychiatric patient. MPS has been used as conspiracy to throw trials in the USA for victims using inner child work. If multiple personality was possible (which I do not believe to be an existential reality) then the sufferer would not be able to do inner child work. I have facilitated inner child workshops, interviewed labeled MPS victims, had sex with two, and had to deal with someone toxicaly confused by a therapist using the MPS model in a workshop. They could not do core feeling work through inner child art therapy due to their confused misinformation about their personality. I considered it the fault of the therapist. Of all the MPS cases I have spent extended periods of time with (and even fucking) NONE HAD GENUIE DIVIDED PERSONA or multiple ego. There are many different models and interpritations aimed at undermining abuse court cases. MPS is one of those models defencew lawyers pay psychologists to promote.

The basic con with survivors of abuse within support groups, 12 step, therapy groups, 'new age' 'healing' (and even with some certificated counselors and agencies) is to get as much info on a young victim of abuse whilst they are still inexperienced and unsure of themselves, with enough involvement to get the dirt on the abuser without being seen to be too close to the victim. Then if the media won't pay for a story (which they usualy wont due to press regulations on sexual assault cases) then network with the abusers to blackmail them(or at the very least do a deal) to obstruct the victim going to the police or to undermine court cases. Bob E....

Bob E aka Robert Earll. Wrote a few scripts for Charlies Angels and Hill Street Blues, a hack bit writer whom I have had conversations about with A listers when I was a photographer. Author of I got tired Of Pretending and Living in The light, Stem publications (vanity publishers). AA circuit speaker and Adult Children of Alcoholics workshop leader (ACA/ACoA). I do not know how much of his recovery story was true. My abusive family as with many others from the 50's and 60's invested in (and bribed) as many support systems and therapeutic bodies as they could to try to ensure ideology of treatments was skewed in defence of perpetrators of abuse. Bob E abused his son in his alcoholism and his son never spoke to him again. Bob E promoted a misrepresentation of the psychological technique used in some therapy of abuse victims commonly known as 'inner child work'. The misrepresentation was a 'new age' claim that the 'child' was a 'spiritual' entity as opposed a symbolic psychological contruct. Bob E was a Republican Party plant (as with many AA recorded circuit speakers) with an agenda of promoting right wing christian ideology and was an investor in the christian Unity Church which he tried to promote through his work (a cult). ACA/ACoA still publishes 'recovery texts' base on this wacko misrepresentation of a simple therapeutic dialouge technique. My abusive family is believed to have had deals at the time they were still abusing me to have Bob involved in cover up as a deal within freemasonary in surrey. I was fed his AA tapes by my NA sponsor (a rapist and freemason)in my teens and met Bob in his workshop 'Aspects of total recovery' promoted by Recovery Enterprise from the isle of white at a hotel in London run over three days. Bob was promoted by those investing in his corruption as a new age 'guru'. I have never been a new ager and am aware Findhorn has been party to media cover ups of child abuse in the UK. Although I used 'inner child' work for a few years after leaving NA I at no time considered any of the pseudo gnostic claptrap about 'spiritual' 'wonder child' to be anything other than bunkum. At the very least Bob E saying he became a hollywood bigshot writer because of working step 3 of AA is total twadle. It is believed some of the tapes of his recorded in the Uk by recovery enterprises incorporated details of my own history to try to cause disruption to my own (NON 12 STEP) recovery from alcoholism and vctimisation as a child. The spin is that inner child work causes delusion in psychiatric patients about child abuse and leaves them 'talking to themselves'. I was not a psychiatric patient in the decade and a half before and following innfer child work and was not medicated in anyway and my GP did not think anything wrong with for dislcoure of being abused. I was sober and disclosing prior to doing inner child dialouge.

At 32 years clean n sober it is my greatest hope that the government follows the states of america who have legalised sale of cannabis because frankly after three decades emotional pain and mental distress I would like to spend my elder years getting stoned without the risk of arrest or interferance just to get off once in a while. It is total insanity that cannabis is illegal. DUe to the goverments militaristic war on drugs for the past near 14 years I have been on imediate recall to maximum secure psychiatric facility (where they murderers) if I test positive for a spliff. I do not relapse on alcohol if I take cannabis and also have not partaken since my early twenties. I 'relapsed' on canabis around 21 on hash purely and they imediately put me in treatment for 'drug addiction' . Insanity of the system.

The 12 step cultists view that the steps work... For instance in the ten years I was in and out of AA and NA I did at least 5 formal fourth step moral inventory with a fifth step sharing. These did NOTHING to put the past behind me. It meerly indicated what i needed to talk about in therapy. This in part may be due to PTSD but I would argue most people cannot put the past behind them by writing resentments on the back of a beer mat and telling them to an ex drunk. Nor would I consider being closed off from the past psychologicaly healthy. My history helps to make me who I am today... if I wasn't sexualy abused as a child I wouldn't have run a website for 16 years calling for child protection and treatment of sex offenders reform. That is the past informing the present. To repeat the mistakes of history we have only to forget the past. In full recovery I in fact do not even desire to let go of the past or any of my resentments, they are part of my emotional make up that inform my creativity. I have no reason to let go. The past has never let go of me... I still get flashbacks from child abuse aged 50... normal for a survivor. Sure they disturb me less today but that's through desensitisation from talking to therapists so much about it. Incidently I qwent a decade without therapy during my past 32 years of recovery, I prefer to have one. It's a choice.

So the police federations views of victims of sexual abuse must be good... I reported the second rape on myself as a teen on the night of the rape and the police refused to take a statement making fun of me and jokes about how I must like rough cock and worse... there had been NO CONVICTIONS of male rape in the history of british law at the time I was a teen. The police are still full of shit on childhood sexual abuse and explotation. In my experience and in that of other victims i have spoken to they dont even try to deal with it. Partly because historic abuse means historic criminal negligence of child protection services. The most likely outcome of an adult telling the police they were sexualy abused as a child is that they will enforce community teams to intervene to force the victim into psychiatry at which point they will say that you are not a credible witness due to the subsequent psychiatric labeling. Closed shop saves money... or so they reckon. Theyve spent about half a million of tax payers money trying to discredit me over the years.

So some of the christians claim I cannot be alcoholic because I can stay long term sober without a programme. I brewed 120 pints of beer a month from 15-age 18. I would drink a 70Cl bottle of scotch at least once a week trhoughout that period. I would have cans of guiness, utpo about 12 pints in a session also throughout that period to supliment the brewed beer. I was treated for substance psychosis as a teen and had primary treatment, secondary treatment, 5 years one to one counseling addiction specific, one year group therapy addiction specific, worked all of the 12 steps only to find the ideology made me suicidal and was contrary to my emotional and mental well being. I left. I have been consistently totaly abstinant throughout my adult life without a programme. People give up drink and drugs all the time. It is NOT a state of being and has nothing to do with personality. There is no illness or disease there is only neurological craving triggered by imbibeing. Don't drink, am alcoholic will no longer get cravings and there life will return to normal. it takes two to three years to totaly recover from an addiction. If you drink again expect craving and slow spiral towards dependancy. It's physical. Purely. people may have emotional issues that they need to deal with through counseling. In my case childhood trauma which I still have therapy for 32 years after getting sober.

The production flow for the new SAUVAGE was disimilar to all others as it uses fresh equipment. Where I usualy staticaly edit a sequence in cubase with some overdubed live playing of synths here instead I am playing a live set of loops triggered through pads assigned with samples and hand step sequenced synths. A bit like a DJ on the fly. The distortion from the first and only take is due to some input damage to my sound card and getting the level a bit high in the final recording.

I got sober at 18 through intervention by religous conservatives concerned by my lack of self control around alcohol consumption specificaly(I hardly used drugs) and with a subtext of 'treating' me as a known survivor of childhood sexual abuse. This 'treatment' was payrolled by my abusers, one of whom was a doctor of chemistry and senior freemason. As a result of this treatment I was placed under the observation of a national 'research project' into recovery intended to promote a religous conservative agenda in substance misuse treatment. Fortunately I got outside help not payrolled by my abusers (although several agency sold out). I was not under a psychiatrist from age 18-37. All of my disability issues are clearly the result of both serious head trauma as a child (compound fracture of the skull age 10) and the consequences of the 7 people who sexualy abused me as a child and through my teens that included two rapes upon myself. One of the reasons I do not try to drink socialy is I imediately get targeted for intervention by conservatives within religion, freemasonary and psychiatry in defence of my abusers. Indeed these conservatives have badgered me and tried to assume authoritarian controls my entire adult life based on false beliefs that it would predicted from my childhood that I would be a social problem. Part of the agenda is to protect civil mechanisms complicit with criminal neglect of me as a child. Although I have been medicated since age 37 I do not need it and an all out attack was made to try to cast me in the role of 'problem' by the conservatives due to my long term recovery from addiction and the fact I have remained atheist, anti religous and social left of liberal whilst expressing open confrontation of my abusers over the netl. As an 18 year old my abusers claimed I was an acute psuchiatric case, I stoped medication at 18 and had none again for 19 years and lived a near normal life despite disability. The mythology surounding allegagtions of mental illness serve an authoritarian obfufiscation of the realities of child abuse and many psychiatric victims are purely misdiagnosed, as I was proven to be as a teen to protect abusers and faulty civil mechanisms. The entropy of labeling and social control has existed through out my life and presents a reality where civil liberty and even human rights are undermined for many victims of child abuse. That is a political issue that exist today. Illustrative of this power from conservative protection of 'the (abusive) family' is that following a human rights case to try to get justice I was manipulated into being placed under secure psychiatric treatment 19 years into my abstinance recovery and furhter at 26 years into recovery was forced under central goverment legislation to attend AA despite the fact that I share none of their values and have been published in criticism of the 12 step pseudo religous programme in my later recovery. A room full of abusive drunks did not help an addicted teen at all. At 32 years sober central government still has legislation over me to place me in a secure ward indefinitely if I am ever drunk. To clarify i have no criminal record under the influence of alcohol or drugs and nothing dramatic happened in any of the four relapses I had over 20 years ago, I just slowly become addicted. Let go and let god or we'll lock you away for the rest of your life.... spot the agenda. Curiously, despite total abstinance maintained without supports throughout my adult life nearly every 5 years of my recovery an intervention for addiction has been attempted (I presume due to the influence of my paedophile uncle PHD) on all such occasions I have been found to be totally abstinant BUT I have repeatedly been told by other doctors that if I continue to tell other people that my doctor uncle sexual abused me as a child that i will be incarcerated under the mental health act. They did when i was 37 because of this wesites influence. Agenda, sweep it under the carpet. Incidently my disability assesment and profile has no record of substance abuse and I recieve full benefit for 'unmanagability' due to long term trauma symptoms. Note how this means there are several contradictory naratives about me from the profesional community serving varied agenda. One psychiatrist recently stated 'we are your uncle'. You may question that I have a label of acute mental illness when I am consistently able to stay clean and sober without supports systems for such despite teenage addiction. Crazy...

I have caught the tail end of a rumour used to discredit this site by its enemies. The religous right have claimed it seems that this site was against homosexuals despite all the evidence to the contary (like I sleep with both men and women and thus could be called homosexual by others although not choosing the label myself). This site has always been against paedophiles. The majority of convicted paedophiles are heterosexual. It seem the religous back lash which I experience has tried to conflate and confuse the term homosexual with sex offenders. Happily most homosexuals are not offenders and most offenders are in fact heterosexual. This site is against sex offenders and wants them permanantly public listed. Conspiracy theorists be damned. GIVE US THE LIST. Of the 7 people sexualy assaulting mr in childhood the majority identified as heterosexual, were married to people of the opposite sex and expressed open homophobic sentiments and hostility. Good cover for a nonce. As a subjective observation I am of the opinion paedophiles are into power and it has more to do with domination of the vulnerable than sexual orientation.

Please recall I have had welfare investigation twice in 6 months. It was decided my cumulative trauma was great enough to increase welfare. I am not due reassesment for 4 years. So people who are mentaly and physicaly tortured through childhood and in particularly who recieve a compund fracture of the skull (dent in my head size of a golf ball) get assesed as acutely disabled... take for instance that I loose conciousness on the job... not great for driving a fork lift! DOES NOT EFFECT COGNITION I can discuss the neurological speculations of Iain McGilchrist with the best of them.

Sorry if it disapoints but the society we live in is two tiered. There has been absolutely no hope of me bringing it on in the 21 years I've been at this with out intervention. The big nobs do engineer minor sucess for the odd working class scum, but it is rare and on their terms. The only act I know that suceeded was Crispian Mills Kula Shaker who I was at college with. Look how many musicians with mummy and daddies money couldn't bring it on from my generation. A few pissed money away trying. It sucks but I am not giving the next generation of the working class false hope. There's a glass ceiling for all except those they pick out. Just do it, that's all you can do. I used to be midi pure without loops, it makes no differance to their machine. Sure they'll chew up and spit out a few kids on a talent show to placate the rest of us into cooperation with their lousey system. I'm just grateful i no longer live on a street corner where some of the rich would sorely like to see me for pointing out how shit a society we really live in. THERE IS NO EQUAL RIGHTS. You have to pay for them.

Your government has literaly spent Hundreds of Thousands of pounds to try to discredit or shut me up. This shows firstly they like to waste money and resources, as also revealing that I can't just be telling Porkies as if I were they could have just ignored me from the outset. The government invests in child abuse cover ups. GIVE US THE LIST. Also note for the money they piss away they coukd have got me to go to work for them.

To repeat, there are distributive copyright deals with an american publisher of independants. All lyrics and poetry on site is the work of a sole artist, unasisted by others and in no deals with anyone in the UK. The music is also solo but uses royalty free samples as well as free play.

Someone pitched a question about dependancy in relation to others. I have spent a full 4 fifths of my adult life single. Not single and dateing, not single and looking, but single. Saves a lot of hassel. I don't have functional issues or restrictions relationaly and had quite ordinary social deveIopmental stages as a child, I just like my own company. Someone with hindsight and over analasys sugested autistic spectrum but their was no evidence of this in my youth. I quite like solitude. Obviously. I can take or leave people. Note under 8 years of forensic examination I was discovered to have no chemical dependancy, no eating dissorders and certainly no sexual problems. One of the consultants said 'you do not appear to me to be criminal or mentaly ill.' Why 8 years forensics? Directly following time out of an EU human rights case as a victim of cover ups of childhood sexual abuse by Richmond Council and the Police Federation I was accused in court of terrorism against sex offenders and suspected as acessory to multiple murders of the same. 8 years of scrutiny later, no result. 13 years later still monitored as a risk and parts of my history redacted. They used the Sun appearance as investigation into the same. Nil Point. The accusers, as also the agents of the cover up were so high up that human rights charity declared their hands were tied and were forced to leave the court. I am still experiencing the consequences of all that. Given that parts of my history remain classified even to me it is not likely anyone will be bringing the truth on or giving me a larger paltform anytime this century. It sucks. There are strategies higher level then PREVENT, you know when you're on one when the state pays you disability for being on it. So basicaly having spent years shafting me in a cover up over criminal negligence by civil mechanisms is Richmond I took them to the human rights court in strasburg. During the case I was granted rights of interim to protect me. As soon as it mysteriously timed out without warning the rights were lifted. Imediately the civil mechanisms not only declared war on me but suceeded in putting me in on false charges. You cannot invoke the human rights act twice against the same issues.

Elephant in the room. 'They want to put him in'. 'They ignore him'. The disability team is paid to keep me out. That's without me flexing my rights muscle. So go violate someone elses civil liberty.

Since it is PRIDE MONTH big up Doris as the goverment is issuing an ALL OUT BAN on LGBT behaviour modification therapy so no more 'pray away the gay'. Hoorah! However calls to make it easier for transitional transgenders to change their gender identity have fallen on deaf ears. So trans in male prisons ending up assaulted and as I have been informed by trans women many have to go on the black market for hormone treatments as doctors just are not interested in their plight. Bad one Doris. Although couseling practice reform wont change the fact that from 18-24 I was indoctrinated by therapists intent on 'pray away the gay' at least now youngsters coming from my background will be able to complain if the religous right interfere with their development. 'Pray Away the Gay' ILLEGAL!

There's been some chit chat in the street about 'homophobia' so i thought I'd expand a little. As young as 15 I was idntifying as bi and having sex with men. I have never exclusively had sex with men, exclusively saught sex with men or been romaticaly in relationship with a man (who wasn't a woman). I was ruthlessly queer bashed as a teen including deliberate poisoning by homophobes in my peer group. As a teen I tried to have sex with both male and female friends. Following the bashing I decided to be less in your face about my sexual orientation for my own protection. An added complication was that I was sexualy exploited underage by older men. When I got sober at 18 I enter minessota model 12 step treatment and counseling for 3 years. They implied that being raped and a victim of exploitation was my sole fault as a sexualy abused child and a symptom of addiction. They blamed and shamed me. I was told to pray to stay away from gay venues and soho and to stop self penetration and fantasising about men as 'pray away the gay', so believing I would die of addiction I complied and prayed to stay out of the pink triangle. When 12 step failed by about age 21 I reevaluated my experience but saught therapy from people involved in catholic abuse of homosexuals (I did not know this, I was just sent to therapy by a concilor himself a child abuser within the church, only later did I discover the new therapist was an exnun prsotletising about sexuality) . I left this therapy after a couple of years as useless. I have had sex with men following, as also women. Mainly women. I was watching gay hardcore last night and i have had a penis in every orifice and enjoyed it as a consenting adult. I have a prostate massager which I enjoy. I do not identify as bi today as it confuses straight women into thinking I will be unfaithful, I never have been ever. Catergorisation can be used to protect rights, it can also be used to divide. Unfortunately my experience of LBGT groups is that the later is true and amplified for political ends. I can take or leave sex with either gender. I am relativeley protective about engadgement with others sexualy due to bashing, abuse, attitude problems from others etc. As to the song QUEERBASHING it is an historic transitional object from therapy about the internalised shame messages projected onto me as a child whilst I was sexualy and physicaly tortured in an openly homophobic household... ' we'll kill you you little queer if you tell anyone what we do to you' etc. I have NEVER had those views as externalised by that song and find the views abhorent as they were the verbal abuse I experienced as a teen in my sexualy abusive family of origin. A family I have had nothing to do with in my adult life. For me as author that is a creative expression of disgust, exposing the attitudes of my family towards me as a teen. ( I was using a candle as a teen!) It is an informative piece about just how abusive the two previous generations could be to LBGT issues. Apparently some people want others to believe it represents my views, it never has in the slightest. Although written earlier the original song was released on site around 2005 resulting in 3000 sperate listeners in the first night. It's ugly, it's not nice, it's art and it made an impactful point. On this Bi label, if I am in a romantic relationship with a woman there is no chance I will stray with a man, conversely if I am having sex with a man I will always be on the lookout for a female replacement... this is where labels and catergorising fails to tell you much about people. So I don't currently use the label for myself. I absolutely saying to the next generation it is ok to be atracted to people of the same sex and to explore this without feeling that you have to conform to any groups values or remain defined by such exploration for the rest of your life. It's more than OK not to be a label. Also I am saying when choosing a therapist try to acertain in early session if they are religous or have a prejudice towards exploration of sexuality fluidity. Thise that are may be dangerous to your mental well being. As to peer support, even recovering alcoholics when encountering me at a teen seemed to want to hook me back into exploitation and the sex industry rather than helping me recover from exploitation. So spiritual!

Michelle Visage (whom I have never met in this lifetime but feel somehow I should of) may be a little like marmite to some but makes an excelent hostess for a lock down show. How's your head hun? I've not seen better. I'd keep the grey, it adds an air of authority. Not sure about her tips on A Levels, that's a bit marmite to some too.

On Captain Fantastic... who does this sound like? 'I bet you have a wicked tounge' - 'I don't kiss for money, I reserve that for people I love', Amyl Nitrate is a drug and we must abstain from all drugs in order to recover... premature as I remember. And no I do not kiss and tell, that's all you're getting! Let's do the time warp again...

To be fair to rudey judy this 'killing' thing seems to be an in topic with the snobsquad, the former bishop of london you may recall had a brief discusion at 7/7 with me about killing terrorists and paedophiles and again their was some sarcasm about getting caught.

On not kissing up to the rich, Dame Judy Dench did proffer her hand to me but I wanted to make a point so refused to kiss it. We met twice, i could have had a photo exclusive in trafalgar with her dressed as a lobster but she had me dominated over the HMV voice chanel to keep my lens cap on and let her act a funeral scene in front of me as a statement of what she thought I'd done... when she offered her hand she mentioned two people they wanted 'killed', stated I would find it difficult (where as she would not) and a senior police officer added 'do not get caught'. No conspiracy. Where's MI5 when you need them? Oh no, they only cover up what could cause embaressment.

If you think i am delusional about my interactions with the snob squag then bear in mind every week for two years I was photographing A listers on red carpets where I was possitioned wearing a give us the list tshirt, attracted the attention of Hollywood stars in part thanks to the initial support from security services and was able to talk to many of them about Sarahs Law which they became aware of through this site. This resulted in both support and a backlash from UK stars trying to pretend everything was in the all together and it is likely since Royal protection were party to removing me from the pitch that the fale 'terror' charges from Richmond were linked to waves cause by the daughter of a knight who followed me at the time. So Judi half joking about 'killing' isn't the half of it. Bishob of London St Maritns in the field days after 77 at a sermon recorded by BBC with only 4 in the audience of which I was one. I have never used social media but at that time this site went from zero to 10k hits per week every week for two years in the lead up to Sarahs Law being heard by government. This was due to a large part to the Giant Peaches machinations.

I like a woman who's not afraid to show them who's boss. All for Madame Patel egadging in some BDSM on those odious white nationalists marching today. (I am available for role play if she fancies something in private, I can wear my England shirt!) If Tommy Robinson fancies some he can get it off the wrong end of a police truncheon, honestly he makes me sick and ashamed to be english.

Was I a prostitute? At 5 to 6 years beneath the then age of consent I was as a minor sexualy exploited by much older gay men in Ham and Soho for drink and drugs and money for such, 'a rentboy'. This only realy tells you that I was chemicaly dependant as a teen and poor. I had also been sexualy abused by family members in earlier childhood (around age 7) and photographed and groomed for sexual exploitation. By 18 I was sober and thus did not continue to sell sex in my adult life, I have not been a part of that industry nor ever used prostitutes myself. There was an added complication because I cleaned up initialy through 12 step that counselors got me to 'pray away the gay' as a victim of exploitation and violent rape, at that age I was impressionable and my education had been severely disrupted by addiction. Being thus targeted by spiritual ideological claptrap I believed I would die of addiction if I did not pray constantly or if I had sex with men. This all cleared up to a degree when I left 12 step age 21. I have rarely had one night stands, have had very few lovers, last slept with a man about 20 years ago but am not intentionaly celibate in that area, I just prefer sex with women. It's both incredibly simple and yet very complicated. As a survivor of abuse I am not easily egadged with on an itimate level with people I do not know well. Ask a woman who was sexualy abused throughout childhood and raped how readily they fall into bed with a man... many will tell you similar. So no I was not a prostitute, I was sexually exploited as a minor. And you still know nothing about me... I divorced a bisexual woman because of her compulsivity and abusiveness (in my 20's), I watched harcore trans last night and thoroughly enjoyed it.

DANDELIONCLOCKS Black Lives Matter for the FA Cup so spare a few statues for Doris. CUBSCOUTS

In China the government ruthlessly controls social media and web searches to suppress political dissidents. This includes the filtering and deletion of mention of political lobbyists or influencers. Likewise data is collected from all web searches by a user to try to profile them and to adjust the data flow available to them to try to whip them into support of Government policy. If you were feeling suicidal and went to a prevention site you would most likely be chatting to an agent of the local government or an automated bot to gather data about you resulting in state interference rather than support. The same applies to minority sexual orientations not supported by the state. This can create invisible victims of authoritarian control. Buy too much pizza and the over eating police will get you. Remember the film Brazil! Military grade AI is used to monitor for political disidnce and to supress it's impact without actual crime by the disident. Drink coffee, eat pizza! Dissident political groups are created by the state to catch out dissident individuals and whip them to comply with the state machinary. Artists and academics acused of speaking against injustice by the state leaders are often in issolation for years, wrongly imprisoned, unable to form family, privacy invaded and treated as persona non gratis on human rights issues, some even die under the pressure from the state...

Jacob Rees Mogg seems to think he has the wit of Doris. Alas threats to have stonehenge removed on the basis it is a historic site of human sacrifice would eventualy leed to him beimg the next of the bluestone skulls! Stick to laying down Moggie, you were never much of a cheshire cat! UPRISE UKRIOTS no. Keep Calm and Carry On.

I got an email from the Mayor of London on promotion of the creative legacy of Ethnicity in the arts. All fine, wheres WOMAD? However it read as if this was to be at the exclusion of white artists, Black Lives Matter claims to have an agenda of inclusion and building bridges. As also with gender and sexual orientation issue politics can divide the working classes through catergorisation and labeling as much as it seeks to include. Some of the rhetoric does come across as a direct attack on anglo-saxon artists. JACKTHESTRIPPER (Jolly Roger was a black guy I knew!) I was verbaly attacked by small muslim children as 'a racist' this week despite being at rally against racism in the past and marching against the English Defence Leauge and it also one of the reasons I have never tried to form a relationship with my actively racist father who was National Front. Apparently to be an atheist in rationalist opposition to all religions (and new agers) is now an indicator of extremist prejudice.... when it is not. I blame the parents for fundamentalism. I voted for Sadiq Khan and had his poster in my window. I is white... that isn't saying I am a racist so why undermine white people for it? Politics of division. I absolutely support equal opertunity for all, I've never been granted equal opertunity because I'm not middle classed or granted the advantages of being rich... it's why I have less of an education than my therapist (indian in origin and LGBT). I got similar attacks from the straight middle classes for wiriting QUEERBASHING a song that clearly describes the abuses and attitudes I experienced from family and friends as coming out bisexual around age 15. I was once queer bashed so badly as a teen that I nearly died of suffocation in a tarp I was left battered in, deliberately overdosed by 'friends' who beat me half to death. Due to misrepresentation of my work and social media conspiracy some young gay men refuse to serve me in hoispitality industry as a 'homophobe'... total misrepresentation. I have slept with both men and (more usualy) females throughout my life. You wont see me in a gay bar because I don't drink so you dont see me in any bars. Another misrepresentation, since I identified as alcoholic as a teen I have never drunk in pubs, I can go for an orange juice but generaly why bother, pubs are full of drunks and I don't like to interact with drunk people at all. Nor do christians shouting that I'm gay have a leg to stand on or bending over to show there bums in the street. I have never been sexualy compulsive. If I talk to straight people I do not reveal my sexual orientation readily, I was queer bashed near to death. I have written before why i do not identify with LGBT community, there are vast diversoity in human sexual expression and identifying as bi today would not tell you anything worth knowing. I have never been in love with a man (who wasn't a woman). Ambiguity, suck my dick! Philosophicaly I question catergorisation and labeling of sexual orientation as it divides people and creates prejudiced views about who someone is rather than who someone fucks. I do not define myself by who I have fucked in the past nor by who i might like to fuck. I am blonde, joining a blonde community club will not tell anyone anything about my character, beliefs or who I truly am. It's the same with sex.(versace have some nice pink male 'blonde' label tshirts.... just saying love.)

CONTEXT is not the only word made big and clever by political 'correctness'. Middle class educators telling the working classes what is acceptable to say is censorship and authoritarian opression of language use. I was nearly thrown out of university for taking a stand against linguistic fascism. They never once asked who I slept with...

Beligerant malingerers and skivers, those on benefits get what they deserve, 'sink or swim'. We know the fascist rhetoric all too well. People with real feeligs and actual rights forced into further poverty trap by those intent on removing the safety net. You could as much call all those furloughed by covid skivers. 'Sink or swim'. In fact under modern slavery guidelines it would be best to promote a citizens basic wage to prevent people from being forced labour for an economic machine. As a disabled person I have regularly met with hostility for being on welfare even from those allegedly working to meet my needs. Disabled means disempowered to function. Tell me to sink or swim and I will always sink. Thats why I need support, just like all those furloughed. I am not blindly taking from society, I can only give to it with the support of a safety net. I do not choose this way of life anymore than I chose to be homeless six times. Someone elses negligence or negative actions caused the holes beneath my feet to appear, there is legislation supposed to protect me but thos fascists know all too well those in poverty cannot protect themselves from corruption. Ultimately this costs society more than meeting my rights. As so too not providing a citizens charter of basic rights and a basic citizens wage or universal income to end poverty for good. Sink or swim... poverty is not a crime of the poorest but it should be made a crime of the richest.

Poverty? I spent a full decade of my life living on the streets or awaiting being housed in my adult sobriety. If you have ever owned a car or are able to run such you are living in another world to mine and literaly beyond my wildest dreams. I am disabled, I should never have fallen through the safety net on housing but just like 'mental health' I can't affor a lawyer so other people dictate my circumstances. Money is freedom and creates choice. As a disabled person i will never have any to speak of. If you could afford an education you are living above my level of resources. It's relative, someone else won't have nice shoes but some people are living in an unconceivably high level lifestyle compared to me. It sucks. It makes me angry and want to hurt them. Fortunately the liberals have a solution by meeting some of my rights, I got a 15K+ travel permit and freedom of the city and beyond for 5 years again. This makes economic sense, comfort equals no class war, so no one gets hurt. And of course I enjoy caviar, lobster and oyester weekly so I'm not likely to kick off. Peter Leeson 'The invisible hook'. Pity theatre land is closed for now. Some might complain they have to feed their kids fish fingers, i've never been able to afford a family, I am sure they could've afforded contraception! On petroleum driven vehicles, they are the hight of selfishness and greed with the world faced by global warming. Sanctions should be introduced against petrol use to incourage adoption of electric vehicles. If you didn't drive your kids would not choke on smog. I can think of few occasions I have ever had need of a taxi for travel even though I get an allowance for such in my income.

Reality check. I've said this before. They sell hundreds of thousands of guitars a year let alone recording equipment. Production costs for an album with pro sessions musicians and marketing would cost about 40K. If I heard about it on that minimal budget, which is unlikely, and it was of the type of music I like I would at best get a pirate copy. As an independant that cost probably will not result in radio air play nor be pushed to the top of streaming services searches. Talentless bands get a one hit wonder when the industry contracts and puts marketing money behind it. I have made no progress within the industry from the day I started, I get false advertising all the time and it makes no impact. It's alll bollocks. Dream on. I could grant license of a full 15 track albums material to 30 seperate bands and even if mummy and daddy were big in the wallet they would be unlikely to make any money to talk of. Three things sustain me as a producer for twenty years, creative process, a love of art and GIVE US THE LIST. You might think I have found some other way to spend the hours between watching porn and the next take away. As a disabled artist I have not discovered anything else of value or meaning in 50 years of life.

Claims by muslims that I am a racist. I used to manage a muslim owned shop. I wrote saffron for a Jain that I fancied. I have had sex with a black male. I was in my youth a Rude Boy. Go fuck religion. (that's not a statement about race!) I am willing to book the first available hotel room for any gender or race of a muslim willing to suck my dick. (that doesnt seek to kill me!). The historical details of the following song have been confirmed in 'Heretic' by Ayaan Hersi Ali (An ex muslim). JeSuisCharlie Pluralist liberal democracy and conservative islam are mutualy exclusive world views. Islam seeks to dominate cultures through violent means, the opression of homosexuals often through murder, cultivates attitudes leading to the almost exclusive phenomena of islamist terrorism, opresses women through patriarchal systems of control and just like christianity propogates beliefs in a god that simply is not there let alone in control. In nations where Islam has suceeded in it's primary political objectives hierarchical theocracy controls the legal system. Peoples of other religions are persecuted in attempts to make them convert to islam. Such countires have some of the worsed human rights records. This is how mohamad is an existential threat to all liberal democracy. 'God is not great.' (christopher hitchens). Complain all you like about the song but two facts remain, in 2015 Charlie Hebdo magazine cartoonists were shot dead for work portraying The Prophet mohamad as a paedophile and secondly Mohamad is shown by historic records to have married a 9 year old girl and had sex with her at that age (some records say aged 6). Hard facts to swallow.

This site has one primary motivation, to raise public awareness of victims rights through promoting the necesity of permanent public listing of sex offenders for our safety and that of potential victims. (your kids! By no means an original idea of mine I got it from left wing feminists from the 60's within the survivors movement). GIVE US THE LIST. As you can tell from the quantity of my creative output I have egaged with this task since 1992.

The freemen are fishing on my prior internet records. You will discover I never purchased alcohol ever over the net. You will find I quite like passable tranny. You will find I once imported ephadrine whilst it was still legal with intent to supply in nightclubs. I only EVER took speed ONCE in my addiction, and stimulants including ecstacy less than half a dozen times. Supply was LEGAL at that time and I have no ethical issues with other people enjoying their night out. You would also discover I purchased a small quantity of gun powder, thermite, magnesium and some mini flares, the later with intent to use in self defence, legal to purchase if not to shoot at anyone. (actualy to use in a film short) I am not at all ashamed of any of these things. This was near 20 years ago, I was clean n sober before, during and after. I have never dealt in illegal substances, not once, including cannabis. If they legalise as I believe they should I could retail without fear of relapse. It's 25 years+ since I experimented but hash will not make me relapse on alcohol. In fact having got sober at age 18 with serious problems as a teen I have in total shared with others less than 5 ounces of hash. Legalisation would destroy the black market, reduce needless policing costs and provide tax revenue. No cost to society of sending working class kids to tratment for a few spliffs and a hanfull of pills.

Some of the local gosips make noises of suprise that I am not drinking. I have not had a drink problem since 1988. I have total abstinance for 98% of the past 32 years (a couple of counselors convinced me to try social drinking, it did not work out well) . I divorced sober without a single drink, I was social engineered to homelessness 6 times (thats a decade in resetlement programmes) without taking a single drink before or after, I was incarcerated on jumped up charges at 19 years sober and incarcerated for several years and did not take a single drink on release. I lost a house I owned outright due to a media syndicate protecting richmond council from exposure of negligence in abuse cases. I have total emotional and mental sobriety. When people talk of relaspe I think 'yeah right when hell freazes over'. I have required no support for sobriety for the past 29 years, certainly no programmes, I do not need or desire it. I just don't drink anymore and its no miracle. I went to university sober, I was in a couple of films sober, I got awards for poetry sober, I wrote 5 books sober, I produced over 450 songs sober, I was on national TV sober, I was in the national paper sober. etc... (as to drugs I've not even seen canabis for over 25 years). If you want to see self worth it's people not commitig covert suicide by smoking cigarettes. (also over 25 years abstinant). I doubt you can find many people more sober. Drink is an irelevance in my overall life and the way I've lived it. I kicked the shit out of a convicted paedophile targeting a child ,sober, cracking three of his ribs and had to be pulled off by a group of builders, I did not take a drink after, was praised by the judge and walked, without a sign of a drink. I enjoyed that. Of academic interest on this matter, I was 12 years in recovery, had experience of at least 6 years group and one to one therapy on depth core emotional issues, had no history of violence whatsoever and even in my drinking no impulse control issues around anger. I was however trained to follow through with a samurai sword through cutting practice (also requiring chaneled control of agression). I have about 9 years subsequent core emoptional therapy and would kick the shit out of a child molestor again without warning if they posed a threat to others through our shoddy child protection services. GIVE US THE LIST.

To expose some of the more malicious gosip as BS... why oh why, if I were some kind of pariah, would the sun put me in the national press as a victim with no mention of being a bloody perv? Even crazed christian detractores must see the unlikelihood of that...

SUN INTERVIEW I have a production company, i am life long clean and sober, I have PTSD symptoms. Simple. (I also have not been hospitalised in over a decade.)

Why do I say I would be drinking by now and repeatedly relapsing if I followed the 12 steps? Step one says we are powerless over alcohol. If I was powerless I would have no agency and thus no choice over relapse. I would therefore have to drink against my will. The 12 steps nurture 'selflessness' and 'ego deflation' like other religous cults. In fact remaining sober is entirely selfish, it is all about me and looking after myself. The steps do this ego deflation to encourage dependancy on a higher power and 'god as we understand Him', there is in fact no power outside of myself that can choose to not drink, sobriety is entirely egocentric self care. In steps 6 & 7 they define the problem as 'shortcomings' and 'defects of character', basicaly sin. Sin is a greek archery term that means to fall short of the mark.... so I make mistakes, so what? Doesn't make me drink. I have a choice today. This neurotic obsession with 'moral inventory' is entirely misplaced. No one should be rapt that tight. Similarly, ammends are unecesary, my apologising all the time for who I am and failure to accept myself will not keep me sober. They think helping other sufferers keeps them sober through service. This 'transmision' of ideology is again common to all cults and serves to keep the movement alive without practicaly helping anyone. As an adult child of alcoholic parents I hate alcoholics, I want nothing to do with them. I worked all 12 steps in my first three years abstincnce. The self abusive attitudes I was taught made me suicidal. Pure cult indoctrination that puts people in conflict with their true selves and fails to nurture the will power needed to not drink at tough emotional times. It's bollocks. Don't pick up, no matter what. There is nothing wrong with how you think or feel. Take care of yourself. Seek support from SAFE people where needed. Don't pick up, no matter what. Simple. It becomes habit after a couple of years and then its plain sailing. See 'Leaving the fold' by Dr Marlene Winell and 'Combating cult mind control' by Steven Hassan exit strategy counselor. (the view of 12 step groups and counselors on my third year sobriety suicide attempt was that I must pray harder and work the steps over again to iradicate 'self pity'.Trying to shame me for having pain and not happy joyous and free like they happy clap together. What I in fact did was seek non 12 step therapy to share my grief and pain unjudged by their ideology. It was the toxic 12 step ideology that left me on my own and suicidal in my early twenties with no genuine supports as they were all programme heads. I am still here and still sober as a consequence of leaving the fold. I have not attempted suicide nor experienced depression since I left. ) Although therapy was not perfect at least I wasn't dpendant on a rapist cocaine addict as a sponsor. Therapy afirmed rather than belittled my childhood experiences and how I felt. Instead of praying away anger, shame, fear and sadness as the 12 steps do, therapy embraced and nurtured my feelings. No longer conflicted with myself I at least had half a chance of dealing with the real world rather than the 12 step belief that everything is sent by god to test me and my sobriety. Ultimately an egocentric belief. There is no personal god, praying to one helps nothing but feed delusion.

For social media junky note i am not profiteering or disrepecting any other cause on this site. This site in noncomercial, I make no money off it. I regularly give to secular charity such as Centre Point and every year a prezzie worth at least a couple of hundred goes for xmas to the childrens hospital. So let's do me in with another load of BS rumpour mongering... as to misinformation, all claims on site come from first person experience or can be backed up with profesionaly published accademic research to validate claims. There are certainly no conspiracy theories. As to those atacking this site through rumour mongering, they know nothing of me, having never had a conversation with me and can't even acurately describe the ambiguity of my sexual orientation let alone anything I may believe. I have to deal with a continuous barrage of bullshit in the local community about who I even am. A large number of the tattle tales seem to want to social issolate me through malicious attack, presumambly to try to steal copyright. They show no signs of knowledge of the industry. One of the neighbours says things like 'we were all out war on it'....I don't have clue what they are gibbering on about. They can fuck off. Rather than pissing money up the wall last year a homeless teen got a xmas hamper from me, expect similar this year.

Now I know several types of people think I am bloody stupid but it is not me breaking the law and I don't see anyone else sent gifts of horse armour to arive the day we left EU from eastern european companies. Respect. (I got a free thors hammer from the guys that make HBO Vikings Jewellry and a free silver skull pendants from Thegreatfrogpaterson.com, Craftycelts.com and wulflund.com)

There has been criticism of my views on forgiveness. Like it or not vengance through punishment of offender is explicit within the criminal justice system. Some people talk forgiveness because they want to avoid justice. Sure, reform is also a part of the system bnut not without preportianate punismnet for crime. I am not likely to forgive crime towards myself till hell frreazes over. That's normal'

Mark Maddona Teddington drug dealer fished by local team so... Around 1992 Roselyn Rd childrens home was closed in a safeguarding op. Mark had direct influence through drugs entering the home and associated with a network of sexual deviants procuring young teens for sexual exploitation. Social services employees were found to be directly exploiting clients of the home. Richmond team removed the head of social services in the inquiry but covered up for the ring as they were accountable for gross negligence. My seperate chilhood historic victimisation was caught in the crossfire within the survivors groups. I was targeted by a prostitute pretending to be a romance to try to scapegoat me to cover up for my family of origins drug production. Directly linking my uncles to Mark. I at the very least got three young children safeguarded from Mark et al. As I was in contact with the Cleveland inquiry team Richmond made me an offer I could not refuse to leave london for 10 years because of fears I exposed their cover ups. I came back. A LOT of dirt was thrown at me to try to claim that as a whistle blower I was delusional or complicit. Not guilty. Next? (I was not drunk or on drugs at that time, in 4th year of recovery, targeted because of it, in part by sharks in 12 step and have never purchased from Mark) For Richmonds part they did place me in my early 20's in a high security safe house due to targeting from criminals linked to my family, this for some months and they paid for a property in my name freehold gratis for services rendered and to try to safeguard me from backlash by moving my location. Unfortunately the person closest to me was a puppet for my family of origin, which fucked the resetlement up and I was unable to rebuild elsewheres. 3 card Monti was involved throughout as a plant for the family through bsiness associations and criminality. Direct connections with the support of the Roselyn Rd Social Workers from monti at a later date implying...

Credit where its due. Doris and Co. have increased the domestic abuse budget for counseling and safeguarding measures including priority housing. Lost for words. Good PM. Keep calm and carry on! Far be it for me to sermonise but In pasta green they leadeth me...(just add a little Spinach)

A note on Wolfsblood poem, it was writen at the time of 911 and draws imagery from my anglican upbrining in CofE junior schooling. At the time of writing I was as an adult largely agnostic with leanings towards atheism. After attempt to return to CofE and intergrate it into my recovery I discovered there was nothing for me in the church in the way of social support as a victim of child abuse and that I could not reconcile with others beliefs in forgiveness, a stance I consider unethical and amoral. I left and became hard atheist in philosophy. Having the cultural base and religous education of church schooling and early therapy from monks and nuns I occasional use the imagery. It does not represent my rational beliefs.Obviously forgiving people for minor wrongs and debt is the ethics of the landowners to the general public, that was it original useage. But for crime, without enforced redress and an element of vengance in serving like for like forgiveness is just denial of victims rights to justice. I may write an essay about the subject at some time. If you steal from me I have a right to break your fingers. it's simple. Everyone gets a break for silly little mistakes. Whilst I was still taken in by the 12 step self abuse programme in my teens and very early 20's I practiced 'forgiveness' in step 8 in order to make ammends later. This kept me in relation with an abusive family system and subsequently emotionaly conflicted basicly beating myself up as if their problem was mine to fix with a hair shirt. Eventualy I reversed all of my ammends as they were unecesary and part of the 12 step guilt trip mindset of once an alcoholic always an alcoholic 'disease model'. I am in life long recovery from alcoholism, I never needed to forgive anyone who had seriously harmed me to get to this point of my life, I am happy with my resentments, they are part of who i am. I got at least once concept album out of venting them. The steps gave me nothing but a stick to beat myself with. i cant sit in a 12 step meeting at 3 decades of recovery without wanting to leave, throw up or disrupt through my anger at the total insanity of their ideolgy, step 2 is inherantly mad... higher powers do not restore 'sanity'. I am wholy sane in relation to addiction. The conservative evangelism of oxford movement inspired groups should have no place in mental health. If I had not set boundaries with the family, and not left the idology of 12 step and psychologicaly deprogrammed through therapy I would have remained in a cycle of relapse in alcoholism rather than my reality of never having an adult addiction. that fucked up programme will put you oin so much conflict witrh yourself that you will drink or go nuts like the toxic people you meet there.

'False memory' and 'recovered memory'? Both are terms used by defence lawyers in cases against paedophiles. Wealthy perpetrators pay psychological witnesses to cross question victims who have had therapy with an ideological stance specific to undermining first person witness statement and the support of their therapists. Although it is possible to sugest a memory to others most therapists do not lead clients in directions such as abuse, the material comes from within the client. In the fourth year of my sobriety (age 22) I was having flashes of memory surfacing. In confrontation with my grandfather near his death bed he disclosed the abuse he and others had perpetrated towards me through out childhood. If you asked me in my early sobriety if I was a victim I would say no, depite trwice being raped as a teen. It took another 8 years of therapy for me to be able to clarify the material experienced in nightmares that I was plauged with to make a criminal victim statement. I still have a sleep disorder 32 years into sobriety through abuse flashback trauma nightmares. I am on welfare because of this and the state does not ever expect me to be able to structure my life in such a way as to be able to hold a full time job due to the disturbing material of trauma memory.

Colusion to silence victims from media? The press associations regulations are that they cannot report anything that would identify a victim of sexual offences without their explicit signed consent. In practice this lets editors white wash the issue and perpetrators of child abuse protected. The vast majority of offences against children are by blood relatives (1 in 10 conviction in the States against boys were victims of their biological mothers). In recent years the NSPCC ran an advertising campaign stating 1 in 7 children would be victims of paedophiles in contemporary society in the UK. The statistics were valid but the advertising association took them to court on grounds that such a truth was an 'outrage to public order' as it would 'disturb' the general public too much. The advert was pulled as a consequence. This is just one example of how media sources supress reality. Editors blackmail abusers for their colusion in silence. Victims for the most part may be unconcious of the violation during or after. Where extreme pain exists trauma is likely to be supressed in memory and only come out in later years. From my experience of a few years in the survivors 'movement' most police investigations are curtailed by the police claiming mental health issues of the victim. This saves investigative resources for the stste. Even overt adult rape has a massive percentage chance of not reaching court. So how are kids going to deal with abuse on their own?

A note on the culture of silencing abuse victims. In early recovery whilst still exposed to the falsehoods of 12 step a chelses set wealthy lawyer remarked about me 'oh, we must always keep pieople like that poor. he wants a lot of my friends to be imprisoned and put on the sex offenders register.' They were friends with a 12 step treatment profesional involved in early attmpts to indoctrinate me into 'letting the past go' in the 'name of god', later discovered himself to be a child abuser. That's the chelsea set all round, a minor member of the royal family was a member of the group. Sarah Ferguson was a patron of the treatment centre that wanted me to shut the fuck up and go away. Go figure. Influences. Similar story of betrayal from bishop Of London. They don't help 'victim' mentality, they 'give to charity'. Ones that dont realy help matters ideologicaly. i went on the BBC national TV once about being a victim and they set me up to look a fool. I have turned down two subsequent offers to go on (one very recently) as the contract did not protect from defamation or misrepresentation of me or my work. Believe half of what you're told and none of what you see. As with most I met using 12 step as a smoke screen to cover up drug offences the young royal died of addiction. They call that 'gods will?'

For those trying to 'do it in' to me, I am a physicaly disabled, neurologicaly chalenged, adult survivor of rape and childhood sexual abuse with trauma mental health issues who is bisexual, atheist, and left wing liberal. So 'doing it in' to me from the local christians and other gosips trying to socialy ostracise me is pretty big of them don't you think.

To set the record straight, (as Christians seem to think telling children rubbish is clever) . I am not now nor ever have been a ‘satanist’ nor even interested in neosatanism as the philosophical joke it is. I have never met someone professing adherence to satanism who was not joking or even believed in Satan. Satan is a fantasy character best consigned to penny dreadfuls and b movies. Devils and demons do not exist. Anyone who spreads superstition about such is either a joker, nuts or a liar. The industry around neosatanism is not the atheist movement which does not believe in such nonsense. Anyone involved in satanism is taking the piss out of religion. Good on them for that. However Antoine le vay and the satanic bible are BS with little philosophical interest beyond satire of fundamentalism. Yes I have a lucifer T-shirt , there is a fantasy tv show of that name. I do not believe anything spooky. People telling kids I am satanic, or an abuser of some kind are total liars with fundamentalist agenda. Their god is a fantasy character also, they are either nuts, stupid, liars or conforming to delusional beliefs about spirituality. Religion, it’s all bullshit. Ive met bishops, they showed every sign of being liars asserting power and making money fleecing the faithful. Hell does not exist, it is a fantasy used to try to scare fools into compliance with nonsense.

Recently read- Heretic ayaan hersi ali (the only book on Islam you need ever read), the moral landscape Sam Harris, the river of consciousness Oliver sacks, supergods grant morrison, elbow room Daniel dennett, god the failed hypothesis victor stenger, the believing brain Michael shermer, the meme machine Susan blackmore, letters to a young contrarian Christopher Hitchens, outgrowing god Richard Dawkins, the four horsemen Dawkins et al.WTF? Robert peston, the trauma cleaner Sarah krasnostein, existentialism and excess Gary cox, the god argument a c grayling, a briefer history of time Steven hawking, super intelligence nick Bostrom, the invisible hook peter leeson, 21 lessons for the 21st century yuval noah harari,enlightenment now Steven pinker . At the existentialist cafe Sarah bakewell and more!

During COVID19 measure it may take longer to restore outages of this site. By far the best way to enjoy music on site is to save the files to PC for enjoyment on other devices through file transfer. To save the files simply right click on the link and save to. Wishing all who use this site the best in the coming hardship.

Religion? I have no issue with anyone practicing their own beliefs in anyway that does not encroach on the rights of others or children. I believe philosophy and critical thinking skills should be taught from a young age in school. I do not think that religous enterprises should recieve any tax relief. I believe charities should be regulated to prevent spread of religous propaganda... so that's christian aid and YMCA in trouble as they do not respect the rights of others beliefs. Religous schools should be banned outright. Religous advertising should be banned outright. Secular matters of state and religion should be divorced from each other, and yes I mean the monarchy as well, no one should be head of state and head of a religion. The House of Lords if it is to continue should have bishops removed. i am against the lies of religous dogma being presented as truth to anyone, in particular children, as it is a form of emotional abuse. Grave and imediate action should be taken to reduce the influence of religion over the prison system and provide secular and psychological support to the detained, as also in mental health the shadow of institutionaly homophobic ideology toxifies the systems.

The truth about my addiction. I experienced severe head trauma aged ten in a road accident. Subsequently I was treated with a mood altering dependancy forming depresent medication to prevent seizures. When I was detoxed slowly from this drug in my early teens I imediately became dependant on alcohol, another depresent drug. In a very real sense the NHS gave me addiction. I did not use illicit substances in any quantity including cannabis. When I came off alcohol at age 18 I experienced a brief spell of psychosis. After three years abstinance I was assesed as completely recovered mentaly from this addiction as also the psychosis by a specialist psychiatrist in addictions. I have never been in active addiction in my adult life despite some early experiments with social drinking that slowly spiraled in the direction of further dependancy. I can drink socialy for about a year before dependancy starts to kick in. I have not had a single drink for twenty years and prior to that only relapsed 4 times in the previous 12 years, mainly as the focus of initial treatment was disease model/ 12 step and deined me agency and choice over drinking. Once I psychologicaly deprogrammed from the pseudoscience I was able to stay sober unassisted and without external support on free will alone. I experience no dificulty in maintanance of sobriety even under extrems of emotional pressure and can do it standing on one leg. There is no god or higher powers as defined by the cult of AA, they are full of their own shit and clearly insane. Aparently some experts in AA claim I must have been a drinker as an sult as I am obese. For the first 19 years of my sobriety I was unmedicated and not under psychiatry, I was 11 stone throughout. Due to hospitalisation and medication forced upon me my weight has doubled. There is no chance to reduce my weight as my pancreas is disabled by forced injections that will in all likelihood kill me. Apparently during a human rights case some wise guy issued a threat to the UK goverment that a paedophile would die every month till sarahs law was passed/ Apparently a few died before it was. Go figure. Although there is no formal restriction I cant even initiate a game of chess, from 8 devices networked including on my mobile network. Goes beyond Prevent. My home is regularly broken into by 'the authorities' when I go out, things get left behind or moved. This has gone on for over a decade. Of course the doctors claim obesity is a symptom of mental illness and justifies their labeling. The medication causes me to be nocked out over 50% of the time, prior to psychiatry I was out all day every day getting photos, I also could exercise with ease and motivation, not so with the medication. Something else heads together are not telling anyone about psychiarty is not only does the medication have a prognosis of reducing life expectancy by a decade but the though disorders claimed by the labels are actualy a side effect of long term exposure to the medication... mental deteriation is a symptom of psychiatric drugs. Think about it. Self fulfilling prophecy of the labels. I had no anomaly prior to the medication. Despite a rather complex social history as a photographer (face off with a hindu female bodyguard of the Jacksons, interconnections with half the crims and looneys in london through 12 step, happy snaps of Hammas and former IRA...) no evidence was found to link me as acessory to any crime by ten years forensic investigation. Of course under the datat protection act its quite 'normal' that half my official records are significantly redacted!

Comparisons with Aleister Crowley a semi mythical figure in part created by Freemasons in a publishing conspiracy? AC , if you can believe the hype, thought he was the physical manifestation of the beast from revelations based on his Christian cult upbringing. He set out to form a personality cult revolving around being the prophet of a new aeon worshiping Egyptian gods. He believed in ritual magic and a spiritual ideology based on searching for the ‘true will’. He was a con man exploiting rich patrons through gibberish about the occult. I read some of his books once as a young teen. They were crap. I have no involvement with cults, conspiracies or religion, Egyptian or otherwise. I do not believe in any magical powers in anyone, ever, nor miracles, spirituality of a pseudo occult nature nor psychic powers of any form. On free will I am a monist materialist who believes in the illusion of agency as an exercise of choice with precursors in neurological processes. I do not believe in ‘searching’ for a ‘true’ will or anything like it. I am a skeptic. I am a hard atheist who does not believe science reveals any indication of there being a god, gods, soul or spirits. We are physical beings that cease to exist when the body dies, there is no dualistic mind body divide (or room for spirit). The occult and psychic research are total bollocks. Aleister Crowley was a life long opiate and cocaine addict. I have no history of ever using such and inclusive of alcohol and nicotine, drugs have had no role in my adult life. I quit in my late teens. End of story. He was infamously sexually compulsive including beastiality and at the very least exposed children to viewing adult sex. I have never used so much as a single prostitute. Similarities? None. He was more like David Ike.

National Geographic have announced irefutable evidence that the oldest copies of the bible, The Dead Sea scrolls, are in fact total forgery. This means evidence for the gospels being written by actual historic diciples of Jesus (if he existed) are so late in the christian era that they were not written by anyone who can of been alive at the time of Jesus. Also note Q (quelle source) hypothesis for the gospels shows great divurgance in the canon between the accepted gospels, brought further into doubt by divurgent gospels (such as Thomas from Nag Hammadi codex.) More evidence christianity is a later fabrication built on a crock of lies. As one might expect for a religion promoted by Constantine in attempt to dominate the rest of the world. This all lends weight to the Monty Python hypothesis. According to The Life Of Brian (and historic record) there were many competing and divergant religous teachers claiming the authority of the Messianic Prophecy in the old testament. It would seem the Roman Empire at a much later date subsumed the varied religous ideologies representing christian thought by hand picking tracts that suited the political agenda of providing faith to conquered peoples to make them submisive to empirialism. Turn the other cheek and kiss Ceasers arse and all the rest of the submisive bollocks their numpty representation of jesus sugests. He's a very naughty boy...

As a reminder, I spoke to the royal foundation twice. Their first response was that hey did not support the work of individual artists (unless it's Elton John in a rentboy scandal). Their second on being a victim of child abuse was why don't I take a tablet. Being 3rd Generation NA youth in recovery and 5th gen AA although I have thoroughly binned the USA prison programme at 32 years clean i am proud to confirm I have never taken a mood altering tablet as an adult. How's Prince Andrew?

All for Priti Patel. Only bully is the gutter press, we all know knives are out. Swearing at civil servants is largely a matter of taste and a sign of good breeding. Yes, Minister. Just the kind of calbre bitch you need in your corner.

It is not only the work of Elaine Pagels and UNESCO that cast doubt on the historicity of the bible. I didnt know this till quite recently but the entire history of the Jewish people presented in the old testament has no correlation with the historic archeological evidence in Judea. None. Total fabrication and literary fictions. 'God: the failed hypothesis' V. Stenger

For a discussion by the current in philosophy I loosely adhere to consult The Four Horseman audio stream Dawkins, Dennet, Hitchins and Harris. No religous doctrine, mysticism or occult philosophy has any bearing on a philosophy from a material reality perspective, the proposition of God, Gods, Spirits or Souls are all complete nonsense and have no empirical reality. That means they are not real and thought systems based upon them all bullshit. Collective psychosis has been sugested for religions adherants. Anyone certain of religions integrity over the age of 12 is obviously deluded. The psycho social reasons for the existence of religion has been explored and the answers that it claims to address in human experience are all based on false propositions. For a brighter future look for real solutions to ethical problems based on reality. Religous people have a problem with reality based on emotional commitment to false propositions and because the ideas or memeplex of religions are self replicating with no concern for truth. Ayaan Hirsi Ali worth a look as also Michael Shermer of the skeptics society for debunkinfg false claims of spiritual/psychic/magical miracles and why people are psychologicaly primed to believe such total nonsense. Religion has been compared to a virus of the mind that infects hosts without consideration for their welfare and tries to rplicate and transmit it falsehoods as the host comes into contact with others eventualy infesting cultures. Dawkins et al are a way to inoculate children against its lies. Symptoms of the disease? Religous wars, conflicts and persecution. opression of women and childhood, psychological and emotional cripleing and not least total war on LGB and in particual trans persons throughout history leading to deaths and suffering of millions. The arguments against religion have already been made by these authors and clearly won, the debate is over, the arguments of religion self defeating and inherantly wrong. Of the social advanteges(such as charity, or ethics) and psychological needs religion makes false claim to meeting all can be met through secular and rational means.

So how am I still sober through the decades? Good habits. It was insane the first year sober then with aid of counseling more endurable in subsequent years. After a few years sober largely a piece of piss apart from in times of extreme emotional distress like relationship breakups or enduring boredom. At those times will power and a sincere desire to stay sober were everything. Resilience to endure pain, emotional muscle built up in earlier sobriety. I dont think about being off cigarettes over 20 years and I never think of having a drink. Habit. The first thought on my mind is not sobriety today, it is just a case of wake up and smell the Jasmine tea. Destructive behaviours replaced with good habits. Where's the VR Tai Chi... Of course in the early years having no experience I had only what others told me to go on about recovery so I put faith in fundamentaly toxic peers and 'sponsors' who had no qualifications to deal with my emotional well being and a fundamentaly emotionaly abusive programme that place false demands and expectations on me as an individual. All bollocks that sets up for relapse, shame and tries to achieve deeper dependancy on the groups. All unecesary. Why not form a support network of exclusively psychologicaly disturbed personality types with long term addiction issue? Why? 'But I dont want to go amongst mad people' cried Alice, 'Oh you cant help that dear, we're all mad here, I'm mad, youre mad, everybodies mad', replied the Cheshire Cat. Tip to Alice... go private and hire a psychological professional to help with your emotional welfare not a load of drunks.

Some people interpret disability as being lazy or beligerant. I regularly loose conciousness during the day due to the fractured skull of 40 years ago, my energy levels are highly variable. This complicated by PTSD memory flash backs in the form of bad dreams about the child abuse on myself makes sleep paterns permanantly disturbed. I dont quite have narcolepsy, despite being treated with dangerous drugs as a child for epilepsy (that caused more seizures and were a gateway to chemical dependancy) but I need to sleep at odd times many days. Being labeled 'disabeled' has its own set of social barriers with some people as they think you are wierd or less than them. This is a serious prejudice interacting with some folks. The totality of my experience as a whole is without self destructive behaviours I am still effectively damaged. People who think this makes me stupid are just sad. I have a sucessful business that works around the deficits of trauma.

I think it was Maya Angelou that said solitude is the furtile field of creativity. Hitch said loneliness was the food for straight thinking. If I think back in my early twenties i was my most sociable and not only have I never had so many enemies they were all the closest to me. I do not recall them fondly nor entertain fools gladly. Part of the creative process is mass communication. I have achieved that. It comes and goes. My 6th book is well on its way. the last audit of songs was over 450. This is what I do.

A few people believe in god, far more believe it is a good thing to believe in god, all are demonstartibly wrong. Similarily some believe the 12 step movements BS, many more think it is a good thing, to that end they think all recovered addicts must be compulsive or obsesive about something if not god. So it has been raised that I must be obsessed with technology. I do not use social media, I use a laptop about ten minutes a day, I made one phone call this week, use Skype one hour every two weeks etc. I am more 'obsessed' with my Optigrill or Air fryer. Technology provides tools to enhance the living enviorment and make life easier. Useful as I am sometimes eratric in routine due to PTSD memory flash backs of childhood and attendant emotions. In part why I am 'disabled'. When it comes to god I am more interested in the constituentcy of my poos of a morning. I do not have an obsession or compulsions. Thats real recovery. The 12 step movement has neuroticaly pathologised all known human behaviour with the support of its religous right wing apologists to push god as a final solution. Be happy, enjoy a beer over the weekend unless its killing you, go to a rave, have a threesome, god is not watching. My kind of depravity is reading Hitchens or Camus with a Jasmine green tea with neroli on the oil burner!

Behaviour? I start the day with lite breakfast and jasmine tea. Imediately after breakfast i play a game of chess on my heirloom quality Lewis Chess Set. More tea. A ten minute VR guided meditation with breathing exercise (an alternate version in the afternoon after lunch). More tea. Tai Chi. 20 minutes Shiatsu massage. At least an hours reading (usualy philosophy). Rich Lunch. Some TV documataries (usualy science). Maybe a half hour boxset. 4 of 5 Breath mindfulness meditations on apple watch through day. Sit listening to jazz or queen. (the importance of being idle. normaly write one poem a day and several 'journal' emails to my therapist. Maybe a power nap. Some TED talks. Lite evening meal. Maybe half hour TV in evening. Sex with myself 3 or 4 times a week in the evening. Listen to motzart before sleep. I am trying to work a brisk walk into the day but the weather is proving a bit of a foil. No selfmdestructive behaviour since 1988. (couple of short slips in my twenties). adressed toxic relationships in mid twenties. No CBT. No 12 steps. No RET. No analasys. No bullshit. Existential therapy once every two weeks. Produce a song at least every two weeks. Thanks for the disability welfare payments. Put me in incarceration and let a silver back gorilla go ape. (thats why they say I was psychosis, I do not tolerate detention.) Results from psychiatry... none... only retraumatised state putting me back twenty years in private talking therapy. Of course also Voice control over all aspects of enviroment including ambient light show on most of day. Keep it stupid for the Simple.

HEADSTOGETHER

My care manager no longer works for the trust. i had made formal complaint of emotional abuse, sexual inapropriate conversations and wilfull provision of false information to other departments in an attempt to compromise my welfare. Bye!

Neuroscience and psychiatric pharaceuticals are in conflict. On leaving hospital the community team were very concerned with the physical spasticity created by the psychiatic medication I was wrongly prescribed stateing explicitly it could have caused permanent central nervous system damage. Prior to psychiatry I already had trauma from serious childhood head injury complicated by further trauma from child abuse upon myself. The new medication that the goverment forcibly injects with also demonstaratably lowers my functionality. no one cares as they would need to admit misdiagnosis again. I was already disabled by trauma, now I am disenabled further through forced medication. If I suffered psychosis how come this was no longer evident following hospitalisation that demonstratably traumatised me further? Pinning down a survivor in containtment to force dangerous drugs into their system is not 'treatment'. My head injury was not even considered a factor in my prehospital disability, however largely functional. Neurologists have stated that psychiatry is a matter of pissing in the dark, whilst claiming to treat the mind they make no referance to the brain beyond poisoning it with psychopharmaceuticals with little specific function.

From some emails of mine on 'penetrative and insightful investigative journalism of the Beeb. The UK mental health act can be used to overrue the EU Humsan Rights Act in several key areas if you are detained by police for questioning and two mental health professionals claim you are 'dangerous'. This opinion may be informed by your website or music output! (note I have not served a single day as a patient in hospital for over a decade despite several absurd and arbitary total recall conditions to release. No community services are offered. I pay privately for therapy. Being independant of NHS and nonintergrated with psychiatry their is a qualitive differance in my therapy to what a pen pushing bachelors in psychology would offer in the system. To my knowledge my therapist is more qualified in mental health than the NHS workers I am reviewed and monitered by and has over 20 years experience. Qualitively different, its why I pay for it. NHS psychologists i have encountered are monkey glove puppets of the doctors. Totally useless to anybody as are the wards except in crisis for suicide prevention. )
I am watching Stacey Dooley on Springfield where I was held on forensic/ prison ward. I get the vibe they were putting on a show for the cameras. I was in there for years and the empathy staff claim on camera was totally lacking. They only engaged in conversation with me once, violently pinned me down for injections. Before I went in I was better than I am now. There was no help or support just stripped of identity, medicated to the point of physical debility , the only conversation I had with the psych was his pleasure that he used prostitutes weekly. Power. Nothing there helped me at tall. Traumatic.
The nurses totalybexpressed pleasure at forcibly injecting me for a few years on a regular basis. The impression they give in the film is that they’re angels. Not.
I cannot stress enough how I was in full recovery without a history of destructive behaviour for 20 years and no other psychiatric treatment and had already had mid term therapy. I just got in a fight that someone else started.For years they said I had no insight into my own mental state. They still say this at reviews.
Their ‘treatment’ was to keep me locked up , forcibly sedated into a drooling wreck and physicality handicapped. The mental state was one where I could not write.On the week of incarceration I was meant to photograph Bruce Willis, an artist that greets me by first name and to photograph the queen... to being disempowered and turned into to a vegetable, someone who worded their own human rights case against NHS, has diplomas in literature and psychology and ran groups for years on emotional well being. When I left Springfield wanted me to run workshops for patients on how successful their treatment was on the basis I was doing so well in the community... I did better in the community before hospital!
On one occasion they gave me an hour leave and administered a laxitive in my food for a laugh so I shit myself! Empathy...
I originally broke free of psychiatry and medication age 18. I was 37 till they forced such upon me and totally functional without voices.
I question if part of the backlash against my just prior human rights case was aimed at my work against control and rigidity in the self help movement over twenty years. It did get me in trouble with religious figures of authority.
2dead patients under suspicious circumstances in my stay.
In total the NHS and care providers made off with around half million in funding from this. My medical notes do not deny that I was sexual abused as a child. Psychologists in aftercare cosatin quarter million to tax payer tried to deny it's impact saying it was incredibly rare (it is not) and wouold have no consequences on my development... when my entire recovery from addictions, self harm and shame is based on facing the emotional impact of abuse ( a sucessful recover from the trauma model.) these psychologists were less qualified in counseling than I am (I am no specialist) had less experience mentoring and actively discouraged talk of abuse in their groups, depite three quarters of their clients having the history. None recovered as fully as I from their psychiatric experience I believe as a consequence of denial of authentic feelings as survivors. Quarter of a million in aftercare that changed nothing and altered none of my attitudes, most of which are supported by my current therapy.

A few thought experiments that could confront the question of sex offenders in the comunity and ethics. (obviously not all my own view)

A) The state has a duty to protect the public. There are hundreds of thousands of sex offences reported. there is a high degree of recidivism by sex offenders. Therefore the public should be informed of sex offenders whereabouts.

B) The state has a responsability to protect the public. There are hundreds of thousands of sex offender amongst the public. For public safety the state must protect sex offenders whereabouts.

C) The state has a responsability to protect the public. Thousands of reported sex offences go unreported or unconvicted evey year. The public have a right to safety. Therefore it is a moral imperative for victims to take the law into their own hands for the safety of all. The state should protect such.

D) The state has a responsability to protect the public. I peacefuly protest against the states failure to protect us from sex offenders. The state must protect myself and the public from sex offenders to create public order. The state should GIVE US THE LIST.

E)The state has a responsability to protect the public. Exposing sex offenders puts them at risk from a very small number of violent offenders. I campaign for such exposures therefore I am a risk to public safety. (this is the possition of our State mechanisms.) I must be monitored and controled under terrorism legislation and the mental health act for protest against a state that fails most victims. For the sake of keeping up apearances of a just protective state and to protect sex offenders the State must violate my civil liberty and human rights. (this is the case to date) Human rights organisations and the 'independant' inquiry into institutional child abuse stated explicitly they have no jurisdicgtion over policing corrupt or otherwise. Go wipe your arse on the human rights act.

F) Bring back hanging! The state will become itself unsafe to the public.

G) tens of thousands of boys were abused when the age of consent was 21, including statutary rape. Tens of thousands of boys were abused when the age of consent was reduced to 18, including statutary rape. When the age of consent was reduced to 16 all perpetrators of sexual assault or statutary rape on minors were pardoned by the crown. Go stick the crown up your arses. Any victim of sexual assault between 16 and 21 at the time such was illegal is now a former victim and obviously by todays standards just homophobic regardless of their own sexuality. I have had consensual adult sex with all three genders. I do not identify as LGBT as I do not have romantic relations with my own gender. 2 of the 7 people who sexual abused me as a child are now 'parrdoned' by ther Crown despite procurement of a minor, attempted rape and actual violent rape. Guess I was just a twink to them and now the crown. (On sex, I am not defined by who i fuck. Labels are nonsensical. Sex is a behaviour that can be shared with anyone dependant on intimacy. There are no 'gays' or 'straights' only diversity and fluidity of expression. Sexuality is not a state of being. Drop the labels if you want to be free.)

Shock of the nude? Liberal accadmics are often colluding apologists for paedophiles in the visual arts. Schiele was convicted, Gaughin a paedophile, Picasso at the very least suspected of paedophilia, all painted their victims as subjects etc. (this indicates how long the subjects been media friendly) It is not a matter of banning art, but one might expect an educated viewing public to shun artists such as with Michael Jackson, do you want kids listening to a paedophile as they grow up? I think not. The fact theres a westend stage play musical about them contradicts this view. Uneducated or ideologicaly toxic academia disagree, 'anything goes so long as anything goes' and no arguing with liberal elites. Its an ethical problem. Paedophiles have victims, it causes suffering to children and later to surviving adults. it is there for demonstratably and obviously wrong. When I was young man coming up through london arts community the liberal (small l) establishment in the arts ostracised me as their opinion of a male survivor was that they were only fit as a prostitute or porn star, they tried to hook me back in to being sexualy exploited for being open that such had occured to me as a child. Subdominants and in particular women in the snob squad were particuly guilty for taking vicarious pleasure at my expense and would openly verbalise their attraction sexually to children. That was the norm in the 90's. Frankly they took the piss out of male survivors and paedophilia and made incest a joke at my expense. That is why I was ostracised in london arts, I was a vocal survivor who would not let others 'normalise' the crimes. Wanting to view Little Dora is not paedophila but there are other shades of grey. Thankfully in reaction to my work a paedophile was stabed to death by one of his victims up in hampstead Heath in answer to all this bullshit etc... I take vicarious pleasure from that, fuck the liberal elites! Time warp back to 90's and ask how well Potobello recieved me as an artist through Br'er son of minister for arts, or Uncles (then Portobello Cafe) deals with my family knowing I was a survivor to cover up through precurement into prostitution via the Royal Court Young Peoples theatre. See also Tom Watson suplied all my material for inclusion in politiical campaigning (totally ignored me as a member). Aslo John Cummins artist involved in targeting male models for male prostitution purposes. Bit part by Josie Lawrence. Putting my doc martins on Chris Langham production of child abuse images Holland Park School links to nest of vipers with Chp Summers fronting for the enemy within the counseling fraternity... chips solution for me was to get me to talk to a convicted paedophile...as this he thought would change me, to what end? Ask how many children did Langham film and photograph being abused and who knew? Images in the thousands.

Since there's a question on it, KINGMOB Gordon Riots ans EZVONTZ Dita both are entirely composed from played instrumentation in real time. Greatest scheat some presets and playing through a mulktitrack step sequence to pitch shift. Don't have that hardware synth anymore but want another. A bit rare.

Since Good Omens is bringing Neil on check out The Sandman graphic novels. Similar the Lucifer spin off. The Invisibles. Hell Blaizer. Sand Man Mystery Theatre. The original Preacher. From Hell. V for Vendetta. It was a good era.

Fact 2005-7 I was validated as a human rights case by the Counsel of Europe. I was not facing incarceration nor under mental health act I was just a target for invasion of privacy by police and NHS and prevented from justice against my abusers. I was under no formal court order from the UK. Without warning this case timed out without further recourse. At that time I had a direct line to Tony Blair via EU Human Rights Court and could not be detained in the UK without imediate action from European Courts. When that right of interim was lifted Richmond Council and police imediately arrested me on trumped up terror charges based solely on this website and possesion of a small quantiity of stage effects requiring no license. On parole I was set up for a crime of minor violence. The terror case was droped as they incarcerated me under mental health for 8 years forensic analasys, disproportianate response for the fight they triggered. I had no history of violence. The result of this forensics was that at the end of the period a consultant psychiatrist stated explicitly that I was neither criminal nor insane (a muslim!). All I had done was campaign for public listing of sex offenders via this site and my photography work with Hollywierd. This created a major political backlash. I remain under the mental health act as a consequence of the backlash to my human rights claim and a repeat claim is not available. I was NOT convicted under terror act. My privacy , rights to affiliate and other fundamentals are violated to date. I did try to force the UK goverment to introduce public listing of sex offenders using EU mechanisms. I tried to achieve criminal justice against child abuse which means my abusers exact behaviour is known even at the level of Counsel Of Europe. Good job. The argument revolved around safety of former victims as a human right. When I was arrested the fight that was started by others is on record as involving Royal Protection Officers. You can infer that UK Goverment will use any resource, mechanism or act to quash anyone chalenging their authority. Political dissidents? Must be a terrorist or insane...

Why all this bile at the expense of 12 step groups? NHS psychiatric and Prison Services and Probation are having their services and resources drained by 12 step sympathiser models that statisticaly have a very low chance of positive outcomes. Legislation and court orders including mental health act are being misused to force compliance with 12 step group attendance. As they are religous in nature this is clearly a civil rights issue, most people do not believe in their god. Whilst maintaining my long term sobriety I have repeatedly been atacked and undermind by 12 step religion sympathisers to try to force compliance with the groups despite the fact primary and secondary treatment taught me nothing about how to stay sober that I have ever used in my long term recovery. Wasted money. Wasted serices. Wasted resources of all kind and a fundamentalist drift within prison reform. i served 12 step nationaly, it was a complete waste of my youthful energy. Addiction services are in the dark ages utilising this raely effective model which presents itself as the ONLY model that works. it does not. Its sucesses are purely coincidentle and in line with statistics for trying to stop alone.

I am an alcoholic? I am alcoholic in the sense that I was once addicted to alcohol requiring short term medication and in patient services. That was as a teen. I have studied alcohol treatment at the level of BMA literature and have a consequent diploma in psychology. I do not have a disease of alcoholism. I no longer have the behaviour of alcoholism. i do not have an addictive personality. I do not have obsession or compulsion in my psychological make up as a recovered alcoholic. The only emotional vulnerability to relapse I have experienced was during relationship break ups. That would seem to me quite a normal human psycholgical trait. I did divorce sober without relapse. Life has thrown all kinds of outrageous bullshit my way and I did not relapse. i have had several peek experiences sober and did not have a desire to drink. 'Alcoholism' as defined by AA as a spiritual illness has more in common with the Moonies than a clinical definition of alcoholism, as too their programme. Ego deflation is a known cult mechanism of abuse to create dependancy and compliance. I don't drink. Ever. That's all there is to it. I am still in therapy but not because of alcoholism but to deal with the human condition in reaction to childhood trauma, I never discuss addiction in therapy, it's in the distant past. its not rocket science. The definition of alcoholism I use is purely materialist and predicts that if I expose my brain chemistry to alcohol I will experience cravings beyond that of a normal drinker and as I have a history of dependency may experience relapse through dificult to fend off that craving. This could be inherant to my make up , it could be that my brain adapted through exposure to excess alcohol. It dosnt matter, it means it will never be safe for me to drink. AA programme as it exhibits most of the warning signs that identify a toxic cult is dangerous to my psychological well being. I maintain my psychological welfare through therapy that is non confrontive and does not belittle me by sugesting any character deffect. It builds me up psychologicaly and being existential explores themes of agency and free will. Nothing in my recovery is remotely to do with spirituality. Although active drinking alcoholics may share a generalised psychological make up there is no necesity for similarity in emotional or mental makeup between ex addicts in long term recovery. We do not share personality characteristics beyond general norms. It is physical neurology deficit not psychological. The only personality data I could find is a small skew towards neurotic personality types being in 12 step.

They that control data flow control profit.

Nigel Farage? Just photographed at a unveiling of his porteait painting by Jim Davison, once listed. there was a deal from Davison within freemasonary to supress media scandal surrounding his abuse of teenage girls. Go figure. The far right are never in the right. They only serve themselves and the pound in their pocket. Give Us The List. The narative back in 80s/90s was he was a bit high spirited and one of the boys, a narative supported by freemasonary, perhaps a bit more of a man than others for being a child molestor. This as an outsider appears to be one of the functions of freemasonary, even before the ten year police sex offender register freemasons saw their role as 'beast master' whilst keeping the truth under the carpet. My uncle in gaining his PHD admitted to Kingston Lodge that he abused me, was given freedom of the town for his 'honesty' (no legal action) and consequently even as a school boy I was marked out as one of those 'dangerous victims' by freemasons in the teaching staff, probably the only reason they labeled me alcoholic as teen to try to guilt trip me into silence. That worked out well then! There is a close interelationship with elitism in local governments and policing through freemasonary. Why I believe the order should be banned. Basicaly influencial criminals make 'charitable donations' to masonary (bribes) in return for favours from the legal bar and judiciary to quash cases, in particular ones of a sexual nature. That is the 'culture of denial'. Cases decided before they reach court. This is just one example of institutional cover ups of child abuse within anglicanism. Every couple of years since coming of age freemasons have declared one for all to protect my abusers as i remain vocal as a victim demonstratibly keeping me on my arse for decades in the name of brijnging mee 'in on it', an outright lie (for 30 years!). Another instance of this engineering is I have since my first service provider been engineered through a proxy access to the internet that has outright denied me access to normal social media (prior to me having ever used it) to 'prevent' social networking. i have never been able to meet a real person through any medium on the net due to this proxy access control. Denial of rights to afiliate whilst monitoring all my activity (including mics within building installed on internet of things) in a claim they are gathering evidence 'against me' , despite no record of crime! A warrant that lasts 20 years? Its not paranoia when phonecalls are quoted by community teams in the street. Thought experiment, can you access the world wide web in the same manner with service providers registered in your name in different city node areas? s it the same web? Can you enter a chat room or bulletin board with a friend you have asked to be in the same internet space via phone across the country? Are you viewing mirror sites? Are their strange acauseal synchronicity between say the info you produce on social media, search engine results and your media app AI produced fake news? Is this effect apparent on your localised TV footage? Do newspapper headlines over the net have strange congerance with your own data production and interaction with the web? etc, If there's an issue, how and why? If you can meet people via social media are they agents? Is this localised phenomena? have you ever spoken chinese to a chinese person in china via the web? Are you talking to AI bots or agents of the local authority through bulletin boards, chats etc. Can you locate a specialist in japanese tattoo work in madrid from London? Can you start a game of chess with a real human opponent in spain who speaks spanish? If not why not? Can you establish a free trade route to gold jewelry produced in birmingham? What price are ZX Spectrums in Northern Ireland tonight and how many available to you? And other data controls... who profits?

I did not vote for Brexit. Make the best of a bad job, nows the time to thrash out policy. The reasons I suspect so many working class citizens voted leave is because the middle classes treat us as other and less worthy of operunity. Look at how many songs I've written over the past 20 years on the european question and yet no one offering a hanbdshakeat any level. Art coucil refuses to comment or aknowledge me, mayors office, labour party, tory party and in particular liberal organisation complete brick wall. I could easily ponce about on stage or in front of camera, I've done it all before. This could be disability prejudice, this could be survivor prejudice, this could be class prejudice. (I dare say theres atheist prejudice as I do not prostrate myself before god for an addiction I have not experienced since 1988, It's NOT A STATE OF BEING.) Of course maybe some folk dont like GIVE US THE LIST because they are sex offenders or married to one. A case of keep it in 'the family'. I do not know but I know no validation of my work from any of the organisation that one might assume would. The eponymous 'they' do not want me on ane 'we' cant deal with you is so much bullshit. Thats probably why so many people want a new political system. Do not froget EU human rights timed out in my case without prior warning and without further recourse, swept permanently under the carpet. I remain restricted in this country in several ways with invasion privacy and not even a right as to what is forcibly put into my body as medication. now is the time for policy changes. It is to be hoped economic inequality, scarcity and poverty, freedom from authoritarianism and freedom to exercise liberty, and exercise of political power be greatly improved in an independant UK.

I spent 3 years in weekly dialouge with a nun in my early 20's, I had a frasiscan as a counselor for a year, I met many christians in 12 step groups. That is why when someone tells me they are christian today I imediately think psycho, fuck off! Zero Sum philosophic similarity. Even short conversation with those aflicted by religion can be profoundly toxic to those deprogramed or in recovery from indoctrination. It's a no brainer. About 23 years ago the american survivors network sent me a sticker for my bike 'I'm recovering from recovery!'. The fact there is a market for such bumber stickers is very telling about how toxic some ideology is. I used to ride it into 12 step meetings!

Hackers had discovered I was up for a disability inquiry review so rumours have been circulating in the community that I am a cheat, a showman, and a con. So following two full assesment processes, including acess to childhood evidence of trauma, specialist psychological reports and in part due to social and emotional consequences of the goldfish bowl in which people try to character assasinate a disabled person my welfare has in fact GONE UP! And awarded midterm without need for further review. For those saying they'd like to see me 'out on my own' , homeless and isolated from supports note it is totaly ilegal for kingston council to leave me homeless given my previous and now increased diasability status. Wake up and smell the green tea! (it's got jasmine in it). The same bright spark conservative/ christians tried to engineer me in a possition where I would 'take care of my abusers' in their old age, the abusers i would 'take care of' by nailing to a chair, surgical removal of their eyelids and then slowly skin alive. This is the kind of 'honour thy father', 'judge not lest you be judged' bullshit aimed at survivors throughout our lives if we keep it real. They can fuck themselves. Of course these caring souls think it would be apropriate to incarcerate me without so much as a crime because I shit on their godhead. Submit to a conservative agenda or the 'faithful' in their moral 'high ground' will try to undermine and destroy your life. Morality? Catholic teens are being taught that I am a Nazi for wanting to know if I am on a date with a sex offender, I grant them the same right... they should remember the Vatican were in tacit colusion with the Nazi death camps through most of the war. Christian morals dont include Jewish people either, let alone the distressed or disabled.

Someones found it interesting enough to hack my emails so here's the thread from them this week having got a new chess set.
I am using chess as a meditation on agency. Within contingency of the rules and rationale of the state of play each move is an exercised choice of free will. I am enjoying the free moments between moves.
Although just a game this agency illustrated by the choices presented in chess requires consciousness to decide which move to take. Profoundly meaningful. Where does this consciousness come from? From what is it made? Without the opportunity afforded by the game to make free choice is consciousness the same? Makes the game more stimulating.
Yet the computer app is not conscious, has no will and just emulates agency algorithmically. A materialist may say my brain is the same with only the illusions of such.
I am aware of making the choice of move, this awareness is not computational. Qualitatively experiential subjective agency.
Many determinist materialist see consciousness as an illusionary byproduct of the computations of the physical brain. What then is this qualia of consciousness I experience in processing my decisions to move? A copatabiltist would see a unity of brain/ mind , deterministic/ choice, in experiencing the illusion of agency we have it. So am I just a biological mechanioid reacting to cues from environmentally determined stimulus? I am still intuitively more with the existential experience of free choice. I am not flipping a mental coin at each move. I consider the consequences. I am present as an agent of free choice in the theatre of consciousness.
The computer chess can analyse more moves into the future so in one sense has optimal choice and yet as algorithmic determinism it has no actual experience of choice at all. I not only experience choice but have an experiential history of agent decisions to reflect upon in making my conscious move. Obviously the computer has a data base of game positions to fall back on but still lacks this experience of conscious volition.
I was feeling quite under inspired musically so applied the chess theory. Success!
I had to let go of the chess game as the app cheated by rearranging some of the pieces! I was expecting to loose my first game on the new board to the computer but oh no the computer acted like it has agency and cheated the game. I’ll put that down as a win then...
Even if free will is an illusion of biological mechanism I am happier believing I am the agency at the centre of my choice and I am not predtermined by enviroment or the will of anything else, like a god. As with faulty chess algorithms theologians try to convince in argument through fools logic. God gives us free will they say, and in so doing prove their is no god that can be all seeing, all knowing or all present. We decide the future through concious agency, it is not the dictate of the will of theologians or of divine will. The future is not decided, we make concious choices to create our destiny, it is not the work of fate. With in the limits of contingent reality we find ourselves in, playing by the rules, with a bit of luck, we choose the outcomes. Of course allowing for the oponent and competition and a myriad of contingent factors we may not quite end up where we intended, but we do have a choice in this momment and always can decide our next move. Thats what Sartre means by freedom, we are absolutley free to decide despite everything that others put in our way. Yet 'hell is other people'.

H and Meg... Supreme governor of canada and eds your uncle! Let Archi flourish free of fleetstreet so they can form a larger family. Simples.

KEEP SADIQ! Great mayor.

Jess Phillips only candidate ever going to get my vote for Labour Leadership. Knight of realm completely divided loyalty and inapropriate to represent a party for the people. Time to shift possition to a more centrist new labour given the Marxist old guard have failed.

Feeding frenzy for gutter press. The only issue I see with the Sussex is they are too popular for the old boy network that maintains a class divided institutional racist culture. Envy and the old world order. The under classes like me love them, the aristos noses out of joint. Not the same classist glass ceiling for americans. Genuine liberty and opertunity to become who we want to be. Not just token rag to ritches engineered and hand picked. Fulfilment of potential not scarcity programming to get us all to bow down like slaves. The new world. Scarcity programing is a social engineered policy to limit the underclasses through competition for limited resources to create a lack of self belief and culture of envy conflict. Competition between workers thus achieved we will fight each other over who gets the guitar throughout our lives rather than challenge the social order. Those who rise out of the enforced poverty by luck will become complicit with the old order out of fear of loosing what they have gained to others. A self perpetuationg institutionalised inequality economicaly that serves only the richest and keeps the poor man down.

To clarify, I have entered a catholic chapel once in my entire life. I have no wish to repeat this experience. Even when I was actively church of england I was entirely anti-papist as was common during the NI troubles. I was neosatainc as a teen. I have never repented this despite later confirmation as C of E. I am anti religion and have to all intents left the communion but adopt a live an let live policy with others right to worship as they please. My philosophical stance for past 30 years has been, and increasingly so as I get older, hardline atheism. There is no room for god or spirits or fairys in the universe. (fairys are more likely than a god). Likewise for Stormont and its devisions note that perfectly ordinary C of E primary schooling, choir membership, cubscouts, sunday school etc. taught my generation to shun and mistrust catholics and the adults were checking their cars for signs of bombs being planted. Based on my interactions with catholics in my generation this devision was not only ideological but did in fact paint a true picture of a reasoned and rational conflict between the seperate churches. In C of E we were raised not to take biblical story literaly, not to venerated Mary and certainly never to give confession or kiss up to clergy. Also note both Baptist and Methodist were considered divergant from the faith to the degree of being mere christian cults rather than of the true faith (let alone the wierd evangelical churches), although this matter has changed over the years we were considered above and beyond all these seperate sects, I would never recognise one of their members as being of the same religion.

I have incredibly rigid boundaries with drug users and drinkers and yet certain elements in the community feel they have a right to invade my privacy to monitor an addiction that has not been active for over 30 years based on false witness by abusers. Housing association team members and mental health team scrutiny without cause including urine and blood tests completely free of contamination. All because it suits the agenda of some delusional looneys who would like to undermine my testimony as a survivor and as a total recovery from addiction. I was under forensic analasys for 8 years over 20 years into sobriety and whilst under glass and in community found to have no compulsivity in any area of my life. That is total recovery. I have had repeat harassment as a recovery and even attempted interventions not due to addiction but because others don't like my beliefs or who am I whilst maintaining total abstinance. I never use cash and have records from banking and food delivery that proves absolutely no purchase of alcohol in decades. So I say the god squad are full of shit and their deity can kiss my arse and that the acompanying ideology attatched to many models of recovery are total bollocks that lead back to relapse to make money for services. If I was drinking or on ecstacy after 30 years of recovery do you think it would make life more unmanageable than that caused by disability? I think not. So whats your fucking point looking in on me? It would be none of the communities business. I have never commited an offence under influence nor ever a client of community addiction services because I cleaned up as a teen. 30 years and you want to make an issue out of it?

If I was not in circumstances contingent on external forces and could support myself financialy I would have left UK as a victim of child abuse and subsequent human rights abuses as a survivor over 20 years ago. As it is I have never had any desire to be in surrey but forces such as disability effect where I have to be. I am making midterm plans to move to sussex to get away from the area that failed me as a child and subsequent attempts to achieve justice because frankly its currupt. I as a survivor of abuse am offered zero opertunity from the community I live in. They say one thing and do another. All I get is defamation and knives behind my back. This even though I face a political ban from performance in sussex. Lyrics are not my only talent: trained care worker, advocate, civil rights activist, retail mananger, photo journalist etc...Surrey will not be bringing me on in any of those capacities either. Pick up skills from over a decade psychology group facilitation, BBC trained radio production, film direction, editing, lighting engineering, acting and performance, sound engineering, SFX, experience with near every creative software you can imagine. I also make a nice cake! Highlight of my day today, watching one foot in the grave, I don't believe it! I even have experience of handleing dangerous dogs as a security operative, charity admin at level of policy formation, I'm quite good configering smart tech, the list is endless.

Not wishing to spread rumour but I suspect Charles told King George that there was an epstein hideing out in the bowl! (could of been a republican).

There will be at least a new song every 2 weeks this year.

On the fame game you are not a real player without emploting publicists and agents or being under contract. The highest profile I had was 2005-7 at 10k hits per week reaching a total of a million by 2007. At that time A listers would seek me out in a crowd at red carpet events to talk to me, using my name in greeting. Sometimes they would sekk me out on walk about. Even then in an afternoon in the westend where I was largely actrive only 2-3 people would react in any way on seeing me out and about. Fame, not worth didley. I do this site becuase I enjoy creating and to promote 'give us the list', that is all. So Ruby Wax and Dame Judi used to like to have a laugh with me... old glory. No agent ever, no publicist ever, no industry contratc, whilst cut off from social media and with major poliyical enemies on all side. Over 100 hours air play on american radio. With zero callateral and no loans from banks in between rebuilding from social engineered homelessness disruption 6 times. It is beyond my comprehension how it got as big as it did in the first place. Onwards and upwards. Meanwhile industry marketing projects images that Michael Jackson was 'the prince of pop' whilst from the early nineties everyone knew he was abusing small children sexualy. Investors still have a stake in his stage show whilst I like what I see when I look at the man in the mirror of a morning. OK so maybe I should of got a drone in on it...

This is the likelihood of me finding religion at my age, 'Jesus, isn't that a character from the Preacher graphic novels.' I do concur with Garth Ennis on his interpretation of the messiah aka Humpado.

Bowing to wisdom of subtle intervention from Dame Edna, without revealing a ladies age, she is by far longer in recovery than me. The judge seemed to rule that step 2 has in fact failed to restore Ozzy to sanity with reguards repeat relapse of addiction. The 12 steps didnt work the first time. It must be me. Get 'outside help' and do them again. Still no luck, maybe I should try one of the new fangled 12 step programmes. Same old story, perhaps it's not me after all. Go back to the original programme and uphold the faith? Try a new treatment centre? Sick and tired of being sick and tired of the steps? Maybe the godsquad are wrong. Throw god out the window. Nietzche is not the only flavour of atheism. Let's try something different to the same old mistake of following the 12 steps and expecting diferent results then... that bus has left. Maybe, just maybe, this rather archaic and scientificaly inacurate view of the human condition is not the grand solution it claims to be but through setting us up in conflict with ourselves lays the seeds of our own downfall in its self fulfilling relapse from rigidity and control. Hello possums! Other routes can take us to more desirable destinations. Just don't drink.

So to close the year although I was invited for free training to become a youth welfare responder I decided despite the king headhunt I was not going to be good at it having had no kids of my own and thus no connection to the new generation. My therapist strongly disagrees with my view on this as she sees me as highly empathic so we will discuss it further but my view is having had a fairly shit life up till now why disturb my peace of mind further letting other peoples problems through youth work in? I will produce at least one new song every fortmight the coming year. I am comited to paying some debt down, visiting the theatre and planning a move to the coast for retirement the following year. See ya, dont wanna be yer.

Elton John raised millions for AIDS but the same culture left me homeless six times in sobriety. I spent 2 years with YMCA head os psych services and all they did was gosip with the chaplaincy to try to convert me to christianity. I had already be confirmed within C of E in my early sobriety and it not only did nothing to support me but in fact made me a target as a survivor of abuse for the church of englands denials and cover ups of such. The YMCA whilst I was homeless for my 6th time actively had staff obstruct me from finding a home to make money for the organisation. When chalenged on their staffs attitudes I was told they did not want to help me because 'they were gay'. PC BS gone mad. The head of psychology when I severed links with them did not so much as respond to my parting email and when I later emailed to say I had success bringing out my second book totally ignored me. Got a few hang ups have they? They explicitly stated their online behaviour meant they could be on the list! The last official statement on me by Richard Chartres Bishop of lOndon was 'watch the bastard get caught killing another one'. Dame Judy later said to me 'don't get caught'.

Liberation is a matter of agency and free will. Most people are not as free in choice as they would like to believe. Ideology and thought process occupy the mind in the form of memeplexes. So if you feed your mind faith in religion it will become possesed by the thoughts associated with it. Conversley if you read the latest philosophy texts of atheism and subscribe to such you will become occupied with its memeplex. The 12 steps do not just not work for most people they are through their irational reliances on an external spiritual force to stay abstinant anathema to liberation and true freedom. You cannot believe in god or a higher power and be mentaly free, that is only achievable through agency and self will. The steps are not likely to provide sane people much support in achieving liberation. It is a cult/ slave mentality towards faith. It works for some people purely because anything would, including standing on one leg once a day. The cults reinforce the false beliefs about the human condition 'ego, defects, ammends, powerlessness etc.' in the same way as the Mooneys. Any cult deprograming book will make 12 steppers very uncomfortable if they can read beyond Bill W and his religous psychosis. The only way to prevent the craving that leads to addiction is abstinance. No one needs god to get through the symptoms of detox from cigaretes. Why then alcoholism? . No hard and fast rules but It takes about 3 years to mentaly settle down and adjust to abstinance. Psychological assistance may be needed in the interim. THERE ARE NO GODS. Atheism is not an act of faith, it is hard factual rationalism. If your god keeps your sober its probably because your not under much stress, stay lucky. Deconstruction of the 12 step movement using memetic theory shows that the primary purpose of AA is not to help alcoholics achieve sobriety it is to propogate the false belief system of the 12 steps through indoctrination and replication. That is not freedom. It is lack of agency (something alcoholics know well from their addiction) and subservience to a false irationalism. Dogma and ideology. That is not why I went for support (that I did not get in 12 step). It is not necesary to present arguments against higher powers, they are a failed hypothasis, null theorum. The universe simply shows know sign of divine inteligence in its formation or operation. Pray all you want, it doesn't do a thing, no one is listening, the universe does not care for all we might like it to.

I have not even seen canabis since the early 90's. I barely used anything else and even spliff in very low quantity as a teen. I am not a drug abuser nor even a useI am disabled from trauma meaning I am not required to work for an employer, thus I am at home a lot. I do not spend much time on the business of hobies. I listen to hours of Miles Davis and Motzart daily and read around 50 books per year. My medial reports state explicitly not to expose me to undue stress. I have a right to welfare so I can live as full a life as possible despite my emotional deficits. NOTHING to intervene on. Some disabled people do not produce creative works, you do not hassle and scapegoat and exclude them. Prejudice.

Madonna at eurovision? Turn off the pro production FX and she sounds like the dustman. Adobe have just released software emulation that converts anyones voice patern into that of anyone elses. Obviously the algorithms are old tech filtering into the market at the low end prol tier. I use only post production cubase reverb on raw vocal from a dictaphone. Go figure. on corporate domination of the media and entertainmanets industry tech has been around for years to make silk purses from sows ears. In ten years time fully expect kids toy mics to convert their singing into the voice patern of Taylor Swift in real time. It's like smart homes, they had voice control for rich folks designer homes on the market when I was a kid... the low tech prol users are only now getting the crumbs off the top table... there's no profit to be made in letting the workers get their hands on all the tech too quickly... slow release to make them pay for loans to get the new fad. Fads the rich have already experienced decades ago. Do I want to sound like Taylor Swift? Madj may have made a point.

RESPECT TO CAROLINE LUCAS. Proportional representation the only way forward for btritish politics. ICEBERG

NOTE I have NEVER faced any libel proceedings despite the powers granted to some of the people I am in conflict with by masonary etc.

I just watched a BBC News Interview with Private Eyes Ian Hislop. Although it is true that disinformation can and is deliberately fed over the internet this is also true of the consensus delusions fed by official media outlets. In a post truth, fake news enviroment, it may in fact be preferable to believe nothing and see all information spread as absurdity. I am listening to an audiobook at the momment that I assume an algorithm has altered the Real Nouns in to make it more seemingly self referential (I have the real text on my shelf). Increasingly Artificial Inteligence is writing and propergating news stories over the apps, the core data affected by the end users internet activity and searches for marketing ends. To sugest that journalism is not in a state of discredit is to try to propergate more disinformation. Trust state TV... that can be manipulated at the end users reception by algorithms that over dub and filter information. Is truth dead? Is all story now just narative fiction? As bloggers etc. do we not have a responsability to try to try to hold to some semblance of truth to chalenge the draconian power housers of consensus delusions that the official media has become? Is truth commubnicatable in an enviroment governed by press regulation under state control? Is it not in the best interest of the editorial like Hislop to self protect their dominance by claiming that gurilla media is trying to erode rather than expose the truths the national media swep under the carpet? I have bloged for 15 years, how and why would I hold to consistancy if it was just a conspiracy? To what end? It is an imutable fact that UK press regulations prevent editors running any story on survivors of childhood sexual assault without the victims signed consent (alegedly to protect victims). This in effect is not so much as an active agency decision for a 'conspiracy of silence' just an overall supression and silence on the issues. For the most part editors will not deal with victims. Little Billy nver tells his story in the press about what his uncle did because no one can print it without doing an editorial control deal to protect him from the fact he torched the school over it. At the very least the legislature creates a media veil where the true impact of child abuse is never diclosed to the public eye and the full extent of abuse in our culture is swept under the carpet. Protocols.

You can't say I never warned anyone about the Right.

DRUMMERBOY we do not forget.

To be CLEAR. No crime by myself nor links to such by others was discovered as a consequence of over 250K of forensic treatment over 8 years. I just pissed off a lot of people getting a million hits for this website and because I am working class and couldnt afford a good lawyer when prevent was used to engineer a minor incident of violence they threw the book at me. i the knowledge I had been a human rights case the system treated me with extra gravity. The worse you could say is when I wasn't lobying for public listing sex offenders I quiped we should throw a few of a high rise. Counter extremism used as a political weapon against a disabled individual for saying a few choice words over the net. Fuck the system. if there had been no political motive for puting me in I would of expected suspended or at worsed 18months sentance. I am still facing consequences 13 years later because someone didnt like this site. This is why at 50 I have no sympathy for any philosophy beyond Camus absurdism... the large part of my adult life has been spent dealing with BS spread by others about my name. Ask some fundamentalist how to treat my lack of forgiveness for my abuser whilst you're at it. Meaningless situations as a consequence of nothing.

On 20th December 1988 I got clean and sober. It is not spiritual. Although there are initial psychological issues with abstinance alcoholism is not psychological(plenty of folk have psychological issues, they do not get addicted). Alcohol dependancy has one cause only. It is physical. The neurological cravings experienced in alcoholics is disimilar to that of normal people. Some people cannot drink safely for any extended period. Over 20 years ago I slipped 4 times. Nothing dramatic happened i just began to reexprience craving response due to my biological make up. I stoped again. God didnt get a look in, spirituality beyond aesthetics is all bullshit. Ego inflation never made me drink. Ego deflation never made me drink. I have been homeles 6 times sober, I did not drink. i divorced sober, I did not drink. I was on recieving end of conspiracy to claim I was as terrorist because of 'give us the list' and investigated for alleged links to murder of sex offenders and incarcerated for a total of 8 years, I did not drink. I faced years of unempoyment living in a deprived pit village, I did not drink. I once has a cheque of 20k from richmond council in covert ammends, I did not drink. I was an actor in an award winning independant movie, I did not drink. i got awarded for script writing, i did not drink. I got awarded honourary qualifications as a poet, i did not drink. I performed and was filmed at trafalgar on stage, i did not drink. I appeared on national TV as a victim of sexual assault, i did not drink. I appeared in national news papers as a victim of abuse, i did not drink. i faught a human rights case against UK goverment agencies, I did not drink. I am still sober, nothing to do with 'easing god out', i did not pray. There seems to be some conspiracy that halucinogens played a major role in my history and sobriety. i took such less than a dozen times in my drinking (thrice in relapses in early 20's to prove they did not do me in). The reason I was psychotic when I first sobered up was probably because I was spiked by a lunatic who claimed I was not emotionaly dumped by them despite the fact that we moved in together (and had sexual contact and the savageness of their actions (I was left homeless) led to a suicide attempt that hospitalised me because they grassed me to college counslors on trying to OD. I was hospitalised 2 weeks. I was on antipsychoics for less than 90 days of my initial sobriety. i had no psychiatric involvement following that for 19 years. Adult slips where I took halucinogens caused no psychosis, if rather unpleasent memmoriee from prior teen use. Thats all 30 years ago and a specialist in addiction stated explicitly in my early to mid clean time I did not suffer any further mental health issues. Substance abuse began around age 12. For the final three years I was consuming 120 pints of home brew a month with added cans of special brew and weekly consumption of a large bottle of spirits in a single sitting. I was compulsive throughout. I was given emetic drugs to stop me drinking by doctors.

For a plus, Muslims do not take active steps to exclude and make homeless people who do not submit to their idea of god. The christian right not only exclude but actively try to create dependancy on their 'charity' through engineered homelessness and will even conspire that it is 'gods will' and homeless people are deviant and sinful. Not so. Homelessness is purely a result of the markets in a capitalist focused society. Homeless people die because rich landlords need to make a profit. No active wrong on the [part of a hoimeless person is required to put them on the streets. Just one more example of the 'compasion' of the Conservatives. The Conservatives need people to die on the streets as examples to the exploited workforce of what happens if you do not bow down to their will and perform service for the owners of the businesses that would make you the slaves of zero hour contracts and low pay and working conditions. 'Gods will'. 'Get your reward in heaven'. Atheist Alliance. 'Christian charity' is big business, it needs homeless people to get its grants and tax relief to profit and pay the ample wages of its management class. Poor, often imigrant work forces and volunteers exploited to pay fat cat wages. Sad reality, if someone was not facing death on the streets the christians couldn't make money. If councils were forced to provide shelter through making it a crime against human rights to let someone slip through the safety net and become homeles the state, not explotive charity businesses, would need to provide for the needs of the poorest in society. We can end homelessness, just make it illegal for the councils to let people die on the street. It is a human right.

FLOW like a WOLF!

BOJO erudite wit enough to get my vote? Doris couldn't do that if he dressed in a mini. Now the Con servatives would never try to misrepresent my work en masse to disempower with false claims of the far right would they? How to make a right Charlie JESUIS (I am as likely to march with the EDL as vote tory... all liars.) Liberals for free speach. And yes thats a historic fact. For younger politico, the Tory whip artists claiming they are far right to bring them under conservative domination and lay claim that any influencing is the party. Many victims of this technique were prevented rising on the left through smear from Tory.

NO LISCENCE has been granted to copy, redistribute or cover any material on this site. No songs have been sold to other parties. Any breach making any money is both criminal and civil fraud and all revenue is recoverable by myself. Not to mention I take an islamist view of theft. Watch your hands, NO ONE has discused business with me in kingston/ new malden. no one has an in on my work and all the deals rumoured are just attempts to rip off my business. Of course being under ministry controls for near 14 years means I have both a 'rational' response to conflict resolution and a history to match. Being detained several years with murderers, rapists and arsonists under counter terror legislation without recieving so much as a scratch indicates my 'people skills'. Hope you meet me on a good day. In prison guards dealt with me 8 on 1 and I've always had a private cell. Other inmates fell to the ground in submission if I clicked my fingers and for some time the screws let me wear steel toe caps on the wing etc... 7 foot gorillas would say 'sorry sir, we didn't mean to anoy you,'

For comment on Islamic Contribution to Poetic Literature check out my HADITH. I am of course as Anglo Saxon as Rabbi Lionel Blue was Jewish hence I am dripping with sutton hoo influenced tattoos, St George is not a symbol of the far right, I am life long left wing and have a flag of england in the bedroom window. If Charlie Hebdo had not charecatured the Prophet Mohammad as a child molestor for his historic marriage to the 9 year old Aisha no one would have got killed by Jihadi. I support the liberal arts and cultural pluralism. Three Lions? Mines a Skinner LIONESS

For any one new due to recent current event I DO NOT consider all my muslim brothers religous conservatives, I DO NOT consider all religous conservative muslims Islamists, I do not consider all Islamists potential terrorist Jihadi. I like a halal kebab and tooting has some of the best curry houses in London. I am broadley with Sam Harris on secular ethics and wish ill on Muslims no more than I like to wind up the local catholic church with my atheist 'extremes'. Jihadi are nutters unlike the average Muslim. Hounslows HOLY SMOKES are given a mark of respect on SATAN 'holy smoke them with a gun' as they dont like paedophiles any more than I do.

Conservative media try to tar Jezza as a Nazi???? Have you seen the policy of Labour! Doris however is Aryan through and through and going to sell all our souls to american drug companies with his fascist HITLER chum Sir Trumpalot, king of the wind.

I have just had my midterm needs met by local government. Despite fundamental differences on law and order policy I will still tactically vote liberal. The liberals are ensuring my housing and disability welfare. Faced with the fact corruption has caused major disruption to those rights in the past this is a relief, if falling somewhat short of miraculous! If labour stood a chance in this area I would vote for Corbyn. They don’t. The Tory would leave me in the street with only shop lifting for an opportunity. So I don’t like some of the liberals beliefs but I’m not going to bite the hand that feeds me. Simple. To be fair the civil service are keeping me suited and booted so although central government are concerned about me enough to keep me on a leash they are not stripping me down as in the past. Compassionate. I am not entirely happy with the dependency created by disability but at least most of those involved in implementing policy are playing ball. I’d be grateful if it wasn’t a civil right. Merry bloody Xmas!Note although you get to enjoy my creative angst with this situation giving me a fucking break would mean I could meet my own needs, but as they say, no miracles.

My experience of AA and spiritually deluded fundamentalists extended beyond the three or four years of active engagement with group therapy and the 12 steps. I did fight for my seat for another seven years after giving up in the program for the nonsense it is. I met many moral destitute clean and sober, acting spiritual in self justification for their wrongs and madness. Many of those considered it was me or them with attempts to ostracise in the community through a war of words and gossip. Even once I had completely left the rooms those people still tried to influence and take control of my life in cult like vendetta. I stayed sober through all the war. I met some of the worst people I can imagine through 12 step. They did not want to help a victim of abuse that would not forgive their kind. It has effected my view of people and religion. I was an unwilling atheist and tried to return to religion of childhood. This and the steps did nothing but disillusion and isolate me further from people that did not seek to understand only bolster their own delusions. I walk alone. I am sober in spite of the 12 step movement not because it offered me support. I regret little including the alcoholics others have claimed my attitudes led to their deaths. It’s human not spiritual. I live with the resentment and hurt from the years seeking to follow others and trying to find a ‘spiritual path’. It was all bullshit and I don’t like what I learned about people. I am over thirty years clean, my dominant emotion if I sit out a whole AA meeting is anger followed by disgust at all the inauthenticity and misinformation on the human condition. God is dead. All their flavour of false hope is gone. I don’t want what those guys have got. It’s worth less than nothing to me. AA offered me as a teen no employment. educational, housing or even mental health assistance with the consequences of addiction. They claimed to be meeting all my needs in a dependancy cycle on the group and a higher power. All hollow promises. Local goverment met most of those needs without the need to believe in any supernatural elements. They did socialy surround me with mad people, Alice to the cheshire cat - 'but I don't want to go among mad people', cheshire cat- 'oh you can't help that dear, we're all mad here'. Wise after the event.

An average outlay for a vanity album with session musicians by an artist you will probably nver hear of is 20K for production costs. Double that for minor advertising in the UK only. Bootleging or piracy of my work will get you peanuts. Enjoy the salty taste. There are no big deals tabled because if there were to be they would have to come through me and I've only seen one come my way in 20 years of doing this, there are multiple ways of publishing these days and I can prove ownership of all works through at least three or four of them. In on a deal. BS.

NOTE the real Towsend who had previously touched my playing arm in a Narcotics Anonymous meeting that left me street homeless with my acoustic was literaly seen to be stalking me very close to my residence on my return from a night out. There were symbolic referances to vice and false beliefs that I could be worked into the sex industry on route and police and freemasons who are his known puppets in kingston were then used to incarcerate me on fabricated terror charges for 8 years forensics. I mention this as uniformed police last weekend were talking loudly in the street about towsend and sarahs law with several police vehicles at midnight directly after I released a song. The uniformed in kingston have repeatedly visited the building in sync with my release of songs as if I am engadged in crime. I have never been a criminal, never involved in vice or drugs as an adult. Implications the news of the world tory paper campaign for sarahs law was happy to keep it spinning indefinitely to profit from exploiting the issue. Despite grass roots being largely in favour Conservative influencers such as towsend (a convicted paedophile) were against. When the Labour government tabled sarahs law it was reduced in effect because of an alleged credible criminal threat to sex offenders if the list went fully public. I was put in in time for the legislation paper hearing in westminster. At that time I was running around doing some heavy chaos in tune with Peaches such as interviewing Tom Cruise on a red carpet about public listing of offenders. I was 19 years into sobriety when put in by conspiracy fed by sex offenders in 12 step groups that I had left in my 4th year of clean time having done service nationaly. Total cost to tax payer (not including the years of incarceration in a secure ward with murdereers and repeat rapists) over a quarter of a million. No serious crime was discovered by forensics and nothing changed because of it in me or what I do except now I am on disableing medication force injected under goverment order. There was of course the prior human rights action against NHS and Policing in surrey to try to pitch a question to the european commision about my right as a victim of sexual abuse as a child to safety, necesitating public listing of offenders who have targeted me my enitre life resulting in 6 times homelessness through social engineering and no behavioural issues of my own.

Which of the following bosses did not welcome me open armed? Slow Hand. Nope. Bruce Willis. No. Rod. No. Sly Stalone. No. Who could it be then...

Pete the pervert Townsend (had deals with my family on drug production and distribution and chlid abuse images). Could be. And yes they tried to Substitute and failed, their are respect issues and threat levels on all sides.

DO NOT PANIC! at least in the USA you have a right to know you are staying at the house of a convicted sex offender. You could be in bed with one in the UK and not know. Even when they are registered they are removed with 'spent' offence after 10 years here. USA sex offenders transfer to employment in business to the UK to hide their crimes like my NA Sponsor in Richmond in the early ninety within UPS. PROBLEM - GIVE US THE LIST.

There are no institutional cover ups of child abuse in the UK. The upper middle classes do not assert sexual dominance through economic control over the work force. The private schools are not full of sexual abuse and children were never encouraged to dominate their peers or guilt triped into complicity. Psychological services are not used to label victims in such a way to undermine their testimony in court. Its all just the Soham killer. Victims are conspiracy theorists against our good communities and the sanctity of the family. The media regulations do not silence and blanket whitewash the standing of survivors. The police were not complicit with child abuse images appearing en masse on the internet which is fully controlable by local authorities. Victims all have the capacity to speak up as children and the self awareness to recall their complete childhoods despite social conditioning toward pasivity in the face of authority to feed the labour market and the fugue of trauma. They dont treat the symptoms of being abused as a fault of the victim whilst avoiding talking about the core issues. Rumour and gossip is not fed by a culture of denial against victims speaking out. The population is fully aware of the nature, degree and ubiquity of child abuse in this culture. Child victims are nver returned 'treated' into conditioned silence to the care of their abusers. My generation of survivor got justice. Victims are heard.It's a new reigeme, things have changed, the safeguards are working, there is no cause for alarm, we asked little jimmy and he can't remember what his step father did and thats the way we want to keep it. And now I've spat my dummy out, how about Prince Andrew for starters?

On Steven Fry as people are fishing, I used to visit his road in teddington as a teen to visit neighbours but rarely encountered him. I wrote to him about my strugles as a survivor in 1999 as it presented in abstraction LGBT issues, in particular due to sexual exploitation in soho as an underaged teen. Fry did not reply. I photgraphed him at London V for Vendetta premier and he indicated to other medias that he knew my work but could not speak due to contractual obligations, a little strange as American A listers were all over me back then. No other social conection with any other stevens. SONOFAPUN was my attempt at humour over his cancer treatment (dificult subject matter obviously.)

Just formated 250 pages draft for new poetry compilation book clearly to be published marked as EVIDENCE OF SOLE COPYRIGHT. Did you notice I've produced 500 songs now? I am clearly not just a poet. Incidently archives of this website are taken every three months since 2005 and stored on american servers. You thinbk someone else is going all the way with my material? They'd have to kill me and my will and testament. See you in 100 years. The only business ins on this site from other parties are both deceased. I certainly formed no lasting relationships within 12 step community nor from my school days. Any implied associations from others is total fabrication on their part.

Complaint against police or NHS. Intergrated service provision creates self protecting mechanisms where even 'independant' advocacy is just in collusion with fund holding state bodies. Papper chase wars that go no where as the systems use the interviews of a client to gather all the legal information with a view to disempowerment by the civil mechanisms. The poilice police the police.... closed shop. You think theyre listening? Complain too loud and they'll call you extremist or criminal to justify data protection violations and invasions of privacy to gather more evidence to protect the state.

What happens when a teen comes forward about underage sexual exploitation in surrey? the cops try interventions that make the victim look at fault... we all know survivors are all drug addicts or criminals or prostitues or mentally ill. All the mechanisms will be directed at the victim to get them to shut up about the abuse. They will try to feed bad religion as a remedy , state drug dealing in the form of medication or system protecting counseling or try to run the victim out of the area. The system is broke. Victims are none of those prejudices, they just need justice. If I had recieved just ice as a teen would I have needed much talking therapy? I guess not. There's profit in prolonging suffering.

Teddington explicitly have deals with my abusive uncles from within the drug dealing community and available supports that I went to in my teens. I barely used psychoactive substances, they had no lasting effects. Both my uncle and Mark Madonna were lovers of the woman paid to fake marry me as part of the cover up when I came out as a survivor in early twenties. Their is a myth that I was a casualty. My paedophile uncle johns smith produced quantity of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds distributed via teddington where they made criminal allies. He was obsessed with psychological programming techniques as a subdominant including NLP and dissociation techniques intended to make me a multiple whilst abusing me (including flicking at the eyes whilst abusing me) . Thesae 'techniques' included calling me Lucy and Steven during physical and sexual torture. I am not multiple and do not agree with the ideology surrounding DID. I do not answer to those names and even when cross dressed do not have an alernate personality, just an acted persona. Only 3 years into my recovery from alcohol (by then 21) I had group therapy monitored by Dr Brian Wells who sent me to a Dr Mahoney who explicitly stated I had no long term consequence from my teen substance abuse and certainly no psychosis. I have not used substance since. Many of the parents of the kids I befriended as a teen were party to my uncles criminality (unbeknown to me). Many of those families had sewxual abuse in them. That is in part why their is BS from people I have not spoken to for over 30 years about my mental state. I do answer fishing in conversation (and shout at people in the street when they try such) directly even if it breaks with social conformity to confront BS so sorry if I speak aside to people dropping names in converrsation with others to attempt to press buttons, that in itself is abuse. I have never 'switched' all that psychobable is to undermine the testimony of victims. One of the directing themes from my family was where ever I move and whomever I relate to they are involved with sowing malicous rumour to make others think my testimony is false, usualy claims of madness. As a PHD, freemason, expert in mineing minerolgy and investor in business and the new age John Smith Paedophile has many irons in many fires in Kingston where he has freedom of the town and other areas such as hull where the abduction took a child to be abused by other british aerospace employees in the ring. Who believes perpetrators of sexual abuse with influence do not invest time and money in mechanisms and supports that victims would go to for support with the express remit to cover up the abuse for the investing perpetrator. SIA, Hull Survivors , 1 in 4, Dainton House etc. (the couselor they gave me there KNEW my uncles) as also seemingly the yMCA couselor as she mentioned what flavour of ice cream he was sexualy... of course my uncles would not invest to Substitute in attempts to steal copyright would they ?

There are indicators that some people have me confused with my right wing uncle Pete Stock the mechanic and roofer (fidler on the roof also of AA deals) who was party to kingston Lodge complicity with production of and distribution of child abuse images (real ones). I am the 49 year old Peter Norman Stock and never a mason and never remotely conservative although I satire the right heavily in earlier work drawing on my family of origins linguistic leprosy. We would probably try to kill each other on sight. In brief, the internet existed as a physical reality within the university system decades before comercial release. The generation responsible for trying to control mine through illegal drug production and distribution also conspired at the level of the lodges regaurding actual child abuse images. As a 'safeguard' for abusive families when child protection was created late 70's the next generation was to be honey traped into viewing such material to guilt trip them into submision and complicity with the previous generation economic and social dominance. All a con trick to make people kiss arse. You might want to ask how guns 'stolen' from my uncle ended up in the hands of right wing racist thugs like my father. Of course both my uncles hapened to be in with Townsend on stimulant distribution and production. This keeps me up shit creek as I was a victim as a child photographed by the right who was aware of their methods as they were too stupid to realise a child would make sense of their plots.

A reminder.I am not now nor ever have I been sexually compulsive. I have been relationship celibate a good 75% of my adult life. I do not conform to steryotypical preferance labeling in so much as I can sleep with any gender but am almost exclusive to women (including trans) and only had 2 one night stands in my life. The likelihood of me going random is zero. I have never met anyone off the internet. I have been married once and never saught to repeat the experience. I am not particularly fetishistic nor greatly sub dominant. A study of my (non compulsive) porn use would reveal a bisexual skew in fantasy with a preferance for trans and classic hose which is not reflected in my outward behaviour. I have dressed in the past, have self stimulated A levels since 13 but rarely take the garden path with others. I am much more of the essential oil relaxed sensual massage type. I have high appetites and stamina when and known for long foreplay. I have NEVER paid for sex. Due to changes in cultural acceptance in my lifetime had I been a developing teen today my counselors would probably have placed me on the non binary spectrum. Back in the day I got queer bashed for attempts to be openly bi and therapists taught to 'pray away the gay'. Even in my early 12 step when I tried religion for size I was more gnostic gospel of thomas influenced than francis or augustine and that not greatly. I have a minor religous fetish as a result, more Crowley than Boy George. Bi was not really considered a thing in my developmental days let alone non binary but the signs were clear. My early counseling considered people polarised as straight or gay, this did me no good. Think Grant Morrison rewrites Lady Chaterleys Lover on Schopenhauer!

A carbon footprint tax to save the enviroment. Higher tax rates for incomes over 60k. Increased house sale tax. A death tax on wills to reclaim property for social care and health in old age. Persual of corporate taxation and reducing tax dodges for large business. Give us all a citizens wage. Economical viability in action.

Many enenies. Back against wall. Things are in the balnce. The rich are unhappy with things I've made clear. They have not been assisting at all. Any false publicity impression management has not been oinitiated by me and is more likelly to be undermining my work than promoting. It's all bullshit, I have had this problem for some years. Other people project that I am going to come on. I am on disability welfare, case closed. Even when local goverment overdubs long quotes and filters media to create such I do not develop delusions of self referance I just turn the TV off. They've done in synchronisation for 30 years of work. I ignore it at most. I have known about composited number plates and product placement and posters and overdubed audio and digital masked lipsync and avitar actors and filtering of information for false news between apps and TV for as long as I've been shaving. It's all illusion and frankly I believe should be put on human rights legislationas a violation to prevent misleading those prone to delusion. I media fasted for ten years with no radio,tv or phone so can easily see the join even when those who are in on it dont predict next weeks localised news to me. I didnt even know di had died till a week later when someone told me due to media fasting. It is sugested to creatives to avoid manipulation of mateerial to fast at times. I have NEVER viewed a copy of news of the world and only once read the sun as I was in it. The right wing press largely exploited issues presented by the survivors movement from at leat the 80's and perpetuates false views that male victims of child abuse are likely dangerous, which largely is false profiling. Public listing of sex offender goes back prior to CROSS (campaign for rights of survivors of sexual abuse) on the left in the early 90's. The imagery and language of right wing media on the subject grossley misrepresents. Stop the culture of cover up, GIVE US THE LIST.

Polarised attitudes are occuring because I wrote 2 poems about media potrayal of the royals as saints (never mind their coke habits). As with islam, LGBT issues, brexit and politics in truth I am largely a neutral liberal (small l). I do not have strong views on most issues. I am not at war with most people. I have entirely average views on most subjects. Why the exteme reactions to creative work? My education to college is bog standard liberal surrey, my university Marxist. I lived in a closed coal mine pit village and spoke to people in working mens clubs for about 10 years forming my attitudes. I read harari, pinker, dawkins, W boroughs, Gaiman! Agent provocateur... My essay choices were on things like politcal correct language usage in the media as authoritarian control. My first diploma in psycholgy in my early twenties was on An old Chestnut- Modern perspectives on alcoholism treatment, extensively researching the BMA journal of addiction.

On Richard Dawkins. I will be 32 years into total abstinance from drugs and alcohol on december 20th this year. The second greatest book on religion I have ever read was The God Delusion bt Richard Dawkins. By far the best was God Is Not Great by the sorely missed late Christopher Hitchens, the greatest theologian of our times. Sam Harris The End of Faith is very good on islam. Fuck William James it's all old order bullshit. As I have drunk four times after counsel from well meaning but deluded professionals over the years you could claim that I have only spent 30+ years abstinant. What I have learned in that time is religous people are agresive in attempt to convert and even near nonbelievers have a miscoprehension of what sobriety shouls look like or conform to. Doctors sober in AA have attacked my recovery over the years as also priests, a rabbi and various other looney tunes. I have taken less drugs in my life than those priests. Havcing got clean young I have NEVER used most drugs and none in quantity, I drank very heavily. there is nothing miraculous about an alcoholic not drinking, it has been long, painful and only marginaly better than the near death experince of my drinking. It is not wonderful, it is just preferable to making dieing a way of life.

Boris burned a fifty pound note in front of a homeles person whilst his mates abused them. True story. The Tory will fully privatise health care to sell insurance, the fact trust exist is semi privatisation handing power to GP fund holders to purchase services. Likewise the welfare system to protect the poor and disabled is being disassembled using private companies to label people effective enemies of the state for being poor. Brexit could result in draconian right wing policy across the board. Conservatives have always put the market before people. Expect a fabricated terror threat or major criminal disaster to justify increasin prison numbers and policing from their media controls. In tandem there is useual a nationalistic royalist story to break just prior to election to spin the unwary. Thr Royal Foundation reaction to my offering my lifes work to charity was all they think of me is that I should take a tablet. Toffy nosed cunts. Athoritarianism in action. Vote privilage over the people, I think not.

Note the constituency boundaries for general elections are engineered to ensure a high likelihood of a national conservative majority. This could only be solved by proportional representaion, but thats an issue tabled since the 60's to no avail. The Queen is conservative. Localised news broadcasts of national topics are different from area to area using editing and overdub techniques. The media will try to effect your vote to support the pseudo benevolent dictatorchip that controls the dmographic skew though manipulation of constituency boundary. This all menas conservative is likely to win majoority of general election votes. If you are a student vote tactical and in the constituency where tory rule is most marginal be that home residence or college residence areas. We do not live in a true democracy. National paper front page stories are often total or partial fabrications designed to manipulate and spin voting trends. The left make deals with the right to divide up the pie but many establishment left wing types are as authoritarian as the right and are in on media misinformation of the public. What we are told is news is sometimes no more than a consensus delusion that we are fed by 'our masters'. We get crumbs from the table for service to the status quo. The fat cats stay fat.

I will vote Liberal in a general election. I support a Green/ Liberal pact / lemon n lime (and indeed a Lib/Lab one, oranges) due to the demographics of the Kingston Area where to vote for any other part is to let the fascist tory in through the back door. I consider the liberals eliteist, self interested middle classed, moraly reprehensible and corrupt, and yet due to the lack of proportianal representation in UK politics will have no choice but to vote for them. For mayor I vote Sadiq. Tactical vote may seem counter intuitive to the uninformed but voting is statistical not intuitive.

Note 2005 original police harassment for this site included multiple placement by richmond in police cells without charge and on one occasion a warrant used to access property whilst I was locked up resulted in smashing of music and computer equipment. They then tried to claim I was a learning dificulty whilst openly stateing support for my paedophile uncle john smith PHD and tried to get me incarcerated as having the 'mind of a child'. I eventually had an 18 month human rights case where all harassment ceased. When this timed out I had an IPCC complaint which caused a false claim of terrorism by police (I had some stage FX flash bangs). On parole they set me up for a fight and put me into forensic psychiatry for 8 years for minimal offence. Directly after right of interim from Strasbourg. The middle classes sat back and enjoyed the show. All equipment was illegaly sold off whilst in hospital with collusion from social worker and landlords (near 30K loss). NHS complaint taking a year caused time out of potential civil litigation on release. No corruption then. I was in long term sobriety through out. They roughed me up in the street to try to run me out of surrey...

So no prejudice towards survivors of childhood sexual abuse then? How's my career going- 'homophobe, lunatic, satanist, racist, fascist, pervert, drug addict' and of course I am none of the alleged! Apparently for the past 20 years of gossip I have been 'going to have a breakdown', which is funny as i spend most days listening to relaxing Miles Davis to mood lighting whilst projecting blue planet 2 on the wall. Stress! I got shot in sniper III earlier, I was gutted. I will have to write a new song.

Those concerned for my mental health need know I just had my anual revue consultancy, he said he didnt want to speak to me but the government were forcing him too. Please dont get angry. I asked should I show him my Joker impersonation. He sheepishly said please no. He said he was pleased to be retireing from the profession shook my hand and I left. He still knows nothing about me after several years as my consultant, when I told him I gave up smoking over 20 years ago all he could say was I had given up everything then at once. Not quite true, I strugled more with cigs than alcohol , on and off with fags for about 7 years of my alcohol abstinance getting a year or so before smoking again and eventually made it through to the other side. Pesistance in exercise of will power. Orf course ask the 'spiritual' recovery nutters how I dont smoke and they will say I must have asked their piss ant higher power for permision. I must be in denial!

Just about everything they could throw at me and could go wrong has striped me down to nothing repeatedly through my adult life. Manipulations to try to motivate cooperation with a system that failed me does not work. It's all been tried before. Having got a million hits 13 years ago on this site for exposure of child protection cover ups by the system the sate put me deep into the system for 8 long years of suffering to prove they were more dominant than my human rights case to try to get justice. I do not have stockholm syndrome and I do not submit to their abuse. i will show metal to the authoriteies. Beyond being in process as a creative, as a disabled survivor the message is clearly fuck the system. Thats me at 50, after near 32 years sober. The system is fucked and I cant change it.

There seems to be a consensus delusion that the media have indicated that I am in the money or influence in some way. The most likely scinario is that someone has sold international copyrights out at a level beyond my reach. This has nothing to do with me but obviously those in the media can be party to selling upwards and may even want to kill me off as a fated calf. It is even a fear that those few people close to me may have sold out. I have made nothing financialy on this site in the 15 years of its existance, or on the releases on CD since 1999. O'gorman may have been involved in a syndicate surounding honour thy father and anathenanthem both of which were released first on CD in the north and caused VERY FUCKING MAJOR BACKLASH from christians and royalists. Never mind I didn't die, just.

Not a single professional deal in any area of my life has been offered since 1990 when I came out as survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was on disability then as now. I am aware some survivors suceed (they are usually the ones that bury it) but I was even rejected by the available support? Bow down to the power and don't speak out... A gordian knot was even created in housing computer systems to seal me out of bidding on property whilst homeless, a hidden and unknown source block within systems, likewise with education funding etc... for most of my life. Its how I ve been homeless 6 times whilst labeled a vulnerable person with rights to be housed. It takes other people disempowering dliberately to have had this hard a life sober.

Are the Trans community specialist in profileing and catching child abusers... could be one of their greatest assets! War baby. And yes I have crossed swords f2f with Graham twice, once when he was quite miffed at me but JJ seemed to put the situation into clarity on how twisted my humour gets and why their team submits to the cunnings firepower. Second time he was enjoying some boy toys and seemingly at peace with me, so all good buds then (I hope!). But then no ones had a good heltaskelta for a while so I am watching my back!

LEVIS, ELVIS LIVES! 'Jacquard' SMART Jackets, they're not for Luddites, with a touch of Lovelace. Love Me Tender to gesture control... where's the smarty panties! (tell skinner they're on the smart hanger.)

I have been prevented and obstructed by intranet filters from forming any affiliations over social media for 20 years. I have never met anyone off the internet as I always get routed to operatives of intelligence and security, this despite never commiting a crime over telecomunications systems. That is obstruction of a fundamental right to affiliate with whom I choose. I cannot initiate a chat with anyone through internet. Listen up kids if you visit a site online for support on mental health that you believe is in the USA and confidential you will likely be target by local mental health 'intergrated' teams.

False claims of incitement and crime have been claimed against this site, including by professional community, with political agendas. All such accusation under forensic analasys have proven totaly false. There was absolutely no input from criminal juatice systems or CATS itno my getting clean and sober end of 1988. I had commited no offences. I have never been subject to a treatment order for chemical dependancy. That's how young I cleaned up. I have also NEVER been assigned a parole officer in my entire life. Guilt did not factor in my becoming sober, survival did, I was near to death mentaly and physicaly. That was my teens. I do not react atall well to authoritarianism. If I had been forced to stop I would not now be sober, it had to be a personal choice from the depths of my being. God didn't get a look in, their was no spiritual void or even need, that stuffs all bullshit for psychos.

Why no enviromental protesting? I am on immediate recall to maximum security mental institution if I am seen to commit any criminal activity. I cannot afford to even be kettled. Secondly I know that tghe liberal middle classes will not rescue me from any political activity chalenging the authorities as for instance they didn't help me with the situation as has stood for near 13 years. I want serious payback against the powers that be but can not express it directly. I will not recieve fair trial under mental health act, if a charge sheet were raised by police I would go down immediately under my current status and doctors would decide for how long. The same would occur if blood tests showed I'd smoiked a joint or been drunk. I was not on drink or drugs prior to the order from central government nor engadged in crime. I was set up for a moinor fight that caused minor injury (during parole on counter terror allegations whose trial was ceased on lack of evidence) and went deeper into the system than if the description of the fight were of higher status injury. Go bloody figure the legal system with a duty solicitor on the take. The only evidence of 'terror' was this website and some stage effects. Richmonds liberal council apparently could not handle crticism of child protection negelct by its mechanism. This within a month of an 18 month EU human rights case trying to force sarahs law onto the agenda. Liberal fascists. 'Anything goes so long as anything goes (including child abuse). You can tell they took the piss over counter terror as the judge mused if mick fucking Jagger would intercede on my human rights. The bar defiantly discussed sarahs law in the negative at my trial('we decide, whose he, it'll never happen, the working classes need to be taught a lesson'). In effect THE MENTAL HEALTH ACT IN UK IS BEING USED TO POLITICAL END TO OVERRIDE THE HUMAN RIGHTS ACT. The liberals sold me to authoritarian tory rule where nurses punched patients with bunches keys or pinned them down in attempt to break wrists and I was medicated for 3 years so I had no motor control, could not write or stay concious to a degree that on rlease health staff said my Central Nervous System could have been permanantley damaged. That is mental 'health'. The hospitals social worker with a duty of care to secure my studio equipment whilst hospitalised cut a deal with landlords to steal near 20k equipment. the NHS (PALS protects NHS not patients) complaints process kept this spinning till any chance of litigation was timed out with no concerns from nursing staff about the grievance.

The 'graffiti light FX' instilation art work on montem rd is entitled 'Burn The Westboro Baptist Church'.

So why do Kingston Arts and local press totally ignore and depricate my work? 700+poems 450 professional distributed songs, 4 books etc. Firstly my uncle John Smith PHD biochemistry chepstow was awarded the freedom of kingston on graduation and thus has explicit powers within the local borough to control and manipulate civil mechanisms to obstruct the course justice and undermine my testimony in my case as his victim. Next up powers of counter extremism have been used in my case, indeed counter terror. Why? Any non party politcal line or non religously held belief that is seen to be stated of a strong nature is subject to liberal fascism of supression using these policy. What this menas is tax payers money is used to monitor, harass and depricate this site for expressing the views of an individual (who is disabled and considered a vulnerable person) agrieved by the lack of support in seeking justice by the boroughs civil mechanisms. Basicaly self protection by offending institutions in criminal negligence of child protection through labeling the victim as 'other'. A subtle kind of fascism with a friendly face. Ed Davis MP has for instance stated complete opposition to Give Us The List (indeed publicly stated it would effect his family) and I have come under heavy fire from activists who think they can break civil law to attack my name for the issue raised. So they'll print a poem on the enviroment next week... not. This has many consequences and many at tax payers expense. Authoritarian mechanisms such as snoopers charter are actively used to curtail my civil liberty and violate my rights... they are in all my techs OS for instance and actively harass with intel gleened from emails. So liberals totally opposed to conservative controls are implimenting the same in my case as an individual in conflict with local goverment... goverment out of control, Brazil.

I've had several run ins with 12 step treatment centres and many of those I visited in sobriety thought I needed an intervention because I do not believe in god despite long term abstinance. Ark house attacked me for inner child work and tried to humiliate me by offering counseling training to enemy. The priory infected CoDA (a relationship issues group) with sexual compulsion theory. Clouds (said I was an insureance risk) , Western Counseling Services (said I would never recover) , and CDC/SHARP. Lastly I note Pier Point on a day visit tried to humiliate me into saying grace calling me a despicable alcoholic for refusal on philosophical grounds, they said I could not eat on my day trip as I was unholly, fuckwit catholics without a clue calling the odds with tough love that never worked for anyone sane. I walked away and left the fold. They're all bollocks. Not much has changed for them over the years, still feeding misinformation to the vulnerable.What a drag! Dog not god. Christs a gimp boy. That is my long term recovery speaking.

What are the liberal middle classes doing for me? My balcony risked collapse with me atop it and it took several months to get a surveyor to confirm building defect whilst I was risking sitting ontop of the potential down fall. Ten months later despite being under section and thus having rights as a vulnerable person the NHS have still failed to refer to social worker dewspite continued calls. Meanwhile my care plan manager has claimed to welfare that I am making loads of money (completely false) and should thus loose disability premiums, an outright lie based on their liberal fascism towards my expressed views. This apparently combined with their resentment I am disabled where as they work for peanuts. Constant social attack believed at root to have started due to my complaints about suurey polices handleing of my case as a victim. The catholic members of local police have made this hostility clear and even predicted issues with the balcony saying they would say it was a no fault accident (FROM UNIFORMED!) prior to my awareness of the problem. Potential situation of loosing everything on the whim (and likely sexualised power trip) of a nurse and severe personal hardship that would likely put me back in hospital despite this costing tax payer more and that may trigger a very hostile reaction from me. Fuck the middle they've never offered me a damn thing. The nurse has threatened me and exhibited ianpropriate sexualised activity. It is with the chief exec of the trust. I will name names if they are not reasigned. It is not impossible that they may have been bribed to try to destabilise my situation as the mental health team that expresses liberal politics is responding in a conservative manner.

To clarify I barely know the first names of any of my neighbours. i do not know them and none of them have tried to get to know me. I certainly have no deals with them, there have been no negotiations and in the time I have lived in new malden less than a dozen short conversation and never about business. No one else represents my affairs, anyone raising funds or recieving money in relation to this site or claimed relationship to me or my work is fraud. Of the over 400 songs copyright on this site none are part owned by anyone nor even influenced by anyone in kingston let alone new malden where I have NO SOCIAL CONTACTS WHATSOEVER as the community excludes me (possibly with a view to defraud). Any copy of any work on this site or appearing in my books or professional distributed work as producer, lyricist and player is fraud. Anyone with knowledge of such can cut a sizeable percentage deal with me Peter Stock for sucessful litigation on copy right grounds. Commercialy used samples obviously royalty free (but not all of the music is samples). All work on site is SOLO without collaberation with anyone. The only person I bounce ideas off is a professional therapist they are not in any deals with my work nor even distribution or PR, we just discuss it at times. No songs are about anyone in kingston and I have no deals with any business in the area. Anyone telling you different is batshit crazy. All rumours reachin me within the area live are purely malicous and defamatory lies.

So called christians are now apparently aiming rumours against me through their children. That is not only abusing me but abusing them by feeding them nonsense. No real suprise from religous people who i do not even support having their nonsecular schools, I am completely anti all religous schooling as it tells kids a crock of shit that any halfwit skeptic can see through as an adult. the value systems are fundamentaly flawed and merely try to prop up the older generations control and order. So for the kids, I have not studied the occult since my teens as it was as a skeptic as full of nonsense as sunday school. I have never been a member of any secret society nor desired such. It's all bollocks. One of my books presents a satire of both 12 step and occult movements, it does not mean I believe either, it is meant to point out the hypocricy and ridicule both. Anti religion , anti occult, anti irationalism. As an existentialist I do embrace non rational areas of conciousness and am very big of feelings. When you shout abue at me covertly in the street it is very alienating and hurtful, its why I shout fuck you and the false hope you offer. It seems they teach kids that they can bring people into agreement with their views through direct attack socially as a group. Theyve done it for years and it only hardens my position as a skeptic. There are no conspiracy or intended lies on this website. Trying to reduce me to a conspiracy theorist is to detract from historic reality and the present methods for adressing abuse past and present. Given I am not lieing to you who do you think is? Wake up call. theyll call it political, I have had barely any engadgement with politics my entire life as most of it is based on social exclusion and promotes inequality even those that claim the opposite. As a disabled person who is labeled as emotionaly vulnerable I do not have any organisation that supports me beyond the mental health which is itself a negative support entirely. So attacking me, I n final analasys not very moraly upright. This isnt a threat but if you trigger me its not just me that will be in hospital at least, and my track record is of mass criminal damage on a good day if I curtail violence.

I know it sounds like a moan but when it comes to child protection only perfection of services is good enough. Harm during child development has long term consequences. There was no specialist child protection when I was a child and errors were made when services were created due to pressure to protect integrity of the family unit over the rights of the child. The childrens act went some way to redress this situation but this is only the second generation with full childrens rights so it will always be a case of must try harder. Where known predators of children exist in the community it has to be Give Us The List!

You do not know what motivates me. I am not on a trip where you can sell me vaneglory. The smallfry trying to do me in or get me to come in with them are not at a level that vaguely interests me. I am not at all interested in communicating with those aflicted with religion, I do not share your values and we have little if any common ground. Its a nonstart conversation. I would never want to make a deal with you. I turned down the giant peach because they were on drugs. I have recieved no more attractive an offer. I would rather be alienated and excluded than ever read a shitty bible. I mention the deceased because ENORMOUS bs is generated by the christian community about the situation that tried to sow runmour about my involvement as high as Tom Cruise from the way she generated publicity. Also note I totally disrepected Pete Townsend who twice came to me and despit no profesional resentment on my part appears to have tried to dominate me into prostitution and faied leading to him putting me into psychiarty. Worse than a terd that I steped in once in my recovery. Total fucking hatred from the way he took a media fall for the mens movement during the soham fiasco cover ups of operations ore and wonderland. Not open to negotiation you fucking paedophile shit. Note my long term sobriety at the time of his attack and that I was a known contemporay of Erics who had long term been promoting Give Us The List of sex offenders. This site has never used conspiracy unlike the consensus delusions projected by national media to cover up for the degree and frequency of endemic child abuse in the UK. The AI backlash from Colm O Gorman made me collateral damage in the reduction of age of consent debate as 3 of my 7 abusers as a child would now as a consequence be forgiven by the state despite statutary rape. I however never forgive. 'Nick' is liable to be a fleetstreet construct using actors and doctored images that I heard whisper about as part of cover up nearly a decade ago. Distrust that particular flavour. Mechanisms to discredit survivors and discolour public opinion on the issues. the media precident used to manipulate the truth about my generation of emerging survivors was the many faceted Cleveland Inquiry cover up, look it up, I met the social worker and doc, there were rats big as dogs. Some survivor movement plants claiming to be in on it were just puppets of the neglidgent civil mechanisms, the truth did not out and remains unclear apart from the story was used to generaly supress victims voices across the country and had far greater impact than Cleveland itself. Closer to home at the time Cleveland profesionals were doing conferances in Richmond where local social services claimed nothing like it happens in surrey Roselyn Rd childrens home twickenham was closed and several richmond social services key players found to be procureing underage children to sexualy exploit from within the department. The victims, many of whom I met as a concerned adult, were aproached by medias offering promise of entertainments agency work so richmond could claim they were just 'seeking attention' and fame like Cleveland media exposure rather than being genuine survivors. Old story and why I have never spoken to an agent as they would use the contact to claim i was spinning a line for publicity which clearly I am not as it excludes reporters from being able to report on my creative work. as a vocal victim i do not seek publicity through disclosure as press regulations prevent such. As a victim of stuart rd ham where child abduction from ham to hull made national press in my childhood I am all too aware of media cover ups for wider abuse. Note my paedophile uncle John Smith PHD chenist produced LSD and speed for Townsends crew mass distribution through 1970's which is how he could afford a red MG convertable so young to ride aroun in. The MODs whose right wing mens movement mysoginy is apparent in Quarophenias sentiments regularly druged women and children to dominate sexualy so much so that this was the social norm for my uncles. My uncles were involved in a sizeable plot within masonary/ mens movement to dominate the next generation through distribution of child abuse images in organised crime across the then yet to emurge comercial internet. the universities who owned the WAN portal backbone to the net were in on the deal to control a generation through guilt. I was a child victim of sexual abuse images taken of me prepuberty by my uncles.

Vocal is recorded into a dictaphone without sound proofing in a flat on a busy road often at night so quietly performed with only a little reverb on an insert effect added. Its not maddona. I have worked under worse conditions. I do not sing to the music so it is not in key and relies on natural rhythm.

Why am I relationship celibate today? I have no trouble with chastity having never had an extra relational affair. Most if not all my relational history has been sober. I I have only had two one night stands (one man one woman, technicaly also a third with a post op trans who I gave head to but only held all night rather than take my pleasure to show S/he that they were not a sex object as they believed) , never had sexual disfunction, never been abusive in a relationship, never paid for sex, only encountered pornography near age 30. I was abandoned by both parents preverbal, left bruised, battered, neglected and even left in the sun in my pram all day to overheat in attempt to kill me by drunks. I experience loss as a sober person unable to drown sorrows accutely. Grieving any relationship can take me about 3 years as the childhood rejection surfaces and feeds despair, depression and keeps me crying for about that long. The tail spin of a failed relationships emotional impact is therefore unequal to the pleasure gained from a relationship. I frankly can do without this. That is why no one has ever seen me on a date site and I have never sent a sext. I gave up on the turmoil of relationships before I owned a mobile phone. Its that long since I dated and I dont care. Sure it can get lonely but rather that than the pain I experience in break ups. This is open to negotiation for the right person who fills most of my criteria, I have not met the right person in over 20 years. Bit sad, but that's reality. Concious coupleing is not the half of it.

'Disease' of addiction, without pathogens, that can neither be caught from nor transmited. A 'disease' they will tell you only a higher power can address. FICTION. If you consult the BMA British Journal Of Addiction (later just called Addiction)from 70/s to early 90's the debate rages on 'disease' model from Dr Max Glatt (who I met in ealing), Dr Brian Wells (who I was treated under for some years) and the sexologist Dr Jelinek from amsterdam as its main proponents. Even these esteemed doctors admit that their research was based on mere 'workable hypothesis' and their is no empirical evidence to support 'disease of addiction'. There is plent of evidence of addaptive neurological deficit causing craving. These leading lights of the 12 step movement as doctors could not convince WHO or their colleauges of the 'disease' model because although some people are 'workable' into recovery with the myth('hypothesis') it has no scientific basis. Abstinance does have a scientific basis from neurological findings, that is another debate but one I err on the side of caution with and I dont risk 'social drinking' models. Likewise there is little evidence of addictive personality, exsmokers do not become sex fiends or alcoholic through abstinance on cigarettes. It is not an issue of personality. Addicts come from a full spectrum of diversity for personality type (AA however works for a tiny minority group). Other underlaying issues (comorbidity) is present in about half of the addicted, requireing parallel treatment for trauma, anxiety or depresion but they are not the cause of craving. AA gets false positives as it promotes the empirical sound abstinance model and it is that rather than the 12 steps that give it advantage over non abstinance models. The neurological response of craving present in addicts can be effectively circumvented by abstinance. The neurology of craving is analogous between substances, experientialy and phenomologicaly craving for cocaine is almost exactly the same as craving for alcohol. For addicts the good news is that following a period of abstinance from alcohol or opiates although their may be a sensitivity to cross addiction they would if it were legal be able to cope with a hash cake. As I was polyaddicted this would not suit me. Models that merely try to recondition reactions to craving would seem more likely to fail. To give up smoking you do not have the occasional after dinner cigar. So kids Just Say No works as you cant neurologicaly maladapt toward craving and end up with a problem. To get better results from addiction treatment services they need only change to educate clients towards total abstinance, that is where many models fail.

You cannot treat trauma whilst the source of that trauma remains in the traumatised life. Placing trauma victims with abusers is bound to psychologicaly retraumatise. This is yet another reason for GIVE US THE LIST so former victims can be free from psychological abuse. This cannot be facilitated unless carers and victim know who the abusers are. You would not counsel a refugee for the hardship of exodus in a holding camp where hardship persists and they may be returned to the land of original conflict. There could be no trust or recovery. You need to remove the sources of hardship to facilitate patriation and offer a better future and way of life in a new enviroment for survivors to thrive.

Far be it for me to contradict the sacred wisdom of Eastenders but even the mission statement for NA Recovery Text states 'we want to put an end to that old lie, once an addict always an addict. We Do RECOVER.' So spike 12 step guru Chip Summers (who makes money off saying we don't recover but are only 'recovering' from 'disease') with cocaine and you will discover him clean and sober the next day. Don't try this with me as has occured on numerous occasions over 31 years because it pisses me off even though it wont make me addicted. Doh the counselor who makes money off of keeping me in perpetual maintenance treatment said I would never fully recover... spot the agenda! Chip can kiss my arse, keep it stupid for the simple. For near 3 years of Chips team I learned very little of what it actualy takes to stay clean and they filled my head with 12 step self fulfilling prophecy of catastrophy and as with NA I stayed clean a while but it didnt give me a real break. Peer support set me up to fail by surounding me with failures and I last self harmed (moot point kingston mental health team do not validate my 30 years self harm recovery free of psychiatry and instead claim tattoo work is harm, I view their naked buts as canvas) due to the distress at being in Chips residential. I threw the book out, turned my back on 'disease' and Chip and NA and only then really recovered. Their whip dog theories of the human condition remain popular with conservative views of addiction treatment. I nearly toped myself with the rigid thinking. Chips 'solution' for resentment at being a victim of child abuse, teen sexual exploitation and rape was to surround me in group with sex offenders and get me to talk to a convicted paedophile to see they were just part of the 'disease of addiction'... his bosum buddy Chris Langham apparently exploited the recovery movement to find victims for production and distribution of child abuse images within the official media. Go figure , let go, suck dick! If you tolerate this then your children will be next. Holland park school, scene of many a crime.

Note although I had amonth or so psychiatric involvement when I stoped drinking etc at 18 I did not recieve any psychiatric treatment untill my 37th year despite repeat attempts to intervene by enemy within the 12 step movement. So what label was I for all those years beofre I couldnt afford a lawyer to deal with community teams? NONE! Just disabled from childhood trauma. Purpose of labeling? Aparently it pays well whilst undermining my testimony as a victim of abuse. Two birds one stone.

Ofering bribes to NHS staff to try to set me up for a fall to steal property physical and intellectual via landlords from flat and divide spoils claiming political agenda will not work. I am not a criminal and would not in any case be put in prison due to the mental health act. I have had to make direct complaint to chief exec of Trust about the conduct of NHS staff towards me with a duty of care as they seem to have claimed welfare problems where there are none as I have no other source of income. Involvement in syndicatilism through promissed shares is highly likely to defraud. All works are distributed professionaly but provide no income. I am not active politicaly and only have tenuous alegiances. Continued rumour mongering and attacks and invasion of privacy on my person are civil rights violations and it is to be assumed with criminal intent.

HEADSTOGETHER? I wrote this poem in response to a request filtered through from the foundation to make a film (I am trained to produce to university level) about mental health services in kingston. Unfortunately I could not cooperate since the remit was to produce a film about the POSITIVE consequences of my being forced to comply with mental health treatments. OK I get more benefits now. Not realy worthy of a film. An opertunity that curtails my self expression to the point of inauthenticity and needing to lie about quality and context of services is no operunity atall. I had the same issues with the YMCA who did not respect my atheism to the point of spreading rumour of satanism from their chaplaincy and psych services yet expected me to offer services freely in positions far below my potential and contextualy in conflict with my views. I was recently offered training opertunity by centre point but declined as I would not pass criminal record checks at this point in my life again that is not opertunity.

There seems to be an impression in the community that I have been offered some kind of operunity. I am disabled not least due to childhood trauma, on benefits and not making vast money. I have been under section for the past 13 years due to local governments reactions to this site. I wrote the royal foundation offering my lyrics to charity, they wrote back saying was I in need of a tablet. i am in fact already injected against my will with medication that will shorten life and prevents me living a fulfilled existence through their side FX. I am not now nor have ever been invited into the freemasons who i have historic conflicts as with local goverment for their support of my PHD uncles abuse on me as a child. I live with the consquences of their cover up. I am completely clean and sober and was long term before psychiatry which came 19 years into my recovery. 'They' didnt like what I had to say about civil mechanisms lack of support for child protection or the betterment of the lives of adults victimised in childhood. I was incarcerated directly after a human rights claim to try to force the state to resolve the injustice. All the human rights charitys did was send a witness to the set up trial when the case timed out and they bailed out saying they could not deal with the level of corruption. I am still under section of the mental health act following and could be incarcerated at whim. I was incarcerated several years and cut off from the social supports I once had. No mechanisms have been offered compatible with my beliefs for any kind of recovery from the psychiaty. Put out to pasture. I am subject to curtailments of civil rights with out proportianate crime. I have never had any legal support in the uk due to deals in masonary from the PHD. People seem to assume all kinds of crime on my part, I got in a fight once against a fleetstreet mason. The rest is history.

Are you Sapiosexual? I enjoy Brains Faggots! (with gravey.) The night as a sober teen I transformed in the picadilly burger king toilets into drag to fuck another teen in stockings suspenders and bodice in the street does not require amends. No more than when I got some dressed in a womans first marriages wedding dress (me in the dress!) I love lucy.

On so called 'sex addiction' the concept comes from a catholic priest treating (covering up) offenders within their faith. Patrick Cairnes proposed that any expression of homosexuality was on the continueum of sex addiction, at a time it was illegal, this is the precident for the label. My advice as a recovered chemical dependant/ alcoholic is that anyone introduced to this meme through treatment centres totally ignores the input as thoroughly toxic religous fundamentalist ideology. If I had teenage kids I would buy them a smart TV with a porn app and advise them to go knock one out and sleep with as many different people as opertunity presents. It must be said as I did not encounter porn till my very late 20's and was in long term recovery from chemicals I may have blurred vision as someone never compulsive around it (I can enjoy it, no problem). Originaly the concept of sex addiction was for purely treating sex offenders. Over the years it has watered down to become almost all encompasing. Although chemical imbalance can occur neurologicaly from over stimulation it is incredibly rare and 12 step programmes like the Augustian Fellowship are not what young people or impresionable vulnerable groups like early recovering addicts need. Tell the cathoholics to go kiss marys arse. They are making out teen boys are deviant for wanking themselves silly with these sex addiction treatments. ALL teen boys wank themselves silly. There have been repeat attempts by christians to dominate 12 step groups in my 30 year assesment of the situation. . Some civil mechanisms are profiting from treatment ideology using 12 steps in ways no one could live upto. I for instance despite never commiting offence under alcohol am in effect on a life time ban by mental health services, without good reason and they have tried to use criminal justice loopholes in the mental health act to force me to engage with AA against my wishes and belief system and without me taking a drink, a group I left over 25 years ago as it does worse than nothing for me and its toxic self blame pseudo spiritualism makes me suicidal. Religion as psychology... authoritarianism. 12 steps have also crept into prison systems as a dominating ideology to make money for prior criminals kissing up to it. In the USA all this pathologising people to comply with profit making enterprises utilising 12 step ideology means debtors, and people doing over time and video gamers and just about everybody all have to negatively reinforce steryotypes in the name of 'spirituality' whilst forced to engadge with mental health systems for profit. I have to go private at 31 years into sobriety to avoid their bullshit. Its not just 12 step, the religous right are creeping into business taking over charity sector and secular issues such as homelessness and unemplyment. Religion as Psychology is being used to create work programmes that exploit the poorest in society. Paradoxicaly as a NA 2nd edition blue book fundamentalist I was enitrely intolerant of christianity and religion whilst on the steps. The culture of the original fellowship was not christian friendly. The church that even went so far as excluding meetings from kingston originaly due to conflict with religous treatment of addiction took hostile take over measure (around 1992 SPEAR sex offender programme at Vineyard for instance resetleing lifers etc from Latchmere- I was 3 years into NA at that point and ready to leave having served on the UK service commitee and discovered a nest of vipers.) There was not even dicusion of the 'sex addiction' thought virus in NA when I was a member. I did not believe in 'tough love' a right wing christian meme people need to choose recovery. i was out of it from about 11 on depresant trauma medicatrion that required months of reduction to detox when it was withdrawn from market for side fx of mood disorder self harm and gateway to substance abuse. I experience all of that at school and also had to bunk off to sleep through my trauma. I was hardly at school from 3rd year on. On detox from depresants as a teen I became hooked on alcohol with need for physical and psychological medication to detox age 18. I have never been on opiates coke or stimulants. I smoked hardly any dope. Tough love is for sex offenders. Putting me in 12 step rooms with their kind leads to violence from me. I am still violently predisposed to sex offenders 31 years into sobriety and have been jailed for half killing paedophiles. Fuck forgiveness, its always mars for war. I have never tasted vodka let alone absinthe since I got sober as a teen with very little diversity beyond home brew. I do not use drugs if I pick up a drink. I can use codeine for headaches without fear.

Did the Sun put me in the paper as I am an internationaly infamous creative? No. Did they say I was in long term recovery from alcohol because I am on the piss? Nope. Did the front page story the day of release have headline 'Saville Accused Found Dead'... paedophile found hanged under mysterious circumstance, with an article on how folks with trauma 'may become violent'. I assumed fake news and an investigation into the at least 2 other dead paedophiles reported in national press where they tried to connect me to the killings. Incitement? Found NOT GUILTY on grounds of 'freedom of self expression'. 8 years forensics failed to connect me with the terror accused of by Richmond Council to cover up for its failures in child protection. So, the neighbourhood want battle then...SUN INTERVIEW

Point of order. Everyone knows that the police use specials amongst the kids. This may include older students as plants or even adults who look younger. The charecature of a paedophile is of some crazed predator out to stalk and seduce stray kids. Of course as survivor I am less likely to be a perv of kids statisticaly than non disclosing victims and yet sat on my balcony I must be getting off on watching kids go to school. In fact i do not do this. I watch everyone when I am sat on my perch. I realy am not thinking of much when I see people. Even someone who was of my interest range would be hard pushed to get my attentions ammourously at my age. The reality for those super sleuths out there is the most likely paedophile (assuming they are male) is a male relative of a child. There are no demonic hoards of kiddy fiddlers on the internet trying to get their facebook profiles. No pervert worth their name is going to be trawling the net for children. They will seduce a parent, work their way into possitions of trust, buy you nice xmas presents and eventualy offend. Get your facts straight. Of course the police do not let specials in on all their techniques and I am no expert but you can assume basic psychology is inacurate as it is by definition basic. Lonely disabled old man... witch hunt. i am assume on average no rabid paedophiles are found using kids in the way described.

Since psychological theory is routed in its own philosophical ideology application by psychologists may be right wing or liberal. Psychological literacy does not necesarily equate with mental freedom. Again it depends on the focus. For instance all functionalist perspectives are ultimately right wing and authoritarian. This is a sociological issue based on privalage, the haves and the have nots. You can push christian fundamentalism clothed in the language of psychological liberty. The rise of the libertarian right is a case in point. All adhere to liberal values but have no sense of social concience and thus do not give a fig for the poor only their own self interests. You can live the self fulfilled liberal dream and leave the rest to die on the streets or live instutuionalised lives, that is the libertarian ethic that only sells the opertunity of rights to the highest bidder. That's the american dream of the republicans but also of a number of democrats. Before commiting to a psychological school first ask what's their political philosophy. Can you really tell when you are being psychologicaly manipulated and motivated towards submission to rigidity and control? In what way is this disimilar in focus to calls for psychological fulfilment? The healer and the slaver both have the capacity to use the same psychological language. Can you tell when you are being hoodwinked? A psychology that serves the freedoms of a few elites can be sold to the masses as a panacea whilst only making money for the investors at the top. We can all wash a homeless mothers feet for the benefit of the TV cameras but can we provide her and her children permanent afordable housing as the situation requires? It's their right as human beings. Can society meet the demands of humanitarianism and social inclusion?

By clean and sober I mean I have not inhaled a single toke on a joint since my 1 month relapse (after 3 years clean) in 1991. i sold ephedrine (legaly) during total abstinance without relapse ot taking a drink. I once took high potency Yage without any short term or long term ill effect at about 15 years clean. I didnt like it very much but the fx wore off very quickly, the only high in 30 years. Not even scared of relapse. I have no compulsion or obsession since addresing my trauma issues. No prayers whatsoever.

Note to get me out of the area would take more than greasing palms. National housing policy keeps me permanantly in Kingston Borough no matter who I piss off politicaly. They simply cannot not house me and there are no options to force relocation within the law. It is central government minesterialy enforced that I have to live where I am located. It is also completely against the investment of over a quarter million of tax payers money to place me here to force me out or even into employment. I am restricted but I am also protected on all fronts as a vulnerable person due to the high level enemy I have. All fact. To incarcerate me through a set up would cost so much to the tax payer as to be highly unlikely and would likely cost people jobs.

What I mean by messy real recovery is that I have over 700 poems with awards, 450 produced and released songs, been an actor in 2 independant films one of which got national awards, wrote several scripts one which got awarded recomendations from orange film, release 4 full size books, kept this website running for 14 years, became on first name basis with folks like Sly Stallone as a photography (he called me Crowley!), been in national media twice, ran some workshops, attained several qualifications, had a few lovers and basicaly sit on my arse all day listening to Miles Davis whilst projecting David Atenborough documentarys on the wall and enjoying a light show. Disfunctional. But highly creatively productive. Like I'm going to pray to remove my shortcomings... I'd rather have a wank! Of course if kingston arts actualy spoke to artists I might get some resources to assist in community song production with the disabled, or elderly, or kids or the homeless but no ones listening. I would of course need supervision as i am still monitored for all those paedophiles that didnt die on front page news when I made the terror threat that one would be killed a month till parliament heard Sarahs Law... oh no I'm delusional, I spoke about harsh reality.

Those with psychic ability will have read the fact that 3 significant women from my support history have been used in bus sideing adverts in the past 6 weeks. I am sure I am not the only thing that links them together despite my having been used as an idea man by several national level advertising creative directors over the years through direct dialouge. Where's my fucking poster? Oh thats right 'they' do not want me on. Some of those who do not know me very well might assume this could freak me out, not one bit, all very amusing. It has of course occured with multiple models associated to me being placed on billboard adverts near to wher I have lived. Nothing new.

As a point of order I was in direct f2f and distance contact with Bob Earl (AA guru and TV script writer) from the early 90's on. There was a war in AA against inner child work as completing it cures alcoholism permanantly. NA london (and media) also declared war on Bob and his then wife Tina Le Marq. I myself lost faith in them on discovering he was a sex addict whose son refused to have anything to do with him (ie. sex offender). Several cons within the media and to exploit creative ideas were used by the 'guru'. Sveral og his UK distributed tapes referance material from my childhood as they gut deals with my abusive family to cover up. They are not alone in this sell out, and the new age movement has been seen to do this with may victims of abuse. I was never a new ager having been the direct opposite as an occult scholar and sceptic.

I was in daily attendance of AA/NA in first year sobriety, 3 a week there after for a few years and sponsored and in service, on the steps and in 12 step model counseling when the false persona of 'spirituality' bubble burst and I attempted suicide in despair of the rigid lifestyle I had created through all this idological crap. I appeared very functional and claimed freedom from the past through spirituality and prayer and that it had all saved my life. I left for CoDA following the tretment that tried to reinforce AA beliefs in me following suicide attempt. I was 'grateful' that the fundamentalism was killing my true self. I have not looked back since leaving for emotional support through therapy and never tried to kill myself or been an addict again. I am thoroughly non spiritual in my right mind and authentic self. It is incomprehensible why those methods were the only ones offered me as a teen and I cannot take seriously anyone that holds to such beliefs. 'Diseased thinking' was in fact my core self and AA divorced me from it in its program. I have no fear of any of my thoughts or feelings today despite trauma chalenges. Where I was copliant and quoted 12 step literature as the solution to all problems I am now comparitivley emotionaly chalengind, messy and disfunctional. And that's how I am meant to look in real recovery. Note also I was not under psychiatry till 30 years into recovery and it was as a result of them being unable to handle public backlash to this websites disclosures of the conspiracy of silence that surrounds child abuse in this culture to date, doctors just cant take me. So they label, which is purely sociological, I cant handle them either as I cant afford good lawyers. I do not believe the labels at all. If they had equal rights and powers afforded to them I would just deck the doctor and walk away. My personal integrity and psychological intergration and authenticity puts me in conflict with the cultural norms and the place in history I live. how could it be otherwise? I not only do not care I thrive in conflict and am known to acts of anarchism in assertion of my self. FACT the culture I live in failed to protect me as a child and provided no useable mechanism of restitutuion or justice, my civil libertys have been curtailed and still are by that society so how could I not be at odds with the abuses of power by the assumed 'authority.' Fuck their law.

Some have complained I must lack experience of Step 4 of the 12 step cults 'made a fearless and thorough moral inventory'. I did several 4th and 5th between 1988 and 2000 in NA, AA, CoDA, ACoA and SIA (as I used a rather stupid exit startegy from NA/AA involving more of the same.) . At least 2 on codependant relationships, 1 in NA, 1 in AA and 2 in treatment counseling group and 1 to 1 counseling and one specific to shame tapes. These were almost completely pointless tasks in self analays neurosis and only indicated the material I needed to talk about in therapy. Of themselves they did not release me from the past in any way because frankly how could talking to an unqualified sponsor about my past resolve it? I have been in therapy for several 100 hours and am still full of resentments etc. That is because I asm human and also I have repeat memmeory of trauma history beyond my concious control. God is not going to remove that. i cannot let go, it does not let go of me. The steps are bullshit and only cause 'recovering' 12 stepers to deny much of their past and true feelings. The faithful believe handing it over to a sponsor and god removes the emotional baggadge. Absolute rubish. Why am i still paying a therapist to cope with the emotional damage? perhaps you think I like parting with my money? In fact lack of moral fibre was never my issue so a 4th rather than placing responsability on those accountable for my abuse was more self abuse and guilt trip. FACT (for me at least and I cannot be alone in this) the steps offer no solutions to anything. I had completed AA/NA step 9 ammends by age 21, again so what, it achieved zero. i've had a life since then and believe me I can be a bit of bastard and I dont care, it wont make me drink. I wasted my early 20's on this shit.... 'sorry I cant sleep with you I am using step 7 to let go of my defect of lust.... ', 'I cant start a relationship with you as you smoke dope and I need codependancy boundaries...' LIKE FUCK YOU BILL W, I wanted to get laid more! Total regret for ever believing the fellowship.

Psychology is a pseudoscience and as with any other ideology it basis its theorums on philosophical grounds. Many theory contradict or are incompatible with others. Freuds oedipal complex explanation and his seduction theory that states people fantasise or invite abuse on themselves as children is pure ideological attack on victims of childhood abuse and abuses of power by the psychiatric community. The complex simply do not exist and are pure interpritative bias, in 'against therapy' by Geoffery Mason the historic evidence that freud conspired with wealthy abusers to silence their victims for money is shown. Multiple Personality is another urban myth that has been leveled for sevral generations to deny the reality of former victims of child abuse. i have met and spoken over phone for many hours with labeled mutiples in the american psychiatric system. My interview of such subjects absolutely convinces me MPS is a conspiracy theory to deny reality of victims. 'Cybel' the first recorded multiple has had their case history intimately debunked by modern comentators as pure urban myth generated by unscrupulous psychiatric professionals for fame and fortune. The history of psychiatry in relation to victims of abuse is one of denial and collusion with abusers. NONE of Freuds victims ever left hospitsl incarceration. i have workewd in long stay institutions where this denial occured and worked for their release. Neither as an NHS carer for the emotionaly and mentaly chalenged nor as a service user for many years have I ever met a genuine split personality. Alice Miller in her work as a therapist 'Though shalt not be aware' and 'For your own good' shows how society and the treatment models offered victims deny our realitys to support the authority of psychiatrists and other so called help models. Her work is transitional and although offering exit strategy from Freud et al still sucks on the same cigar. Charles Whitfield MD (unfortunately 12 step) shows how psychiatry and medication is offered as a denial based remedy to abuse victims specificaly to protect abuseres and faulty civil mechanisms. there are treatment centres to get out of psychiatry in the states. METOO according to Freud etc 'Hysterical women'. In my many years group experience, including as a facilitator and workshop leader I discovered that people will believe anything if they are desperate enough and that many models and professionals oppose disclosure of victims of abuse on ideological grounds. Whitfield shows the pharmaceutical industry has created a rise in mental health service use to push their drugs with payoffs to health professionals. State endorsed drug dealing. In the USA there is a massive rise in denial of rights for the poor being placed into long stay secure psychiatric facility. Crime is likewise being pathologised with treatments generating revenue that result in longer stay in hospitals than would be the case in the prison system and lengthy aftercare, making money for investors. This is how the NHS is becoming under GP Fundholders and 'Trust' service funding semi privatisation. I should have got a condtitional release or 18 months in prison for getting in a fight 13 years ago, I am now entirely dependant on psychiatry for my accomodation and income and enforced to be on dabilitating drugs and spent several years in hospital. . Making money for who exactly? Rich serious offenders can buy their way out with private treatments. The liberal dream of 'treating crime' and reeducation is just leading to a modern form of slavery and curtailment of civil rights. That is psychiatry.

 

My diferances with 12 step is not just philosophical theory. In my teens i was treated for clinical addiction/ alcoholism by the medical profession and psychs. I was forced into 12 step by the muddy thinking of those intervening when 1 2 1 humanist counseling would have probably been better. i spent 3-4 years in daily 12 step working all the steps and serving fellowship at a national level. I was at that time a scared fundamentalist moron through this tretment strategy and my life was in 'the all together' being a 'miracle' of 'gods' recovery on the outside. Inside I was in dire straights, I eventualy attempted suicide due to the shameing of the model. I then began a protracted leaving of 12 step through therapy that took near a decade to complete deprograming. This was prolonged through my sidestep into CoDA another 12 step programme with a focus on self development. I totally regret any involvement with 12 step. The attitudes it instilled have taken years to recover from and overcome. This is not just due to the rediculous lack of agency proposed by the need of a higher power for 'sanity', nor the guilt trips of making ammends, nor the shame of defects of charcter nor all the rest of the utter nonsense of Bill Ws spiritual belief system. I have been abstinant throughout, no longer have obsession or compulsivity, have not returned to dependancy have had no other addictions in my 31 years and there are zero consequences of addiction on my life for over 25 years beyond the shadow of AA. When I say the cult like model is shit I mean this as an experienced former member. I share none of AAs attitudes, beliefs or even charecteristic qualities of what they consider 'recovery' through 'spirituality'. Bill W would not be able to handle being in a room with me, he was that fundamentaly psychologicaly damaged, he never recovered and was grossly moraly deficient and dependant on religion his whole life. The shadow of 12 step and I met when I was incarcerated on trumped up charges at 19 years recovery. Their membership was consulted for their opinion on how to 'treat' me including the prison system listening to its sex offender members opinions about me. The rest is history.

Fascists neighbours complain my having a takeaway is a cost to their tax and I am thus a burden that deserves attack, vilification and undermining. They miss the fact that I regularly loose conciousness due to head trauma alone. I tried working in teens and early 20's and the emotional distress of the structure is too great for me to cope with and results in suicide attempts. I as a disabled citizen have an absolute right to freedom and quality of life equal to my working contemporary. I for insatnce cannot drive due to disability nor cope with the rigors of employment. This has resulted in extreme hardship throughout life at a cost to the tax payer. The cheapest solution is disability benefits. So if I'm not copeing to well I will have a fucking takeaway at your expense and bloody wel enjoy it rather than being reduced to shoplifitng on the streets to survive or being locked in a ward by you at greater expense. Rights. I do in fact contribute through creative adaptation to my circumstances. its not like I get to choose not to have had the dabilitating trauma in the first place. Keep your nazi agendas to yourselves. I bite back. I have hidden disability so of course you cant see what is wrong which lead some to invent all kinds of moral and mental deificiancy that is not there. Functional deficit for my combined traumas (including the retraumatisation caused by adult hardship) is far greater than someone in a wheelchair alone, not wishing to detract from others chalenges but its a fact. I do not need to be moraly deviant to be disempowered by disability, it is not a lifestyle choice as some seem to assume. I have to pay someone to talk to with professional training just to not fall down emotionaly. Do you think thats fun? And of course some of you think I deserve to be homeless for a 7th time, sink or swim, I always sink. Lock me up!

For over ten years I lived in the north and traveled regularly within northern cities. Although I am not convinced there is less child abuse in the south it is much more overt in the north. Underage Girls are openly selling themselves in many northern cities at night and the people you would expect to protect them are in on the abuse. That is our safe secure society.

Now despite Kingston Arts refusal to acknowledge my presence and local media cover ups and the malaise of the middle class majority, without including song release (now over 450), I have over 400 poems in print. As large as Rilke. They wont be putting that in the liberal media. CLASS WAR! Quality? I was awarded a higher doploma by an art council in mid 90's for one poem alone. I have been shortlisted by international english speaking poetry prizes. I have a recomendation as a writer by orange film. I have appeared as a producer in national paper and national TV. How good is Kingston council? And if they say they don't know me how do I get greeted at theatres (and McD's) across the capital when my anxiety levels allow for me to travel?

The westminster elite dictating policy that does not represent the will of their constituents. The political classes for the most part do not want brexit. This against democracry. They are using democratic process to avoid it. This is wrong. We cannot trust politics. As a remainer I originaly favoured a peoples vote but currently see this as more of the same anti democracy machinations. I cannot vote conservative as I oppose many of their policy but for the first time ever in my life have considered it. The liberals are the self serving middle classes, they offer me nothing from my working class background, pipe dreams of remaining in the EU to serve their campaign businesses. Did you buy a T-SHirt?. Labour, whom I have left, are not offering credible opposition and by refusal of call for general elections (whilst saying all along thats what they wanted) are in gross cowardice and hypocracy. They need credible policy on brexit. At this time no party represents my demographic or my philosophic political views. It looks like if there is a general election I will have to abstain on moral grounds. This means for me politics is broken. If faced with referendum to reverse brexit I would abstain, one less vote for remain.

The observant will note whilst the 'community' was listening to over a hundred released songs of mine they left me living in a tent on ham common. Likewise once they casualties me to being in a psych ward the staff were openly discussing means to rip off my work whilst I was zombied by their treatment for a few years. So any massive profit through this lack of cooperation from the community? Where's my disability premium... of course any evidence that can lead to litigation would get a free theramin in return.... no lawlessness in peoples histories from Ham (where the police dare not enter)... rumours of anyone with a slightly shakey past being capable of cutting thieves fingers off in broad day light... there's one for the medias. Of course whilst a nurse left to tour america with his guitar bag in hand ham at least in 6 months in a tent did not take my sword from the woods. Of course at 31 years sober I can do ANYTHING without a drink ten times more effectively than when I was a psychotic alcoholic. There's no humility, I have balls, thats why I'm so long sober. Think on that. Of course whilst the deluded say god keeps them sober at 15 years clean I was smashing a brothal door in with a sledge hammer to rescue a teenager from a life of prostitution and giving a paedophile 3 cracked ribs to protect a child whilst the psych squad sashed half the windows in the town for not convicting the pervs... TRUE STORY. Police turned a blind eye.

Creativity and drugs and alcohol. In my case all are anathema to the level of conciousness and feeling required by creativity. All my teen work was destroyed by mood alteration making the work crap. i have never written 1 of my over 700 adult poems under the influence as it would detract from the work. TRUTH. As an early twenties recovered alcoholic I was put through both primary and secondary treatment for codependancy. It was discovered through intensive group and 1 to 1 that I was no psychotic in my recovery and I left 12 step as a consequence of treatment. That was over 27 years ago. The family of origin including a doctor claim I still am. I do not drink. I have no spiritual beliefs or practice. Despite playing lip service culturaly to the C of E I am for the most part anti religous. I consider that sanity of the highest order. My therapist is at base rate of £160 for 50 minutes. I would rather pay to talk to a specialist than engage with the 12 step community. Although I am a bear of very little brain my therapy involves discussion of Heideggers 'Dasein' in relation to my mental well being.

I have just blood tested negative for the 13th year of testing for all mood altering substances including alcohol and canaboids. I was also tested in teens and 20's and NEVER tested possitive. I was in doinosaur years of abstinance when the ministry of justice enforced the ruling that I must submit to tests and have never commited any offence under the influence. You may well wonder why the fuss then? I do. Civil rights restrictions. This is what happens if you dont kiss ass in recovery. The only evidence of addiction is I admited to such in my teens. You may wish to think twice about doing that. I face risk of imediate recall to maximum secure unit for an indefinite period without need for crime or trial. UK upholds the EU bill of human rights then... Civil rights groups response ... we have no jurisdiction over policeing... I have no criminal record to speak of... I was 19 years clean when the ministry made this ruling. I have never smuggled, dealt nor even ever been found in posseion. Aparently the authorities are scared of people who no longer need monitrered supports to stay clean. Especialy if you say the only reason you had a compulsion was to avoid the pain and trauma of child abuse. It was the only reason I was shit faced throughout teens. Unmanageability? You'll see it when I walk down the street naked with an axe in hand threatening to kill everyone.

To remind. This has been a SOLO PROJECT for the past 19 years. There have been NO COLABERATIONS on songs in any way including acoustic sketches, art work, photos or video/ animations. It has grown to a body of work over the years. NO CLAIMS of any involvement by others are in the least bit true. (and yes I use commercialy available loops that others have access to, that is all.) No permisions have been granted to cover or copy or distribute any of my work unless official releases by myself on apple, amazon, spotify etc. No one has paid a penny to me to cover version.

In my teens I applied to the civil service, I was refused ministry work on national security grounds because of who my father was. Despite his father having MOD secrets act service. My father was chief engineer on Adnan Kashogis private yaught. (used for arms smuggleing, and arming PLO and IRA). INTERPOL (not Mosad as reported) blew the yaught up in the 70's. When Richmond Council alleged I was a terrorist photos of Hammas were removed from cameras and hard drives seized. Also photo of 3 muslim women, one of which appeared to be a man in disguise as a woman that appeared on this site.This was the only data lost apart from physical film scripts. In general Muslims have had no issue with me and I worked for Amnesty International linked ones. The far left have been known to spin on me within Labour (who i am still a member of) on rascism grounds. I had no influence from my father who lacked presence in my childhood so his right wing views had no effect on me. I have never been involved with right wing groups and have marched against the EDL who i consider odious. MI5tery...

Since 2005 it has not been possible to link this site to BBC discussion threads due to an AI filtering out of information. There has never been any justification. I appear to be sealed in on social media, without being informed of such or any justification. I get emails filtered by organisations like 'meet up' on what appears a Prevent like strategy to keep me from forming affiliation online. Some of this has existed near 20 years. I have never met f2f anyone of the net. I don't believe I could. Again no justification from local liberal or national conservative governments. I spoke to Liberty recently and they could not get snail mail information packs on human rights to me and said invasion of privacy was a matter for the police. When I go to theatrfe at times they prevent people sitting near me in otherwise packed theatres. i am constantly monitored and harassed as I move across london by security and plain clothes / tourists on the clock. This has gone on for over a decade. All without justification. Politics makes strange bed fellows. When I search for f2f groups for bisexuals on Stonewall I get no results returned. When I use theirs or libertys contact forms I get a null server error. Snoopers Charter gone rouge? I have never commited a crime online. I have never been charged with anything online. Operation Sevator has been openly used against me at westminster. The implication are that issue politics is such a problem to party politics that they try to prevent even the normal flow of business.

Date rape by a black guy when I was a teen. I had a regular girlfriend. I was in a gay bar. I was close to three years below age of consent. He invited me back for a meal. I was fine with him cuddleing. I did not consent to any sex act. It was very violent. I was extensively injured. The cops did not want to know. At that time no male rapes had been convicted in the UK. That's all. No hidden agendas. Of course near 3 years 12 step minnesota model counseling compounded the shame by saying it was a consequence of alcoholism.... so there you are, if someone drinks it gives free liscense to rape them according to those looney tunes. They went further with pray away the gay and basicaly made out it was a fantasy of mine, which it certainly was not.

'It's in your head'. I have disclosed publicly about being sexualy abused as a child since 1992 (including to VT at hounslow survivors and CROSS rally at trafalgar) when my grandfather told me they had abused and raped me and beged me to slit his throat as I held him at knifepoint (sober!). Of course no one socialy shadowed me through survivor movement, the left, and 12 step to keep the real story under wraps... OFTEN appearing again in my lef a decade later to try to cover up for the mess socialy. Most of that stalking/ infiltration/ intercept was by christians working for my family. Like I threaten to slit someones throat every day of my sobriety? I never saw my grandfather again (and he played role of father to me), he died soon after and I did not attend the funeral. The fact I did not/ could not kill the 4 members of my family that sexualy abused me is a source of shame, embaressment and rage that I have had to deal with throughout my life. It perhaps would have been better for intergration and integrity emotionaly if I had. For my 49th birthday I was in depth therapy. I dont like that fact. I had to rip up my prebooked theatre ticket birthday treat as I was too emotional to go out this week.

The Vegan Society are right, I am a murderer... today I could murder a Steak! Today I have not meditated for 31 years nor prayed (only ever in fear) for 20. I have a bottle of diet coke for my birthday. I have drunk once on a birthday in my adult life (the vicar got me a crate of beer!). Only once at christmas as an adult. It's not spiritual. And no being forced to engadge with mental health services is not the same as being a liar but it has made me mad as fuck.

8 years of forensic scrutiny of my behavior after 19 years recovery from teen alcoholism and psychiatry confirmed I have no adult addictions. I am not at step 1. I am not powerless. No compulsions. Your stuff, not mine. I have never even seen trainspotting or been on opiates, speed nor cocaine, not ever. And I have never been even briefly looked upon as a personality disorder. Forensic analasys found no fault with this website and no charges were leveled. The site was the same, if smaller and much more popular, 15 years ago. I was dependant on depressants that were used to medicate me as a child following trauma, on detox grain by grain I cross addicted to alcohol, this was short term medicated at 18 and I detoxed.

Role reversal by prior generations were used socialy to outgroup victims of child abuse that are vocal about it. Ham specificaly targeted youths disclosing they were abused to call them 'abusers'. Several counseling facillities I have encountered claim a 'treated victim' is one who is no longer able to talk about it. To that end both in London and Yorkshire counselors have socialised with me with the express intent of intimating I was a sex offender because I am open about being abused. There is no sexual impropriety in my entire history. I do not need to 'let go' of the abuse, it is behind me, but since I was abused by 7 people throughout childhood I have trauma that repeats on me beyond my control. That is PTSD. No ammount of rationalisation is going to change the fact that I NEED TO TALK about it. Any ideology that claims a recovery from abuse is someone who 'cannot talk about it' or does not talk about it or no longer needs to talk about it is themselves an abuser of that victim. Calling a victim of abuse an abuser when they clearly are not is abusive. Those methods of trying to silence victims are going on across the country and in my experience have included official victim support personel for policing. Something is very wrong with our systems. This is how after near 20 years freedonm from psychiatry they slapped a label on me to cast doubt on my testimony because I've not only beeen there but seen all of the ways communities seek to cover up for abuse. Many of the counselors I have interviewed- who took thwe opposite stance were family members of abusers or themselves once abusers of children, that was particularly high in ex alcoholics who became counselors. Many started as listeners whilst in prison. Being abused as a child is part of my histroric reality, if I cannot share that in my adult relationships then you cannot know how I am the person I am today. That would be a lack of intimacy and disfunctional relationship. THIS IS WHO I AM. I do not need to hide away from the fact I survived as a victim. Survival is not denial. My first 12 step sponsor Bill C of UPS richmond management was a cocaine rapist and ill equiped to deal with my 5th step. (not that a 5th realy does much, I did a few, of course people smoking themselves to death have adressed their pasts and their addiction...). Bill C was assigned a top role in UPS UK to get away from the scandal of his rape at harvard as rich men get that treatment. Apparently it's spiritual... Being open as a survivor of abuse may have put me in conflict with mens movements, religious fundamentalists and 12 step but of itself has caused me no harm whatsoever, I am not ashamed as a survivor and I cannot be silence by selfprotecting negligent civil mechanisms.

Incidently WOLFSBLOOD was written on the day of 911 and was my reaction to the context the news was presented feeding into my Cof E background. It is tinged with irony as I am not nor was then a believer. I am the kind of hard atheist that opposes religiosity but lets live and let live.

Have you ever had a truly original thought? Most thought is communicated through language. To have a truly original thought would not only to be to break free of a specific meme such as that conditioned by specific religion, philosophy, psychology or science but to break free of language itself. Memes can be chalenged through debate and study of alternative perspectives, through language. If you think aloud it is in language with all its cultural restraints. So paradoxicaly since we think in language orignal thought is not possible, only absence of the word is original. Free thought or a constant flow of associations to stymulus? Psycholinguisticly slave to language, never its master. Echo...

All information, especialy telecommunications can be edited in real time by AI with digitaly masked lipsinks and composited overlayed visual material so for the past 30 years I haven't even known what is 'real' on TV. This combined with jump cut edits, animated avatars etc. which is known to but denied by several groupings within the community is why watching TV is like the shadows on platos cave walls. They also manipulate social media with AI bots that are not real friends and block real people from connecting with cerain targeted people. Two layer society. All you info, including your written news to your news app can be the product of AI directed to your preferances, they can write a whole story automaticaly with no human input whatsoever. And yes we all are wired, concious or no, its a matter of volume and auto sugestion. Stay in sync? Submit to authority... Wikeds Dragon Clocks cogs turnng in your minds. Popular. Become Human... diversify input reading/music/ esperience/ behaviours to combat the dominants social controls. Various traditions and diciplines interpret and provide interpritation of these limits and synchronisations. It is all technological, there is no new age, its been like this for decades. Adherance to a tradition will limit the linguistic memes and may provide comfort through familiarity but ultimately restrict and control thought. Diversify. It is not just ownership of the means of production that opress. Ownership and control of media/ data flow is the real issue today. Disobey controls.

From 2005-7 the EU courts of Human Rights granted me powers under the HRA against surrey police and NHS for abuses of power to try to silence this site. This included a direct line to the PM. I do not have those powers today and the same case cannot be heard twice. It was not thrown out of court. There is no HRA court of appeal. Communications may likely have been intercepted to disrupt the case. The national methods for covering up around victims of child abuse have only become more draconian. I am not cooperating.

Local uniformed police have indicated they have a desire to put me back in and strip me down to nothing again due to public concerns raised by exposure of police negligence in child protection on this site. They have not been granted a warrent according to their bitter attitude, i told them to bring shields! (this has occured before and I was released without charge). Meanwhile I have complained of harassment and backdooring of microphones on devices in my flat to Liberty Human Rights Group. Mail from them has been intercepted. There is an attempt to undermine my disability status from within the system. Masons and TA doing a merry dance wirth the community team still harasing by looking in regularly. Coopted workmen coming into flat forever raise concerns that I have diabetwes medication (I must be an addict!). Overall state of play, invasive. Note I have no history of criminal involvement. vice or drugs and am certainly not involved with anyone that is. This is purely politics/ attack on individual rights. GIVE US THE LIST not another cover up. (NB: on being a skiver as my terrorvision seems filtered toeards, I was previously given a lifetime award on severe disability grounds... witch hunt.) Also for those in the know who think they will 'bring me in on it' this is a lie that has been said for several decades in several citys that in some way I will be made of use to the community and all it ever results in is uneeded intervention resuklting in more harassment and eventualy release by services as I am involved with nothing unlawful. I am targeted as I am disabled and thus do not work for an employer. Fuck off you facist bastards!

I retain a crime referance of being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and thus cannot be reported by press as such. Richmond police tried to gag me by overruling this. The CPS upheld my authentictiy in conflict with corrupt police. John Smith PHD chepstow granted powers through Freedom of The Borough of Kingston was my abuser and obviously there are agendas. You cannot gag me. Jog on. You cannot 'treat' child abuse by victimising the victims and putting them on life time investigation with a view to using services to silence us.

I have awards for my work from both arts councils and film festivals. Why am I not replied to by Kingston Arts Council? Why is the industry not promoting me to play live. Politics, corruption and money. 'They' don't want me on. Obviously it is not that I am not good enough or other art councils wouldnt of ratified me.

I knew Crowbar Johny. Nothing to do with a little poo 'lost' johny (barnes) of NA richmond around 2004 who I had to headbut to get a bed for the night following a fundraiser in fulham which I visited whilst homeless. (I was at that time the longest cleantime in Richmond as the fellowship degenrated whilst I was out of London to many using addicts in the rooms)His lover and mate Steve the lorry driver was a repeat rapist so I consider that 'lost' was also a sex offender, birds of a feather. I got that much from visiting NA 3 times in a decade. I call him lost Johny in respect of Wavey Davey of the hawks who I used to serve milky tea regularly! Jane got a gun? Theyre serving this nation with a cup of tes... zen overflow. Crowbar never worked the program despite being at the first meeting of NAUK (I think Chip and Dudely may have been there). Hus first person testimony was they only started NA as they needed a place to meet free of the judgement of AAs. True story. Ask Rock N Roll Suzey linelight Barry PI Paul (all like myself way before SPEAR at the Vineyards sex offenders programme mixing it all up with 'go fish' take others inventory) or do a sceance on Lionel Bart to find out about copyright frauds against me.

I am completely opposed to the death sentence and corporal punishment. I do not care about the sanctity of life as it is an illusion and construct, people die on our streets daily and the liberal elite do not give a toss. I have lived to see paedophiles thrown off buildings and hung by their towels in incarceration. I do not care one bit. But criminal justice is dependant on the quality of representation you can afford and I do not want to see innocent poor people hanged which is what the currupt criminal justice system would do(and did used to do least we forget) . I would have liked to have hanged 4 of my family of origin for their child abuse and if their was no consequence would have killed them without guilt or shame. Whilst specialists split hairs over what kind of pathology I must suffer my view is this is entirely normal thinking and feeling for a survivor of abuse of my type. Normal feelings. I've felt this way my entire life and did not shed a tear on hearing the people that raised me were dead. Camus The Outsider be damned. All the wishy washy middle class counselors affected my view not one bit, in fact their attempts at persuasion only hardened my views. Child abuse is very serious with longterm effects on individual and to the community. Thats why sex offenders should be publicly monitered for life through GIVE US THE LIST. As is the case in USA. Whilst psychs try to steal a living through interpriting my views as deviant or aberhation caused through non atatchment or accute mental illness I am reading Nietzche and listening to Miles Davis this week, in between trying out the computer games for my birthday and when I tire of them they will end up at the childrens hospital. Extreme! How's your life? Note In A Silent Way album by Miles Davis is available on amazon unlimited and Apple ITunes as is the 'sessions' suite of albums. Miles it is sugested by some of the historic record gave Charlie Parker a leathal amount of heroin when it was discovered he was using underage girls as prostitutes. In a silent way sessions, check it out! (IMHO the best album of any genre of music ever recorded. Also like A Tribute To Jack Johnson sessions.)

My grandfather admited sexualy abusing me as a child to me as a young adult narrowly avoiding getting stabed (I was in sobriety). My uncle John was discovered in falmouth cornwall when I was aged 7 to have left his emissions on the sheets on my side of a shared bed by his wife who denied and colluded. When taking his PHD he was investigated regarding his daughters. His father Ted took the blame for physical signs of abuse. Apparently Smith admited to minor sexual abuse of myself (real offences worse) within freemasonary in Kingston who groomed him as a PHD. My father when I visited him age 32 indecently exposed himself when I asked him about the polices response to my statement with Colm O'Gorman as witness,(I was in a state of exhaustion when making the statement) He also tried to cut me with a razor. My grandmother never needed to admit her part as her offences continued unabaited into my teens. Gaskin, ham, avoided charges for assault on me 15. Soho pimps could not be identified for sexual exploitation in my teens. AA and the police psychologist supported african Tony, shepheards bush, for his rape of me in my teens during a nights slip on alcohol. All this and more with the inquiry. Accusations I killed my grandfather are nonsense. it is likely Smith slow poisoned his kidneys for the will. i did not attend any of the funerals of my 'loved ones'. Age of consent was then 21. ladbroke grove police appeared to fear political reprisals if they arrested tony and the cdc 11 redcliffe gdns earls court claimed it was my fault I was raped as I'd taken a drink in early recovery. The police refused to take a statement, zero male rapes had resulted in convictions in that era. I was covered in bruises with dna evidence when reporting the rape. There was not just obsticles to being believed as a victim of homosexual rape back then, the authorities actively used mechanisms to cast doubt on the mental stability of victims and made them to feel they were to blame. ZERO convictions... 'institutional homophobia' cry pink media, all for the workers, now pay for a ticket to pay our mortgadges.... and not a single national conviction. Jumping ahead from 80's and 90's to Y2K+, operation ore and wonderland, over 100,000 suspects of internet paedophilia, many in positions of authority and in media, ZERO convictions, operations thrown due to media pressure. There may be a theme here... of course around that time O'gorman goes on newsnight (including leaking the case into my childhood) claiming a quarter of the population were sexualy abused in childhood, less than 12 convictions from national appeal through his organisation and he gets offered a job with amnest when the age of consent is lowered... 'institutional homophobia'. And I write this as a bi male. 2006 I make a EU uman rights case for the public listing of sex offenders to protect the public, children and former victims. When this times out despite me having a direct line to Blaire Richmonds Liberal Council claim terror charges against me for allegedly presenting a threat through this site to sex offenders. In parliament a bill is motiones to hear sarahs law. As this is heard I am incarcerated for alleged violence towards sex offenders. Sarahs law is reduced in parliament bewcause 'criminals would attack fully public list paedophiles'. Coincidence?

Note terrorism charges were leveled by Richmond police and courts (unsucessfully but I was mysteriously incarcerated whilst on bail on other trumped up charges) within 6 weeks of the time out of right or interim granted to me for over a year by EU Court Human Rights for violations against me as a victim of child abuse neglected by richmond council. The 'terrorism' was alleged politicaly against my work to get public listing of sex offenders. Attacked on all sides politicaly. I was set up for 'random violence' in a week i had a ticket to photo The Queen and was under surveilance on record by royal protection. I had no history of violence or serious crime. I have not commited any offence 'random' or otherwise in the 13 years following. Go figure. i am still listed with the ministry as serious threat to public.

I am on and off a life long trade union member, a labour and green party member and the most right wing group I have affiliated with was the vegan society. i do now eat meat! I have voted green, socialist labour, labour and in surrey due to the demographic (unwillingly) liberal.

Note both uniformed police and freemasons claiming to be in cooperation have spread rumours I am 'under investigation' for 30 years. this harasment has included people from my past being told not to talk to me as a danger to society. obviously there is an agenda and they are full of shit. Particularly since I was under glass so long without any link to crime being discovered (created). Also note it is socialy impossible to have been as isolated as I have been throughout my life across the country without consistently being MADE isolated by specific community groups. This starts with my paedophile uncle john smith PHD being awarded the freedom of Kingston. Also note he admited to assaulting me within freemasonary resulting in no charges. Is admition as a paedophile was viewed as evidence of 'good standing in the community'.

On addiction. Mine was sucessfuly treated in 1988/9. I have not suffered any form of chemical dependancy nor process addictions, no eating disorders, sexual disfunction or compulsive behaviour of any form throughout my adult life. I have tauma disability. My original addiction was gate wayed via prescription drugs for that trauma taken during childhood. My alcohol consumption as a teen nearly killed me. I stoped. I left 12 step recovery in 1992 due to continued attempts by peers to strike deals with my abusers with a view to exploitation, harasment and making me shut up about their abuse. To the extent I am 31 years sober i am NOT AN ADDICT anymore. Social stigma and rumours about addiction serve no purpose beyond harassment of me. I have never been under Community Addiction Teams, never on a treatment order, never taken medication for addiction and never psychologiacly treated as an addict as an adult beyond short codependancy treatment 1991. I could drink today with impunity if I was not still under court order not to. I was not drinking when the order was placed on me. It is almost as if the culture and systems would prefer to believe my disability is a consequence of addiction. It is not. I have never become addicted in short slips on alcohol, the last now almost 20 years ago. i do not shout 'drink!' and throw myself out of windows like on Father Ted. If I drank there would be no imediate consequence without the court order. this is not a treatment order, I was not drinking when it was put in effect. Mid term it is likely I would begin relief drinking if I took the first drink, as stated this has occured before in slip but never to the extent of addiction. I just stop if it gets a problem. No psychological treatments are going to make me more functional due to the head trauma. I AM DISABLED. I DO NOT DRINK OR USE DRUGS. I was subjected to 8 years forensic psychiatry as a consequence of political activist backlash to this website and my promotion of Sarahs law and 'give us the list'. Suspicion was so great that I stood in Richmond Courts on terrorism charges because activists claimed I was a risk to the sex offender population. That forensic treatment treated nothing in me and achieved nothing including it's investigation into alleged links to murder of paedophiles. I have been unable to recover the quality of life I had before psychiatry as a consequence of ministry level monitoring and cohersion to remain engadged with psychiatry. I have private therapy to counter and that is against that psychiatric involvement in order to cope with it. At the end of forensic investigation a senior forensic psychiatrist stated explicitly off the record that he did not consider me criminal or mentaly ill despite everything. He could not chalenge the court situation as too many professionals colluded to try to create the myth that I am acutely mentally ill and a risk to 'the public' through GIVE US THE LIST. You may well ask what are the moral values of those in positions of power. I had a full 12 step program when I left and that was a major contibution to my being suicidal in my early 20's. The steps promote negative self image and do not adress childhood trauma and shame. I thoroughly recomend that no young people involve themselves with the cult like movement. I have diped into meetings a few times to see if they've changed. they have not in 30 years, same old shit. those indoctrinated cannot even bare to support my recovery and on occasions have actively saught to undermine it to claim the superiority (false) of their methods.

Hate crime. there are people who say they are not going to give up attacking my reputation till I am homeless. Under the mental health act to protect the public I must have a named residence monitered by the Ministry, it is illegal for me to be homeless as a vulnerable group.

On 'not being gay'- I have had sex with both women and men. The ratio is about 3000:1. I watch bi and trans erotica on a regular basis. I have a vibe. i have never had a romantic relationship with a man nor do I desire such. I might sleep with an efeminite man or two or a bi couple. I do not consider myself part of 'the community' which in my experience is particularly insensitive to rape victims and children sexualy exploited by the scene. I have had many arguments with purist gay groups. I have been in group with gay men for several years of therapy. I do not identify with men that are purely attracted to men or romanticaly predisposed towards such. However you could still pass me the lube for a reach around. QUEERBASHING literaly about the bashing and attitude I recieved as an openly bi teen in the 80's. I was bashed, raped, druged, left for dead and in 12 step therapy told to pray away the gay. (apparently going to soho is a symptom of sex addiction....?!?). I am not now nor have I ever been compulsive in that area. I have had one gay and 3 trans counselors ammounting to 7 years combined therapy (plus 4 years hetero and group work on top). There have been complaints that i view some women as loveable whereas men are mere sex objects. Blow me! Still not feeling it. Psychiatrists complain i have no psychological insight, 3 of my last therapists thought I was the most psychologicaly literate person they'd met, psychiatirists dont get paid to promote mental health and wellbeing. The total of 11 years therapy does not include the NHS forensics for 8 years, 4 years of my subsequent therapy trying to deal with and recover from that.

So can you reasonably discount all my experience, memmory and views as merely the product of some mental illness? Political agendas not allied with give us the list would seem to think so. Ed Davies for one has stated that public listing is an agenda that would effect not only his family privacy but that of many (if not all) his constituents. I assume he thinks I'm bothered by internet porn freaks behaviour (i'm not and I don't consider them sex offenders). Likewise some deluded souls have claimed my views on child abuse come from halucinogen use as a teen. (about 5 hits) Not only was I later checked by a specialist in substance abuse that stated I had full recovery by my early twenties from any consequence of drug misuse but all drugs did was make perceptions a bit swirly for a few hours, they didn't rewrite my entire memory of childhood nor could they. It's all bullshit to deny the bloody obvious. I was abused as a child with serious consequences. I put my entire addiction down to being traumatised... and look I've been clean and sober my entire adult life with that perspective... ring true? Could be! Maybe you think i'm deluded and drinking a bottle of spirits a day and brewing bear 80 pints at a time to last a week... oh no, that was my teens.

On Cliff Richards campaign to prevent a free press identifying suspects of sex offences prior to conviction. First up less than 90% of rapes result in charges. Are all of the victims expected to remain silent? It would effect this site. I have no other means to identify those people who abused me as a child. My grandfather, gradmother, father and uncle John Smith PHD Gwent were all sexual predators and abusive towards children. I was also raped outside the family underage and sexualy exploited by older paedophiles in Soho adding two other men to the list. If it were a crime to diclose such i would for one be prepared to go to prison. As i rightly hold the right to defend myself against such this could lead to violence between me and the police. At some point you have to say enough is enough. Blood. I sympathise with CLiff for having been exposed to trial by media but look at the potential consequences of his campaign. trauma theory states that non disclosure of offences against the victim lead to adictions and other self destructive behaviour and could even lead to crime. Silence us all and you would have a powder keg. The campaign would put me in massive conflict with the authorities. i have already been falsely accused of terror offences against sex offenders and draged through the system . it is the state and perpetrators with all the power not us victims. there are already press regulations to prevet defamation, Cliff has recieved massive compensation. On a liter note, terror charges against myself were struck fro the record, 8 years forensic psychology revealed I had no direct links to murder of some paedophiles and this site is not a crime. So there were a few body bags of sex offenders, i tattoo their skulls on my body.... still not guilty!

FRUITY LOOPS is a good start place for kids wanting to get into computer music cheaply and accesibly. I wrote DRDEATH for one on it. (with added moog taurus 3 and a xoxbox). Also to transfer songs from this website to Iphone... right click and save to on a PC, use Iplayer to transfer mp3 file to Icloud account, find the song in downloads on the phone sharing the Icloud from music account, add the song to a playlist to listen.

Facts, a million hits by 2007. Attempts to inflate through unwarented attention locally, same by activists across London for 20 years and ongoing undue attention from security across capital. Several conspiracy to put me in to attempt to steal copyrights, all failed despite one resulting in longish incarceration. Secured material with amazon, apple, spotify etc. plus clouds and hard copies back up and lyrics in print with publishers. Known by personal name across hollywierd from 2005 whilst actively engaged with A listers. Attacks on person at rallys and public events from all sides politicaly including chants of 'give us the list terrorist' during marches from politcal enemies. Ripple effect when traveling across country whereby social networks try to seed opinion against me wherever I go in the UK. No agent, no publicist, no attempt to seek fame or vaneglory. there has however definitely been an impact and I can't shake it off. Twice appeared in national media print and broadcast if forgoten. To repeat due to press restrictions on reporting abuse survivors there can be no story on this site or my person no matter what you set up to sell. It's a nonstarter legally. Highest hits in a day 7k, highest song 3.5k in a day. there is no money, jog on. As an independant UK radio give no cover, however due to contract over 100 hours airplay stateside. Also quarter pages in several national publications and london wide. Budget for known artist indie records 20K on production and at least 10k on publicists, I spend zero. I do not 'think I am famous' however social reactions country wide are not consisten for past 30 years with being an unknowm. Also note activists aplified the goldfish bowl prior to putting me in and politicaly motivated attacks occured from court staff and other parties involved. So when I faced court 13 years ago they were discussing give us the list openly in court amongst baristers whilst similtaneously claiming I was delusional about any infamy. rather a lot of people I encounter semm interested in pointing out to others I am not famous, that in itself is being known. I have only been incarcerated once, do you think it coincidence I had a ticket for that week to phot The Queen? Also The duty solicitor in the case on video link to prison head banged to cammera. They were not alone in mocking my human rights case. The system did not allow to change representation without private funds.i served more than maximum sentance for that fight, started by freemasons of fleetstreet. I still am under the ministry of justice 13 years later for minor offence. These social conditions existed for over a decade prior to my coming to new malden, any one groups attempt to claim 'influence' are a falacy. 50 songs produced in 20 years so why never play live. i busked to test crowd response which was good however although if I train my vocal i can do an hour long acoustic set to make profits would mean spending money. i do not have what it takes to produce a stage show- money. that is the only restriction to making a profit and i dont have any. If you think i can compete why am I not am owner of hard rock cafe? 20 years ago i was told if I was not a friend of Pete Townsend I would never play surrey, and I never have so thats how friendly I am to paedophiles. He was twice seen to stalk me physicaly prior to my incarceration, something that is known to feed his subdominant fantasy, i didnt want to play their pubs anyway, that's not the route to profit. Pay to play? Jog on.

On local AA I have in fact said nothing specific and certainly not about individuals. My comments are on 12 step recovery as a whole as experienced through my 31 years of recovery. In short they gave me no choice but attend but I wish I'd never heard of them. It is not the only so called support of the previous generations that was a problem to me as a survivor. Things change slowly, that will never change the damage done socialy and to reputation and the domineering attempts at control by conservative groups. I feel the same toward post freudian therapy. In ideology and experiential aplication who did these 'supports' protect?

Logical contradictions in poetry? Firstly written over 30 years so obviously I've changed views. Also as I've writ over 700 I have obviously returned to the same themes from divergant perspectives. Also no attempt is made to form a philosophic canon. I couldnt give a fuck about if Dib Dib Dob suck my nob Diddley diddley dum stick it up your bum has any meaning at all let alone if it demonstartably contradicts another poem. I write, I use words and concepts that vary. I enjoy it. Game over. Nothing to ananlyse. First thought to paper. You may find hypocricy in being an atheist but remaining church of england. Births, deaths,weddings, state events C of E just like Richard Dawkins attendance at cambridge. I can take communion on the basis of answering one article of the Crede, there is one holy roman apostalystic church (and it is not ours). I can obviously wipe my arse on the bible later! St Martins considers me too conservatively religous for their tastes for all that. The church forgives me, and I say Gawd Save The Queen guv to that!

3rd book by Peter Stock aka Wolfchilde (me, me, me!) , second volume of complete poetry now on kindle if you search Wolfchilde on amazon. Paper back now also available (other formats). 'Wolfchilde Free To Create collected poems volume 2' (less than 4 months in the writing due to existential therapy stimulus). Note I would sign a disclosure close as a victim of sexual abuse as a child and of teen rape to the local press but they will not run a story because of my paedophile uncles standing with kingston lodge. Supression of truth. 546 recordings, over 700 poems, 3rd book, no plug! i don't exist. Press regulation legislation they claim is to protect me, which I never asked for, obstructs my business and means as a survivor I am not on equal footing with other artists. Also note there is copyright evidence of all material and I would try to get someone killed over defrauding my company.

First Draft PDF right click download POETRYBOOKVOLUME1 POETRYBOOKVOLUME2

 

There have been questions arising from previous statements about psychology. Humanist psychology is great if you are middleclass with middleclass resources. Choose your education, choose where you work, choose where you live, choose who you relate to. Great! However as a working class disabled man my free choice is restricted (as that of many other people) primarily by the economic realitys. I have few choices in all areas. Also inherant is the view of intergrating the sometimes contradictory desires of being human. So although I can sleep with men, and can fantasise having sex with couples I do not necesarily want to intergrate those desires through acting on them. I have experience of acting on them. I do not need to repeat my experiences. 'liberation' would look like libertineism, there are not only consequences to such behaviours but i already sent that t shirt to the cleaners. Another objection has arisen from my claim AA and the 12 steps are a cult. I have stated only explicitly that they are cult like. Life long attendance to reafirm commitment to god in groups whose foundation is christian evangelicism is cult like. Don't attend AA and you will die of alcoholism and insanity is the message. The church has through out AAs existence supported them as many who it works for become christians. I however 31 years into recovery wouldn't wipe my arse with the bible. Another T shirt worn out by its rediculousness. Dont be your self, submit to the will of god 'may you find him now'. Total BS. The whole ideology is constructed around that including their definition of addiction. School boy philosophy.

If you don't think child abuse victims are getting a rough deal here's some facts. Specialist child protection did not even exist for most of my childhood. There was massive political resistence from the previous generations for the creation of such. A succesful conviction of abuse throughout childhood for my generation of survivor generaly looks like a three year suspended sentence for the pedophile. I have needed life long therapy as a victim of abuse with real trauma symptoms that dabilitate. Believe the system cares? Criminal compensation would barely pay for three years therapy at reduced rates and certainly not for rehab. I spent 6 times the ammount I could have been compensated trying to get compensation. The state spent more than 5 times that money on trying to make out I am bat shit crazy for sugesting the system didn't work for me as a victim of abuse. And here I am still saying the same thing, money from your pocket down the drain. Prior to my satement to police about my childhood noone had spent a single penny on me for mental health, it was the backlash against my testimony that cost all the money.

Although the definition of 'self pity' as a 'defect' of character is by far one of the least issues with AA it is yet another reason it is psychologicaly toxic and emotionaly damages people. There is nothing wrong with being compasionate with self nor with afirmation for all feelings. Listen? Let AA fundamentalists go under a truck! Right wing supression of emotions in the name of ego deflation have no place in my recovery as egocentricity is nothing to do with addiction but an ideological mechanism common to all cults like the moonies. Control/ rigidity = self fulfilling prophecy of relapse through agrevation to emotional well being. Round and round in circles they go. 'It's self obsession, serve the cult to be free of self, self will is the problem, serve gods will through the group.' Triangle of self obsession? Self nurturing, get lost! Why discuss theology with my moral inferiors as a philosophic atheist?

My addiction was over 30 years ago. I only had 2 weeks hospital in teens due to the consequence. I saught my own supports costing tax payer nothing. i have not returned to addiction in my adult life so on the surface appear never to have had one but it was clinical in my teens and nearly killed me. I have had zero money spent on me as an adult by the state for addition. My GP prior to my making criminal statement as victim steated that I was completely sane, credible and in no need of treatments. I used alcohol and legal/prescription substances daily for about 4 years in my teens. I was never on illegal drugs so for instance I used speed only once ever in my entire life. Consumption even of cannabis was minimal, a few joints here and there in my teens. I was assesed by one of the top addiction professionals in the country in my early 20's with a few years sobriety as having absolutely no signs of long term psychological effects from substance abuse as a teen and as a credible victim of child abuse. I have despite (or perhaps because of) years and years of talking therapy never had to address any other kind of compulsive behaviour beyond the alcohol of my teens. I have never recieved treatment for anything other than codependancy on unhealthy relationships in early 20's. I do not believe taht addiction is a disease nor do I believe ANY spiritual mumbojumbo. For me addiction was a copeing startegy for trauma and the compulsion was neuro physiological reaction to consumption of regular quantity of alcohol. Recovery started and ended with putting the bottle down. Although in a gestalt sense there is no mind body spilt, in the long term there is no psychological route to addiction. I am utterly opposed to Freud (he would deny Me Too as sex fantasy) , have no interest in CBT/ behaviourism, have grave misgivings with humanistic psychology (due to my philosophical beliefs being more post socialist than neoliberal) and do not use any supports in order to talk about addiction nor have I for decades needed such support. I do currently use existential therapy for emotional well being but if the community I lived in offered support for me as trauma victim I would not require that. Do you believe that to give up smoking you need a fundamental group to teach you to pray to stay stoped and self ananlyse your sins (defects) for the rest of your life? Would recovery not just be putting down the cigarettes long enough for craving to go away? NHS practices are funding God focused recovery centres for addiction, that is obviously bad policy and wasting tax payer money. Should we be funding 'treatment' that encourages membership of groups who define inasnity as divergance or challenge of the group on its dogma that the only healer is god and that atheism/ secularism is a disease? Dark ages.

 

Some local police have been mouthing off they do not believe me. They are not paid as public servants to judge crimes with referance numbers nor the IPCC complaints against surrey police and the MET. Child protection is always handled out of borough specificaly to prevent police collusion with abusers and in attempt to prevent harassment of victims. The Crown Prosecution Services have told the police to fuck off in their attempts to cover up and bury the case since it was first leaked 2000 by Colm Ogorman on BBC Newsnight, apparently as amnesty for the offenders and as part of the deal with the pink pound to lower consent (effectively forgivind 2 of my 7 abusers even though there was explicitly no consent given and violence was used in assault). As someone who has had to talk to Starsburg EU Human Rights Court to protect myself from backlash within policing and NHS in the past and has subsequently experience further violations, when I see a pig in the street I think shithead. No repect. Wake up you threw the gauntlet down. I'm having none of it.90% of reported rapes unconvicted (and the police try to get reports struck from record to improve the stats.) 'We listen to survivors now', 'theres been a regime change and a rethink'... same story they fed for 30 years. One of my school teachers in the IT dept. was discovered to be having sex with boys... Barry? No. they relocated him and the freemasons gave him a new career. Result of national inquiry 'as we are independant complaints against police are beyond the remit of the inquiry'. In other words total waste of time. Shitheads.

The reason I have no kids is because all were aborted. However despite no concerns about my own conduct towards children I do know that as a whistle blower on criminal negligence by police and social workers on child abuse my children would be targeted by the stae (including using spurious psychological profiling) to deny my rights to a family. My rights are largely denied in this society, what hope for my children? They'd probably abuse them in care to show how much the system cares.

n 1992 I was announced to be on step 11 by a fransiscan addiction counselor who sent me to a nun for religous counseling to confirm it was always a case 'of lord make me an instrument of thy piss...'

Please note I am considered too physicaly disabled from head trauma to drive or work for an employer.

FAKE MARIAGE? As a teen I was systematicaly issolated by my abusive family of origins with rumours that I was gay and scytzophrenic. Neither proved to be true but infected my peer groups through my family associations of drug dealing to their parents. 'Made in heaven...'. By 18 I was casualtied by psychiatrists working for the family. By 19 I weas clean and sober and had only been under a psych for three monrths. i did not have one over me again till age 37. My family directed the 'friends' that aproached me through their business dealings within fremmasonary. The kids of their friends befriended the outcast. A couple of times women from their generation, allied to them, got involved with me as part of the plot. After 4 years recovery a sygnificant ammount of the truth had come out about their child abuse but mainly through addiction peer supports. Those 'supports' networked with my abusers to come up with a strategy to recasualty me. My first relapse after a few years was through being spiked. I was directed unknowingly to form a romantic relationship with a whore directly related to 'peer' 'support' . Basicaly my group therapy 'friends' sold out for drugs and/or as many were abusers. She led me up the garden path as she was an exlover of my uncles and the situation provided free care and protection for her child. She manipulated me to buying a house at the othe r end of the country whilst issolating me socialy through false rumours. We were only married anout a week before we split. It was all a set up to try to get me to leave surrey where trhe family could then cover up for the abuse I had exposed. It is not just ideological. Young addicts seeking recovery should be very wary of the kind of people they will be exposed to via peer 'support' programmes. Bad apples in one basket... recovery, leave the basket cases behind. If sharing that your a survivor is just going to get the sex industry to head hunt you you may be in the wrong place.

Although I have had sexual relations with bothe men and women the former is so infintisimal compared to the number of female relations that I do not even consider myself part of the LGBT community, that includes cybersea (which I havnt done for 20 years). As I am always monogomous in relations this creates no issues. I have never been in an emotional relationship with a man and based on experience cannot see how such would ever become the case,

I will not attend Pride events as the last time I did I was physicaly assaulted by a man trying to start a fight so he could play victim on ideological diferances over my appearing on BBC as a victim of homosexual rape in my teens. The attitude of some counselors even is 'so you like it rough', force fed spirits to point of black out, bleeding and with a face full of bruises is not my idea of a kink. I have had 5 gay counslors and most seem aroused by disclosures of abuse. (issues!)I was at the tranny tent enjoying the entertainment not looking for a fight. Hence non attendance, I am still not looking for a fight. Soho did similar exclusion to the rape victim that eventualy they wound up till the point attacked the Duke of Wellington in reaction to all the verbal abuse that followed their complaint. Reality check. Also not Pride was tiny when I used to attend and podium speakers at trafalger spoke explicitly of rducing age of consent to 13 as the politician speaking had fucked a 15 year old and was proud of it. True story. 'Hitler', 'Garry', 'lick my arse', what I get walking through the heartlands.

No regard for human life? Did anyone intervene when I was abused as a child? Did the systems offer justice as an adult? Despite disability from childhood was I reduced to the streets 6 times? Did they lock me in a box and metaly torture me for protest? Did every 'human' i met try to exploit my vulnerability in someway? Yes 'human' life, I've never dreamed I would meet so many shitheads. Were my civil rights violated again and again, my human dignity stript away and even funadmental huna rights denied? Was this in part to cover up the crimes of others against me? Did the agencies who allegedly protect people all turn their backs because I had no financial worth to them and indeed make political and syndicate deals with the bodies violateing my rights? Corruption? Yes and the story continues...

Homelessness makes profits for rich 'charitable' business. There is a rate cap on housing benefit, this is greater for temporary and B & B accomodation. It is therefore more expensive to tax payers to keep people in temporary accomodation than to house them. Further high dependancy groups such as those on higher rate disability premiums are made to pay extra for electricity and 'breakfast' facility. It is therefore advantageous to these 'charity' to increase profitability of their facility by keeping people homeless. Which is precisely what the YMCA and others deliberately facilitated with me, keeping me on housing lists for longer than necesary. Note also such charity own masses of land (ham recreational) that could be built on to reduce homelessness. 'Christian' 'charity' is a front to exploit homelessness for profit. Recall also I have through the vulnerability of dsisability been kept in temporary accomodation for several years... adds up for tax payer. Volunteers and low paid domestics are exploited to keep profit at a maximum. Those profits are used to pay the high paid staff that design the 'charity' mechanisms and implement the programmes keeping vulnerable groups homeless and dependant on their services. Charity song? More than their jobs worth! They can afford to promote an N Dubz film on their mental illness (consequences of being on drugs). No we dont want wolfchilde, he's a 'satanist' (according to gossip of chaplain and the head of psychological services, won't forgive, no helping some folk, do you know he's the longest cleantime in the area and won't bend his knee to us?). Besides the managent openly stated I was a murderer in front of other clients. All good for my emotional well being. Such rumours extended into the comunity. i have to deal with it. And I wouldn't use the prostitutes worked by the Y, must be a wierdo... nice undercover stings in there. Good christians! The Y's most senior counselor stated I should not engadge the national inquiry on grounds 'it would make life dificult for me' and stated social exclusion issues at the Y were due to me being an undiagnosed autistic. Never entered anyone elses heads and I've qualifications for use of verbal english and worked with clients with impediments.

Pete Townsend is no longer on the register for sex offenders for paedophilia having served his ten years. The young tory can lap up boris the spider as the conservatives always synchronise their initiatives. These are your icons... why do you invest energy in them?

I did slap a woman once 25 years ago (in sobriety obviously) because she was a child abuser. Her idea of normal was to stab the kitchen door if i went out with my mates. No regret. Her abuse was bad enough to mean a child had to be put in residential unit by NHS for several months. She got a slap, i dont care I'd do the same under similar circumstances again but being older and wiser have better boundaries with psycho bitches. It was my evidence put the child in safety. I have had year long relationships with women before and after and no one got slaped ever. The authortitys did not get involved, it was just a slap. I have been in fights twice with men in my entire adult life. I am NHS trained in management of chalenging behaviour and have been exposed daily to incarcerated murderers for several years.

AA seems to miss the point. Whilst they were busy vilifying me for being an atheist I was in multiple decades recovery even whilst street homeless (which incidently they wouldnt help with). The fact of my experience is that most loyal AA on the programe folk wont make 10 years sobriety. The self fulfilling catastrophising of relapse may well mean they return to full alcoholism and in seeing the BS of the 12 steps in rebelion may not make it back to sobriety in whatever form. The whole definition of alcoholism by AA is self defeating and emotionaly unhealthy with designs to forming dependancy on the group. Many will die due to the misinformation, i have witness that repeatedly. Replacing the insanity of addiction with the insanity of fundamentalism is still insanity whatever way you look at it.

Amusingly as when I was a teen there are people accusing me of 'satanism' (whatever that means) because I express hard atheist philosophy. Sorry I don't believe satan exists anymore than god, that being not in the slightest probability of their existence, not even worthy of anxiety. The 'christian union' may of scared me through force of number when I still had acne but at 50 i confidently tell them to stick the bible up where my prostate massager goes. Saving arseholes?

A note on mental resiliance. I survived 6 months through snow and ice street homeless and whilst there saved money to buy myself back into private accomodation. Without picking up so much as a fag let alone a drink during tens of years sobriety. No one helped, no one wanted to. I did it myself. Being sober as long as me develops emotional balls, in fact I have balls in reserve. Of course the police allowed me to survive fully tooled up against sex offenders I had engadged in 12 step and religous community spreading malicous rumour whilst flat on my ass out of revenge for a few losses to their team over the years. So many I don't have fingers enough to count the trophy skulls. Give Us The List. I have a clear sense of moral justice. One is too many. Unconditional love, for their victims. A note on how paranoid and fundamental 12 step can be towards atheists, over 20 years ago a list of names was circulated in north east AA claiming I had literaly killed a GP member by talking in a meeting... no joke, they give that much power away. Die mother fuckers.... I wish!

I was put into 8 years forensic analasys in 2007 as this site got too big and upset Townsend and Wakeman. Both above the law and putting people in at their whim. I am for all out civil war against rich paedophiles like Chris Langham etc. producing child abuse imagery and distributing it over the net. That includes some of Prince Andrews mates. Forensics revealed I have no direct relation to criminality, no addictions, neither anxiety, depression, paranoia, sociopathy nor ever anything beyond temporary psychosis, no chalenging behaviours but that I don't like several groups of people as a result of experience. I do have trauma symptoms. I was considered too dangerous to cohabit cells whilst incarcerated and a serious threat to criminals.The DWP as before ask 'how long have you been on disability? OK enjoy semi retirement, no need for any anarchist activity damage to our facilities (like lat time).' Capiche?

As a reminder press restrictions on reporting victims of child abuse like myself are such that even if you gun me down in the street it wont make local news. State supression of reality? THE SUN INTERVIEW (almost complete sweeping under carpet. That teaser took editorial control on my part. Being a vocal open survivor is tountamount to being treated as a lepper by many civil mechanisms and supports. Outcast.) Near 2 years engadged with national 'independant' inquiry and the only concern they showed was that the police not be seen as negligent or accountable for gross misconduct. Evidence - human rights case, engineered 6 times homeless in sobriety despite owning own house outright for ten years, 8 years uneeded forensic psychology investigation costing well over £250,000, half my life awaiting resetlement, disempowered from complaint. See me back on the streets at the goverments leisure.

There have been over 40,000 views of my product reviews so keep calm and carry on shopping.

 

Bob Earll (AA guru) was largely a fabrication of deals within the freemasons and new age christian business unity 'church'. According to research I did into 1970's masonary in Richmond council, that is when the deal was struck to use a sober sex offender to try to control and manipulate victims of abuse across the country. I was directed to him via my NA(freemason) sponsor. Bob served as a media collective plant within his workshops which I attended. UK NA faught back in early 90's as his presentation of inner child work had a new age toxic spin to it which was specificaly meant to be used to claim survivors were MPS (alleged evidenced through the inner child dialouge workbooks) or delusional due to the work. I disclosed before using inner child work as a victim. Inner child work is a valid healing tool for trauma but in the US a lot of new age twaddle was aimed at the technique. Church of christ scientist was implicated in Bobs research into my childhood which on occasions on his tapes he discloses as his own (going to school with blue hair for instance.) My family through links to richmond and kingston freemasons were explicitly involved with Bob prior to my NA sponsor indoctrinating me to meet with him. His wifes daughter died from their treatment of addiction and his osn never spoke to him as an adult due to child abuse. That is all I know about the conspiracy except within freemasonary Robert Bly was involved, that was the level (or grade). Findhorn implicated in child abuse cover ups. Since state mechanisms actively concealed child abuse from the prior generation there are many disperate strands to what they used to that end. Take for instance hull University investment in alleged 'false memmory syndrome' championed by Dr Khamal of Hull and board member of Survivors Hull a group that bribed abusive families to invest in hulls services to cover up for their abuse (direct links to my family froms 70's onward) and repeatedly harrased me throughout adult life as research on how to contain 'the problem'. They say that to protect children we must mythologise the victim past but as everyone knows if adults are divorced from their history they experience mental health issues. Often victims as children are returned to their abusive families after being treated to obfuscate their recollections of abuse. Obviously in the long term this is headed for ttrouble.

 

There are two concept albums on moresoundz Swords In Abusers and Blood Soaked Land. One about massmurder and the justice system and one about so called war on terror. Certain songs need to be contexualised within the macro stories of those albums. And no I never beat women or children and was the one revealing and launching intervention into the covert abuses of my ex wife. Also to clarify despite minor accademic qual;ifications in psychology and papers on alcoholism and several 100 hours as a clienrt I have not had a single hours training in dealing with addiction even whilst working as a carer with NHS. I have never shown any interest in counceling as a career nor ever will. It's for the professionals. I have no emotional access point for identification with long term addicts or alcoholics as a sucessful recovery in teens and as an adult chilod of alcoholics. There is little empathy or sympathy for those kinds of people beyond common humanity.

I have produced 450+ songs presented on this website. 4 dealt with the death sentence. 2 of those from a humanist concept album telling the story of the fate of 2 survivors of child sexual abuse who become mass murderers against paedophiles and their mistreatment by the state. MIGHTYOAK ELECTRICBLUE LUVEMTENDA ODIN none of which in the macro story was at all intended to promote death sentance. I have literaly never believed in the death sentance, unsuprisingly. It was inspired by my grandparents generation by whom I was raised and their attitude to just about everything. Death sentance still exists today and is a valid source of creative commentary. It's like QUEERBASHING a comment on my fathers generations views on homosexuality and the beliefs they tried to instill in me as a bi teen. NOT MY VIEWS, a creative comment on the views of others. I experiencec child abuse that involved sexualised torture to 'make a man of him' and to make sure the whippings beat out ' the dirty little fucking poof', from gradndparents and uncles. Go figure what I process creatively. 'Counseling' as a teen paid by family literaly had me pray away any thought of going to soho as part of the scene and the reaction to my using a dildo was 'it's self abuse, pray to remove the sex addiction'. m mory of childhood sexual abuse from the family was treated the same way as if I was at fault for 'evil thoughts'. Note the family paid for their teen drinker to get treatment not out of concern for my welfare or to stop my drinking but to indoctrinate me into the ideology of 'letting go' that they were familiar with from past generations experience of the programme. The most authoritarian group I ever joined was The Vegan Society, an indicator of my left wing liberal values, I have since lapsed into meat eating. As a small boy I was whipped naked with bunches of stinging nettles so I wouldn't cry like 'a big girls blouse', that is not the worsed of it.

 

On impulse control for anger I have a clean record even when drinking as a teen. I have got into fights twice in my adult life only, far less times than some of the professionals who claim they contain my behaviour. Anger expression does not equal violence. Anger supression is bad mental health. Saying fuck you for shitting on my doorstep does not harm anyone.

On allegations that i am involved in occult, I read Crowley between 1987 and 88 and found it a mainly incomprehensible fiction and publishing conspiracy. I have never been a member of any secret society.

Recovery from alcohol became easy once I confronted my abusers from childhood and broke free from the family. Trauma recovery realy begun then and that will never be complete. There were no specific male survivor resources in the community in my early adulthood and the womens movement were toxic towards male recovery. I had to make the best of resources not directly aimed at trauma recovery. What resources now exist refuse outright to work with me because they say I'm mad, bad and far too dangerous to know. Thanks guys. Thw womens survivors movement told me to deal with internalised anger use an alstic band to ping my wrist everytime I thought of my abusers. I sais scream at full lung into the sea till there is nothing left to scream and then take the force that anger to follow through with a sword. Wishy washy neoliberal middleclass feminists do not like that attitude and those are the ones working for victim support. Recovery does not look functional, if you set functionalism as a goal you get bullshit. 'Negative' 'masculine' energy, I say go fuck yourself. I used that energy to defend a child from being targeted by a known paedophile on release that the authorities refused to prvent accessing small children. Three broken ribs and a hospital stay later he was less inclined to talk to kids in the neighbourhood. I enjoyed my self expression of masculine anger. Makes me laugh the psychs that fear it. I suppose using an elastic band would have made a big differance.

On the long haul into permanent recovery from alcohol i tried various models the god squad kept me sober 2.5 years, psychotherapy 2 years, peer support without god 3.5 years and self will with only sporadic emotional support from a professional counselor 18 years. CBT did not exist when I cleaned up and has nothing to offer me, it does not offer long term solutions to living with trauma. Slips which were decades ago were only catasrophised by the 12 step movement. I fell off the wagon four times and frankly without their programme who gives a toss? Overall it is 31 years recovery with. I only drank about 4 years ever. I used inner child creative dialouge work from a non new age psychological perspective from year 3 till about year 11 in attempts to heal trauma both in and out of talking therapy, partialy succesful but ultimately as with all therapeutic tools incomplete. How do I stay sober? It's habit from all that trial and error. It is my normal state. to sugest any one practice led to my overall sobriety is nonsense. Blame 2 years primal scream, 3 years sword cutting against a matress whilst visualising my abusers. Could I be sober without those years, maybe but as with existential model I now use without all these arrows to my bow i wouldn't be me so maybe I wouldnt be sober either. 'Meaningful' employment/ helping others helped for about a year but ultimately was unsatisfying. I am much more happy doing what the fuck I like and thus it is easier to stay sober listening to and expressing my feelings free of servitude.

The theatre were right in what they disclosed as information provided to them by the police, I am on Mapa for near past 13 years for physical violence, to be exact ABH. I do not care who knows it. This is a disproportianate response as I have barely got a criminal record and what was termed a 'random stabbing' was in fact self defence against an assault by two freemasons off fleetstreet in a week I was booked to photo the queen at a military event. The actual wound was a scratch with a one inch multitool blade that I had worn openly when meeting the bishop, knights and dames as a photographer in plain site without any percieved risk from security. I do not give a fuck about the alleged victim who had it coming. I do not have a history of issues with lacking empathy for others or of violence and if I was at genuine fault would feel guilt. It was a set up. I did 8 years forensics for this and am still termed accute psychosis by community teams over a decade later. All bolocks, I was totaly sane at the time of the alleged offence. I could not have done otherwise in similar circumstances.The systems response totaly destroyed my life. I proved negative for drugs and alcohol despite my company selling legal highs to adults and was in very long term cleantime. I have never commited an offence under influence, never used legal highs and never suspected of possesion of listed substances. There was a biger picture related to my human rights being violated by community teams without original offence. The fact nonpolice are informed of my Mapa status is against the law. I have written to Sadiq Khan with great concern for civil liberty in 'preventive' and 'predictive profiling' policing by the MET which I believe create conditions of conflict with the police deliberately to promote low level crime to pad out their rap sheets. I was invited to city hall but declined as it smelt of political posturing and another set up, why would I trust them? It appears central goverment employees and initialy the tory party deliberately orchestrated a backlash following my human rights case to discredit me and by abuse of mechanisms to undermine my authenticity as a victim through basicaly throwing the book at me and then some. Working class and the unemployed face harasment through stop and search, especialy young, minority ethnicity and music subcultures due to paranoia exploited by right wing groups about crime risk. Most of it is BS media spin. I am not assuming a black kid with a penknife is going to stab anyone egardless of whats on their beats. the fact I was in long term recovery and facilitated groups on addiction, male anger and codependancy was used against me at time of trial as indicative of bad charecter, their was misinformation fed by NA as I had left them near 20 years before as inefective god squad BS and had abstained throughout my life without need for their or any other programme. The catholic church also attacked me in prison. The aftercare component of this 'treatment' of a scratch cost tax payer over 250,000, I do not know the cost of inpatient but it will likely be higher, obviously there was an agenda. No education was provided, no retraining and in fact I was told by the services that my prior careers and prior education were delusions despite all the evidence contrary. I have more psychology qualifications than the assigned support and had more experience of conducting groups. I was awarded a cirtificate to prove I can make a sandwich unasisted during my stay, despite first class examination at BA I was assesed as subnormal whilst medicated. When it was discovered I could write poetry they increased medication so I was incapacitated from even that, unable to stand or remain concious for more than meals. Also ignored was my disability status which meant I had run companies whilst drawing disability throughout my adult life. No rehabilitation from being placed in a group including arsonists, murderers and multiple rapists for several years (efectively isolating me) has been provided. 3 of my peers died from the mistreatment. I pay privately for the only real support i get for the mental health impact of this mistreatment. I contacted the royal foundation about the human rights aspects and was directed to make a film for headstogether with the remit 'present how mental health services have improved your life'. I refused the royals as the whole treatment was obviously nuts and wrote HEADSTOGETHER

One of the forensic consultants I spoke to during release from hospital stated explicitly that he did not think I suffer from any mental illness nor criminality. he stated this should remain off the record as he could not afford conflict with colleauges. Those colleauges only spoke to me once to tell me they regularly use prostitutes so didn't give a toss about my feelings as they made money off my situation that paid for their sexual perversions.

The thing with so called christians declairing war on atheistm is I was once of faith and it crippled my life with its irational nonsense. It did not offer me support or solace. Creating conflict with me as an atheist endears to no one. As a member of the flock I was even more ostracised as a survivor than I am now... 'sins of the fathers'. I think most of the bibles sentiments are total shit but still say good morning to the neighbours as I do not see them as just christians but as people. 'Give them hell', why, what have I done to them? More indicators of how insane theists are in their moral action, or rather lack thereof. 'We're in sin' rob the atheist blind. Folk who attempt translation from coptic of nag hammadi codex into verse are usualy aware of Augustine to Julian Of Norwich. It's all just theological masterbation. God does not exist. That statement requires no qualification. the universe does not revolve on 'spiritual principles'. Thank fuck for that. The entire canon to me has less interest than Good Omens rvelation of Agnes Nutter. First point of contact, I literaly consider all theists borderline mentaly ill. Sane people do not follow the giant spagheti monster. i have of course also read Kierkergard, I do not dispair in unbelief, it holds meaning for me and provides a sense of purpose. I might be lonely but I am not alone in that at my age, long haul, doing just fine all told. No one in my life that I don't want to know, eg. theists or druggies or alcoholics or other drain hangers on. No smoking no drinking no wierd little compulsions (for nearly my entire adult life.) Listening to miles and queen on a daily basis whilst reading atheist, liberal and left wing philosophy and psychology. And at the height of my creative powers so far as I am free of worry. So 'I am the looney' according to the oh so compasionate christians, I seem to be doing farely well on it and its not me the feels the need to point fingers. I wrote more in the past week than I used to in a year whilst drinking for inspiration. Only trouble is finding new ideas, hence reading and theatre trips. I read over 45 masterpiece literary and philosophical books last year. I wrote well over 100 poems. I delivered through the medium of music more than 50. What do you do? Blame existential therapy.

'Thecleaner'. Sexual compulsive, obsesive liar and according to research a female kiddy fiddler... and I mean small kids.Mark Madonna implicated. I am refering to 1980's and 90's Richmond borough cover ups of for instance institutional abuse of under age vulnerable teens at Roselyn rd childrens home twickenham (closed down) and the way certain figures were used to procure them into sex industry and drugs as part of the cover up disempowerment, all in plain sight of the authoritys. (the initial reaction that I may be refering to the Prat problem local was quite revealing on those trying to dominate for profit, I didnt realise they were accused of abuse. Blame it on ADD again?). Social workers sexualy exploiting underage clients, all VERY Richmond.

I was once asked to speak to probation. They asked kindly that I leave the city I was in as it wasn't big enough to handle one of me in it. Psychological assesment quite flattering. I havnt been required to talk to them since.

It is somewhat ambiguous how social exclusion began 20 years ago, all that changed was I met Colm O'Gorman who actively disliked my views on treatmenrt of offenders. I had been disclosing as a survivor for 12 years prior to that meeting. Fact is I have tried to address social issolation for near 20 years and get blocked by malicious rumours and 'social interception' , again slightly ambiguous as to which of the several groups I am in conflict is most responsible. This has occured all over the country once I arrive in an area the rumour mills begin to try to cut me off. You cannot gather anything other than misinformation on me through social networks because I have only had tenuous links or professional relations with clear boundaries for two decades.

You might think after 30 years of disclosure as a victim of abuse 'they' would give me a fucking break. Quite the opposite. The state does not want the truth. If anyone is making money off my work it is not I, and state restrictions to my communications may agrevate the situation. I am not talking just web mirrors, there is massive evidence of over riding my CCTV to access my private property to rifle through note books, let alone local goverment agencies monitering all comms. All physical IT has been stollen twice over the past 20 years in attempts to delete records of intellectual ownership and I have been MADE socialy issolated in attempt to facilitate fraud. My mental health record is total BS. You have to ask is a child protection service fit for purpose that actively seeks violations of former victims civil rights? Having intervened on an at risk child as an adult I have to question the methodology and motives.

The idea circulated by gossips that anyone in my current location has 'done it in' to me is so much hot air. Physical CDs of my material were available over 15 years prior to my moving in. This site had a million hits by 2007. Zero advertising budget, just a wolfchilde T shirt whilst Bruce Willis spoke to me and a few well placed flares and smokes around town. Prats sending me to coventry and spreading outrageous gossip have little impact as i dont try to socialise in the area and dont spend money in the businesses due to the harasment. There is life beyond. Zero tolerance for zero impact abuse. As to techno holocaust mirroring filtered to TV etc. I learned a technique in the 80's to combat the dubbing and composites (so confused by 'projecting' onto 'meaningful' number plates, posters in shot and names of interviewees on the news)... it's called an off switch. Of course they dont filter the schedules from archive? Like I listen anyway. It's like 'Nick' the phantom false survivor, fleetstreet were running it over 6 years ago, it takes police less than a year to aproach CPS to discard a case... therefore if it's a story running 6 years later it's obviously yet another one of the media conspiracies to throw the survivors movement. Of course I have crime referances as victim from the last century that the CPS upheld so press regulations mean they can all fuck off unless the editors put it in my wallet, I am not cheap.

Why am I overweight? Beer? No, even in my very short slips which were near over 20 years ago I never drank beer, I was a lace curtain whiskey drinker, there is not an ounce on me from beer. Food? Nope, always ate normaly. Inactivity? For near the past 13 years I have been forced to take medication forceably injected by the state against my wishes. One of the symptoms is it nocks me flat on my back so I cannot function anymore. However the main reason why since being medicated I have near doubled from my consistent earlier life weight is that it disables my pancreas so I cannot process carbs normaly. Why am I forceably medicated? Everyone loves a whistle blower. Easiest way to discredit... 'oh yes, he's the nutter.' Given I smoke 40 a day when drinking and upto 2 litres of spirits a day someone might just get concerned when i walk up the street with an axe in hand wearing no more than a kimono... see I remember my teens. Fear of relapse having been consistently sober since teens...none. Chance of whiping my arse on an AA big book sober? Need I draw a picture? Since I ran several businesses (including one for muslim owners), achieved two diploma (one off back of study into alcoholism), went to uni and for ten years owned a house outright without debt off my own resources there is no sugestion that the 'disease' model is the reason psychiatry has made my life unmanageable. All the service I did in my teens / early tewnties for 12 step fundamentalism did nothing to help the suffering, it just attempted to control and manipulate the consensus delusion that 'god' kept me straight. Total bull crap. The steps offer nothing but formularistic platitudes that on the long haul achieve bugger all for most alcoholics. I talked their talk, walked their walk and called anyone who diverged from their barren ideology 'insane'. Did we as a group listen to people? I think not. In my 31st year of recovery from alcoholism I not only have no identification with Bill W(especialy reguards 'the problem') but I also have little to no sympathy for his entire world view.

 

Some idiots seem to think that a lookalike of people I had little relationship to will spin my head. Take my exwife as an instance, she was paid in early 90's to 'marry' me as part of a vengance campaign by my family of origin for my having exposed them for abuse. The betrayal smarted a bit but I didnt shed a tear when I woke up and divorced the mad bitch. Also it is an incorrect assumption that I have ever had a close relationship with any children even though I launched interventions on two due to their abusive family. One was in patient for a few months as part of child protection.

I am registered disabled with head trauma and child abuse victim trauma. Do I get a date? Roveing nonsense spreads like wildfire where ever I move across the country. This is linked to several groups actively trying to fuck my life up (some christians, masons, 12 step community, police and NHS who I have legal claim against but cannot now function highly enough to hire legal. The gay team had a go at me for a while till I asked if any of them would like to suck me). Do I get a date? I have over 20 years been MADE homeless 5 times and been under forensic investigation for 8 years without due cause. Do I get a date yet? I have barely spoken to anyone nonprofessional since making my victim statement. If you are seen to talk to me you will get a barrage of misinformation about me. Still don't get a date then? I am emotionaly and cognitively and relationaly entirely normal. But you have to get past the whisper campaign BS. And yes I rearly haven't been addicted to anything since 1988 and when I originaly left surrey 1992 had a normal life. It is not me living in extremes but there are extremists. My telecomunications are interfered with. I must be paranoid that strngers in the street can quote my phonecalls. Wire? I like Miles Davis, ballet, sushi and Haiku. I hate anything religous and that does not look like changeing any lifetime from now onward. When I owned a house I used to sculpt. I have never been in The National. To be fare i do write poetry so am guilty as charged, public enemy number 1.

THE SUN INTERVIEWnote for the cospiracy theorist gossips they did not report on me for any offence. How many produced songs appear on an amazon search for wolfchilde?

Incidently since the inquiry sent me a snail mail about police negligence I confronted several of my abusers in my early twenties and they not only confimed that my memmory was accurate about multiple perpertators of sexual abuse in the family towards me as a child but went as far as pointing out that I didn't even know the half of it. Case closed. I have never related to my family since confrontation of the abusers. That is clear boundaries. I was given absolute assurance of arrests when i made my second statement to police and I sold my house to go into hideing at their request with consquential loss of 50k without accounting for loss of earnings and they did fuck all. That is why the police federation is my enemy as my intial complaint resulted in a human rights case due to civil liberty violations by surrey police. I fantasise about killing cops these days, thats how much they fucked me over. At 30 years into my recovery from rather minor substance misuse things such as my right to privacy are totaly ignored by the authorities and I do not even have a right to a say over what goes into my nervous system all because I came back after 10 years from the north of england where richmond council paid me to move away to and exposed their cover ups for neglect of child protection at level of BBC Newsnight on this site. That is an atitude problem.Police interferance is to such a degree that I have not secured a days employment for near 20 years since the police 'deal' , this despite never having be sacked from a job. I have never been involved in crime, drugs or vice as an adult. Since selling the house I owned outright for alleged 'police protection' I have been social engineered to homelessness 5 times, faught a human rights case against the police and NHS (time out due to inefective communication routes) and faced false allegations of terrorism by richmond council (thrown out of court) and face 8 years forensic investigation resulting in no charges. that's police interference.

Since writing the below PA HOUSING have pledged to get the original builders to fix the structural fault in the balcony. However this is a case of 'a litle less conversation, a little more action please!'.

Note on PA HOUSING, 6 months ago a builder addressed cracking in flooring near to balcony, in so doing he replaced a piece of metal with wood. At that time I requested a surveyor to look at the integrity of the balcony due to a spring in the decking. It took PA 6 months and repeated complaint to send a surveyor who has stated the balcony is structuraly unfit. Placing me at risk of a fall for 6 months. This is not due to any undue weight applied by me as ornaments are no more than the body weight of an extra person sat out there. They have failed repeatedly to contact from the initial builders who PA claim are responsible for construction error. I spoke to my NHS Disability 'care' manager who has not only ignored my request for a social worker but implied they are only interested in the rights of people bringing large money into the area. More than one PA HOUSING employee has implied they were making unlawful money off of exploiting vulnerability to my bussinesss. I was initialy ignored on structural integrity complaint as I am a 'metal health case'. Tachnicaly I cannot be made street homeless whilst I cooperate with mental health, PA do however have the power to put me back in temporary accomodation. They also have control of the hub that controls all my communications. Reflect that homelessness costs the tax payer. I as a disabled person have no power or control over when, where and if I am housed. i have been homeless 6 times through no fault of my own and the measures to rehouse me have taken about a third of my adult life. Corporate concerns profit from this hardship at the cost to the tax payer. My uncles are known to have paid bribes to make me and also incidently my father homeless due to intitiatives to rob wills. Having been homeless 6 times it means I am absolutely vulnerable to it happening again. At a cost to the tax payer.

Although the allegations by my uncles about Townsend are accurately recounted in my book all I know is he was used in Operation Ore/Wonderland as a media cover up for stings/entrapments towards 'falesly' accused internet paedophiles which was part of misinformation in mass media about child abuse during Soham as a cover up for media and civil mechanism involvement in distribution of child abuse images with motive to entrap. It has been sugested by my uncles that they were involved in production of and distribution of speed and LSD through The Who. Their production and distribution of child abuse imagery was part of the Mod movement as also their drug dealing and they thoroughly got away with it due to support ftom Kingston masons. Townsend never released his book on child abuse he claimed to have been working on when they claim he was caught accessing child abuse images. Child abuse imagery being made available on the net was known to be a masonic plan to me via my uncles in the 1970's far prior to my knowledge of computer networks, many of the things shared with me as child including methods of cover up in my case as victim have been seen to come to pass in my adult life. Directed, but not just by my family, they themselves were not that powerful of significant. That is why it is institutional. Local 'groups' are violatiing my privacy at level of NHS and Policing and information that they should not be privy to from The Inquiry are circulated, not sourced from myself. Repetitious phrases by some community groups are said in passing on mass and regularly change in a directed manner and this unique situation has existed at least 4 years. It does not freak me out. AT NO TIME have I believed this situation would get back in the media, that is not what this is about and editorials control the ammount of info the public are allowed to know about child abuse for good or ill. Fleetstreet already tried to orchestrate a 'nick' years before.

The division of votes in Kingston is and always will be between LIBERAL and torry facists, due to this demographic to vote labour (or any other) is in effect to loose votes for LIBERAL and give ground to tory. This is why despite being a Labour Party member I will VOTE LIBERAL in the european elections as I do not want the torry making decisions for our future in EUROPE. I AM REMAIN and ONLY LIBERAL REPRESENT REMAIN IN A WAY THAT CAN WIN (in kingston, elsewheres vote Labour) due to the divide of votes. TACTICAL VOTE FOR LIBERAL. (there is no doubt to vote otherwise is to facilitate a tory win.)

GUFF BREXIT. EUROPE VOTE LIBERAL FOR REMAIN NASTYNIGEL .

ISSUE POLITICS to divide Liberal EU Vote ? I am not investing time or money in fighting white elephants. Vote Liberal Stay In Europe...

First Draft POETRYBOOK right click to save to PC.

There's an issue with Amazon.uk The Kindle edition is listed as They Torture Poets Collected Poems volume 1.

19 track CD album BEST OF BRITISH now on AMAZON or search wolfchilde on amazon.uk

No, I do not dress in rubber nor do I have any fetish. I have never paid for sex ever, nor would I. I didnt even see video porn till I was 30. I can count my lovers on my fingers. I have only had relations drunk once or twice as I have been consistently sober throughout life. I am not compulsive. I do not get physical with people I have yet to achieve emotional intimacy with nor do I desire to. Most of my physical relationships lasted a couple of years. This is not a product of moral vertue but of emotional integrity. I have no interest in low quality random encounters. I cant even imagine why anyone would.

I have never pretended to any other than sequencing a few common samples that cost me £20 in a sale on a laptop. That is my budget, let some rich kid hire the drummer. Apparently some people find it entertaining. I do of course write all lyrics. Some families provide kids colateral for a bank loan, I was lucky to not have someone bribe a clerk to keep me homeless whilst needing a welfare crisis loan. In fact no I was not even that lucky. Did you know Kingston council tory kept me homeless extra months and denied disability rights by creating a computer 'error' I had no influence over?

The first Therapist that pointed out to me that as a victim of abuse 12 step was not working for me was Sister Joan Faber 1992 who I remember this Easter in respect. R.I.P. - Bute Gardens HAMMERSMITH.

I have a head injury from childhood. Without psychiatry i would still be classed disabled. I have never been required to work. When I worked for an employer (over 25 years ago) I had a nap at work and would regularly loose conciousness with symptoms that are no classified as narcolepsy but are akin to. This is why i have broken sleep patterns and cannot function with an ordinary orderly schedule. It does not effect cognition or perceptions. Any social issues I have are a consequence of backlash towards my public work, not functional issues. Try convincing the religously eflicted that it's their prejudice. I have never been diagnosed with memmory issues or other developmental problems nor paranoia.. Social backlash and issolating deliberately by several different community groups preceded this website by 6 years and I had been disclosing as a survivor publicly from teens onwards. What changed was I spoke to Richmond Police with Colm O'Gormon of amnesty northern ireland and it would apear nore than one attempted politicaly motivated media syndicate tried to set me up as a patsy from 2000 onwards. Freemasonary, christian churches, BBC and cross political party groups have sown misinformation about me since that time. the problems appear to have been created by richmond police and later involved social services and NHS all implicated with criminal negligence from my childhood and in later investigations into it. WHat manifests as social attack has been applied consistently for 19 years, left me homeless more than once and has achieved nothing positive for me. No doubt the police in surrey would like to uphold myths that their process is exemplorary even though they get fuck all convictions for historic childabuse. They already tried to get the case droped but the crown refused their request. if they has suceeded press regulation that protect me as victim would be circumvented and they could drag my reputation in the gutter as they appaerently would prefer than to admit any fault in policing. The sattistics for convictions or rather lack there of say it all. They do not want the public to know how shit the situation was for my generation of survivor and remains today. Entertainment media commented recently that thers no point even talking to me on a performance for a quote as they cant use it due to their hands being tied, yet another indicator that this is no fame game as certain elements in the backlash alledge. Despite having national media credentials I have never even spoken to an agent so that misrepresentation is obviously spin. Freemasons were spining that any negativity from survivors towards police was for publicity 12 years prior to my releasing a song. Do you see the sense of the evidence. 'Conspiracy' was the claim 30 years ago, to what end, all I have said was that I was abused as a child and that civil mechanisms were faulty (to say the least). There was no child protection within social service before I was around 10. I wasnt with a legal guardian throughout childhood and no one challenged this. It remains my contention that without public listing of sex offenders child protection fails children. That is the american sucessful model for treatment. GIVE US THE LIST. Talking to the police as victim cause retraumatisation and created material and psychological hardship far in excess of the original abuse. I lost the only house I have ever owned through it and the police laughed to see me street homeless and beat me in the street.( I had not been involved in debt, bankrupcy, drugs or crime throughout my life.)Thats how much they listen to historic victims. The national inquiry ceased to speak to me after a year the instant I chalenged their methodology and trust of police process. They casualty victims. Police process which coops masons to harass victims in claims it is an authenticity test apear to be directly weighted to causing so much emotional distress that a victim may retract statement thus prventing the system being exposed as negligent in their childhoods. Police are self regulatory and will try to set you up for false alleged criminality or psychiatric disorder if you make a claim against them. Note how even in my current home location i am surrounded by undercover and those working for the system. Note how both uniformed and undercover in my area have consistently diseminated disinfo about me, especialy about nature and degree of mental health issues. the thing with labels is some people are scared of them but if you stop to think what do they realy mean you may conclude as I do that they mean fuck all.

So I am in fact completely liberal about other peoples right to practice religion or lack of religion of their choice. As an atheist and rationalist I am opposed to others imposing their beliefs in false religous ideology on others including indoctrination of children without education that its all made up stories by people. My song Je Suis Charlie is about how fundamentalists slaughtered french illustrators for comic strips revealing that the Prophet Mohammad according to the historic record was in fact a paedophile. It was released the night of the attacks. That is not to satate that muslims are paedophiles although there is instutionalised mariage to child brides in some muslim countries to date. As an atheist I confront religions Bull Shit as it is all complete lies. I do this with all religions, not just islam, if mohammad was not revealed as a paedophile by historic records I would still oppose the religion (but not thew peoples right to practice freedom of religion). I have never been a member of any right wing groups and have marched against the EDL. Note also cultural influence of my song HADITH . I have a right to freedom of thought and expression and do not bow to whips to try to make me conform to others views.

So someone who is never seen to speak to me, who I do not know from adam, claims they are going to promote my business to people to create a false impression about their influence whilst running off with money and defaming. Whose the mugs? Whose the con job?

All that my being a casualty of the mental health act at age 37 tells you about me is that I couldnt afford a good solicitor. Duty solicitors costing tax payer how much? No breakdown. No concerns. No stressors. No addictions or compulsions. And put in to the system as deep as possible for whose profit?And no, being a survivor is not an 'issue' just a historic fact of life. I live with it. The past cannot change. My advice to todays youth is that all mental health services are intergrated so do not talk to one of them unless forced to and even if you have problems phone a friend not a psych. They will seek to gain power over you and they will not listen to your feelings when they do. They will cut deals if you show vulnerability. This goes double for survivors, saught it out yourself. By the sword. Psychiatry as never done anything useful in my life. How much do they get paid. If you have serious conflict with others or organisations who do you think will sell out? they will justify it by calling you the risk. If in crisis do not panic, it will pass.

Fishing tip. To reel in a hammer head shark (Cafe WC spy cam freak) send in a deep sea diver... Some of them are 'clever' so try to get off on me. coming up for air!

A missing peice from my history is that my wealthy working class family that generated large revenue for mineing invested heavily both time and money in victim 'support' services designed to protect abusive families from allegations by victims. These specific services three times intervened on me over a period of 20 years as a vocal survivor of child abuse and in fact are the only reason there was ever suspicion of mental health issues in my case.

I had a hearing on alleged terror and extremism crime purely as a result of this site getting a million hits for Give Us The List- public list sex offenders. I had no previous and whilst on parole was set up for a physical assault in self defence that should have resulted in no more than 18months prison but instead resulted in 8 years forensic psychiatry. They reported that they discovered nothing against me. I had recieved no psychiatric treatment up till that time in my entire adult life till age 37. Record of this allegation by richmond council has been removed and redacted, as also royal protection involvement at that time as I was arrested on trumped up charges in a week I was to photo the queen at a military event. The 'treatment' for alleged offence involved medicating and icarceration so I could not write, communicate normaly or stand competantly. HEADSTOGETHER . Many records data protection make available to me are redacted. I was involved in a human rights case due to harassment from NHS and Police in Richmond as a survivor just prior to the false allegation of terrorism, the later of which was in no way substantive. That's political. That's a backlash to freedom of expression as a survivor of richmonds negligent child protection services as a youth. There are people in surrey who want me in the bin due to this site. Psychiatry post 37 cost tax payer over .25 million in aftercare alone. It has done nothing for me and I will likely die young as a result of ravages to body cause by medication the government forcibly injects me with and destroys all quality of life. It is doubtful I could recover with UK civil mechanisms and would face the same backlash pressures without any protections and would need to find work after 13 years out of the game due to psychiatry. I was not reporting undue distress prior to incarceration and was completely normal on day of arrest. No political party in the Uk supports Give Us The List. All data from this site was attempted to be destroyed whilst incarcerated. I was then and still am in seriously long recovery from alcoholism. At time of incarceration mental health act commision stated I showed no sign of mental illness and would without 'intervention' walk from the physical assault charge, injury caused was very minor. I had no record of substance abuse or of crime as an adult. Measures have been taken to try to reverse or invalidate my recovery. AA UK is commitedly against my welfare as is NA H&I due to sex offender involvement in those organisations. Mental 'health' are against my private therapy whilst community teams take action to keep me issolated, a factor I have given up on. You cannot take the same human rights violations to Europe twice, the original case was granted rights of interim but was mysteriously timed out without notice rather than denied. I have various conditions that face imediate incarceration in maximum security mental institutuion indefinitely without trial if I fail to comply, this includes leaving the country, even to mainland europe without home secretary approval. These 'conditions' have existed near 13 years, I can in effect be incarcerated without trial for quite ordinary, non criminal behaviour. I have a theory that politico in human rights groups played me as a patsy during national media spin. UK Human rights charity did not support my ratified case with europe which seems odd seeing as they were present to hear my victim statement prior to the violations (although apear to have suported the perps in this). Note conflict of interest with sex offenders 'rights'. As instances of civil rights violations by private company facilitated by NHS or police, all my equipment was stollen with complicity of those connected to social services with duty of care and my flat was smashed up and I was physicaly assaulted by police trying to run me out of surrey. You might think there is somewhere to go with all that civil rights abuse on benefits, benefits the government keep me down with. Local government and national government do not give a damn.

I have had therapy over a 30 year period. I was disclosing about being sexualy abused as a child prior to therapy. Therapy has served to harden my attitude that the only good paedophile is a dead paedophile. Guess how many 'liberals' claim that makes me the one at fault? Also my 12 step experience consisted of daily meetings for a few years and I did steps 1-5 4 times, once in NA, once in AA, twice in CoDA, by age 21 I was fundamentalist 'god squad' and I have never been so unhappy in my entire life despite talking the talk and full ogf the 'joys of recovery'. Following sober suicide attempt I played lip service for a few years and eventualy was strong enough to name the movement as totally useless to my welfare and development. I have written academic pappers on addiction and child abuse that were published by charity. There is no chance of reconciliation of my views with that movement which I consider emotionaly and psychologicaly unsound with it's self depreciation and blame (let alone theism). The 'fellowship' afforde me no practical assistance in creating a sober lifestyle. Perhaps as I was victim not abuser. The exact opposite of what I was promissed occured in those groups. Beliefs at total odds with their dogma and even behaving in ways contrary to their ideology have served me well in ataining long term abstinance. I am not a door mat.

 

So toxic are many psychological services that open disclosure as a male survivor can give license to unscrupulous 'profesionals' to suspect that there is something wrong with you not the perps. Male survivors are not pariahs. That is prejudice due to historical denial of child abuse by services. Statisticaly eroneous psychological profileing seems to me to have got worse of late, presumambly due to internet misinformation. Their is a negative correlation between being a victim of child abuse and becoming a pervert. Survivors are LESS likely to be convicted of sex offences than the general population according to american criminal statistics. It has also been noted that those who speak of their experience are less likely to commit any crime. I told the YMCA psychology team I had released a new book. Plants that work within YMCA that had previously born false witness have imediately been seen in street and 'christians' have been heard to say things like 'put him in' and 'attack him in the street', directed at yours truly atheist. there was a conflict with YMCA who tried to create rumours I was a killer and a satanist linked to 'new life church' directly violating therpay boundaries with the YMCA conselors who incidently claimed I was 'autistic' despite my having had completely normal developmental stages as a child... agenda? (as usual probably someone trying to steal songs). I complained about anti-atheist ideology at YMCA and forced social exclusion as 'anti-christian'. I am not anti something just because they didn't exist. My view of fundamentalists trying to manipulate through whisper campaigns and dominate through psychology is all the fuck head christians should get in a little spaceship and fuck off to another planet so they will leave the rest of us alone and in peace. Violations by YMCA conselors included having untrained memebrs listen in on my session from ajacent room, likely recording of sessions and openly implying I was a child abuser in front of church childcare service users, also openly discussing material from therapy sessions with clergy of 'new life' including private details of my gender orientation. (this 'methodology' of implying victims are perpetrators was used by a 'survivor group' in yorkshire with clergy directors allegedly because knowing what it feels like to be accused will make us as survivors 'forgive'.)The 'therapist' also implied that S/he would most probably be on The List for their behaviours. I also broke a guitar pick in Jackies office and the broken end (exact fit with the piece I retained) was later droped on my balcony from the then neighbour above who also droped a live rat down on to me, this in knowledge that I have a stalker problem within my building. No cultural denial of child abuse and systemic cover ups of abuse in kingston then?

Whilst I was in Yorkshire local 'survivor charity' was involved in paying for a cinema advertising campaign with the DWP under John Prescott that boldly proclaimed 'Paedophiles are people who do not and cannot find work'. (because probation services dont do work programmes do they?) In sync with that, the group that was funded by perps and had counselors who claimed false memmory and that they themselves were falsely accused of abuse had me put in the local papper (without permision or payment) as a 'homeless londoner seeking work in Yorkshire'. The survivors group networked with my abusive family of origin and claimed openly to the community that I was a pervert when I was not even watching legal porno. They actively pressured me to retract criminal statement as a victim claiming I would be under mental health if I did not comply. Their board member Dr Khamal claimed I was psychotic despite the mental health act tribunal claiming I was totaly sane. That is just one of the corrupt groups influencing mistreatment of male victims across the country. That group funded by my family had over a period of ten years three times infiltrated victim groups I had been in with their senior counslors to try to discredit me. They were at my table at social work and policing conferance I did a seminar in and recovery group at, an NHS physical disability seminar which claimed falsely god could cure parplegia (where they tried to sleep with me) and in the audience on my TV appearance as a victim of male rape. In yorkshire the DWP issued a leaflet campign with a blue eyed wolf on the cover photo... you may well ask what kind of people effect social policy. A young O'Gorman may have appeared also at one of those events cutting deals with richmond council social services representing 'gay rights for abusers'. At gay pride a Labour politician appeared in front of me (as a bi male) claiming the age of consent should be reduced to 15 as he had sex with a boy of that age as an adult. I get physicaly assaulted in the crowd by activists trying to start fightd at Pride.

If I wanted an agent don't you think I would have spoken to Lionel about it in my teens. I can look through the yellow pages but unless someone aproaches with a bag of gold I am not chasing silly bugger publicists, I had all the chasers 20 years ago and didn't need them. Oh look I'm still doing this and my needs are met. Nice day listening to Miles Davis again.

People who express SHADOW MATERIAL are not deviant, psychopathic, evil or defective. You will find I express very dark themes and yet have commited no serious crime at anytime in my life. Also you miss the fact I have managed other poeples businesses succesfuly and my own, been a carer, a workshop leader as well as all of my creative ventures. Hail Satan! (funny enough I don't believe in them either.)

Coke habit? I can hardly afford Pepsi Max. Even when I sold my house I couldn't afford to drink.
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Boundaries, limits and detatchment seem unpopular with the face book generation. There is power and freedom in not seeking approval from any group or herd mentality. Not least that solitude assists creativity and self mastery. Some people confuse attention with intimacy. Self disclosure through honesty is not giving away power, that is a cult like psychobable indoctrination technique to keep disclosure exclusive to the group or to a dominant mentor/ guru. In fact I can tell you all of my history and it will tell you nothing of my resilience or about my character assets. You cannot know me from blogs or from interpretation of creative work. You can only know me by me being me and letting you see me. That is intimacy. I do not crave for it. I choose who I let in. There is a theory from child psyhology that focusing on alleged flaws amplify the hold behaviours have and reinforce negative belief in self. A resilience or asset based psychology is sugested for victims of abuse. By focusing on and building on strengths percieved flaws melt away and loose all sygnificance. So DONT SHAME ME.

 

I have visited uni of sussex and seen how consensus delusions create a toxic and hostile enviroment in prejudice against male survivors in the name of making money from media. I was never a part of that.

As a child my grandmother (mum as I was forced to call her) severed an artery. I calmly sat back whilst she was bleeding out. My grandfather stemed the flow and it was only after he tghreatened to kill me that i phoned the ambulance. Normal day in the Stock household. Blood hitting the ceiling and I did nothing because she was a physical and sex abuser.

And yes as a man who has had relations with all genders (apart from intersex) if I call a man like Colm O gorman a fucking faggot it means I do not like the mistreatment I recieved from them. 'Authenticity testing' as civil rights violations. Place me in a flat with a known paedophile next door and a visiting kid next door and I will take the greatest pleasure crcking their ribs again. GIVE US THE LIST and I could and would avoid them. They promissed justice at any cost, all they realy gave was a mental health label. Societal. I am not cooperative with this violation. What are they going to do? Give me another label? They can all go to hell. As for female child abusers... well swept under carpet... thanks aunty Beeb.

A note on 'healing' emotional wounds. Scar tissue remains. The church will sell you sin and forgiveness, the humanists integration and self actualisation, the psychiatrists will sell you drugs that do not work. What would 'healing' look like... a piss ant job kissing up to the boss and 8 pints at the weekend? In my experience 'helaing' is just a sales pitch... scars remain. Within the sociological and economic contigency that is real life I've been 'healed' most of my adult life... watch some do gooder try and fuck it up. Hell is other people.

Did you know journalism is being replaced by fake news linguistic artificial intelligence to write articles on your news apps using only limited data input of current events?

Creative process relates to vainglory just how? Anyone can pay to be made to look 'popular', not everyone produces as much quality work.

 

Fur real? of course I do not believe anything I see or hear is related to me in the media. local goverment dub, cut up and filtering of my media feed and have been done for over 4 years. I can of course see through this as they did it to me also in my teens and twenties and thirtys in different areas of the country with different political skew to the terrorvision 'news'. I have been to marches where there was 100 people where the news claimed thousands. Talking about this is supposed to be evidence of delusion and yet if I mention a film say on this site it may appear on my TV the next day without any knowledge of the schedule from me... for years (including dubs of the royals allegedly talking about this site... obviously total bullshit from local government manipulating what i recieve via media.) I do consider this disinfo to create 'projection' through active filtered association a human rights issue (invasion of privacy for starters). I cannot have been ubnder investigation for 30 years for anything and such cannot be justified on any mental health grounds. My lyrics constantly are self referanced through overdubs on TV reception. Obviously someone want to control my perceptions. Note at cinema, theatre and in conversation (and in video evidence) I experience no auditory distortion and my neurological scan are fine. Note also following teen detox from alcohol, 4 years into recovery, one of the top specialists in chemical dependancy stated explicitly I had no sign od psychiatric dsorder and no after effects from my teen experience. I have never been assesed as suffering from any other compulsion or obsession nor secondary addictions, because I do not have to work due to disability there have been attempted interventions where ever I move to and all have drawn a total blank on there being any sign of any addiction. This is because I am totally recovered and why CATS have never been involved on a formal footing.

You may not be fully aware of this but I have endured rather than enjoyed my life. if I didnt believe euphanasia kit websites were networked with alarm bells for interventions by now I may well of considered it as a mercy. Never granted enough liberty to thrive. I have been both suicidal and homicidal in thought throughout my life. Why wouldnt I be?

In politics only the naive fail to see that someone always profits from selling the t-shirts. And an ammend, I am sorry as hell no one killed Ross in return for his homicide of a girl on release 1992 via 11 redcliffe gdns. Note I also didnt nail Langham et al. Oh dear Chip off side.

Note how Colm O Gorman of 1 in 4, (Now amnesty international NI) claiming that was the statistic for children sexualy abused in the UK (which it never was) had an amnesty subtext surrounding the changes proposed to age of consent at that time that resulted eventualy in gay men who had sex with minors of a certain age and historicity being formaly forgiven... by this logic two or three of my abusers were just having a bit of fun with a kid including the guy that raped me for the second time. Also note O'gorman head hunted me over the net as a survivor, leaked the investigation on newsnight (not a dub) and defended to the police several of my abusers, there was also a subdominant subtext linked to his profile of me whilst I was fishing him on sex chats via a media department. He was very upset that i did not identify as gay. He was also ideologicaly at odds with my abstinence from drugs and alcohol. Of course also in bed with richmond council trying to obfuscate their criminaly negligent child protection services and involved with the' internet paedophiles' porn use that led to 100,000 cases droped as entrapment. I was not one of those. take a tablet - i didn't and haven't through my adult life. He also took issue with my published term 'feminazis' (not original I know) for ARDENT feminist ideology in survivors groups in 80's and 90's and the left field media syndicates they represented. Basicaly victim supports were all highly sus back then and probably are to this day.Of course he loved that my view is kill paedophiles. I did not have psychiatric interbvention till 7 years following O Gorman but they did sow seeds for my downfall and conspired to make me homeless (I assume to show dominance of their neo liberal agenda). Incongerant with his claim of pastoral abuse he was offended by my version of the lords prayer... Also in his office was a duplicate of a saying by mandela from my bedroom wall at home!

I have never been a fremason nor saught membership or been offered anything from them and never would seek membership. Kingston freemasons (not alone in this) directly protected my paedophile uncle John Smith phd. The 'mens movement' (that now includes women) specificaly sets out to mythologise (lie about) the reality of child abuse and sexual assault, I have never been a member.I have never been offered any deals by the neighbours or the local freemasons who I am against. I assume Freemasons, as the parties involved are also such, have shouted up alleging death threat from myself to the neighbours appearing in media apps for people’s vote. Not only have I had nothing to do with the neighbours on any level but they were not on my mind till this, and probably won’t be on my mind long after dumping this. To remind, people’s vote was promoted over Xmas on my website and on discovering deals with parties who may be defrauding my business I ceased involvement. I will of course if provided with evidence of any actual fraud rather than rumour take imediate steps to litigate to totaly destroy the other parties lives. Fraud is a direct attack on my person as is sowing rumours trying to link me to parties I wouldnt shit on. Freemasonary has been seen specificaly to interfere with social relations of survivors across the country to opress our voices. They often lie that such interferance and attempted control is to try to bring victims 'in on' their bullshit, this is a cover up claim. As an example all my 'friendships' in teens and early twenties were kids of senior freemasons reporting back to my abusive family whom they had business deals with. As soon as I spoke out about child abuse all 'friends' imediately attacked my reputation because of this involvement and monitoring. This teels you that they KNEW. Note also how despite no 'social issues' on my part after 4 years residence I am still totaly issolated by gossips in the community I live... that cannot be all down to me as all I do is say good morning and get my sushi.I had completely normal child developmental stages despite trauma and consequent chemical dependancy from the treatments recieved for head trauma, no cognitive issues but a shit load of emotional bagadge. If I was saying it for attention, or deluded, or alleged 'false memoory' or 'political' conspiracy how would I know that as a child my neighbours chiuld (T.L.) was abducted with a national media cover up between british aerospace kingston upon thames and BAE Hull and that this child was themselves used by abusers within community groups to secondary abuse other children claiming it was 'a test' to see if they were victims. (incidently this coincided with the advent of child 'protection' services, skewed to protecting the family system above childrens safety). (Ham balfours newsagents, apple town, latchmere disco, Head master dudeny, cook, organist wendalow, the water gypsies, my clothes peg at greycourt nursery bat and ball, nap time Provokiev, nursey school paddleing pool converted later to flower bed at greycourtsecondary music department, sixer at cubs etc.) How would I know the Millers were perty to a paedophile allegation to gain trust in Ham to enter local politics and why were so many of us kids in the 70's at least exposed to abusers/ And yes they placed older kids amongst us via school to 'check' and it achieved nothing. And yes after over a decade of recovery I put a brick through my grandmothers window(not in relapse, stone cold sober and I do mean cold) in hopes the shock would kill her... fuck forgiveness.

You may well wonder how I am in very long term sobriety and have remained free of hospital for near a decade and why I am engadged in a national inquiry into child abuse as victim and that is not the first one I have been involved with in my life... I've been at this 30 years, must be deluded! Of course no one ever suspected high level corruption within kingston council regarding child abuse Derick Osborne head of council convicted of child abuse image distribution et al (it's et al I worry about.) If you think much of my adult life has been wasted on endloess paper chases and alleged 'authenticity' testing and that the state mechanisms would rather revictimise victims than arrest ritch, influencual, 'succesful' paedophiles you would be right. No faith in the ongoing national idependant inquiry at all. If you think this has led to unwarented interferance from community groups completely divorced from theses inquiry you would also be right. If you tolerate this then your children will be next. Absolutely in my experience the civil mechanisms for child protection are ideologicaly and practicaly enableing child abusers.

I have never been a member of SOTO,OTO or IOT nor for that matter any otrher secret society. I do not believe in magic (although people can be subliminaly autosugested with tech to pick their nose or dominate their thoughts.) I thought the original Zeitgeist film was dippy BS but conced localised reception of filtered TV will probably result in archive crash footage of flight '93' appearing on TV tonight with interviewee names with associations to people I have known... why does the audip overdubs always sound like a rudimentary linguistic AI bot and how do they composit the number plates on cars or front pages of pappers on the TV to be sooo meaningful. Captain fullER.

Recognising look alikes of people I saw 2 or 3 times when revidsiting meetings does not mean I am linked even when I know they are sex offenders and should thus learn to fly.

Half siblings? I was raised by my grandparents and never had anything to do with extended family. They were children when I confronted the abusers and left the family system. They know nothing except myths sown by my abusers about who I am. I dimly recall the kind of BS my family used to say about me as a teen, all total nonsense to cover their own crimes. I have never attended a funeral and certainly never woulf for any member of my family of origin.

My hatred for the catholics. Starts with Lord Mountbatten.... ends...As a mature adult my prejudice towards catholic religion specificaly has matured sygnificantly so although as an atheist I would like to see the church utily destroyed for its evils against umanity I do adopt an attitude of live and let live as they are human too. I was born to a cathoholic mother who was unfit to parent as she was under age and frankly mad. She left me with a C of E family on my alcoholic fathers side. Total disrespect for that I should have been put up for fostering. Authenticity- I had dreamed of having a real mother my entire childhood, what I met with in early adulthood wasn't worth shit. I have never been able to pen a song about her, it's too offensive to me. Next this right wing militaristic family were highly abusive about religion stating for instance that I would be judged by god for how evil I was if I ever spoke out about the chilod abuse in the family, abuse that as a victim I was led to believe was my fault. As northern ireland was in the troubles and I was raised for military service my fathers family made me believe all catholics were terrorists. This had a great emotional impact. At around 10 I was beaten to unconciousness by a fransiscan friar with the edge of a bible. I emotionaly left the church at that time never to return. i then explored taoist and zen but eventualy sttled as a teen in neo satanic philosophy. Not that it was a problem. Due to the insanity of christians I ended up in 12 step recovery for my own alcoholism by age 18. The counseling from 'spiritual' people included 'pray away the ga'y for my bisexual tendancy. As I sucessful recovered from alcohol after 3 years the catholics decided to try to convert me with their anti bisexual theology. i confronted my abusers at that time and met with my catholic mother for the first time. Despite family therapy input she outright denied I had been abused as a child... strange since she was not present to know either way. As a consequence of her venomous religous denial of child abuse (and of course she beat children and had a nonce in her direct family) I told her to fuck off. When I left 12 step I initialy cross depended on CoDA as a support group. Note I have needed years of private therapy to subvert and deprogramme from 12 step. Christians again took it on themselves to attack my views as 'new age', which they never were. When I went to the police in my final statement on abuse the catholics chose to attack me socialy for my links to Colm O Gorman (vocal survivor of priest abuse), there's a complication as he was paid off by catholic 'therapists' who had tried to again deny that I was abused as a child, recall he was to run for northern irish government. Fast forward to the present... I eventualy droped neo satanism as reaction irationalism in favour of new atheism. My view of all religion is it is highly toxic filth that cantaminates peoples minds and directs abuse to other human beings through exclusion. Obviously given my emotional make up reason to blow up their churches. Yet being marginaly humanist (and sane) I let them get on with their delusion beliefs unhindered. So thats it. (apart from my father working directly for Adnan Khashogi during the arabs arming of the IRA and the fact former IRA used to break into my house in Durham...etc). I have of course has special blessing service from the C of E for matters that shall remain obscure, big place near fleet street, one of londons three maces besides me... My mother swears by jesus that my fathers family were all lovely and I am evil for saying they were abusers, my father liked a drink (pissing in blackout in wardrobes) and was a perfect dad (who to my mother recollection only riped my ear from the side of my head causing just a little blood in infancy), she knows nothing about me as she was totaly ape about my being in recovery for 3 years whilst she downed a few valium with her cider. Of course there are experts a plenty who have never spoken to me as an adult who know all about me... of course the knowledge that I was sexualy abused as a child tells you know more about my character than the fact I have blue eyes does.

I have had a response from the royal foundation to complaints about the process of the National Inquiry into Institutional Child abuse. Presumably if I was burgled the state would have a right to invade my privacy and create civil mechanism controls because as a victim I would permanantly be at 'fault' for not accepting what I am sold and not being a good compliant serf. Take the tablet, 'we listen', except in 30 years of disclosure as a victim clearly they do not. Wankers. Civil mechanism failures are protected by these inquiries over the rights of victims. Clearly we need closer links with EU to protect from these violations by 'rightful masters' who are clearly bat shit crazy. Don't use drugs, tell us how you feel and then when the state decides it dosen't like the way you feel we'll force you to take even more dubious drugs. Catch 22.

A note on my weight. From age 18 to 37 I was 10 to 11 stone without need for diet or exercise. Since being placed on antipsychotic injection aged 37+ I have been consistently over 20 stone following the 3 year coma conditions of incarceration. The psychiatric community claim this is a symptom of psychosis. Go figure. I had no mental disturbance till after being medicated. I do on occasion now hear a 'voice', I never experienced this prior to psychiatry and it does not overtly disturb me as I understand the cause. Only detox from antipsychotic (disalowed by the government) a gastric bypass (9K) AND obsessive exercise could reverse this situation from my observations of similar cases over my lifetime. I have never been a comfort eater. I have since age 18 been totaly abstinant from high sugar products apart from a very short spell on cola on leaving incarceration . Anti psychotics disable pancreatic breakdown of carbohydrates (the least of the worry). Pre psychiatric levels of 'functioning' are not achievable on the 'anti' psychotic.(Incidently I do not talk to myself, I have 7 active mics monitering and speach recognition for control of music, audible books, lighting,heating, hoover, air con, air fan, 3 cameras, the sign etc. If I whistle a tune the lights sync with the rhythm.) At the time of intervention aged 37 I had no behavious issues, reported no emotional distress and had no previous. Nothing has been addressed by the .25 - .5 million spent on psychiatry from the tax payer, the cost continues. Once upon a time I booked to photograph The Queen...

My name is Earl? Steps 8 and 9? A completely unecesary exercise in guilt tripping members to remaining part of the cult beyond the time needed to get a grip on sobriety. 30 years in recovery...never needed to make ammends (possibly because I havent been drinking my life away and thus not harming anyone). American Prison Programme = BULLSHIT. the assumption is all alcoholics are moral deviants with criminal consequences. I'm soooo sorry I ponced a few too many fags. Bridge to 'normal living', you think it's normal living in permanent guilt? My lifes shit because god is judging me for past wrongs? Sounds like big book might be a bit dated. Most peoples lives are fairly shit a lot of the time. No wrongs required.

Differances with Dave Brock? I write rather good lyrics to start. Plus he owns a farm, is a friend of the Townsend (who set up double O charity as a tax dodge to pay for smack), he used to span schoolgirls and obvioulsy can afford a drummer although last seen playing to backing tape with band doing motions. Also I was never on drugs.

 

A note on 'switching'. I investigated alleged multiple personalitys having met with those labeled as such by unscrupulous therapists in survivor workshops I ran. A number of populist websites claiming to be survivor supports had a lot of media types acting as MPS on the net around y2K. Whilst a student of a media faculty I went in on those sites pretending to be multiple (my dungeons and dragons role play came in useful). I interviewed alleged multiples for tens of hours and found no one who had a genuine split. In the 60's the hippy and mods abused a lot of the 'flower children' including production of child abuse images. Some of those wankers invested in theories that could deny the reality of victims when they later came forward as adults seeking justice. That is the only reason MPS got a foothold, ritch psychologists creaming money from wealthy families of sex offenders such as the Jacksons to deny their crimes. And yes the working classes have a posh professional phone voice and a billy goat gruff to talk to the boys, that is not a change in conciousness. Subdominants have tried to condition the apearance of switching using behaviourism on victims of abuse during their exploitation. Porn rings had head hunters on survivor sites internationaly in attempts to further sexualy exploit victims. Ask Heidi Klum how she knows my name and face... In the 70's poleroids of children were used as bait by so called paedophile hunters to black mail those interested in the material to fund drug habits. The net developed this theory of the 60's generation further in entap to black mail scams. For the actual paedophiles rather than suckers who saw a photo or two this all served to create confusion and desensitise the publics awareness of child abuse.

In 30 years of recovery from alcoholism I slipped 4 times. I have never had any 'process' or behavioral addictions beyond alcohol. First relapse whilst imersed in 12 step which self fulfilled as catastrophic when I nearly commited suicide due to the beliefs indoctrinated and then relapsed, that lasted a messy month. Later influenced by humanist counseling I attempted social drinking 3 times, these attempts lasted about a year each and resulted not in alcohol dependancy but slow slide into constant relief drinking that would have resulted in return of alcoholism if I had not stopped. I was a real alcoholic/ alcohol depndant as a teen and can return (eventualy( to that state if I drink. The main reason I stopped on 2 of those occasions was because of the kind of low life it attracted into my life trying to exploit the vulnerability created by drinking. Nothing dramatic occured due to social drinking except my being spiked with drugs to try to hook me in which led to some chaotic behaviour but not the buying or use of drugs. I was not drug dependant when I originaly got sober and used clas A less than a dozen times. I have been drug free my entire adult life. I have not had a drink for 27 of the past 30 years including xmas and last drank a glass about 17.5 years ago. As I have stated before 12 step guilt trip ideology was very damaging to my life in late teens and early twenties. I recomend humanist and craving avoidance strategy through total abstinance. Although in existential analasys for 15 months to date I am not using this to address any behaviour problems as I have none. The only time I speak of my addiction experience is with regard over coming the constraints of funadmentalism within 12 step context and more gneraly as instilled from childhood. Exitential looks at subvering mental constructs and ideology to create greater liberty and choice. Be this anti religion, anti psychiatry, anti psychoananlasys, anti 12 step, anti child hood shame, anti 'pray away the gay' and all the other crap I came up through in early life. I have not been hospitalised for psychiatry for over a decade prior to which I was unmedicated for 20 years.

Of course no cops moonlight as pimps in soho and no one auctioned a slave on a date site. Trust me I'm a counselor, of course I know a few peole you will eventualy meet, now work that arse.

NO DEALS OF ANY KIND have been offered by any employee of Kingston Arts Council or any other private agency or syndicate within kingston. All my deals are with the americans. Evidence exists of all copyright for all material on this site including photographs. All telecomunications are monitered and filtered by Kingston Council in an attempt to obstruct business. I cannot given the amount of composited, filtered archive footage and dubed TV and internet news possibly differentiate between truth or fiction in the news, for instance the next days papers on all chanels is filtered with made up composits of fake news. Phone conversations are routed through local switchboard operators. False results occur in internet searches and mirror sites used to seal my communications within the local authority jurisdiction. This has existed for a few years in part or full and is not lawful under EU Human Rights legislation as I have commited no crime. I assume this is a strategy to try to make me look deluded about current events. Recall I claimed a millionm in compensation as a victim of abuse with Strasbourg, initiative was used to time this out by liberal councils and they spent quarter of a million to silence me/ attempt defemation along the lines that I am deluded about my entire history!?! If you speak to me rather than those spreading defamatory gosip you will discover I am completely mentaly normal. The neighbours have never engadged with me and send me to coventry implying complicity with fraud syndicates, the police in my building try to triger reactionary incidents. They can fuck off. They will claim paranoia. i have never been diagnosed as such. There is a continuos stream of police and local goverment employees entering my building. obviously not just because of me but I am in situ. I have had similar in various local authorities across the country as avocal survivor of abuse. Civil mechanisms are used to silence. My response is media blackout, last time this went on for 10 years.

To any one that thinks there is any possibility of me bringing it on remember in 6 years time I am likely to be homeless again and theres nothing I can do about it. If I left psychiarty as desired to go to work this would be definite street homelessness.

AGAPE to the Greeks for small kindness at Wandsworth in The Queens test of faith. Who else loves a tryer?(of course CofE chaplain giving me an american edition bible to write poems in and a big book at 20 years sober could be considered insulting by some.)

This site has never been about europe. I was a remainer as I have had to go to the EU with civil rights violations as a victim of child abuse faced with social and institutional backlash for speaking out. I do want us to retain sovereign powers to create laws as this site is primarily about Give Us The List, public list paedophiles fully. This was originaly a europe wide campaign that has existed over 19 years and supported sarahs law when it came to the fore. Sarahs law was not implemented fully by the goverment so campaign continues for change to the law. However experience shows that I have had need to rely on Counsel Of Europe for my civil liberty and human rights. So I remain a remainer despite localised conflict crated by spin beyond my control (recall I am in midsts of an inquiry into institutional abuses focused on Surrey so local are politics have an agenda to dicredit). I have nothing to do with what others are projecting upon me. No conspiracy exists from this site, I have never knowingly projected lies from this work and was a human rights victim for the most part created by the Tory but in plain sight of liberals who did nothing. I do not support loss of sovereign powers to a FEDERAL europe. I am not even sure what 'brexit' means anymore with all the media spin. Uniformed police came to my flat ae 2am because I released a song Wednesday. Police personel living in the flats quote of the week 'we wont be worried when he's homeless again'. A LOT of the local gossip has been generated by the police as I have complaints about their colleauges negligence in child protection matters from childhood and when I came forward as victim at twice at age 18 and at 21, 30 and 47 initiating inquiry. Response from police on night of being raped for second time 18 'so you like c@@k then?'. Response from psychiatrist age 18 'if you tell anyone about this again we will lock in a ward for life'.I did not have any further psychiatric treatment for 19 years as a result of coming forward. False 'safeguarding' claims (I have only dated single mums twice, hardly a fidler) have been made by neighbours and false claims of enviromental health risk. (one of the neighbours droped a rat on my balcony)

 

Ethics and morality is humanist and relativist. There is no god, there cannot be falling short of their will in 'sin'. Right or wrong is dependant on harm to other people. If I steal from my neighbour it is because I lack humanity and empathy in taking the food from their mouth. I know this is wrong as I can empathise as to how it would feel. There are consequences and they should feel full weight of the law to redress the situation. There can be no justification. Complicity with such crime is to cause harm, it is wrong, it is a crime. Failure to empathise is mental illness. No statute book or commandment forbids my having consensual relations with anyone, it cannot be a sin. It is not the business of vile groups of small minded people who comit philosophic suicide in slaying reason to a belief in a higher power. To deny liberty of consenting adults to make love saying it is 'sin' is WRONG, a hate crime. Likewise, relativisticly, manslaughter is not always wrong. To defend oneself or save GREATER suffering to others it is not wrong to go to war and in that grey area it is not wrong to protect the innocent and cause harm to another to prevent GREATER suffering to others. My writing songs causes no direct harm and cannot be immoral reguardless of chalenge to taboo or censor. I do not drink because it harms me, nothing to do with others as I have not commited crimes drunk. This loosely is the ethics I have lived by and I have caused very little suffering to others as a consequence. If you deny wrongs or enable others to do wrong in the name of it being just a 'sin' you fall into the lack of empathy category. See you in the nut farm.

Apparently Kingston Arts do not consider me 'worthy' of reply despite offering 4 volumes of this size and quality for charity publication. Disabled, brain injured, sober, bi, existential, left wing, atheist, alleged mental health suffering, survivor of homosexual rape and childhood sexual abuse apparently do not exist. Just as well I'm only a quarter black from tattoo or I'd allege prejudice and corruption! I was previously shortlisted for an international poetry prize coming in the top 6 and was awarded honours literature diploma by scottish arts councils. As a writer I have a seperate diploma thesis with honours in psychology on alcoholism treatment, a recommendation for script writing from Orange film festival and several published credits for leaflets on self harm recovery, male anger expression work and on male survivors of sexual abuse. i cannot spell for toffee. All of this existed before 8 years forensic analasys which concluded with the words 'we found nothing, you are free to go'. No apology. All of which may indicate ideological conflicts within accademia and professional community. I can not check the papper headlines via net or TV broadcast without being fed false information from what I assume to be a data filter into my devices, likewise the TV has continualy self referanced for multiple years in sync with things I say online. Aggregates, filters, dubbs.

And no I have chosen to be private about being bi since as a teen I was queer bashed and poisoned and also till mid twentys subjected to 'pray away the gay therapy'. I have only 100's of experiences with men and tens of thousands with women. I do not consider that 'gay' but I can say that I am as 'queer' as the best of them. 'Liberal' pseudos may not like this but I can F all of them up the arse as queerly as I like. I am paricularly antagonistic to christians on this point. It is not a sin, F Off. 'Sin' is to fall short of the mark of 'gods will', belief in god is of course philosophical suicide. None of that changes the fact I was sexualy abused and exploited by both men and women in childhood. I have fallen in love with 3 men but 2 were men that were women. Hope that's clear.

I smoked less than 3 ounces of hash in my teens and used other substances in small quantity less than a dozen times. I was assesed in early 20's following very short lapse as having no long term drug use consequences and have not smoked a spliff since. I do not seem to have a predisposition for psychosis based on the short lapse early twenties.

What do I think of Jihadi Joan? Nappies! Nappies are a great humanising experience. Move her in next to me. Any Jihadi that can survive this site for a year is welcome. What they going to do strangle me with a radical nappy? Give the neighbours something else to gossip about. She's just a kid. Ooh scarey Caliphate going to declare a fatwah because I eat pork scratchings through Ramadhan? She can join terrorists anon or TA as I call them as I put out the empty milk bottles. Killer Nappy!

A few perinant facts. I was sexualy abused as a child and exploited by 7 adults, mostly family members.This included 2 rapes, one aged 18. I recieved a head injury in an accident that od itself was trauma enough that I need never work as a permanantly disabled person. The medication I was put on at 11 was dependancy forming (the only time I have been dependant on drugs) and following reduction was a gateway into alcohol dependancy. I got sober at 18. I was psychotic during detox. At age 21 having served nationaly on an addiction board Dr Brian Wells declare I was completely recovered menatly, was a credible witness/victim and not suffering mental illness. I have never been dependant in my adult life. In 2000 with Colm O Gorman (now amnesty ireland) I spoke to richmond police to wake a signes statement of beind a victim. Since then there was social backlash to casualty me as a victim of psychiatry and social engineering resulting in 6 times homelessness. After 5 years of this whisper campaigning I had escaped all treatment and started this website at the time of an EU human rights case for invasion of space by police and psychiatry. After 2 years of this website counter extremism was erroneously claimed and I appeared in court on false terror charges in Richmond (I can be a bit full on and was slightly naughty how I was promoting Sarahs law. If you believe the press that year, I don't, they fish, three slayen beasts. All slayers at one place socialy removed from me, hyper vigilance?). I was asking a question of The Counsel of Europe as to why victims and childrens rights to safety are not a priority over paedophiles claimed right to anonymity. GIVE US THE LIST. This imediately the human rights case timed out. I was framed for a minor offence of self defence in a week I was to photo the Queen. I then served 8 years forensic psychiatry. I had recieved no treatment from age 18 to 37 and was in myself feeling on top of the world at time of intervention, life had never been better before or since. It is now 12 years since trial. I am allegedly accutely psychotic for testimony of abuse and claims of a cover up. Over a quarter million was spent to make me look like a head case, the treatment achieved worse than nothing for me.

I am in possesion of evidence of copyright for 100% of material on this site. I am willing to talk sizeable % for any evidence of fraud from other partys or syndicates leading to civil or criminal litigation. (BEEN HERE BEFORE). Royalty free samples, three chord tricks and synth programmers need not apply. Lyrics 100% no licensed cover versions. I have been shot at, made a mental health casualty and kicked a brothel door in with samurai sword in hand to check the age of their girls... all sober.

The idea that any one groups spin has the power to 'do it in' to this site need to remember I've been at this 20 years on a budget of disability and am still rocking on. How pleased am I with myself? 'Be yourself', oh no not like that...

In 2007 I was incarcerated following a set up after the time out of an EU Human Rights Case as victim of abuse. This tried to force the EU to addopt Sarahs Law in full within UK and Europe. I had been photgraphing A listers for two years at film premier and Baftas. I was spoken to by name by Dames Bishops and Knights during the rights case. The exact same security guard from a recent premier came to my prison cell to say he better tell the boss Paul that I wasn't like Peter Gabriel as they though as Liberty had walked out of the trial due to masonic machinations from judge and alleged victim in a fight. I8 years of forensics followed for a minor offence that should normaly have resulted in a 2 year suspended sentence. Forensics discovered nothing despite 2 years stationed with military. A rossete wearing Conservative prospect was 30 yards from the fight I was forced to defend myself in from Fleetstreet Masons. I was free on parole for false allegations of terrorism by richmond council at that time, since struck from records. This is why I wear a body cam but police have demonstated they can disable it remotely even with wifi switched off. GIVE US THE LIST.

I am absolutely saying that 'Liberal' civil mechanisms and organisation have obstructed both justice and my work as an artist due to resistance to lobby for GIVE US THE LIST. The liberals have repeatedly forgiven sex offenders and allowed them to go free without trial. They are using misrepresentation of my work to try to suppress it. I want the law to change. I also want equal rights as a victim of abuses. Machinations politicaly to defame include misuse of conservative legislation to snoop on and try to curtail mt freedom of speach, The middleclasses as ever keeping the old dog down. Changing law to the better of out childrens future requires Sovreign power not federalism. Paedophile council leader for Kingston Derek Osbourne distribution of child abuse images just the tip of an iceberg in not so egalitarian afluent suburbia. Paedophile gets suspended sentance if they take counseling. I have counseling my whole life and because I wont bow down to richmond councils negligence in child protection they accuse me in court of terrorism for promoting Give Us The list ang get 8 years forensic psych. Right wing 'counter extremist' legislation are being used by liberal think tanks to try to censor what you read on the internet, not because I am lying but simply because I do not conform to party ideology. The most 'right wing' group I have been a member of is the vegan society. In leaving they spread rumour I was a 'predatory male', thanks guys, Veganism is too austere. Has social media activism gone too far with creating prejudice to outgrouped individuals? 'Hate crime', who looks like the victim?

​

'Pray away the gay' reminds me of my early christian and 12 step 'therapy'. Coming over all religous? Take eat for this is my body or never go down on your knees for less than a mouthful. Second coming anyone? Nuns, no sense of humour... whilst putting world to rights, Iceland have discontinued their Mumbai, I like a bit of Mumbai in a three course meal, I'll even go for your Naan.Pulled Pork? More like royal baby oil! Extremism, the new censorship of free expression over the internet. I am filtered to exclusion over all social media including with mirror sites presumably monitered by local authorities. If I search for bi meetups I get about half a dozen filtered results to groups run by operatives, this has persisted for 20 years all over the country and effects my right of affiliation. Security forces have stated we want to issolate anybody we do not like the sound of. I have never commited a crime via the net. 3 out of 3 of my last psychotherapists found over the net were completely by 'chance' trans women. Despite the fact I have previously slept with the same 2 of these therapists claimed I was homophobic, despite sleeping with both sexes, as I had professional misconduct complaint against them. I do not define myself by who I sleep with, that is nobodies business but mine, I am not a gender orientation I am a human being that can choose either way. For me this is a choice necesitated purely by circumstance.

Incidently I am completely opposed to the death sentance and capital punishment, not necesitated by ethical considerations but the pragmatic reality that the state legal mechanism cannot be trusted as groups of people can conspire against a individuals liberty.

Cos I'm going to talk to the disability rights commision, or the MP, or the EU commision, or the vicar, or the press or then again, jog on it's the same old story. I am an extremist, NOT. Liam Neeson Dark? I have spent half my life trying to get every sex offender in the UK killed. Pussy cat. And I am an equal opertunities slayer! Race, religion or lack of religion no issue.

 

I have asked for career development forms from Kingston Arts... they refuse to reply. Anyone is elligible to apply for such grants... aparently I do not count an anyone. At least 3 city councils have stollen evidence of copyright to lay claim in the past 20 years and made peanuts. Council employees loose purpose around age 65, what I've got lasts a lifetime. (according to my therapist who I spoke to today. They also reminded me not to 'pray away the gay' or any other part of myself. Cos I'm a cathaholic. Don't think so.

 

Who abused MJ in an incestuous family?

Michael Jackson treated for 'sex addiction' by Charter Nightingale London, see Limelight Barry for tapes from holland Park Still Standing, Not Standing still convention 91/92 London NA. Security were aware I had a knife in a belt holster in view meeting Jackson and for that matter both times I met Dame Dench. Note GJ security danced with me outside limelight day before Paul... 3 years fucker. Fear of lobsters and coffins be damned. (no I am not tripping she was dressed as a lobster!)

Sartre and Camus had a rather lengthy creative and philosophical debate on the use of violence as a political mnechanism. This concluded that in the face of opression by the state the disempowered have no choice but to resort to collective acts of political violence. This is not seen as a good thing but as a necessary thing. Whilst sex offender move amongst us anonymously violence will inevitably result... how would you feel if you found out you just dated and slept with a paedophile... that is a likely outcome of protecting their privacy. With full public listing all adults in the community could moniter their behaviour. No nasty suprises, less violence.

FEAR of primal rage leads the middle classes to opress those that express clear justified anger. I have been profiled by do gooder psychologists since teens as a 'potential killer' just because I am clear in expressing anger. I have never killed and in fact have only got in a fight twice. I do not believe violence is caused by anger expression but that violence is symptomatic of fear. My ethical views are somewhat humanistic and embrace the fact that justice can not be served without the human need for vengance. All quite ordinary. The only thing from childhood that persists is that if forced to fight once an opponent is down I will frenzy on them. That is primal. It has been tempered by martial arts so I do not frenzy when merely confronted with a conflict. I did crack three ribs on a child molester in frenzy and was pulled off by four men whilst kicking him in the head with steel toe caps. If there had been no intervention maybe he would have died. I am completely unrepentant of this. (he was targeting venarable 6 year old boys and social services and police told me nothing could be done he 'had rights') Again to clarify, a punch thrown ONLY TWICE by me ever. I have also been profiled as EXTREME DANGER from toffy nosed twats for lyrics. How else am I to express my feelings safely? I have carried sharp tools in the past for several years without using such for violence. I have sat in St James Park with a machete on view to eat a water mellon. I also carried a knife safely as a cub scout. Ooh scarey monsters. NOT. Sorry SADIQ knives are not the problem. Failure to mentor youths to be safe with tools is. Fear of knives is the problem. I may have experienced the violence of middle class interventionalism from profileing because I KNOW I am safe as houses with a machete in hand and could hold an infant in the other at the same time. I have been subjected to the middle class violence of being forcibaly injected by the state with drugs that demonstratibly destroy my functionality for 12 years, that is their fear manifest. I was completely functional within the congingency of disability caused by my head injury prior. At what price? Of course no one uses this information of disability and disempowerment to try to exploit me in business... Liam Neeson, what do they expect, man hugs for dirty fucking rapists?

Kevin Spacey? I cannot prejudge without evidence. Based on my experience wilth him as a photographer he was of enitrely good character and probably should get off with a spanking.

I am however curious with so much other dirt flung why the courts are choosing to try a case on the flimsiest evidence. Smells like a deal.

Creativity? Process not product. I have no more emotional attatchment to anything I create than passing thoughts in response to philosophical discourse. The possition of creator is as a chanel for disperate ideas and feelings BUT I have no emotional or philosophical commitment to those thoughts. This is how I can write from varied perspectives with seeming emotional further without subscribing to any particular belief expressed in the work. As an idividual my only firm commitments are to atheism and individual liberty especialy in freedom from censor. I am however apreciative of the cooperative nature of society and not an egoistic indivdualist to the exclusion of all others. I reserve the right to be offensive. I do not need to subscribe to an idea to explore the theme creatively. That is process and if there is a philosophical basis it is through nonattatchment to product.

 

 

 

FREE material will continue to be released throughout 2013. The Wolfchilde book A CUNNING LINGUIST was released by Amazon in December 2013.

Last year following corespondence with Kensington Palace I was asked by Heads Together Mental Health Awareness to contribute a video to the campaign discussing the 'possitive impact' of mental health services. I have been asked not to talk with anyone regarding my letter from the Palace which I have complied with as much as I can. I decided I could not authenticaly meet the terms of the discussion so I did not participate directley and instead wrote the following. I was wished 'well' in my attempts to 'raise awareness' of the issues presented on this site.

HEADSTOGETHER? EMBERS

John Smith PHD Chepstow Paedophile seriously abused me sexualy as early as age 7 as did my father Allan Stock Redhill to a lesser degree. Astute readers will note I do not keep harping on about the abuse from the grandparents that raised me. DEAD, JOB DONE! (Dante has a special reservation for them, as if child molestors had souls!)

Criminals identified by this site are now on this page. They were reported over 17 years ago and I retain crime referance. Because of police negligence and attempts to bury a 'whistle blower', in follow up I have published the information online and in my still in print book Wolfchilde - A Cunning Linguist by Peter Stock available with the album Best Of British on Amazon and others. This website has been in existance since 2005 and continues in the work of confronting the continuing silencing of historic victims of sexual abuse in the UK. The matters exposed are not included in todays child abuse enguiry into institutionalised abuse despite the old British Aerospace Kingston and Hull being a common thread linking both abusers and those involved in the cover up. In relation to crime and civil violations, no other artists have ever been licensed to cover any material on this site, copy right is held solely by the company responsible for Wolfchilde.

NEW WORLD, Brexit possibility of political change in all areas. Democratic process to iron out the bumps! Oh and we just happen to have retained Sovereignty... good job for all my reservations! Anyone wanting to make ammends at this stage can pay Pudsey!

Citizens charter or UK bill of human rights? Might need some sub clauses. Including protection of resident EU and migrant workers rights and GIVE US THE LIST the EU would not, full public identification of paedophiles. Regards to BIG ISSUE London. As I have been homeless 6 times we might start with all UK citizens having a right to housing, this could include a crisis payment from the proposed 'citizens wage' benefit system.

MYTH - I am 'just' a 'pychiatric' case. For the first 14 years of my adult life I was clean and sober (as I still am), had years of counseling that afirmed I had been abused as a child and despite serious trauma had worked in management, health care and ran a sucessful multimedia/ photography/ music publishing business. I had come to own my own house outright and attended university. I had international awards for poetry and script writing and trained in radio, TV and film production. When I finaly had courage to seek criminal resolution for an abusive childhood civil mechanisms thoroughly undermined my standing in the comunity and testimony resulting in a european human rights case. Things remain in conflict. I did not become a 'psychiatric case' till 2007 following an all in backlash against my attempts to raise awareness on child abuse issues. £100,000s of tax payers money were then spent to try to convince me I was deluded. This changed nothing apart from violating rights further, I was not medicated at any point in my life prior. I remain in the same business, just greatly weakened.

MYTH- 'Society puts abused children first'. Abused children where an intervention is made by the state are often seen as a problem to 'treat' in order to return them to the familiar surroundings of the coveted nuclear family where rather than removing the source of distress they may in fact be forced to live with a 'reformed' abuser. This is not hearing victims.

MYTH- 'psychiatry is for your own good'. Of the £100,000s wasted on trying to treat me in the past decade for alleged mental health issues none afirmed my reality as a victim. All revictimised me through disempowerment and labeling without regard to human potential. For the price to the tax payer of telling me not to believe my own reality I could have been established in a fully furbished sound recording studio in the high street and paid to produce songs for the poor. But no middle classed 'experts' were paid to opress my standing in the community and undermine the validity of my work using draconian mechanisms of social control. Without such controls I would have continued photographing and interviewing famous people about matters such as the magnitude of child abuse in our society. All sounds a bit too 'dangerous'. To who exactly? GIVE US THE LIST. No doubt a few people are quite upset that I have reestablished this website and salvaged my own music, the forces I fight did look like they had destroyed my back catalouge by putting me in the shit hole. Heads together... you bet being 'mental' in this society is 'normal' when all the state does is seek to control free expression and freedom of thought. Don't forget I was a long term recovery before I was droped in it... without relapse. With parity of esteam for the under classes at the level of the courts I would not have done a day in a ward. My 'treatment' exceeded time of incarceration for normal justice by 2-3 times. If the home office would let me go I would have moved to europe for freedoms and quality of life long ago but 10 years after what was just a minor altercation that was started by others my movements are restricted.

MYTH- 'male survivors are likely to become paedophiles'. Extensive statistical analasys of convicted paedophiles in the USA by Patrick Carnes (whose treatment modality requires public listing for starters) shows that survivors of abuse who talk about it are less likely to become perverts than are the general population. Paedophiles often give a sob story that they were themselves abused but again statisticaly it would seem to be false, the majority of perps were never themselves abused. Also of note 1 in 7 of sexualy abused boys where a conviction occured in the USA were sexualy asaulted by their biological mothers. Of course my pointing out the reality of female paedophiles scored good karma with the UK survivors movement... oh no they'd rather undermine me than face the fact both genders can be abusers, Tina Winning targeting victims within the survivors movement (by her own testimony sexual assaulted a 3 year old girl and a 7 year old girl resulting only in one year safeguarding of a child) and children to exploit for Mark Maddona... Rev Julian Raindrop Richmond implicated in fetish groups connected to the offenders exploiting vulnerable teens at Roselyn Rd etc, see also Richmond Hill C of E Parish clergy, aparently white is black and black is white, my old Djembe. UK social policy for child safe guarding has largely avoided confronting female abusers as social workers have yet to own fully that it was only recently that offences by women were recorded by the police, in the past they were viewed as physical asaults at best. Someone asked me why I didn't take legal action to reclaim losses created by the police and survivors groups negligent and social engineering in the criminal case against the paedophiles in my family... the middle classes live in another world, I lost everything 3 times during the backlash and the only social mechanisms in support of my socioeconomic possition was the Council Of Europe. When the Right of Interim timed out inexplicably whilst I legaly had the ear of Blair and was still gathering evidence I was imediately incarcerated on trumped up charges and again lost what little I had rebuilt, over another 20k of resources again lost through negligence in the health service resulting in 10 years unrequired mis 'treatment' (cost to tax payer over 1k a week for over 5 of those years)... recourse? NONE as effective legal aid protections for the poor have been removed by succesive governments. Write a complaint letter to the IPCC... good way to get harassed into the ground... And no I am not taking the piss, the powers that be in Richmond realy did try to set me up for domestic terrorism with only some film pyrotechnics seized as evidence and when that didn't look like working I was set up for violence initiated by freemasons probably in the cause of crime 'prevention' a policy that takes otherwise innocent members of the public who are a political embaressment and uses situationism to try to frame criminality. Whose for a UK bill of human rights?

 

 

WOLFCHILDE is now contactable via wolfchilde88@hotmail.co.uk we do not have time to reply to all mail. The site needs patrons to donate towards advertising. All child protection concerns should be reported to https://www.ceop.police.uk If you feel like showing apreciation for this site stop me in the street, I like to tell yarns over coffee so long as you're buying! This goes double for you ladys.

SARAHS LAW is not enough. The failure to initiate a MEGANS LAW clone from the States based on false fears of vengance vigilanties is more spin to prevent 'GIVE US THE LIST'. The government don't want public listing it rocks the boat with the police over being the only ones in the know.

Michael Jacksons death points the way to treatment methods for paedophiles. Dr Muray is a pioneer, the NHS should head hunt him to open a treatment centre.

New articulated ring commision by Cardinals of London

 

WOLFCHILDE 2012 - GIVE US THE LIST T-SHIRTS now available at cost from http://www.streetshirts.co.uk/wolfchilde

WOLFCHILDE now facilitates an online recovery group for survivors of childhood sexual abuse at http://www.intherooms.com group name S.I.A. Survivors of Incest Anonymous. Wolfchilde does not represent the group opinions of S.I.A. who can be found at siawso.org

Check this political activism site http://www.avaaz.org/en/

Recomended addiction/ alcoholism recovery, Medical cure http://www.olivierameisen.com/en/ Self help http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

http://www.ukna.org http://www.coda-uk.org/ http://www.cfiwest.org/sos/find.htm Damage limitation http://www.myroutetohelp.co.uk/

GLOBAL ECONOMIC RECOVERY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z9WVZddH9w&list=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D4Z9WVZddH9w&list=FLEwoFdqY09VwZFESGZ8Qp4A&index=0&feature=plcp

Recovery Literature: Bob Earll 'I got tired of pretending', Charles Whitfield 'Memmories and Abuse', John Bradshaw 'The Family', 'Healing the shame that binds you', Melody Beattie 'Codependant no more', John Lee 'Faceing the Fire'. Ann Wilson Scheaf 'when society becomes an addict'. Stephanie E. 'Shame Faced', Ellen Bass & Laura Davis 'The Courage to Heal', Julia Cammeron 'The Artists Way'.

Serious reminder on why the European Rights Of The Child should mean public listing of Pedophiles throughout Europe to protect visitors kids for Her Majesties 2012 Olympics . Oh look they move from country to country too... there's a surprise.

Does the UN RIGHTS OF THE CHILD INCLUDE SAFETY - Do adults have a right to know kids are safe?

E x c e s s e x G i r l z . SCRIPT.
A S i t u a t i o n C o m e d y .


P r o p o s a l :

T h e  L i v e r b i r d s  m e e t s  K i l l B i l l  ( o n l y i n E s s e x ! ) .
T w o , t w e n t y s o m e t h i n g f e E - m a i l a s s a s s i n s l a r g e i t u p E a s t o f E a s t E n d e r s , a n d eh i s i t l o t o  l a r f s .
T h e t w o t a r t s ; a t e c h h e a d b i m b o w i t h a t a s t e f o r f a i r y s n o w a n d a s w i t c h b i t c h

b i - z e e b u y - s e e k e e p t h e s t r u t t i n g c o c k s o f c r u i s i n g c r u e l B r i t a n i a e n t e r t a i n e d w i t h ta l e s o f j e l l i e d e e l s , c o c k a l l s a n d m u s c l e s a n d a b i t o f t h e o l d l i v e r l i v e O h . W e l c o m e t o S o u t h E n d o n S e a , w e h o p e y o u g e t o u t b y t h e e n d o f t h e w e e k e n d .


C h a r a c t e r s :
E l l e - H e l l a n d h i g h w a t e r s s u r f i n g t h e n e t i n s e a r c h o f t h e n e x t p a e d op h i l e t o k i l l .
A p e t i t e b l o n d b i m b o w i t h b a m b i e y e s . S h e  s W h a p p i n g p a g e t h r e e t i t s w h i c h n e e d

s t r a p p i n g d o w n o n a n y e y e b a l l w i t h t h e g i r l z n e x t t a r g e t .
E s s e x g i r l t o t h e b i t t e r e n d , a n d t h a t  s e i t h e r e n d . W o r k s d a y s a s a s y s t e m s e n g

i n e e r f o r a i n t e r n e t C a f é . S h e b r o a d c a s t s  S u r f s U p w e b T . V . v i a h a c k e d m a n i p u l a t i o n

o f t h e l o c a l i n t r a n e t . I Q 9 0 g o i n g o n 1 4 7 .
S e r i o u s c o k e p r o b l e m , t h e r e  s n e v e r e n o u g h i n E s s e x . N e e d s t r e a t m e n t b u t t o u g h l

o v e o n l y a p p e a r s t o a p p e a l t o h e r d a r k s i d e . H a s a f e t i s h f o r T e r r i t o r i a l A r m y g a n g

b a n g s .

B i l l i e - D i k e p s y c h o - h o s e b e a s t f r o m H a d e s . K n o w n t o s w i t c h b i t c h h e r a l t

a r e g o w i t h t h e g u y s t o d e l i v e r t h e d r e a d e d s a c r a m e n t o f t h e p o s t - f e m i n i s t e x p l o r a t i

o n o f t h e r i b b e d c a t a c o m b s o f a n  u s . H e r S e c o n d a r y p e r s o n a  A n n a C h i  , a n e w a g e d o

m i n a t r i x w i t h a n e y e f o r  s p i r i t u a l  s e r v i c i n g f r o m t h e w o m e n . H a l f J e w i s h , H a l f E g y

p t i a n M u s l i m b y b i r t h . B i t t e r a s s w e e t c y a n i d e a b o u t h e r f a m i l i e s a t t e m p t e d a r r a n g e d

m a r r i a g e w h e n s h e w a s 1 4 . L o v e s t h e g u y s , d o u b l e e n d i n g s a s p e c i a l i t y f r o m t h e f e m i n

a z i w i t h a f i n d e m  F u c k e m w i t h a f o r k t h r o u g h t h e d i c k a n d f o r g e t e m M . O . . T h t o

h i s k n e e s e v e r y n i g h t , w h i c h f o l l o w s t h e r e g u l a r r i t u a l c l e a n s i n g o f t h e s t o m a c h i n

t h e W i n e B a r t o i l e t s . O f t e n m i s t a k e n f o r a H i n d u b y R e a l E s s e x M a n - h a s a t h i n g f o r

 e n l i g h t e n m e n t  , u s u a l l y e n l i g h t e n i n g o t h e r p e o p l e s p o c k e t s . . P a c k i e ? T w o P i n t s o f l

a g e r a n d a p a c k i e o f c r i s p s , a n d i t  s y o u r r o u n d r a c i s t s c u m . R o y a l b l u e w i t h a v i c i

o u s t w o f a c e d t a k e o n p o l i t i c s . R e m i n d s h i s B o s s B I L L I E , o f h e r f a m i l i e s f o r m e r a r r a

n g e d m a r r i a g e h u s b a n d . H e a s s u m e s s h e s u f f e r s D i s s o c i a t i v e I d e n t i t y D i s o r d e r a s a r e

s u l t o f h i s s i m i l a r i t y i n s e x u a l p r o w e s s t o h e r f o r m e r  a r r a n g e d h u s b a n d  a n d d o e s n  t

k e e p i t t o h i m s e l f a t t h e o f f i c e . H e i s l u c k y t o b e a l i v e s e e i n g a s M u l t i p l e i s u s u

a l l y s o m e t h i n g o n l y s e e n i n w o m e n B I L L I E a c c o s t s i n t h e C l u b T o i l e t s w i t h h e r p u m p a

c t i o n .

T e x a n B a b e - T h e U P , S e r v i c e w i t h a s m i l e , D e l i v e r y v a n d r i v e r . U P n o t t o b e c o n f u s e d

w i t h a n A m e r i c a n M u l t i n a t i o n a l d i s p a t c h s e r v i c e o f a s i m i l a r n a m e . N i c e t i t s , g r e a t

c o w g i r l b o o t s a n d p l e a t e d s k i r t b e l l o w h e r r e g u l a t i o n u n i f o r m t o p , o p e n d o w n t h e f r o n

t t o t e a s e . B r o a d T e x a n a c c e n t a n d b i g p e r s o n a l i t y f r o m t h e Y a n k e e D o l l y b i r d . L o v e s

l i n e d a n c i n g , i n H a m m e r s m i t h w h e r e s e c r e t l y , s h e w a s b o r n a n d b r e d .


G r e y a m - F i r s t l o v e t o E L L E a n d s t i l l w o r t h a c o u p l e o f r o u n d s . C u r i o u s l y

b o r n a g a i n r o m a n t i c a c c o u n t s j u n i o r . L a s t s e e n w i t h a n u n u s u a l b o d y s w e r v e a n d  b a c

k t o t h e w a l l  a t t i t u d e t o w a r d s B I L L I E . A l w a y s g e t t i n g s t i c k f r o m h i s  R e a l E s s e x M a

n  , l a g e r d o w n t h e s u i t , o f f i c e c o l l e a g u e s . E n j o y s b u y i n g s i n g l e r e d r o s e s f o r t h e

f i n a l d a n c e a t t h e C l u b . A d i c k h e a d e v a n g e l i c a l C h r i s t i a n w h o b e l i e v e s t h e d e v i l i s

p o s s e s s i n g p e o p l e t h r o u g h m o b i l e p h o n e b a c k g r o u n d r a d i a t i o n a n d n o n - l i n e a r i n t e r j e c

t i o n s i n c o n v e r s a t i o n s ( h e l l c a l l s e p i s o d e 3 ) . H e i s a r e f o r m e d  s e x a d d i c t  f o l l o w i

n g a  p s y c h o t i c  e p i s o d e w h e r e h e h a l l u c i n a t e d b e i n g b u t t f u c k e d b y a S u c u b u s a f t e r

o n e t o o m a n y e c s t a s y p i l l s .

A l l i e - A B r a d f o r d c l e r k w i t h a v i e w t h a t S o c i a l i s t l a b o u r p r i n t d e s i g n e r t a t t o o  s f o

r t h e N a t i o n a l F r o n t . D e e p l y l i b e r a l M u s l i m , a l l t h e w a y d o w n

C H A R L I E - M y s t e r i o u s l y e n i g m a t i c R u d e B o y f r o m C a m d e n , s h i f t s t w o t o n e s ,

b e t w e e n C o c k n e y a n d R a s t a I s l a n d a c c e n t . D e a l e r i n f i n e j e w e l l e r y , n o s e C a n d y a n d i n

f o r m a t i o n o n r e l e a s e d p a e d o p h i l e s .

T h e V I C A R - o o p s t h e r e g o e s a n o t h e r o n e . S e e s c r i p t &



P r e s e n t a t i o n :
T h e g i r l z r u n r i n g s o f e v e r i n c r e a s i n g f l i r t a t i o n t h r o u g h o u t e a c h e p

i s o d e , c u l m i n a t i n g i n t h e n e x t p e a d o h i t .
I n t e r a c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e c h a r a c t e r s o c c u r s w i t h i n s e t l o c a t i o n s w i t h

c o n s i s t e n t b a c k g r o u n d s o c i a l a c t i v i t y . T h e C l u b , T h e O f f i c e , T h e W i n e B a r o n t h e S e a

F r o n t a n d t h e C y b e r C a f é .

3 0 m i n u t e s o f p o l i t i c a l l y i n c o r r e c t m a y h e m p e r e p i s o d e t o f u c k n e w l a b o u r w i t h a

n e x i t - s e t c o n s p i r a c y t o m u r d e r . I n t e r s p e r s e d w i t h B r a d f o r d c o n s c i e n t i o u s o b j e c t i o n

s f r o m A L L I E t h e M u s l i m a n d t h e a t t e m p t s b y G R E Y H A M t o h i d e h i s p r i o r d a r k s e c r e t e x

p l o i t s .

W h e n e v e r t h e l a d s h a v e s u s p i c i o n s a b o u t t h e l o c a l p e a d o k i l l i n g s a n d o t h e r w i s e s

t r a n g e d i s a p p e a r a n c e s o f l o c a l m e n a v i s u a l t r a n s i t i o n g a g , a s i n t h e g o o d i e s , b r e a k

s t h e m o u t o f t h e r o l e o f i n q u i s i t o r . T h e g i r l z s p y c a m s a n d p r e s u m e d l i b e r t i n i s m , a

l w a y s g e t s t h e i r m a n .

E a c h e p i s o d e t h e G i r l z a r e o n a  M i s s - s h o n e  t o h o o k , l i n e a n d s i n k a p a e d o . A t

l e a s t o n e c o m i c a l d e a t h p e r s h o w w i t h s e v e r a l v i s u a l g a g  1 0 1 w a y s t o k i l l a p e a d o 

t r a n s i t i o n s t o t h r o w t h e l a d s o f f t h e s c e n t .

T h e G i r l z l a u n c h w i t h a f r e n z y o f t h e i r S w e e t E x c e s s e x v e n g e a n c e a s C h a r l i e s e n d

s t h e m t h e i r R u d e G i r l t r a i n i n g m i s s i o n .





T h e E x c e s s e x G i r l z - E p i s o d e 1 .

S c e n e 1 :
T h e H i g h s t r e e t : E x t e r i o r : M o r n i n g .
T h e T E X A N B A B E d r i v e s a U n i t e d P a r c e l d e l i v e r y

v a n p a s t a r o w o f s h o p s a n d a r c a d e s . T h e r o a d

r u n s p a r a l l e l t o a s a n d y b e a c h . T h e V a n a p p r o a c h e s  S u r f s U p  -

c y b e r c a f é , e n t r a n c e t o v e h i c l e s d r i v e r s i d e .
C u t t o :
T h e V a n : I n t e r i o r :
S p r i n g s t e e n  B o r n i n t h e U S A  o n C D
i n t e r r u p t e d b y a R A D I O C O N T R O L L E R .
R A D I O C O N T R O L L E R - ( O u t o f S h o t )
 T i m e c h e c k f r o m C h a r l i e 
T h e T E X A N B A B E c h e c k s t h e c l o c k . T h e b u s t y b l o n d p u t s

h e r h a n d c r a f t e d l e a t h e r c o w g i r l f o o t d o w n .
T E X A N B A B E - ( b r o a d a c c e n t )
 B r i n g i n g t h e m i n , r i g h t o n t i m e , 
T h e v a n w h e e l - s p i n s p a s t  S u r f s U p  a s E L L E o p e n s u

p f o r b u s i n e s s .
T E X A N B A B E - ( l o u d a n d p r o u d t h r o u g h w i n d o w )
 Y e e H a a a a h & . ! 
D r e s s e d i n u r b a n c a m m o s a n d L i n c o l n g r e e n h o l e y v e s t

E L L E  s p e r t n i p p l e s w e l c o m e i n t h e m o r n i n g w i t h s u i t a b l e

b u l l e t m a r k s o n t h e h o m e f r o n t . E L L E r a i s e s a f i s t w i t h l e f t

h a n d i n c r o o k o f e l b o w . S h e f i r e s a f i n g e r a t t h e d

e p a r t i n g Y a n k e e m i s s i o n a r y .
C u t t o :
I n t e r i o r :  S u r f s U p  c y b e r c a f é
E L L E b o o t s u p t h e r o w o f t e r m i n a l s , t u r n s o n t h e

r a d i o a n d p h o t o c o p i e r . C u e m u s i c .
A s s h e w a l k s b a c k t h r o u g h t h e s h o p t o w a r d s t h e e n t r a n c e

s h e r e m e m b e r s t o s w i t c h o n t h e c o f f e e b a r t i l l f r o m b e h i

n d . S h e r e a c h e s f o r a p a c k o f c i g a r e t t e s i n h e r c o m b a t b e l t . A

t e r m i n a l b e e p s a c o r r u p t e d b o o t s e c t o r s y s t e m s

e n g i n e e r s a l e r t . E L L E s p i t s a t t h e m o n i t o r s c r e e n .
E L L E -
 G o o d m o r n i n g t o y o u t o o & 
S h e p u l l s o u t a z i p p o e t c h e d w i t h  F u c k C o m m u n i s m 

a n d r u n s i t o v e r t h e s o l e o f h e r b o o t t o s p a r k u p h e r

c i g a r e t t e .

E L L E - ( t o t h e P . C . s c r e e n )
 & f o r g e t t o n e t w o r k f o r s o m e h o t a c t i o n w i t h y o u r s e r v e r l a s t n i g h t b u m

b o y ? 
S h e t u r n s t o f a c e G R E Y H A M , d r e s s e d i n s u i t , w i t h l e a t h

e r s a t c h e l b r i e f c a s e o v e r s h o u l d e r a n d a b u n c h o f f l o w e r s .

G R E Y H A M -
 I w a s a t b i b l e s t u d y A C T U A L L Y . 
E L L E - ( a n g r y )
 W h a t a r e y o u d o i n g i n h e r e , w e  r e n o t o p e n y e t . W h y d o n  t y o u j u s t & 
G R E Y H A M -
 J u s t a l i t t l e s o m e t h i n g i n g r a t i t u d e f o r t h e C h r i s t m a s p a r t y . I w a s t h i

n k i n g m a y b e t o n i g h t & 
H e p l a c e s t h e f l o w e r s i n a w a t e r c a r a f e

a t o p t h e c o f f e e b a r .
E L L E -
 Y e a h I k n o w , T H I N K I N G , e v e r y n i g h t y o u  v e s n i f f e d a f t e r m e a t t h e w i n e

b a r s i n c e x m a s . G r o w u p . A n d w h a t a r e t h e y ? - p a n s i e s ? W h y d o n  t y o u p l a n t t h e m w h e r e

t h e s u n d o n  t s h i n e . 
G R E Y H A M -
 I  m s u r e t h e L o r d w i l l f o r g i v e u s o u r l i t t l e i n d i s c r e t i o n . 
E L L E -
 I t h o u g h t t o m y s e l f a t t h e t i m e , d e f i n i t e l y a P a n s y a n d a v e r y s m a l l i

n d i s c r e t i o n a t t h a t I f y o u m u s t s t a y d o w n o n y o u r k n e e s g o d o i t i n t h e g e n t s t o i l e t

s . 
S h e b l o w s s m o k e o v e r t h e f l o w e r s .
G R E Y H A M - ( e x i t i n g C a f é )
 L a t e r t h e n . 


C U T :
S c e n e 2 :
O f f i c e B l o c k : G r o u n d F l o o r R e c e p t i o n : I n t e r i o r : M o r n i n g .
S E C U R I T Y G U A R D , i n u n i f o r m a n d H i t l e r m o u s t a c h e

, t r i e s t o s t o p t h e U P T E X A N B A B E a s s h e e n t e r s

a t s p e e d , h e a d i n g f o r t h e o p e n d o o r o f t h e l i f t . B I L L I E , i n a

b l u e s h o r t s k i r t s u i t a n d h e e l s h o l d s o p e n t h e l

i f t d o o r . B I L L I E S t o n g u e r o l l s i n s i d e h e r

c h e e k i m p l y i n g  c o c k s u c k e r  r e g a r d i n g t h e S E C U R I T Y G U A R D .

S E C U R I T Y G U A R D -
 H o l d i t r i g h t t h e i r m i s s y  .
T h e T E X A N B A B E i s b l o c k e d f r o m s i g n i n g i n w i t h

a h a n d a c r o s s t h e v i s i t o r s l o g b o o k . S h e p u l l s

o u t a n i n k e d r u b b e r s t a m p a n d p l a n t s t h e f i r m s n a m e o n t h e

b a c k o f h i s h a n d . S h e t w i s t s h e r w r i s t f r e e o f a n

a t t e m p t e d g r a b .

B I L L I E - ( s e r g e a n t m a j o r b a r k )
 C o m p a n y & A t E a s e . 
T h e S E C U R I T Y G U A R D r e l a x e s a n d s t a r e s w i t h m a l i

c e a t t h e s t a m p m a r k o n t h e b a c k o f h i s h a n d .

B I L L I E s l o w l y l i c k s a c r o s s h e r r e d l i p s t i c k , a R i o w h o r e s m i l e

a s s h e g e t s t h e g a l s a t t e n t i o n . A s t h e T E X A N B A B

E e n t e r s t h e s h a f t B I L L I E e x p e r t l y a l l o w s t h e

d o o r s t o s n a p s h u t , c a t c h i n g t h e T E X A N B A B E S s k i r t .

B I L L I E - ( m o t i o n s t o t h e s k i r t )
 Q u i c k , h o l d t h e b u t t o n f o r m e . 
T h e T E X A N B A B E l e a n s t o o n e s i d e , l e g s s

p r e a d e a g l e t o t o u c h t h e l i f t h o l d b u t t o n . B I L L I E

s t r o k e s t h e l o n g r e d m a n i c u r e d f i n g e r n a i l o f h e r i n d e x f i n

g e r u p t h e g a l s h a n d a s s h e r e l e a s e s t h e b u t t

o n t o h e r . B I L L I E s u p p o r t s t h e t r a p p e d s k i r t w i t h

h e r h a n d a n d s p r e a d s t h e g a l s l e g s .
B I L L I E - ( s w e e t a n d s i l k y )
 E x c u s e t h e n a s t y m a n a t t h e d o o r , w e d o a i m t o P l e a s e . 
G r i p p i n g t h e f a b r i c o f t h e g a l s s k i r t B I L L I E

r e l e a s e s i t f r o m t h e L i f t D o o r s a n d s t a r e s d o w n

a t t h e r e v e a l e d u p p e r t h i g h w i t h a s u l k y s m i l e . B I L L I E l o o k s a t

t h e p a c k a g e u n d e r h e r a r m , a s t h e l i f t j o l t s s h e f

a l l s i n t o t h e T E X A N B A B E S c h e s t w i t h

a l o o k o f h a m m e d u p s h o c k . H e r l i p s t i c k s m u d g e s t h e

U P u n i f o r m s h i r t c o l l a r .

B I L L I E -
 S o s o r r y . W e a l w a y s t r y t o P - L E A S E M i s t r e s s e s c l i e n t s . 

B I L L I E d a b s a t i s s u e w i t h h e r t o n g u e a n d t r i e s t o w i p

e t h e l i p s t i c k . T h e T E X A N l o o k s s h o c k e d . B I L L I E k e e p s

n o d d i n g s h o r t G e i s h a b o w s u p a t t h e g a l s e y e s w i t h e x a g g e r a t e d

s u b m i s s i o n a s s h e w i p e s d o w n h e r u n i f o r m c o l l

a r .
T E X A N B A B E -
 I t  s n o t y o u r f a u l t , s t o p a p o l o g i s i n g , I  l l l i v e w i t h t h a t . . 
B I L L I E - ( b o w i n g l o w , a s h a m e d )
 S o o o S o r r y . B e s u r e t o b e v e r y f o r m a l i f y o u m e e t M i s t r e s s A n n a C h i ,

s h e l i k e s h e r d e l i v e r y g i r l s t o b e v e r y & 
D a b s t h e u p p e r c u r v e o f t h e b u x o m b a b e s o p e n s h i r t

.
B I L L I E - ( v o i c e c h a n g e s t o d o m i n a n t )
 V e r y & V E R Y & g o o d . 
T h e T E X A N B A B E S b r e a s t s r i s e w i t h e m b a r r a s s e d t e n s

i o n a s t h e l i f t d o o r s o p e n .






C U T :
S c e n e 3 :
O f f i c e B l o c k : R e c e p t i o n a n d T y p i n g p o o l : I n t e r i o r .
A s m a l l b u s i n e s s o f f i c e , 6 d e s k s w i t h I

. T . , p h o t o c o p i e r t o r e a r o f s w i t c h b o a r d r e c e p t i o n .

T h e r e l a x e d s t a f f t e n s e i n t o s i l e n c e w i t h a s u d d e n a p

p e a r a n c e o f w o r k a c t i v i t y .
A L L I E i s s a t a t h i s d e s k s h u f f l i n g p a p e r

w o r k . A p r o v i d e o c a m e r a i s o n h i s d e s k .
A L L I E w i n k s a t T H E P . A . , s m a r t d r e s s e d a n d

f u n a t f o r t y .
T H E P . A . m o v e s o n t h e p h o t o c o p i e r ,

w h i p p i n g p a p e r s f r o m a m i l i t a r y p r e c i s e b a t o

n p a s s f r o m t h e M u s l i m o f f i c e c l e r k s h a n d .
B I L L I E m a r c h e s t h r o u g h t h e

m t o w a r d s t h e d o o r t o t h e b a c k o f f i c e .
T h e T E X A N B A B E d r a w s t o a n e m b a r r a s s e d h a l t

w i t h t h e p a c k a g e h e l d o u t b e f o r e t h e

R E C E P T I O N I S T . S h e  s e i g h t e e n a n d i n n e e d o f a p e r s o n a l i t y

i m p l a n t .
T h e T E M P i s a t h e r d e s k w i t h a p h o n e

h e l d u n d e r h e r c h i n , h e a d c o c k e d e x a g g e r a t e d l y

t o o n e s i d e .

B I L L I E - ( t o t h e T E M P ) .
 C o f f e e s g i r l , a n d m a k e i t q u i c k . 
B I L L I E t a k e s t h e p h o n e f r o m u n d e r t h e p o

o r w o m a n  s c h i n . H e r h e a d r e m a i n s f r o z e n w i t h a n

e x a g g e r a t e d c r i c k e d n e c k .
B I L L I E - ( i n t o p h o n e )
 H e l l o . . ? 
B I L L I E d r o p s t h e h a n d s e t i n t h e b i n . S h e s t a

n d s w i t h h e r p a t e n t e d h a n d o n h i p m i s s

w h i p l a s h m a n a g e r i a l s t a n c e , l e g s a s t r i d e , r o c k i n g o n h e r

t o e s a s s h e r i s e s o f f h e r h e e l s a t t h e o

n s e t o f h e r f o r t h c o m i n g a t t a c k o n h u m a n i t y .
B I L L I E -
 R i n g o f f d i d t h e y ? 
T h e t e m p n e r v o u s l y a d d s c r e a m t o a c o f f e e , s w

i r l i n g i t o v e r t h e b a c k o f a s p o o n . S h e s t o o p s

b o w i n g h e r b o d y i n a k i n d o f n o d , t h e f r o z e n n e c k i n p l a c

e .
B I L L I E -
 I  l l h a v e t o c h e c k a l l o f y o u r r i n g s n o w w o n t I . C o m e t o m y o f f i c e l a t e

r . 

C u t t o :
F r o n t o f o f f i c e : I n t .
T h e R E C E P T I O N I S T o f f e r s u p a w i d e s m i l e d

s u p p r e s s e d a m u s e m e n t a t t h e f l u s t e r e d T E X A N B A B E

s t o o d i m p a t i e n t l y h o l d i n g t h e d e l i v e r y p a c k e t .
R E C E P T I O N I S T - ( m u t t e r s t o s e l f )
 M o r e a t t e n t i o n s e e k i n g , I  d l i k e t o r i n g t h a t t e m p s c r o o k e d n e c k . 
T E X A N B A B E - ( p a i n f u l l y p a t r o n i s i n g )
 S P E C I A L D E L I V E R Y f o r M i s s B . R . S t o o d . 
R E C E P T I O N I S T - ( B r i g h t a n d a l e r t )
 I s e e . W E a r e a l l u n d e r M i s s S t o o d . H o w m a y I b e o f s e r v i c e . 
T E X A N B A B E -
 C o u l d y o u s i g n f o r h e r p a c k a g e & P l e a s e . 
R E C E P T I O N I S T -
 P l e a s e ? O h y e s , w e a l w a y s a i m t o p l e a s e . 
P r e g n a n t s i l e n c e a s t h e g i r l l o o k s b l a n k l

y a t t h e o u t h e l d d e l i v e r y .
R E C E P T I O N I S T - ( r e a d i n g l a b e l , s l o w l y )
 B e & S t o o d & 
L o o k i n g t h e T E X A N B A B E u p a n d d o w n w i t h a n a p p

r a i s i n g e y e , t h e R E C E P T I O N I S T r i s e s . H e r h a n d s

g e s t i c u l a t e a c c e n t u a t i n g t h e c u r v e s o f h e r b o d y , t o s t r o k e

u p o v e r h e r u n f o r t u n a t e l y s m a l l t i t s . O n r e a c h i n

g h e r c h e e k s s h e m i m e s a b e a u t y q u e e n c r o w n .
T H E P . A . m o v e s t o a s s i s t f r o m t

h e p h o t o c o p i e r . T h e R E C E P T I O N I S T b a l a n c e s t h e

p a c k a g e o n h e r h e a d l i k e a m o d e l .
R E C E P T I O N I S T -
 H o w w o u l d y o u l i k e m e t o s t a n d ? 
T H E P . A . -
 W e l l a t l e a s t y o u r b o t h s t a n d i n g u p r i g h t . T h e M i s t r e s s l i k e s h e r g i r l s

t o s t a n d e r e c t f o r h e r a p p r o v a l , t h u s . 
T H E P . A . P o s i t i o n s T H E R E C E P T I O N I S T i n

a s l i g h t p o s e .
T E X A N B A B E -
 P e r h a p s y o u m i s u n d e r s t a n d & 
T H E P . A . g r a b s t h e p a c k e t l i k e a s t r i k i n g c o b

r a . P r e t e n d s t o r e a d t h e l a b e l s l o w l y b e f o r e

b a l a n c i n g i t b a c k a t o p t h e R E C E P T I O N I S T S h e a d .
R E C E P T I O N I S T -
 I t  s f o r M i s s B . S t o o d , W e a r e a l l b e n e a t h h e r , u n l i k e M i s s U n d e r s t o o d

. 
M o v i n g w i t h p e r f e c t p o i s e t h e R E C E P T I O N I S T p o

u t s w i t h f i n g e r s s u p p o r t i n g h e r c h i n f o r

a m i m e d p h o t o s h o o t . T h e p a c k e t r e m a i n s b a l a n c e d .
T H E P . A . -
 M i s s U n d e r s t a n d i n g i s a l s o b e n e a t h u s . I s n  t t h a t r i g h t g i r l . 
T h e r e c e p t i o n i s t c u r t s e y s a s t h e p a c k e t i s r e

m o v e d f r o m h e r h e a d b y T H E P . A . M o v i n g t o t h e f r o n t

o f t h e d e s k t h e R E C E P T I O N I S T l o o k s u p a t t h e T E X A N B A

B E a n d t r i e s t o s c r a t c h o u t t h e l i p s t i c k m a r

k o n h e r u n i f o r m s c o l l a r . T h e T E X A N s l a p s h e r h a n d

a w a y .
T H E T E M P a p p r o a c h e s t h e d e s k w i t

h a c o f f e e t r a y .
R E C E P T I O N I S T -
 W h y , t h a n k y o u M i s s . P e r h a p s a c o f f e e f r o m o u r A m e r i c a n F e e - M a i l e

r h e r e . A s y o u s e e , M i s s U n d e r s t a n d i n g h e r e i s s t i l l o n l y a t e m p , b e n e a t h e v e n I , M i

s s U n d e r s t o o d . 
B I L L I E s l a m s t h e r e a r i n t e r i o r o f f i c e d o o r b e h i n d h e r

a s s h e e n t e r s h e r p r i v a t e l a i r . C l o s e u p o f L e t t e r s

o n t h e d o o r  M I S S S T O O D - T H E B O S S  . T h e R E C E P T I O N I S T i n t h e f o r e

g r o u n d o f t h e o f f i c e w i d e s h o t t e n s e s v i s i b l y t o a t t e n

t i o n .
T H E P . A . - ( r e a d s p a c k a g e s n a p p i l y )
 M i s s & B . S t o o d . 
R E C E P T I O N I S T -
 I  m s o r r y i f I  v e b e e n a n a u g h t y M i s s , m u s t I s t a n d i n t h e c o r n e r a g a i n

? 
T H E P . A . -
 I f y o u  r e a g o o d g i r l y o u c a n d e l i v e r M i s s S t o o d s a f t e r n o o n c o f f e e . N o w

M i s s b e s t o o d w h e r e y o u d e s e r v e t o b e , q u i c k l y , t o o y o u r p o s i t i o n M i s s U n d e r s t o o d . L

e t m e s i g n f o r t h a t & 
T H E P . A s i g n s t h e T E X A N B A B E S d e l i v e r y c l i p f i l

e . A s t h e R E C E P T I O N I S T m o v e s t o s t a n d i n t h e c o r n

e r o f t h e o f f i c e h e a d b o w e d t o t h e w a l l . T H E P . A s l a p s h e r b e h i n d

w i t h t h e p a c k e t .
T H E P . A . - ( t o t h e T E X A N )
 S o r r y f o r h e r , e r , m i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g , I a m c e r t a i n s h e i s M i s s U n d e r s t o o

d , s i n c e y o u a r e f o r e i g n t o o u r l a n g u a g e l e t u s a v o i d f u r t h e r c o n f u s i o n , M i s s U n d e r s

t o o d s t a n d s i n t h e c o r n e r i n s h a m e , b e n e a t h a l l b u t t h e t e m p i n g g i r l - M i s s U n d e r s t a

n d i n g . I s n  t t h a t r i g h t ? N O & M I S S U N D E R S T A N D I N G . 
T H E P . A . c o m m a n d s t h e T E M P t o a h a l t w i t h a n o p e n h a n

d b l o c k .
T H E T E M P b r i n g s t h e t r a y o f c o f f e e s t o a h a l t , s h e c

u r t s e y s w i t h h e r e x a g g e r a t e d c r i c k e d n e c k , i t i s

p i n n i n g a w h i t e t e a t o w e l t o h e r s h o u l d e r l i k e a b u t l e r i n s e

r v i c e .
T H E P . A . -
 Y o u m a y s p e a k g i r l , i n t r o d u c e y o u r s e l f t o o u r A m e r i c a n f r i e n d n i c e l y . 
T H E T E M P -
 P l e a s e d t o m e e t y o u , I a m M i s s U n d e r s t a n d i n g , m a y I b e o f s e r v i c e t o y o

u . 




T H E T E X A N -
 I s e e . Y o u B r i t s & I  l l s k i p c o f f e e i f y o u d o n  t m i n d I  m i n a h u r r y . U P c o u r

i e r s a l w a y s d e l i v e r a h e a d o f t i m e . 
T h e T E X A N B A B E t u r n s w i t h a s u d d e n s p i n o n h e r c o w g i r l

b o o t h e e l . C u e  B o n a n z a  t h e m e t u n e i n b a c k g r o u n d a s

w e c l o s e u p o n h e r b o o t s . T h e l i f t i s o p e n i n g a s s h e a p p r o a c h e s w i t h

d e t e r m i n e d s t r i d e s . G R A Y H A M i s e x i t i n g t h e l i f t . S h

e a n d G R E Y H A M b o d y s w e r v e t h r o u g h t h e d o o r , h e

s t a n d s b a c k a g a i n s t t h e d o o r f r a m e i n f e a r . S h e s t i c k s a t o n g u e o u

t a t h i m a s s h e c l o s e s t h e d o o r o f t h e l i f t e x p e l l i

n g h i m o n t o t h e o f f i c e f l o o r f r o m t h e s n a p p i n g j a w s .
G R E Y H A M - ( n e r v o u s e x c i t e m e n t )
 W h o o n e a r t h , h a v e w e a n O i l b a r o n f o r a c l i e n t & 
T H E P . A . -
 W a g o n s r o l l . T h e U p d i s p a t c h t e a m , a l w a y s o n t o p e v e n t h o u g h t h e i r a i m i s a

m e r e s e r v i c e . G e t u p G r e y h a m y o u r e m i n d m e o f m y e x h u s b a n d l i k e t h a t . 
G R E Y H A M s t a n d s b r u s h i n g d o w n h i s

s u i t , p i c k s u p h i s s a t c h e l s t y l e b r i e f c a s e .
G R E Y H A M -
 T h e A m e r i c a n r e m i n d e d m e o f t h a t s w e e t E l l e f r o m t h e c y b e r C a f é , d o y o u r e m

e m b e r h o w w e l i n e d a n c e d a t t h e x m a s p a r t y ? 
T H E P . A . - ( s n i f f s t h e a i r )
 T o o l o n g o n t h e c h a t s a g a i n G r e y h a m ? B e e n p l a y i n g M a i d M a r r y i t t o a n i r o n i

c s i s t e r f i s t a ? S o m e t h i n g s m e l l s & f i s h y . 
T h e b e s p e c t a c l e d c o f f e e s e r v i c e o f t h e d o w d y

c r i c k e d n e c k e d T E M P i s o f f e r e d t o G R E Y H A M w h o

g r a b s a m u g a n d t h e p a c k a g e f r o m T H E P . A .
G R E Y H A M -
 F o r s h e w h o m u s t b e o b e y e d . 
T H E P . A . - ( s a r c a s t i c )
 A s e v e r . W e a l w a y s a i m t o p l e a s e . A n y r e a s o n w h y y o u r l a t e G e y h a m ? 
T H E P . A . s n a t c h e s b a c k t h e p a c k a g e .
 W e  v e b e e n B e S i d e s o u r s e l v e s w i t h w o r r y . 
G R E Y H A M -
 U n d e r s t o o d . W h o s e t h i s t h e n ? T h e c o f f e e t a s t e s l i k e A l l i e s s t u c k a M u s l i m f

o o t i n i t . H a s n  t t h e a g e n c y a n y o n e w i t h a f u l l n e c k ? 
T H E P . A . -
 B e t t e r t h a n n o n e c k a t a l l & c a n y o u i m a g i n e t h a t , h e a d w i t h o u t n e c k , I p r e f

e r t o s a v o u r m y h e a d , u n l i k e T u r k i s h c o f f e e , d o n  t t h e A r a b s s t i l l b e h e a d p e o p l e i n

B r a d f o r d i f t h e y c o m p l a i n a b o u t t h e f o o d ? . 
T H E P . A b l o w s t h e f r o t h f r o m h e r c a p p u c c i n o a t G R

E Y H A M . S h e p u l l s t h e T - c l o t h f r o m u n d e r t h e T E M P S c h i n a n d

w h i p s h e r b e h i n d w i t h i t b e f o r e t h r o w i n g i t t o G R E Y H A M w h o w

i p e s t h e f r o t h f r o m h i s s u i t c o l l a r w i t h e m b a r r a s

s m e n t . T H E P . A . d r o p s t h e p a c k a g e o n t h e t r a y .
G R E Y H A M -
 I s t h e r e a n y r e a s o n w h y s h e i s s t o o d i n t h e c o r n e r l i k e t h a t a g a i n ? 
T H E P . A . -
 I n s t i l l a t i o n o f f i c e a r t , t h e A m e r i c a n s l o v e i t , a s y o u c a n t e l l s h e  s b e i n g

a l i t t l e M i s s U n d e r s t o o d f o l l o w i n g o u r M i s s U n d e r s t a n d i n g h e r e . 
T H E P . A . w a l k s , s n a t c h i n g t h e T - t o w e l f r o m G R E Y H A M , t o

s t a n d i n c h e s b e h i n d t h e f r o z e n T E M P .
T H E P . A . - ( h o t b r e a t h a t t h e T e m p s E a r )
 N o w g i r l , Y o u f o r g o t t h e M i s t r e s s e s L a t t e & 
T h e P . A . d r o o p s t h e t - t o w e l o v e r t h e t e m p s c

r o o k e d n e c k a n d s l o w l y b e g i n s t o g l i d e t h e f a b r i c u p

a n d o v e r t h e w o m a n  s n a k e d s h o u l d e r .
T H E P . A . - ( h u s k i l y )
 N o w s e e i n g a s o n t h i s o c c a s i o n M i s s U n d e r s t o o d i s t h e g r e a t e r s h a m e t

o u s a l l , j u s t t h i s o n c e y o u m a y d e l i v e r a p a c k a g e t o t h e M i s t r e s s e s o f f i c e . D o n  t

f o r g e t n o w s h e t a k e s t w o s w e e t e n e r s . B e a g o o d g i r l a n d r u n a l o n g & N O W . 
T H E P . A . t h w a c k s t h e T E M P S b e h i n d w i t h t h e

t - t o w e l . S h e r u n s a l o n g . T H E P . A . K n o t s t h e

t o w e l i n h e r h a n d s a n d w a l k s t o w a r d s t h e R E C E P T I O N I S T s t o o d

h e a d b o w e d i n t h e c o r n e r o f t h e r o o m . G R E Y H A M a p

p r o a c h e s A L L I E .
G R E Y H A M - ( a s i d e )
 D o e s n  t s h e e v e r g e t o f f ? 
A L L I E -
 U n d e r M i s s S t o o d f r a n k l y I  m s u r p r i s e d w e h a v e n  t g o t g i r l s c h a i n e d t o

e v e r y d e s k . I n m y f a i t h o f c o u r s e i t i s o n l y n a t u r a l t h a t t h e h e a d o f t h e H a r e m t r a i

n t h e w i v e s & F a t t e m m a h a d m a n y g r e a t d u t i e s t o h e r m a s t e r . H o w e v e r I  m a b i t w o r r i e d

t h e B o s s m i g h t b e d e v e l o p i n g o n e o f t h o s e m u l t i p l e p e r s o n a l i t y t h i n g i e s . 
F r o m A L L I E S d e s k t o p i n t e r c o m -
B I L L I E - ( O . O . S . )
 M u l t i p l e s a r e j u s t f o r u s g i r l z . T h e r e  s n e v e r a n y c r e a m t o m y c o f f e e ,

n o w g e t t o w o r k y o u s e r f s . 
A L L I E -
 S e e , s h e  s a l w a y s a s n i c e a s y o u l i k e u s u a l l y , s p l i t p e r s o n a l i t y . 
G R A Y H A M -
 s h u s h . 
A L L I E -
 R e m i n d s m e o f M a d d o n a , t a p t h e p e r s o n a l i t y o n t h e h e a d a n d t h e k n i c k e r s

f a l l d o w n , e a s y t o s p l i t & a n d i f y o u  r e a v a m p i r e y o u c a n e v e n m a n a g e t h e m w h e n t h e

m o o n i s f u l l , s a m e w h e n i t c o m e s t o t h e B o s s , b u t j u s t w i t h h e r g i r l z . N o M u s l i m s t

o o p s t o t h a t . 
G R E Y H A M -
 S H E w h o M U S T b e o b e y e d . 

C U T :
S c e n e 4 :
S c r a p Y a r d : E x t e r i o r : D a y .
T r a n s i t i o n s c e n e 1 - C A R T O O N i n s t y l e o f a w e l l

k n o w n A m e r i c a n M T V s h o w w h e r e K e n n y p l a y s t h e

P a e d o .
O n s c r e e n c a p t i o n t y p e d i n r e a l t i m e w i t h f l a s h i n g c u

r s o r -  1 0 1 W a y s t o K i l l a P a e d o p h i l e : P A R T 1 
S c r e e n f a d e s i n t o s c r a p y a r d , c a r s p i l e d h i g h . A g r

o u p o f c h i l d r e n s t a n d i n a l a r g e c l e a r i n g i n t h e d e b r i s

s e e n f r o m a b o v e f r o m w i t h i n a c r a n e c a b . M i d s h o t o f k i d s r e v e a l s

m i n i a t u r i s e d E L L E , B I L L I E , A L L I E , G R E Y H A M

i n s c h o o l u n i f o r m , p i g t a i l s e t c . T h e g r o u p o f s e v e n y e a r o l d

k i d s w a t c h a c o n k e r t o u r n a m e n t . B I L L I E , a s a c h i l d a

i m s a t A L L I E S c o n k e r . A D I R T Y O L D M A N a p p r o a c h e s .

G R E Y A M t u r n s f r o m t h e g r o u p o f k i d s t o w a t c h t h e D I R T Y O L D M A N r u m m a

g e i n h i s p o c k e t s . H e e v e n t u a l l y p u l l s o u t a w h i t e p a p e

r b a g o f s w e e t s a n d o f f e r s o n e t o G R E Y H A M , e n t i c e d o u t o f

t h e r i n g o f k i d s w a t c h i n g c o n k e r s . B I L L I E t h w a c k s A L L I E o n t h e

b a c k o f t h e h a n d w i t h h e r c o n k e r .

B I L L I E - ( p i t c h s h i f t e d h i g h )
 H o w  s t h a t 
A L L I E h o p s a r o u n d b i t i n g h i s h a n d O n c e h e f i n i s h e s

h i s d a n c e o f p a i n r e s i s t a n c e w i t h i n t h e c i r c l e o f k i d s

h e p o i n t s a t t h e D I R T Y O L D M A N . T h e M A N , s w e e t b a g o p e n i s g e s t u

r i n g t o G R E Y H A M , e n t i c i n g h i m f u r t h e r o u t o f t h e g r o u p

. G R E Y H A M w a l k s s l o w l y t o w a r d s h i m w i t h w i d e e y e d i n n o c e n c e .

G R E Y H A M l i c k s h i s l i p s . T h e D I R T Y O L D M A N r u b s a t h i s t h i g h s w

i t h U l r i k a . . k a l e v e l s o f e x c i t e m e n t .
A L L K I D S - ( e x c e p t G R E Y H A M )
 P a e d o p h i l e ! ! ! 
T h e g r o u p s t a r e p o i n t i n g f i n g e r s a s a d e m o l i t i o n c r a n e

m e t a l b a l l s w i n g s o v e r t h e i r s h o r t h e a d s . T h e D I R T Y O L D

M A N i s h i t i n t h e t o r s o a n d c a r r i e d o f f o n t h e s w i n g i n g b a l l . S a t i s f

y i n g s q u e l c h a s t h e b a l l h i t s a n d f a d i n g s o u n d o f h i m

f l y i n g o f f w i t h a s c r e a m . B I L L I E h i t s G R E Y H A M o v e r t h e

h e a d w i t h a c o n k e r .
B I L L I E - ( p i t c h s h i f t e d h i g h )
 S t u p i d ! 
T h e s c e n e f r i e z e s o n a w i d e o f t h e k i d s f r o m a b o v e a n d

t h e c a p t i o n  1 0 1 W a y s t o K i l l a P a e d o p h i l e  r e - a p p e a r .
C U T :
S c e n e 5 :
S u r f s U p c y b e r C a f é : I n t : D a y .
E L L E s i t s o n a b a r s t o o l b e h i n d t h e c o f f e e b a r . O n h

e r l a p t o p , c o m p l e t e w i t h i n t e g r a l c y b e r c a m , s h e h a s t h e

f r o z e n  1 0 1 W a y s &  e n d o f s c e n e . S h e c l i c k s t h e l i n e i n t h e c o r n e

r o f t h e s c r e e n a n d t h e w i n d o w r e d u c e s d o w n t o t h e t o o l

b a r . S h e c l i c k s a h e a d e r o n t h e b a s e l i n e r e a d i n g  O f f i c e S p y

C a m s  . T h e w i n d o w o p e n s d i v i d e d i n t o f o u r e q u a l s e c u r i t y

c a m e r a s c e n e s . W e s e e B I L L I E S O F F I C E , t h e m a i n O F F I C E ,

t h e G e n t s t o i l e t s a n d R E C E P T I O N .
E n t e r t h e V I C A R . A b a l d i n g A n g l i c a n w i t h a s t r a n g e r

e s e m b l a n c e t o t h e D I R T Y O L D M A N .
V I C A R -
 E s p r e s s o m y d e a r , a n d I  d l i k e i t b e f o r e n e x t S u n d a y . 
E L L E m a k e s a n E s p r e s s o .
V I C A R -
 M a k e i t a d o u b l e , I n e e d a l i t t l e e x t r a s p i r i t b e f o r e m y n e x t S u r f & s o m a n y

l o s t s o u l s t o c h a t w i t h . 
E L L E -
 T w o a t o n c e V i c a r ? W e d o r e s e r v e t h e r i g h t t o m o n i t o r c l i e n t t r a n s a c t i o n s . 
V I C A R -
 G o d f o r g i v e y o u . 
E L L E s e r v e s t h e c o f f e e w i t h a s m i l e .
E L L E -
 N o c r e a m t o d a y t h e n v i c a r ? 
V I C A R -
 I a l w a y s d o m y m o r n i n g a b l u t i o n s . R o l l u p f o r t h e s e c o n d c o m i n g . 
E L L E -
 T r y b l a c k o n b l o n d , t h e y  r e w i t h t h e d e v i l h i m s e l f . 
T h e V I C A R p a y s f o r t h e c o f f e e .
V I C A R -
 J u s t a h a l f h o u r s e s s i o n , I h a v e a b a p t i s m s o o n . 
E L L E p r i n t s o f f a c o m p u t e r p a s s w o r d f r o m t h e t i l l .
E L L E -
 N u m b e r 2 v i c a r ? 
V I C A R d o w n s t h e d o u b l e E s p r e s s o w i t h a B i t t e r g r i m a c e

.
V I C A R -
 O h n o , t h e y  v e a v e r y s w e e t s m i l e a t t h a t a g e , I a l w a y s p r e f e r t o t h i n k

o f n u m b e r o n e s w h e n t h e l i t t l e d a r l i n g s a r e o v e r t h e f o n t . 
E L L E -
 B e e n s u p p l y i n g t h e w i n e b a r w i t h L a g e r t h e n h a v e w e V i c a r ? T a s t e s j u s t

l i k e h o l y & w a t e r . 
T h e V I C A R m o v e s t o t e r m i n a l t w o a n d l o g s o n .
E L L E c l i c k s o n t h e m i n i s h o t o f B I L L I E S O F F I C E a

n d i t w i d e n s t o a p p e a r f u l l s c r e e n u p o n h e r l a p t o p .

S h e p i c k s u p t h e E s p r e s s o c u p a n d p l a c e s i t u n d e r t h e c o u n t e r .
C U T :
S c e n e 6 :
B I L L I E S O F F I C E : I n t : D a y
T h e T E M P s t a n d s w i t h a t r a y b a l a n c e d o n o n e

h a n d , n e c k c r i c k e d e x a g g e r a t e d l y t o o n e

s i d e . B I L L I E p i c k s i n a c o f f e e c u p i n h e r m a n i c u r e d f i n g e r s .
S h e t a k e s a s l o w s i p , e x t r e m e c l o s e u p o f h e r k i s s

i n g t h e c u p , l e a v i n g l i p s t i c k m a r k . V e r y

s l o w l y s h e t a k e s t h e p a c k a g e f r o m t h e t r a y . S h e r e a d s t h e

a d d r e s s e e f r o m t h e b a c k o f t h e p a c k e t .
B I L L I E -
 C h a r l i e & w a s t h e r e a n y v e r b a l m e s s a g e f r o m t h a t R o d e o G i r l ? 
T E M P -
 N o M i s s S t o o d . 
B I L L I E -
 I  d l i k e t o s e e h e r a l l t i e d u p w i t h e x t r a c h o r e s f o r y o u r B o s s w o u l d n  t y o

u ? G e t t h e P . A . t o t r a c e h e r p e r s o n a l n u m b e r a n d w h e n y o u a r e a l o n e i n m y o f f i c e y o u

w i l l c a l l m e M i s t r e s s . 
T E M P -
 Y e s M i s t r e s s s t o o d . 
B I L L I E -
 N o t f o r y o u I d i d n  t . Y o u a r e a L i t t l e M i s s - U n d e r - S t o o d g i r l . W h e n y o u a r

e r e q u i r e d t o s p e a k , M i s t r e s s a l o n e w i l l s u f f i c e . 
B I L L I E s p i l l s c o f f e e o n t h e f l o o r .
B I L L I E -
 D o w n o n y o u r k n e e s a n d w i p e i t u p . 
T E M P -
 I s t h i s i n m y c o n t r a c t & 
B I L L I E -
 O n Y o u r k n e e s & N O W 
T h e T E M P t a k e s a n a p k i n f r o m h e r t o p p o c k e t a n d w i p e s t h e

f l o o r a s B I L L I E c i r c l e s h e r k n e e l i n g f o r m l i k e a b i r d o f

p r e y .
B I L L I E -
 Y o u n e e d t o w o r k o n y o u r h u m i l i t y , y o u w e r e n o t t o l d t o s p e a k , w h a t i f a c l

i e n t w a s h e r e ? 
T h e g i r l t w i s t s t o r a i s e h e r h e a d , s t i l l c r i c k e d t o o n e s i d e .

S h e n o d s u n h a p p i l y , a s b e s t s h e c a n .
B I L L I E r e a d i n g t h e p a c k a g e s e n d e r .
B I L L I E - ( t o h e r s e l f )
 C h a r l i e , C h a r l i e , C h a r l i e , a l w a y s h e l p s t o a d d a l i t t l e s p i c e t o t h i n g s & h a

v e t h e y i n i t i a t e d y o u y e t i n t h e m a i n o f f i c e , t h i s c o f f e e d o e s n  t h a v e m y u s u a l w h i t

e n e r i n i t . 
T h e T E M P s h a k e s h e r t o r s o w o r r i e d l y o n h e r k n e e s . B I L L I E s t a n d

s w i t h a s t i l e t t o p i n n i n g d o w n t h e g i r l s n a p k i n .
B I L L I E -
 N e x t t i m e m a k e s u r e t o b r i n g s i l k f o r c l e a n i n g u p f o r y o u r M i s t r e s s . 
B I L L I E r e l e a s e s t h e n a p k i n f r o m h e r h e e l a n d t u r n s b

a c k t o f a c e h e r d e s k . S h e s i t s o n t h e e d g e f o l d i n g h e r l o n g

l e g s s l o w l y t o f l a s h t h e i n t e r i o r o f h e r s u i t s m i n i s k i r t , h o l d u

p w h i t e l a c e s t o c k i n g t o p s . t h e k n e e l i n g T E M P b l u

s h e s .
B I L L I E - ( t o h e r s e l f )
 C h a r l i e , C h a r l i e , C h a r l i e , N o w w h a t h a v e w e h e r e ? 
S h e o p e n s t h e p a c k e t b y s c r a t c h i n g a l o n g r e d p a i n t e d

n a i l t h r o u g h t h e p a c k e t e n d l i k e a p a p e r k n i f e . S h e

s t a n d s u p f r o m s i t t i n g a t t h e f r o n t e d g e o f t h e d e s k a n d m o v e s t o s i

t i n h e r p l u s h a n t i q u e l e a t h e r d e s k c h a i r . S h e p r e s s e s

a k e y o n h e r l a p t o p a t o p t h e g r e e n l e a t h e r f i n i s h o f t h e o a k

d e s k .
B I L L I E -
 E L L E a r e y o u b u s y ? 
E L L E - ( O O S f r o m c o m p u t e r s p e a k e r )
 N o B I L L I E h o w a r e y o u t h i s m o r n i n g ? 
C U T t o :
V i d e o C o n f e r e n c e s p l i t s c r e e n -

B I L L I E -
 M i s t r e s s S t o o d f o r g o d s a k e s , I  m t r a i n i n g u p o u r t e m p g i r l i n o f f i c e e t i q u

e t t e . 
E L L E -
 I n e v e r w o u l d h a v e g u e s s e d , w e  l l b e b u s y h e r e w a t c h i n g o u t f o r y o u r m a i d t

h e n . I  v e a c l i e n t h e r e m i g h t b e i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e f o o t - a g e . 
B I L L I E -
 M o r e t e a V i c a r ? 
E L L E -
 H o w d i d y o u g u e s s ? R e g u l a r a s c l o c k w o r k w i t h h i s n u m b e r o n e s a p p a r e n t l y . 
B I L L I E -
 W e  v e a l i t t l e s o m e t h i n g f r o m t h a t C h a r l i e I w a s t e l l i n g y o u a b o u t . 
E L L E -
 T h e L o n d o n R u d e B o y ? B r i n g a l i t t l e s o m e t h i n g o v e r a s s o o n a s y o u r f r e e . 
C u t t o :
B i l l i e  s O f f i c e .
V i d e o c o n f e r e n c e e n d s a s B I L L I E c l o s e s t h e n

o t e b o o k P . C . a n d s t a n d s t o w a l k p a s t t h e

c r o u c h i n g T E M P .

B I L L I E -
 Y o u m a y r i s e g i r l . B e s u r e t o w i p e m y l e a t h e r s e a t d o w n w h i l s t I  m o u t o n b

u s i n e s s & W h a t w a s t h a t y o u s a i d g i r l & y o u r e a l l y a r e P A T H E T I C & d i d I h e a r a y e s o r a

t h a n k y o u ? 
T E M P -
 Y e s M i s t r e s s . T H A N K - Y O U 

C U T :
S c e n e 7 :
D u a l c a r r i a g e w a y : E x t e r i o r : D a y
 9 t o 5  D o l l y P a r t o n o n r a d i o . U P d e l i v e r y V a n s e e n f r

o m a b o v e .
R A D I O C O N T R O L L E R - ( O O S )
 I m m e d i a t e P i c k u p f r o m S u r f s U p C y b e r c a f é - S o u t h E n d o n S e a . 
T E X A N B A B E -
 B r e a k e r , B r e a k e r t h a t  s a n a f f i r m a t i v e R a d i o h e a d . 
S p e e d i n g U P P a r c e l v a n h a n d b r e a k t u r n s o f f t h e d u

a l c a r r i a g e w a y l i k e a s c e n e f r o m  G r a n d T h e f t A u t o  . T h e

v a n f i s h t a i l s a r o u n d a s t r a y d o g .
C u t t o :
I n t e r i o r o f v a n , T E X A N B A B E t h r o w s a H e r c h i e c h o c o l a t

e d r o p i n t h e a i r a n d c a t c h e s i t i n h e r m o u t h .
C U T :
S c e n e 8 :
M a i n O f f i c e : I n t : D a y
A L L I E s c r e w s u p s o m e p a p e r w o r k a n d t h r o w s i t t h r o u g h a b a s k e t

b a l l n e t a b o v e h i s w a s t e p a p e r b i n . H e h a n d s s o m e a c c o u n t s t o
G R E Y H A M .
G R E Y H A M -
 A c c o u n t s f o r t h e b a n k m a n a g e r ? 
A L L I E -
 A c c o u n t s f o r M e r c h a n t B a n k e r s ? N o t t h i s e a r l y , f o r t h e p a p e r s h r e d d e r . 
G R E Y H A M -
 D o I l o o k l i k e t h e T e m p c l e r k h e r e ? 

A L L I E -
 N o t f a r w r o n g a f t e r e x h i b i t i o n y o u r s e l f t h e x m a s p a r t y , o n e t o o m a n y P i n k

L a d i e s ? R e a l l y G r e y h a m , h o w c o u l d y o u . 
G R E Y H A M m o v e s t o t h e s h r e d d e r b e s i d e s t h e p h o t o c o p i e r ,

f l u s t e r e d .
G R E Y H A M - ( t o s e l f )
 M e r c h a n t B a n k e r s . 
G R E Y H A M a b s e n t l y f e e d s t h e s h r e d d e r .
A L L I E -
 W e  l l h a v e t o s e e i f t h a t h u n c h b a c k o f a T e m p i s w e a r i n g a n y k n i c k e r s , d o

y o u t h i n k s h e  l l s i t a t o p t h e c o p i e r f o r u s ? 
G R E Y H A M -
 A l w a y s s e x s e x s e x i s n  t i t 
A L L I E w i n k s a t t h e P . A . n o d d i n g h i s h e a d t o o n e s i d e

t o w a r d s G R E Y H A M . T H E P . A . s m i l e s v i c i o u s l y a t G R E Y H A M S t i e

a t o p t h e p a p e r s f e e d i n g i n t o t h e s h r e d d e r .
A L L I E -
 N o t a l w a y s & n o t w h e n y o u r c o n c e r n e d . H o w d o y o u t h i n k h e r n e c k e n d e d u p l i k

e t h a t . 
G R E Y H A M -
 P u n i s h m e n t f r o m g o d f o r h e r s i n s n o d o u & o w & o w & o w t - e e a k ! 
G R E Y H A M S h e a d t h u d s i n t o t h e d e s k d r a g g e d d o w n b y

t h e t i e t o w a r d s t h e w h i r r i n g s h r e d d e r . H e f i g h t s b a c k .

F o l l o w i n g t w o s u b m i s s i o n s a n d f u r t h e r l o u d h e a d b u t s a g a i n s t t h e d e s k

h e p u l l s f r e e h i s s h r e d d e d t i e .
T H E P . A . -
 S t u p i d b o y , y o u  l l b e d o c k e d f r o m y o u r w a g e s i f w e h a v e t o b r i n g o u t t h e E n

g i n e e r s . 
A L L I E -
 D i d B i l l i e s a y w h e r e s h e w a s o f f t o o , d i d a n y o n e r e a d w h o t h e p a c k e t w a s f

r o m . 
T h e T E M P e n t e r s f r o m B I L L I E S O F I C E d o o r .
T E M P -
 I  v e b e e n v e r y g o o d w i p i n g d o w n h e r c u s h i o n , s o m e t h i n g a b o u t C h a r l i e . 

T H E P . A . -
 G o o d g i r l , M i s t r e s s l i k e s a l i t t l e C h a r l i e & o u r G r e y h a m s d o i n g a v e r y g o o d

i m p r e s s i o n o f o n e r i g h t n o w . A n d A l l i e w e  l l h a v e n o n e o f t h a t B i l l i e i n t h e o f f i c e ,

s o u n d s t o o c h e a p , l o w e r s t h e t o n e , M i s s S t o o d m u s t b e r e s p e c t e d e v e n i n h e r a b s e n c e .




A L L I E -
 M o n i t o r i n g u s v i a t h e s e c u r i t y c a m e r a s a g a i n i s s h e , I  m s o s c a r e d . 
G R E Y H A M -
 T h e w a l l s h a v e e a r s . 
A L L I E -
 B e e n t a l k i n g i n t o n g u e s d o w n t h e c h u r c h a g a i n h a v e w e & i n B r a d f o r d t h e M o s q

u e s m i n a r e t w a s f u l l o f w h i s p e r s a b o u t y o u r p e r v e r s e C h r i s t i a n w a y s . 
G R E Y H A M s e l f c o n s c i o u s l y p o k e s a f i n g e r i n o n e e a

r a n d f l a p s i t .
A L L I E -
 D i d I e v e r t e l l y o u a l l h o w S o c i a l i s t L a b o u r u p i n B r a d f o r d k e p t s t i c k i n g N

. F . t a t t o o s o n b l o k e s a r m s d o w n t h e p u b & N e w L a b o u r S p i n & T h e i r a l l t o o t h i c k t o b e

o r g a n i s e d r a c i s t s . P r a i s e A l l a h f o r E s s e x . 
P . A . -
 E s s e x m a n c a n s t i l l m i s t a k e y o u f o r a P a c k i e I h e a r d 
A L L I E -
 P a c k i e o f w h a t ? I  l l h a v e s a l t a n d v i n e g a r c r i s p s a n d a p i n t o f B e s t B i t t e r

. Y o u r r o u n d a t l u n c h . 
G R E Y H A M -
 W h a t d o y o u c a l l a n E s s e x m a n w i t h t w o b r a i n c e l l s & 

T H E P . A . -
 D o s h u t u p G r e y h a m . S e l f r e f e r e n t i a l h u m o u r r e a l l y i s n  t t h a t f u n n y . I s n  t

h e a p a i n i n t h e n e c k g i r l . 
T E M P - ( t o t h e r e c e p t i o n i s t )
 I t  s n o t j u s t m e t h e n ? 
T h e R E C E P T I O N I S T c o c k s h e r h e a d t o o n e s i d e

a n d r u b s i t a s s h e s t i c k s o u t h e r t o n g u e .
C U T :
S c e n e 9 :
T V g a m e s h o w s t u d i o : I n t e r i o r .
C o n t e s t a n t s a t b u z z e r s w i t h s c o r e d i s p l a

y s i n a s e m i c i r c l e a r o u n d B I L L I E d r e s s e d i n a b l a c k

c a t s u i t w i t h t h i g h h i g h b o o t s a n d w i r e f r a m e g l a s s e s .
N A R A T O R - ( O O S )
 A n d o n t o n i g h t s  t h e w e a k e s t n e c k  A n n e R u b s i t i n c o n f r o n t s t h e c o n t e s t a

n t s w i t h t h e i r c r i m e s b e f o r e y o u t h e v i e w e r d e c i d e t o c r o s s q u e s t i o n t h e m . W h o w i l l

e s c a p e t h e n o o s e t h i s w e e k ? C o n t e s t a n t 1 - R a p i s t , C o n t e s t a n t 2 - c o p k i l l e r , C o n t e s t a

n t 3 - n e t p a e d o p h i l e
C o n t e s t a n t 4 - I n c o m e t a x i n s p e c t o r & 


C u t t o :
T h e S c r e e n f l i c k s a s i f a P C w i n d o w h a s b

e e n r e d u c e d t o v i e w a p h o t o o f a d o n k e y w i t h E L L E

d r e s s e d a s H i e d i . A m o u s e p o i n t e r m o v e s u p t o t h e t o p

r i g h t o f t h e s c r e e n .
V I C A R - ( O O S )
 S i n f u l l i t t l e g i r l s . 
T h e s c r e e n c l o s e s d o w n t o r e v e a l d e s k t o p w a l l

p a p e r w i t h b o l d 3 D l e t t e r s  S u r f s U p W e b T . V .  . T h e

m o u s e p o i n t e r f l i e s t o t h e b o t t o m o f t h e s c r e e n a n d c l i

c k s a b o x . W i n d o w o p e n s o f s t u d i o .
C u t t o :
T h e g a m e s h o w s t u d i o .
C l o s e u p o f B I L L I E .
B I L L I E -
 A n d w h i c h o f y o u t o n i g h t w i l l f a c e t h e f i n a l c u r t a i n , h e a d i n n o o s e ? W e l c o m

e t o & t h e  W e a k e s t N e c k  . 

C U T :
S c e n e 1 0 :
S u r f s U p C y b e r C a f é : I n t : D a y
E n t e r B I L L I E . T h e V I C A R i s o n t h e n e t s t i l l w a t c h i n g 

A n n e R u b s i t i n : t h e W e a k e s t n e c k .  E L L E i s b e h i n d t h e

c o f f e e b a r . S h e m a k e s a L a t t e f o r B I L L I E o n s e e i n g h e r a p p r o a c h f r

o m t h e C a f é w i n d o w . S h e w e a r s e n o r m o u s G u c c i s h a d e s a n d

a s u n h a t .
E L L E -
 C o f f e e B i l l i e . 
B I L L I E p l a c e s t h e U P d e l i v e r y p a c k a g e o n t h e b

a r .
B I L L I E -
 C h a r l i e . 
E L L E m o t i o n s h e r h e a d t o i n d i c a t e t h e V I C

A R w a t c h i n g t h e m f r o m h i s s e a t a t a t e r m i n a l .
E L L E -
 S o i t  s C h a r l i e t o d a y i s i t , a l w a y s t h e o n e f o r r o l l p l a y . 
B I L L I E -
 N o p e s t i l l t h e s a m e o l d B i l l i e , i t  s C h a r l i e f r o m L o n d o n , w e h a v e A M I S S S H

O N E . 
E L L E -
 E x c u s e m e v i c a r d i d n  t y o u h a v e a b a r m i t s f a t o b e a t ? 
T h e V I C A R b e g i n s t o s h u t d o w n c l o s i n g w e b p a g e

s o n s c r e e n .
B I L L I E -
 N i c e f l o w e r s , a n y b o d y I s h o u l d k n o w ? 
E L L E - ( s a r c a s t i c m i m i c )
 M y n a m e s G r a y h a m a n d I  m a b o r n a g a i n r o m a n t i c s i n c e t h e y c a u g h t m e l o o k i n g

a t L o l i t a w e b s i t e s . 
B I L L I E -
 Y e s , w e l l i f G r e y h a m s b o r n a g a i n v i r t u e i s a n y t h i n g t o g o b y I a s s u m e t h e V

i c a r  T a k e e a t s f o r t h i s i s m y b o d y  a b i t t o o f a r d o w n a t t h e V i c a r a g e . 
E L L E -
 H e  l l b e f o l l o w i n g G r e y - h a m N o r t o n s l e a d w i t h t h e P o p e n e x t . A l w a y s c o u r t i n

g t h e p o n t i f f s r i n g p i e c e , l i k e s t o k i s s u p t o i t . 
V I C A R -
 W e  r e c h u r c h o f E n g l a n d w e d o n  t b e l i e v e i n a n y o f t h e i r s t u f f . 
E L L E -
 O h , t h e f r e e m a s o n b r e a k s h i s c o d e o f s i l e n c e . 
B I L L I E -
 N o r e a l s t r a i n f o r u s g i r l s w i t h t h e m e n  s m o v e m e n t - a r e y o u r e g u l a r v i c a r ?

E L L E -
 T h e y l i k e t o c a r e a n d s h a r e s i n c e t h a t A l p h a c o u r s e t h i n g l o o k e d l i k e a n i c

e l i t t l e e a r n e r . 


B I L L I E - ( g i r l i e )
 C a n I p l a y A l p h a B i t c h , I a l w a y s l i k e a g o o d d u m p o f a m o r n i n g , I  d l o v e t o

s h a r e t h e e x p e r i e n c e w i t h a g r o u p o f m e n i n a p r o n s . 
T h e V I C A R h e a d s f o r t h e d o o r .
V I C A R -
 B a p t i s m . A n d b e f o r e y o u b u r n y o u r b r a s h o w c o m e t h e w o m e n  s m o v e m e n t a l w a y s

t a k e s 9 m o n t h s f o r a d e c e n t d e l i v e r y ? S o c i a l i s t s t h e l o t o f t h e m , a l l h i d i n g a d e s i r

e t o e n d u p i n L a b o u r . 
H e l e a v e s .
E L L E -
 C h a r l i e s d e l i v e r y . Q u i c k I  l l c l o s e s h o p . 
E L L E l o c k s t h e d o o r .
B I L L I E r e m o v e s t h e D V D - R w i t h i n t h e p

a c k a g e . E L L E r i p s t h e n e t w o r k c o n n e c t o r

f r o m b e h i n d P C 1 . B I L L I E p o u t s d o w n a t h e r a s s h e

b e n d s t o t h e t a s k .
E L L E -
 L e a v e i t o u t b i t c h , w h a t a r e y o u l o o k i n g a t , s a v e i t f o r t h e b i m b o s a t t h e

w i n e b a r . 
B I L L I E -
 S u c h a w a s t e o f a f i n e b o d y . 

B I L L I E h a n d s t h e D V D - R t o E L L E , s h e i n

s e r t s i t i n P C o n e s D V D r e a d e r . E L L E

c l i c k s t h e m o u s e a n d t h e g i r l s s i t o n s w i v e l c h a i r s

t o t a k e a l o o k a t t h e s c r e e n .
C U T :
S c e n e 1 1 :
R a i l w a y S t a t i o n w a i t i n g r o o m : I n t : D a y

T h e c a p t i o n  T r a i n i n g M i s s i o n : H u n t a n d d e s t r o y

P a e d o p a r t 1  a p p e a r s 3 D o n s c r e e n .
A r a s t a v o i c e w i t h a c o c k n e y l i l t i s h e a r

d o n s c r e e n . F a d e f r o m b l a c k ; a l e a t h e r p o r k p i e

h a t , b l a c k l e a t h e r p e n c i l t i e , b l a c k s u i t a n d w h i t e a s h i s

t e e t h s h i r t a p p e a r o n s c r e e n w i t h a v e r y r u d e

s m i l e . F a c e o b s c u r e d b y d a r k e f f e c t .

C H A R L I E :
 J a h l u v t h e r i g h t e o u s m o n a n d e v e n  i s b i t c h e s s h a l l i n h e r i t t h e w o r l d . N o w

t h e m a n d i d c r e a t e a l l t h a t i s r i g h t e o u s b u t t h e i r w a s p l e n t y b u l l s h i t i n t h e g a r d e n

f r o m t h o s e w h o i s n e b b i n g o n e y e a n d I  s b u s i n e s s . T h u s w e i s i n d a m o v i e s f o r S u r f

s U p W e b T . V . a n d c o i n c i d e n t a l b e a n y r e s e m b l a n c e t o t h o s e l i v i n o r b r o w n b r e a d t h e r

e o n . T h e n t h e s e r p e n t e n t e r e d d a g a r d e n a n d I h a s f i l l e d i n m e e x p e n s e a c c o u n t s o n

t h e w o r d d o c u m e n t o n t h e C D a n d y e s B i l l i e , C h a r l i e s a y m a n y m a n y m o n e y c o s y o u b e t t

e r b e l i e v e t h a t p l e n t y w a s t h e o v e r h e a d s f o r a l l d e m w e b c a m s g i r l z . N e x t I h a s f o u

n d s o m e o f d e m r u d e s k i n h e a d M o o n s t o m p b o y s w h o w a s f o r m e r l y s c r u b b i n g f l o o r s f o r h e

r m a g i s t y & N o w a s J a h a g r e e s , t h e g a n g s t e r s s a y s o c k i t t o  e m J . B . a n d i n t h e t r a i

n i n g f i l m w e h a s m a d e y o u w i l l g e t a l i t t l e h i n t a t y o u r E x c e s s e s M i s s S h o n e . 
E L L E : ( O O S )
 w e h a v e d a M i s s S h o n e ! 

C u t t o :
R a i l w a y S t a t i o n : E x t : D a y
A s i n g l e w h i t e s k i n h e a d a l i g h t s o n t o t h e p l a

t f o r m , w e a r i n g D o c . M a r t i n b l a c k b o v e r b o o t s a n d

o r a n g e o v e r a l l s . C u e  T h e t h i e v i n g m a g p i e  . A s e c o n d

s k i n h e a d , d r e s s e d a l i k e s t e p s o f f t h e n e x t c a r

r i a g e , a n d a t h i r d f r o m t h e n e x t c a r r i a g e

e t c & i n t i m e t o m u s i c , t i l l a l i n e o f o r a n g e s k i n s f i l e a l o n g

t h e p l a t f o r m a n d o u t o n t o t h e s t r e e t , p e r f e c t l

y p a c e d t o m a i n t a i n t h e i r f o r m a t i o n .
C l o s e u p o f m a r c h i n g D . M . s .
I n t i m e t o m u s i c . T h e y f i l e a r o u n d t h e p

e r i m e t e r o f a c h u r c h , s u g g e s t e d l o c a t i o n S t

P e t e r s B r i g h t o n .
S K I N 1 -
 S o u n d o f f & o n e & 
S K I N 2 -
 o n e , t w o & 
S K I N 3 -
 o n e , t w o , t h r e e & 
S K I N 2 n i p s i n t o t h e c h u r c h .
S k i n 4 -
 o n e , a n d t h r e e , f o u r & 
S k i n 5 -
 o n e , a n t h r e e , f o u r , f i v e & 
S K I N 2 t h r o w s t h e V I C A R 2 o n t o t h e

p e r i m e t e r p a t h w i t h a b l o o d y l i p . T h e

v i c a r c o w e r s f o e t a l .
S K I N 6 -
 A o n e , a t w o , t h r e e , & 
K i c k s t h e v i c a r t h r e e t i m e s i n t h e r

i b s .
 & a n d f o u r , a n d f i v e a n d S I X !  .
S K I N 2 j o i n s i n t h e k i c k i n g . S k i

n s 1 , 3 , 4 & 5 p e r i m e t e r w a l k . J u m p c u t

f r o m b o o t s t o f a c e c l o s e u p o n e a c h c h a n t i n g w i t h

i n c r e a s i n g v o l u m e -
A L L S K I N S -
 K i l l t h e p a e d o ! K i l l t h e P a e d o K i l l t h e . . 
O n c o m p l e t i n g t h e c i r c u i t o f t h e o u t e r

c h u r c h e a c h s k i n j o i n s i n t h e k i c k i n g .
A h a v e a g o h e r o r u n s a w a y a s S k i n 1 j o

i n s t h e k i c k i n g , t h e h e r o g o e s f o r

a p h o n e b o x . S k i n 6 b r e a k s o f f , f o l l o w e d b y 5 a t t e n

f e e t d i s t a n c e , f o l l o w e d b y S K I N 4 a t t e n f e e t e t c .

V i c a r 2 p u l p o n p a v e m e n t . T h e s k i n s m o

v e c o l l e c t i v e l y i n p e r f e c t l i n e f o r m a t i o n

i n t o a n e a r b y G e n t l e m a n  s t o i l e t s . E v e r y o t h e r

c u b i c l e i s l o c k e d . T h e y s t a n d a t a t t e n t i

o n , s t a r t i n g w i t h s k i n 1 a t t h e f u r t

h e s t c u b i c l e u n t i l t h e y a l l s t a n d i n a r o w f a c i n g

i n t o t h e t o i l e t s . T h e y e n t e r t h e e v e n l y s p a c e d

f r e e W . C . c u b i c l e s . D o o r s s l a m i n

a p e r c u s s i v e e v e n r h y t h m i n t i m e t o m u s i c .

O r a n g e b o i l e r s u i t s f l y o v e r t h e c u b i c l e w a l l s i n t o

t h e a d j a c e n t c u b i c l e s . P o r k p i e h a t s

a r e p a s s e d i n t i m e b e n e a t h t h e l o w e r g a p i n

t h e w a l l s . 1 2 m e n f i l e o u t i n a s y n c h r o n i s e d d o o r

o p e n i n g a n d m a r c h o u t o f t h e t o i l e t s . 6 B

l a c k b a l d g u y s i n O r a n g e b o i l e r s a n d 6 w h

i t e r u d e b o y s i n t o n i c s u i t s , p o r k p i e s , w h i t e

p e n c i l t i e s o n b l a c k s h i r t s . P e r f e c t l y i n

f o r m a t i o n , a s t h e y l e a v e g e n t s , b l a c k

g u y t u r n s r i g h t , w h i t e g u y t u r n s

l e f t , e v e n l y s p a c e d .
C u t t o :
C o p c a r : I n t : D a y .
T w o c o p s a w a i t o r d e r s i n t h e s t a t i o n a

r y v e h i c l e .

R a d i o C o n t r o l l e r - ( O O S )
 C a l l i n g a l l c a r s & s e r i o u s i n c i d e n t , v i c a r d o w n . 
T h e c a r w h e e l s p i n s a n d a c c e l e r a

t e s h a r d . S i r e n o n .
 S u s p e c t s S k i n h e a d s i n O r a n g e b o i l e r s u i t s , a p p r o a c h w i t h e x t r e m e c a u t i o

n . 
P o l i c e c a r s r a c e u p t o b l a c k g u y s a

n d a r o u n d t h e c h u r c h , r o u n d i n g u p t h e

b a l d h e a d b l a c k g u y s i n o r a n g e b o i l e r s u i t s . H a n d s

o v e r t h e h e a d a n d u p a g a i n s t t h e c a r

w h i l s t s t a n d a r d p o l i c e b r u t a l i t y e n s u

e s . P a s s e r s b y s h o w c o n c e r n .
C u t t o :
T r a i n S t a t i o n : E x t : D a y .
T h e t r a i n p u l l s o u t . I n e a c h c a r

r i a g e a r u d e b o y i n a p o r k p i e h a t p u t s o n a

p a i r o f s h a d e s a s t h e y m o v e o n o u t . C H A R L I E r e m o v e s

h i s h a t i n s i d e t h e s t a t i o n w a i t i n g r o o m

.
C U T :
S c e n e 1 2 :
S u r f s U p C y b e r C a f é : E x t : D a y .
T h e U P T E X A N B A B E t u r n s u p i n t h e v a n .

S h e c l i m b s o u t w i t h a c l o s e u p o f h e r

c o w b o y b o o t a n d c a l f . S h e c l i m b s o u t o f t h e V a n w i t h

h e r d e l i v e r y c l i p b o a r d a n d w a l k s u p t o k n o c k o n

t h e c l o s e d s h o p w i n d o w . I n s i d e t h e t w o

G i r l s r e m o v e a
D V D - R , s w i t c h o f f a n d m o v e t o o p e n t h e

d o o r , t h e y l e a v e t h e s h o p a n d E L L E

l o c k s t h e d o o r b e h i n d B I L L I E . B I L L I E m o t i o n s t o

t h e U P T E X A N B A B E w i t h a f i n g e r , s h e f o l l o w s

t h e G i r l z u p t h e s t r e e t t o w a r d s t h e

w i n e b a r .

C U T :
S c e n e 1 3 :
T h e O f f i c e G e n t s : I n t : D a y
A L L I E a n d G R E Y H A M a t t h e l e a n t o .

G R E Y H A M - ( c o n c e r n e d )
 A l l i e h a s a n y o n e e l s e e v e r m e t w i t h t h i s m y s t e r i o u s C h a r l i e ? 
A L L I E l o o k s d o w n o v e r t l y t o c h e c k t h

e s i z e o f G R E Y H A M S d i c k .
A L L I E -
 I s e e w h a t t h e y m e a n . C h a r l i e s b e e n g o i n g t o B i l l i e s h e a d a b i t . S t r i k e s m e

t h a t s h e s h o u l d f i n d a r e g u l a r g i r l f r i e n d . 
G R E Y H A M - ( h o p e f u l )
 S o C h a r l i e s a w o m a n t h e n ? 
A L L I E -
 C h a r l i e j u s t i s , G r e y h a m . 
G R E Y H A M -
 E l l e a t S u r f s U p s e e m s t o k n o w t h e m a s w e l l , s h e s e e m s a l o t m o r e d i s t a n t s

i n c e t h e y f i r s t m e t . 

A L L I E w a s h e s h a n d s .

A L L I E -
 T h e t h i n g a b o u t w o m e n w i t h C h a r l i e G r e y h a m i s & w e l l n e v e r m i n d w h y d o n  t y o

u t a l k t o t h e v i c a r i n s t e a d . 

C U T :
S c e n e 1 4 :
B r a s s M o n k e y s W i n e B a r : E x t : D a y
T E X A N B A B E w a l k s o u t o f t h e s i d e e n t r a n c e t o

t h e L a d i e s . E L L E a n d B I L L I E s i t s u c k i n g o n s t r a w s

f r o m l a r g e c o c k t a i l s s a t a t a t a b l e i n t h e s u n s h i n e .
T E X A N B A B E -
 Y o u a l l s u r e t h i s i s n o n - a l c o h o l i c h 
E L L E -
 . . a n y h o w , a s I w a s s a y i n g , c a t c h i n g p e r v e r t s , h o w c a n y o u t r u s t t h e p o l i c e w h e n

t h e i r f u l l o f p e r v e r t s t o o . 
B I L L I E -
 I f y o u c a n  t t r u s t o n e m a n w h y t r u s t a n o t h e r 
T H E T E X A N -
 I k n o w w h a t y o u m e a n . 
B A R M A N e x i t s w i n e b a r w i t h a p l a t t e r o f f

o o d . D e l i v e r s i t t o t h e T E X A N .

B A R M A N -
 S u r f a n d t u r f f o r m a d a m , e n j o y y o u r d i e t s l a d i e s . 
E L L E -
 T o o e a r l y f o r m e , w e j u s t h a d a l i t t l e s o m e t h i n g 
B I L L I E p i c k s a t a F r e n c h f r y a n d s t u d

i e s t h e m i n u t i a e o f t h e s a l t u p o n

i t .
B I L L I E -
 S a l t s a s t i m u l a n t i s n  t i t . 
E L L E -
 N e v e r s e e n a f i s h s t o p f o r a b r e a k h a v e y o u ? 
T E X A N B A B E -
 I n t h e s t a t e s t h e y f r y p e r v e r t s , t a k e t h a t W a c k o c a s e & 
B I L L I E -
 W h e n h e s i n g s h e f r i e s . 
E L L E -
 S O l o o k , i f t h e p o l i c e a r e l u r k i n g t o c a t c h a l l t h e s e p e r v s l o o k i n g a t w e b

s i t e s w i t h w o m e n d r e s s e d a s s c h o o l g i r l s w h o s e t o s a y t h e i r n o t g e t t i n g o f f o n i t a l l

t o o . 


B I L L I E -
 M o t h e r c a r e . 
T E X A N B A B E -
 W h a t ? 
B I L L I E -
 M o t h e r c a r e . T h e y  r e p e r v e r t s r i g h t ? 
E L L E -
 U n l i k e y o u o f c o u r s e . 
B I L L I E -
 S t i c k a S u r f s U p w e b T . V s p y c a m i n t h e c o t t a g e a l o n g t h e s e a f r o n t . 
T E X A N B A B -
 S o y o u d o t h e b u s i n e s s f o r t h i s i n d e p e n d e n t p r o d u c t i o n c o m p a n y t h e n , s o u n d s r e a

l i n t e r e s t i n g . 
B I L L I E -
 S i l e n c e . I  m i n t h e z o n e . 
E L L E -
 T w i l i g h t & h e r e i t c o m e s & 
B I L L I E -
 P l a c e a M o t h e r c a r e c l o t h i n g c a t a l o g u e i n s i d e t h e c o t t a g e b e n e a t h t h e w e b c a m . N

o w a s s o o n a s a p e r v e r t t a k e s t h e b a i t o u r t r u s t y o n l o c a t i o n t e a m c a n p o o r s o m e p o p

p e r s u n d e r t h e C u b i c l e a n d a l l o v e r t h e f l o o r & 
E L L E -
 C h e a p e n o u g h , b i t s i c k i s n  t i t . 

B I L L I E -
 P r e m a t u r e m y d e a r & n e x t t h e o n l o c a t i o n t e a m , I w a s t h i n k i n g t h a t G r e y h a m c h a r a

c t e r , h e  s a C h r i s t i a n i s n  t h e ? B o u n d t o g o f o r i t , t h e y c a n s e t f i r e t o t h e l i q u i d

o n t h e f l o o r a n d w i t h t h a t t h e p e r v e r t s t r o u s e r s b l o w u p i n a T e c h n i c o l o r i n f e r n o o f

r i g h t e o u s v e n g e a n c e . T h e C o t t a g e A m y l M o t h e r c a r e s b o m b & 
T E X A N B A B E -
 L i k e n a p a l m t h e p e r v e r t s . I  d l i k e t o s t r i n g t h e m u p m y s e l f . 
B I L L I E -
 A l l i n g o o d t i m e . H a v e y o u e v e r t h o u g h t o f m o o n l i g h t i n g i n t h e M o v i e s ? M o r e

d r i n k s . 
B I L L I E o p e n s h e r l a p t o p . F a d e .
C U T :
S c e n e 1 5 :
T h e C h u r c h : I n t : D a y :
G R E Y H A M & V I C A R w a l k a r o u n d t h e b a c k

f o r a c h a t .
G R E Y H A M
 I  m g e t t i n g w o r r i e d a b o u t E L L E , I s t i l l l o v e h e r , d e s p i t e , w e l l y o u k n o w , b

u t h e r a n d t h a t j e z e b e l I w o r k f o r a r e i n t o s o m e t h i n g w i t h t h i s C h a r l i e . 
V I C A R -
 Y e s w e l l g i r l s w i l l b e g i r l s . 
G R E Y H A M -
 W i t h E l l e i t  s a l w a y s B i l l i e t h i s , B i l l i e t h a t , o r C h a r l i e t h i s a n d C h a r l i e

t h a t & n o t i m e f o r t h e S p i r i t . 
V I C A R -
 O h I  m s u r e t h e y h a v e a f e w d r i n k s a s w e l l . T e l l m e i s s h e m e e t i n g w i t h C h a

r l i e s o o n ? 
G R E Y H A M -
 B i l l i e r e c e i v e d a p a c k a g e f r o m t h e m t o d a y . 
V I C A R l e a d s G R E Y H A M r e a s s u r i n g l y

w i t h a n a r m o v e r h i s s h o u l d e r o u t t h e

b a c k d o o r .
V I C A R -
 G o o d . L e t m e , a h e m , s e e i f I c a n h a v e a w o r d a n d g e t i t s o r t e d f o r t h e w e e k

e n d . T h a n k y o u f o r r a i s i n g t h i s m a t t e r w i t h m e G R E Y H A M , a n y t i m e . 
H e s l a m s t h e v e s t r y d o o r s h u t a n d l o c

k s G r e y h a m o u t i n t h e g r a v e y a r d . F a d e .
C U T :
S c e n e 1 5 :
B r a s s M o n k e y s s e a s i d e W i n e B a r : I n t : E v e n i n g .
E L L E , B I L L I E a n d t h e T E X A N B A B E i n p a r t i c u l a

r l o o k s l i g h t l y i n e b r i a t e d .
E L L E -
 M u s t p o w d e r m y n o s e . 
B I L L I E -
 I  l l c o m e w i t h y o u , y o u r r o u n d . 
T E X A N B A B E s w a g g e r s u p t o t h e b a r .
T E X A N B A B E - ( c o c k n e y a c c e n t )
 H a r d l y l o o k d r u n k d o t h e y . I  m d o i n g a d e a l t o g e t i n t h e M o v i e s y o u k n

o w . T e q u i l a s l a m m e r s . 
B A R M A N r a i s e s a n e y e b r o w b e f o r e p l a c i

n g a b o t t l e o n t h e t r a y w i t h t h r e e s m a l l

g l a s s e s , s a l t a n d l e m o n .
B A R M A N -
 P r a c t i c i n g o n a L o n d o n a c c e n t a r e y o u ? B e s t p u t t h i s o n t h e c o m p a n i e s t

a b , I  l l s e e i f w e  v e a n o t h e r b o t t l e s o m e w h e r e . 

B A R M A N e n s u r e s t h a t h e 

s t h e o n e t o c a r r y t h e t r a y o f d r i n k s

t o t h e t a b l e .
T E X A N s w a g g e r s b a c k t o t h e t a b l e t o

l o o k a t B I L L I E S n o t e b o o k .

T E X A N s t a r e s a t t h u m b n

a i l s o n s c r e e n a n d c l i c k s t h e

k e y b o a r d .

C U T :
S c e n e 1 5 :
T V S t u d i o : I n t
T w o p u p p e t p r e s e n t e r s s i t b e h i n d a n e w

s d e s k . S t r a n g e r e s e m b l a n c e s t o S e s s a m e

S t r e e t s  B u r t a n d E a r n i e .

B U R T Y :
 H o w d o w e t e l l t h e k i d s a b o u t p e r v e r t s E a r n ? 

E A R N :
 D i d y o u s e e m y r u b b e r d u c k y B u r t y ? M y d u c k y , d i d I l e a v e m y l i l r u b b e r d u c k

y i n t h e b a t h , h m m B u r t i e ? 
B U R T Y :
 N o t n o w E a r n w e  r e o n a i r . 
E A R N :
 D u c k y d u c k y , w h e r e  s t h e l i t t l e d u c k y & o h I r e m e m b e r B u r t y & t h e p e r v e r t s & 


B U R T Y :
 T o d a y B u r t y a n d E a r n w i l l s h o w y o u h o w t o d e a l w i t h p e r v e r t s c h i l d r e n . 
A r e a r s c r e e n l i g h t s u p w i t h a m

a n w a l k i n g p a s t a s c h o o l . H e s t a n d s b y t h e

g a t e s w i t h s o m e s w e e t s .
E A R N :
 S e e t h e p e r v e r t , w a i t i n g t o o f f e r t h e k i d s s w e e t i e s . W h e r e  s t h e d u c k y B u r t

y , I w a n t m y d u c k y . 
B U R T Y :
 H e r e c o m e t h e c h i l d r e n . 
E A R N :
 D u c k y c h i l d r e n , w h e r e  s l i l E a r n s d u c k y . 

T h e b a c k s c r e e n o p e n s o u t t o f i l l t h e

s c r e e n o b s c u r i n g t h e c o m m e n t a t o r s .

T h e c h i l d r e n a r e a p p r o a c h e d b y t h e p e r v e r t . H e b e g i n s

a n U l r i k a & K a m a n o u v e r .
E A R N : ( O O S )
 T h e r e  s m y d u c k y . 
B U R T Y : ( O O S )
 N o t n o w E a r n , t h e c h i l d r e n . . 
A n e n o r m o u s c o n c r e t e d u c k s u s p e n d e d f r

o m a c r a n e s w i n g s o v e r t h e h e a d s o f

t h e a p p l a u d i n g k i d s a n d s p l a t s t h e p e r v e r t .
E A R N :
 B u r t y a n d E a r n s c h i l d p r o t e c t i o n t i p s n u m b e r o n e , t h e e n o r m o u s c o n c r e t e d u c k y . 
P e r v e r t f l i e s t h r o u g h a i r w i t h a s c r e a

m .
C U T :
S c e n e 1 5 :
N e w s r o o m : I n t

A N E W S R E A D E R s i t s s h u f f l i n g p a p e r w o

r k . C a p t i o n N E W S F L A S H a n d d r a m a t i c

m u s i c .
N A R A T O R -
 W e i n t e r r u p t t h i s p r o g r a m m e f o r a n u r g e n t N e w s f l a s h . 
N E W S R E A D E R -
 M a s s - h y s t e r i a f o l l o w s r e p o r t s o f p e r v e r t s d a m a g i n g c a r s a c r o s s t h e c a p i t a l .

T h e p e r v e r t s a r e i n v o l v e d i n a n e w e x t r e m e f o r m o f e x p r e s s i n g t h e i r g u i l t y t h o u g h t s

c a l l e d c a r s l a m m i n g . A l l o v e r t h e c i t y r e p o r t s a r e c o m i n g i n o f p e r v e r t s t h r o w i n g t h

e m s e l v e s i n f r o n t o f f a s t m o v i n g v e h i c l e s i n s e a r c h o f t h e u l t i m a t e c h e a p t h r i l l . O v

e r t o o u r o n l o c a t i o n t e a m . 

C u t t o :
H a r d s h o u l d e r : e x t : e v e n i n g .
A n A . A . v a n d r i v e r s p e a k s t o a m e n a c i n

g b o o m m i c . R e s c u e v a n p a r k e d u p o n a

h a r d s h o u l d e r .
N E W S R E A D E R - ( O O S )
 F o r t h e A . A . - M i s s A n n a C h o l i c & 
D R I V E R -
 T h e s e p e r v e r t s a r e b e c o m i n g a r e a l p r o b l e m , i n s u r a n c e c l a i m s f o r d a m a g e t o

c a r b u m p e r s a r e b e i n g t r e a t e d v e r y s e r i o u s l y . A n y o n e t r a u m a t i s e d b y t h e s i g h t o f a p

e r v e r t f l y i n g o v e r t h e i r w i n d s c r e e n s h o u l d p h o n e o u r s p e c i a l c o u n s e l l i n g n u m b e r . N e v

e r f o r g e t t h e A . A . a r e h e r e t o h e l p , f o l l o w i n g a n i n c i d e n t o f c a r s l a m m i n g d r i v e s l o

w l y t o a p h o n e b o x a n d s e e k h e l p i m m e d i a t e l y , j u s t k e e p t e l l i n g y o u r s e l f  E a s y D o e s

I t  
C U T :
S c e n e 1 6 :
S t u d i o : i n t
E x t r e m e c l o s e u p o f a f l a k e . F e m a l e l i p s

( E L L E a n d A L L I E S ) s l i d e s l o w l y f o r m e i t h e r e n d

t o w a r d s t h e m i d d l e o f t h e f l a k e . I t s n a p s a t t h e c e n t r e , l i p s

m i l l i m e t r e s a p a r t .
B I L L I E - ( O O S )
 M m m m m & F l a k e y ! 
C U T :
S c e n e 1 7 :
B r a s s M o n k e y S e a s i d e w i n e b a r : I n t : D a y
E L L E a n d B I L L I E m a r c h o u t o f t h e r e s t

r o o m . B I L L I E d a b s h e r l i p s w i t h a

n a p k i n . S h e g r a b s t h e v a n k e y s a n d t h e b o t t l e o f f t h e

t a b l e .
B I L L I E -
 Y o u c h e c k o u t f i n e w i t h C h a r l i e g i r l & y o u r i n . 
E L L E -
 Q u i c k  .
T h e g i r l z m a r c h o u t t o t h e v a n .

C u t t o :
U P V a n : I n t : E v e n i n g
B I L L I E s t a r t s u p t h e V a n .
B I L L I E -
 C h a r l i e s a y s t h e V i c a r s a p e r v e r t . W e h a v e a M i s s S h o n e . 
C u e S t a r s k y a n d H u t c h M u s i c . T h e v

a n l u r c h e s f o r w a r d a n d B I L L I E h o l d s

b a c k t h e t o p h e a v y T E X A N b y t h e b o o b s w i t h h e r f r e e

a r m . W e f o l l o w t h e v a n a t s p e e d t o t h e c h u

r c h . E L L E m a k e s a m o b i l e c a l l . T h e T e x a

n s t a r t s t o h i c c u p n o n c h a l a n t l y .
E L L E - ( y o u n g g i r l i e v o i c e )
 V i c a r y o u s p o k e t o m e o n t h e c h a t s e a r l i e r , I  l l m e e t y o u a t t h e c o r n e r o u t

s i d e t h e c h u r c h  .
T h e y t a k e t h e s e a f r o n t a t s p e e d , s k i d

o n t o a s i d e r o a d , h a n d b r e a k

t u r n a n d t h e n w h e e l s p i n t o w a r d s t h e c h u r c h .
B I L L I E -
 Q u i c k t a k e t h e w h e e l . 
T h e T e x a n g r a b s t h e s t e e r i n g a s

B I L L I E a n d E L L E s l i d e d o w n i n t h e i r s e a t s

t o h i d e b e n e a t h t h e d a s h b o a r d . B I L L I E S f o o t

s l a m s t h e a c c e l e r a t o r d o w n a s t h e v e h i c l e m

o u n t s t h e c u r b . E x t e r i o r s h o t . T h e V i c a

r f l i e s o v e r t h e v a n .
C u t t o :
U P V a n : I n t : E v e n i n g
B I L L I E -
 D r i v e d a m n y o u , m y f o o t s s t u c k o n t h e a c c e l e r a t o r . 
E L L E s i t s u p i n h e r s e a t w i t h m o b i l e

p h o n e u n d e r c h i n a n d t e q u i l a .
E L L E -
 N o f i l t h o n t h e r o a d . D r i n k a n y o n e ? 
O p e n s t h e t e q u i l a .
B I L L I E o f f e r s a g l a s s f r o m b e n e a t h t h e

d a s h b o a r d . T h e g i r l z c l i n k g l a s s e s .
E L L E -
 B e s t g e t A l l i e o u t w i t h t h e v i d e o c a m m e r a 
B I L L I E -
 G e t m e C h a r l i e . 
T H E G I R L Z -
 T h a t  s E x c e s s e x g i r l z , M i s s S h o n e a c c o m p l i s h e d . 
R o l l C r e d i t s .

I was wondering if it would have been useful to interrogate the pedophiles recently in question with a few old school techniques. Do we give a monkeys if the police stick the boot in on the pervs to loosen their tongues? Experience proves 6 out of 10 pedos really do only confess with their feet held as they look down over the ledge of a high rise ... oh dear, they fell! Any indicator that there's a case against FULL LISTING OF PEDOPHILES EUROPE WIDE? Who is most at risk... do you feel kids rights may be more important than the all too minor statistical risk to pedophiles of being executed by the vigilant...

The Sikh community elders have stated that if as proposed 'Sarahs law' were to exclude acess to read the sex offender register to men with a history of violence or intent to cause violence towards pedophiles or whom have an atitude towards child protection that does not rule out violence towards pedophiles then 'sarahs law' will prevent all good Sikh Men having acess to The List... They have stated (and this despite 'issues' with some of this sites material) 'GIVE US THE LIST!' . The Sun newspapers spin remains fraught with loopholes... keep it simple. Of course concerns that Meghans law may have not gone far enough and also mixed in very minor indecency ofenders with full on pedophiles has been mentioned by the teams with the Spider Man crew... hang the lot, not just trap them in a web of techno confusion and agregated setups.

 

ROSEANNE IS A SATANIST (NOT!!!)- ASK RINPOCHE HOW SPIRITUAL if someone thumps you in the mouth it's because you did something in a past life... I'm all up for battering the Budhist with the sound of one hand spamming then blameing the fact no one protected them on KARMA...make Rinponche a Mark for 'spiritual' justification of abuse... they're as bad as Nuns... who trusts them to run kids homes? Next it'll be the hippy shakes! The White Trash Shuffle has been outlawed by the Mens Movement (ask Lisa Marie Presley) Big Hinne Insite...where's the Torch? Enlightenment lights it up... Send Roseanne $5 and I'll let you in on a liberal jewish secret over HARD CANDY ! Mothers Pride, who took them on more than just a ride?

MORE LITTLE ACORNS FROM NEW ORLEANS CCIA

 

THE DEBATE OVER TARANTINO'S OR QUINTINS CONTINUES... MORE OF A MISS UNDERSTANDING?

BURNING CRUSADE

MEANWHILE ROSEANNE FOR FEMI PREZ IF WE CAN GET CHILD PROTECTION UK TO LIST PEADOS IN EUROPE BY THE OLYMPICS TO PROTECT TEAM USA!

THE ONLY WAY TO FREE TIBET IS ON ALL FOURS - even then who'd buy DALI , take Rinpoche too... dogan varmit... Spare a thought for poor little Dirty Harry (tribute on more soundz) and the boys off on military duty... afghan hounds an all... meanwhile in aid of the royal rutting competition Big (Dogeestylee) Willy won Crufts with Rinpoches truffle hound (looks like big ears has been playing new world order newage guru again) whilst the makin bacons are away on pork scratchin duty the infamous baby yarj and the gittins on the wiccans are plotting a body odour atack onthe pie rats threatened chai tea conspiracy to take over the vatican through control of pontif hat cakes... via the middle east distribution for the Iranian Richmond Surrey preziedenture... the cooley cooleys no doubt having smugled the foul tasteing pontif hat cakes via the ex lover (and cherry tree) of freddie the fur tree Mai Tea... now the main sail mast to the jolly rogerings Pie Rat ship, a very long story never to be told to the ear of mortal men. Meanwhile Dohurty can't keep his blarney slam up with Kate Moss... give it a word per shunt, how'd she rock with that .... face it, he's irish, they always give good head after pulling a pint of GOD (guiness on draft) but could never keep up pace with a fight for the little people... weather and when... watch out, Jacks Back...

RECOVERY WITHOUT LIMITS aka THE 12 STEPS OF THE KABALAH apears below this caution reguarding PUBLISHING HOUSES and historical lies presented by the PRINTED WORD. (Let alone modern mediums...)

 

ATENTION CALLING ALL CARS... RAMONE... A Mere Diversion..? Saint Ashes Works... Get that TOKYO DRIFT.

A pic from a key to the bleeding heart artists...

'Aleister Crowley' recorded 'invocation' with reversed sound time stretch applied for comparative analasys at end... 'Guardian Angel? I look a lot. I used to like television, from ear to earth. Govern each cell...even though I agree the trinity is very important I couldn't cover it up!' Allegedly recorded pre-1930's to wax cylinders. Note phonetic invocation predates the original Golden Dawn... In short Enochian Angels and their relationship to the Angle tongue! Just as well Bloody mary or Queen Isabella couldn't reverse phenomes for the Armada Gig! Where's Elisabeth I first Temperol Tudor album then? Riddle Aida Lovelace Dead Poets...

 

 

NSPCC KIDS SITE

USE THE FORCE!

STARLIGHT KIDS CHARITY

SURVIVORS INTERNATIONAL RESCUE

Not A Rug In Sight...

 

HIGHER POWERS...

And Evens on the Matrix WAR

©Y2K Mr P N Stock Esq.